


The Ties That Bind Us

by ggfoye



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman (Movies - Nolan), Batman - All Media Types, Catwoman (Comics), DCU
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, BatCat, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Light BDSM, Movie 1: Batman Begins (2005), Movie 3: Dark Knight Rises (2012), Movie: The Dark Knight (2008), Post-Movie 1: Batman Begins (2005), Post-Movie 3: Dark Knight Rises (2012), Post-Movie: The Dark Knight (2008), Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:20:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 147,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ggfoye/pseuds/ggfoye
Summary: POST TDKR. Selina leaves Gotham under instructions and finds herself in an emotional rollercoaster she never saw coming. They both knew physically there wouldn't be any issues. But can they deal with an actual emotional bond? Will their differences get in the way? Will their past catch up to them?COMPLETED.
Relationships: Batman/Catwoman; Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle
Comments: 97
Kudos: 113





	1. 1. Safe

Jim Gordon walked home from the precinct. He lived only seven blocks away and his police car had been wrecked due to the general chaos the city was in a few hours earlier. Two little girls played in the snow that accumulated on the trafficless streets, as if indifferent or unaware of the danger they were in not long ago.

He opened the door to his small walk-in apartment and put away his coat along with his badge and unloaded gun. Everything was quiet. He was so used to the constant stress and noise in his head that the silence bothered him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been home—not that he had anyone else to notice that.

He put a frozen lasagna on the microwave to cook while he entered the shower. The strangest feeling hovered his body, as if nothing he was seeing or living was real. These simple tasks seemed unnatural, like there was no way there wasn't something else he should have been doing, no lives in imminent danger depending on him. He ate, did the dishes and sat down on the couch, unsure of what to do next. He turned on the TV and made sure his cellphone was next to him, waiting for the text that he hoped would make things clearer.

He fell asleep watching the news reporters covering the long expected end of the so-called "Gotham occupation". The beep on his cellphone that indicated a new message woke him up and he was startled for a second, turning off the TV as the images showed the Bat aircraft exploding over the horizon.

A two-line text from the officer on call was all he needed: _241 37th Street, Old Town, East End. There's no phone number under her name._ There was no way he could get there at this point without a car and all public transportation was suspended until further notice. He put on his coat and took his gun and badge as a precaution, walking two blocks down to Detective Blake's apartment. It was around midnight, but he wasn't sure he would be home. He rang the doorbell a few times until he decided it'd be useless. Using a credit card and a pin to open the door, Gordon stepped into his apartment and got the keys on the side table by the door. He wrote a note in the notepad by the phone letting him know he had taken his motorcycle. Blake was a good guy, he wouldn't mind.

As soon as he parked in front of Selina Kyle's apartment, he questioned his actions. He didn't know why he was there, in this dangerous neighborhood, ready to ring the door on a fugitive and criminal. He couldn't imagine why would Batman, or, as he had just recently learned, Bruce Wayne, be involved with her in any way. He had witnessed the two kissing moments before he flew into the sky, but he was so caught up in the whole "a bomb is about to go off 5 feet away from me" thing only then he had actually started to wonder what was that about.

Gordon pressed the button on the intercom that was next to the name tag that instead of a name, had only a small drawing of a black cat's head. He wondered how could she be so upfront about it, but then guessed she probably didn't get many visitors and even if she did, no one in their right mind would get involved with her willingly, specially around this district where they likely knew who she was and what she did. No one except maybe—and apparently—the Batman. Her silvery taut voice turned up:

"What?", she answered, and he cleared his throat.

"Good evening Miss Kyle, this is Commissioner Gordon. I was wondering if I could come up so we can talk." He felt she would need further explanation, "I have a message for you.”

At least ten seconds went by in silence until she opened the door to let him in. He walked up the stairs until the third floor and to the apartment on the left with the red half-opened door.

"Miss Kyle?", he called as he pushed the door in slowly, instantly freezing and slowly putting his hands up when he saw her. "Calm down, Selina. I'm just here to talk."

"What do you want?", she rasped, pointing her gun at him with an ice cold look on her face, "I've done enough for this damned hell of a city. I'm not going back to Blackgate or wherever it is you wanna take me."

"Hey, I'm not here to arrest you. I'm here on someone else's request," he said rapidly, but she didn't falter one bit, "Batm... Bruce sent me."

Her eyes softened for a split second only to turn three times darker after. Her trigger finger tensed up further.

"Wayne is dead."

"Well, yes. But he gave me a message to pass on to you before he left on the Bat." She waited, her jaw lightly contracting. "He told me to tell you to break into his safe at the Manor. Said the code was his fingerprints, but that somehow that wouldn't be a problem for you," he said, a question mark expressed at the end of the sentence.

Selina took a few moments to assess Gordon's speech and expression and then put the gun down. She adjusted the safety lock and put it away on the back of her waistband, collecting a few objects on her desk and putting them in a bag. As she put on a leather jacket and picked up a scarf from the floor, she looked at him again.

"Is there anything else you need, Commissioner?", she asked, and he'd barely opened his mouth when she passed right through him heading to the corridor, mumbling, "Good, you can see yourself out then."

Gordon stayed where he was, unable to move for a few minutes. He couldn't help but notice the fair amount of valuable objects on that small stale third-class apartment.

———

Selina pulled up in front of the Wayne Manor on the Batpod no later than ten minutes after Gordon's surprise visit, having scared a couple of unsuspecting idle drivers and pedestrians. A lot of people were still out on the streets, some mourning, but most celebrating the end of the occupation. She couldn't stand any of them.

Untying the black scarf from her face, she tried the main door just to be sure, which was locked as she'd expected, and ended up climbing the walls and pillars as gracefully as only she could to get to the front balcony. The glass door leading into the second floor hall was also locked, but that was an easier problem to fix. She figured the security system must have been down since the power had been cut off, and so she kicked the glass and got inside.

Heading to the east wing towards the room where she'd first met Bruce Wayne, she felt strangely uneasy, like someone had just punched her in the stomach in slow motion. Most rooms were empty and the ones that weren't had their furniture covered in white sheets. Although that was how the house was even when Bruce lived there, that gave Selina an odd feeling of emptiness, thinking about how he would never come back there. She let herself drown in that sensation for exactly two seconds before starting to pull herself together. She wasn't there to reminisce.

She saw the counter table that held the safe inside and didn't allow herself not even a moment to think about the last time she was in that room. She walked calmly towards it and lowered herself down to open it, making her magic happen as soon as she reached the safety locks. Didn't take her more than a minute to get it opened.

 _Uncrackable_. Right.

A purple velvet box was the only thing inside it. She picked it up and hesitated before opening, running her fingers around the clasp, taking a deep breath. She felt more pathetic with each passing second, having no idea why she was making such a big deal out of all of this. When she finally opened, the shiny nature of the object caught her attention the way shiny things usually did with her. The sight of that pearl necklace brought an almost imperceptible crooked smile to her face. Then she also felt disappointed. That was it? No answers, no explanations, nothing?

She sighed, trying to make peace with the fact that there was nothing to tell. It was a gift from Wayne and that was all. Maybe it was his way of thanking her for having helped him, or it was a symbolic last gesture of some sort. Though she couldn't make out how he could've thought about that not knowing if she would be staying and helping him. She picked up the necklace and tied it around her neck, tracing the pearls with her fingers idly. She then took them off and as she was placing them back on the box, the bottom of it dislocated. She stared vacantly for a second and then rapidly pulled it up, discovering a false bottom.

There was a passport and a debit card from the Union Bank of Switzerland, both with her name on them, a fair amount of hundred dollar bills and a disposable cellphone. She turned it on and saw that there was one text message on it from an unknown number. The geographical coordinates that appeared on the screen meant nothing to her. She reached in her bag for a pen and wrote them down on her forearm.

Her heart pounded loudly on her chest and if she didn't know any better she'd think the numbness in her hands meant she was having a stroke. She stood up and started looking for a computer, laptop, anything in the house that she could use to get internet access. Having a giant mansion had its disadvantages. She finally found a laptop inside a cabinet in the main library, opening it up and praying that it would turn on. She only needed it to have battery power enough to check the location Bruce meant for her to know about.

When she finally got it to work, she opened the browser and typed at the speed of light. With her eyes eagerly scattering the screen for information, she found the main words she would need: Salobreña, Spain.

———

At the information desk at Gotham International Airport, the lady in the blue suit and heavy smeared makeup pointed Selina to the main airlines that flew to Spain. She went to all of their sales and information stands and the earliest flight she could find was at 11:30pm, landing in Madrid. She was so adrenalized when she got home that she didn't think to check online for available flights before going directly to the airport.

She had packed a suitcase straight away and gone out to find Jen. She couldn't leave before making sure she was alive and able to establish herself on her own, and something told her she wouldn't be back so soon—or ever. But wasn't that everything she always wanted? To get her clean slate, leave Gotham and never look back? Something told her that wasn't all.

Selina didn't let herself think so far ahead knowing she had no idea of what was expecting her. She picked up some clean cardboard boxes on the alley near her place and started putting some of her favorite items, most stolen—some jewels, a Tiffany’s crystal ashtray, a few collectible shoes that could buy an apartment, a first edition of her favorite childhood book "Where The Wild Things Are" and a box of old stuff she never opened. The rest Jen could keep or sell, she didn't care.

When it was almost 9am and she hadn't found her friend yet, she ran into one of the junkies that usually roamed around in her block. He told her he had seen her around by dawn and that she was drunk-pickpocketing with some regular neighborhood dealers. She was fine, then. Selina left her a note telling her to keep her box and do whatever she'd like with the remnants, and to _please_ drop the Batpod at her rental self-storage unit and not do anything stupid with it. She'd grown fond of that little war tank of a motorcycle and it's not like Bruce could have added it to his testament.

At the airport she'd decided to take the night flight and charged a first-class ticket on her new debit card. She hadn't checked her balance, but knowing Wayne she had nothing to worry about. It was still a little after noon when she checked herself into the VIP lounge and stuffed herself with finger-food and champagne, flipping through crappy magazines and avoiding looking at the hundreds of TVs around the room showing images of things exploding and paying tribute to Gotham's "dark knight in shining armor". She'd even caught under her hat images of herself in her catsuit running around on the Batpod chasing down a truck. An old man on the corner stared at her for quite some time after that, until she cleared her throat and his wife poked him with her elbow, looking disgruntled.

By the time boarding procedures started, Selina was tipsy and dormant, giving her passport to the flight attendant without giving it a second thought to whether it would work or not. He simply scanned it and wished her a nice a flight, to which she responded with a vacant drunk fake smile.

She let herself down on her spacious seat and fell asleep almost immediately, only to wake up startled a short time after when the plane eventually took off, opening her window to see Gotham disappearing and turning smaller by the second. She didn't hold back the silent tears that came pouring down her cheeks as she—or the alcohol—finally let herself be filled with the stress and emotions from the last hours. She couldn't remember the last time she had cried and she wouldn't let her thoughts wander freely as to why she actually felt the need to. Her initial response to any kind of feeling was to promptly shut it off, and so this was new territory to her and she wasn't about to dive in it.

Selina woke up with the sun coming through her window and the kind flight attendant asking her what she wanted for breakfast. She ate whatever it was the woman brought her without paying attention to it and then went to the toilet to wash her face and tie her hair in a bun, putting on her stolen red Chanel cat-eye sunglasses. She had her hungover face, which for most women was just their normal face.

When the plane landed and she passed through all border security procedures without a second look, she realized she had no idea where she was going or how to get there. And so she went to exchange some of her dollar bills for some euros and passed in front of a rental car stand, which gave her an idea of what she could do next.

After getting her money she walked all the way to a less crowded part of the airport parking lot, looking for something fast and discreet. She ran into a black BMW sedan and checked inside to see if it had a built-in GPS tracker. She'd seen enough of car theft to know that these kinds of cars always had a spare key slot somewhere on the steering column you could use along with the start button.

After putting on the coordinates on the GPS tracker, Selina drove for about 4 to 5 hours to the small town of Salobreña. The sky was already getting dark, but she could still see some castles and towers on the horizon driving along the coastal roads. She drove through some woods along bare dirt roads outside of town until she arrived at a gate leading to a big two story yellowish spanish house. It had an intercom on the side and a password protected lock in the middle, and so she decided to just turn off the car and climb up the tall black metal gate. She picked up her X-ray proof bagged Glock and screwdriver and made her way up, noticing there was a camera on one of the pillars holding the gates.

She was alarmed, but trustful. If Bruce had told her to go there, she was probably relatively safe, which was why she instinctively tried to open the front door using her own hands on the biometric fingerprint door lock. The green light that popped up indicated that she had been previously authorized.


	2. 2. Relief

Selina walked in guardedly, hanging on to her Glock on her waistband. She stepped into a large room with nothing but a flight of stairs on the far right corner. The back wall was solely made of floor-to-ceiling French windows and behind them there was a porch with long couches around a fire pit facing the ocean. She tried cautiously with her finger on the trigger:

"Is anyone home?", she purred.

Silence.

She made no sounds as she stepped in further in her high heeled boots, sneaky and alert. A cold wave was shot up her spine and she froze to the sound of someone coughing heavily upstairs. She took the gun into her hands and kept it in position in case she needed it. Walking up the stairs carefully and slowly she decided to try once more.

"Anyone out there?"

A strangled and throaty voice responded in between coughs.

"Selina... Come here."

Her heart stopped. For a split second she considered not moving and going back as if she’d never been there in the first place. But the husky voice behind the opened door at the end of the long corridor called out to her making her whole body light up, the adrenaline pumping through her veins now having nothing to do with any imminent danger. She walked briskly towards it preparing herself for what she was about to see.

The room was quiet with only the sounds of sea coming to shore. The only light was the moon coming from the window walls facing the king-sized bed. On it, a black figure shivering and trembling.

"Bruce!", she ran towards the bed putting her gun away.

"Hi," he said with a fuzzy smile, his eyes barely opened, "you came."

She sat down and put her hand on his forehead, feeling his temperature. He leaned towards it and closed his eyes. Bruce was burning hot, his face was sweaty, his hair damp stuck to his skin. Selina was shocked to see he still had his Batsuit on, having only removed the cowl which lay on the floor.

"How the _hell_ are you alive?"

"I'm not sure I am," he mumbled, coughing after. She helped him by supporting his head and then laying him down again, "Is it night already? Why is the sun still out?"

"You're making no sense. It's night, yes," she said as he started coughing again, "You're burning hot. We should get you in the shower to try to bring down the fever and I'll try to find some meds in here."

She helped him sit up and as soon as she took her hands off him he started tumbling back into bed.

"Wow. Easy, tiger."

She put her arms around him and helped him get up, carrying part of his weight and holding his hand around her neck to stabilize him. Leading him to the room in the corner of the bedroom which she presumed was the bathroom, she kicked the door opened with her boots. He walked in and leaned against the counter, feeling exhausted already. She turned on the tap on the large granite tub and turned him around so she could help him get out of the suit.

Bruce looked like he had been dropped from a balcony only to be ran over by a truck. He had bruises of all imaginable colors on his back, and there was a swelling on his shoulders where the ropes from the pit had been tied to. Selina traced a wound on his lower back with her cold fingers and Bruce shivered. She stopped where his boxers started, unsure of what to do with them. When he looked to the side and captured her eyes in the mirror, she felt caught and immediately let go of him, clearing her throat.

"Come on, get in," she muttered, picking up his suit from the floor and hanging it by the door.

He walked slowly and she helped him down, the water still running low. She turned around and took her shoes and clothes off, leaving only her underwear on. She wasn't sure why, but she couldn't look him in the eye, and so she told him to slip forward so she could slip in from behind to wash his hair first. Sitting down on the edge of the tub and pouring water on his greasy locks, she put a bit of shampoo on the palm of her hands and started massaging his scalp with it. He let slip a sigh of relief as the hot water ran through his body and rested his head against her knees.

"I feel better already," he mumbled lethargically, letting out a smile she couldn't see.

She put on a bit of conditioner in his hair to help her untie the knots—he'd been laid down for god knows how long and before that he was wearing a cowl. She took the hair comb and started slowly brushing his hair locks, careful so to not make any sudden movements and put him through more pain. As she was putting on a little bit more of conditioner she couldn't help but peek at his strong and bruised body. He had scratches and old scars throughout his ripped abdomen. A big one caught her attention and she immediately reached to it to take a better look.

"Bruce, this is infected! We're gonna have to take you to the hospital."  
  
The hole where Talia's knife had entered his body was all kinds of red and purple, his flesh presenting blisters and general swelling.

"No. No hospital," he spoke, and as she began to protest he cut her off, "No one can know I'm alive. If I go to the hospital they'll start asking for documents and about how I got a knife in my stomach. I know we're very distant from Gotham but the Wayne name does mean something here in Europe, and even if we are in a small town in the middle on nowhere, I can't risk it."

"You're so full of yourself," she snapped, but then softened her voice, "Well, I'm gonna have to at least clean it and try to patch it up. You've been in this suit for days now, all sweaty and greasy and it can't be too good for the wound."

She dropped the brush and lowered herself inside the tub, spreading her legs so they were each on one side of his body. Sitting down like that behind him made her feel so tiny next to him.

"Lie down a bit so I can reach it."

He lowered himself and she accommodated her lower back on the side of the tub so he could rest and put his weight on her. She took a small towel from the hanger and dipped it in the water, putting some liquid soap on it and warning him:

"This is probably going to sting a bit."

She started rubbing the wound softly, applying as little pressure as possible. Bruce let out a strangled groan and closed his eyes shut, grabbing her arm absentmindedly. Selina took the towel off of it immediately, but continued as soon as he calmed down.

"Don't be a baby, Wayne," she muttered, but her tone was slightly more empathetic and less sarcastic than usual.

She brushed off the dirt and tried to peel off bits of pus as gently as possible. He grunted less, but she could hear him gritting his teeth through the pain. She couldn't help but notice how his abdomen was tensed and how his muscles were prominent and she bit off her lower lip to keep a smile off her face. It seemed inappropriate to even think about that when he was so clearly in pain.

"The second time isn't so bad, I promise," she said while putting more soap on the towel. As she kept cleaning the wound, she could feel his body relaxing and dropping off a bit of the tension. You could still hear low groans when the fabric touched the injury, but it seemed more tolerable. She started rinsing the area and brushing it with her fingers softly to remove any residual soap.

When he first felt her hands against his skin, he lightly squeezed her arm—which only then he realized he was still holding. She pretended she didn't notice and continued distractedly. A small movement under the water caught her attention, though.

Well, there was definitely nothing small about that. And yes, it was exactly what she was thinking. That was probably the first time Selina Kyle ever blushed, as her eyes widened for a split of a second.

"Are you serious?", she half-grinned in shock.

"What?", he asked, distracted. "Oh," he let go of her arm, a bit embarrassed. But he would never give her that satisfaction. "I mean, we're both half naked in a hot tub, you're touching me all over and I was stuck in a pit for a long time. Not really my fault. Also, I can feel my back against your boobs right now," he paused, "They're..."

"I can't believe you. You almost died, your body took a giant hit and you're all bruised and you can afford to think about that?", she shook her head in disbelief, "I mean, don't get me wrong, it's impressive. How you can still get it going," she laughed and started pouring water on the wound again, not touching him this time.

"Wait," she paused, her brain slowly connecting the dots, "Unless... you like this, don't you?", he looked at her, trying to understand what she meant. "Me, here, doing this, it gets you going, doesn’t it?" He kept staring at her. "You enjoy it. The pain."

He looked away and murmured, "That's not it."

"Oh, it so is!", she said, a curious and teasing smile plastered on her face, "Hey, I'm not judging, we've all got our kinks."

The way she said it made Bruce wonder if she had something specific in mind when it came to her, but it really wasn't the time to wonder. He was already making a huge effort not to think about any of that.

"You're weak. Save the energy, Wayne. You might actually need a bit to spare if you wanna keep up with me some other time."

Bruce's efforts to relax were all thrown out the window then. "Selina," he groaned, "you're not helping."

"Sorry," she laughed quietly, "I mean, I'm just saying, I could give you a hand if you'd like. It'd take minimal effort on your part," she teased him jokingly.

"Oookay," he said, trying to lift off of her.

"Hey! Settle down, you can't be putting too much pressure on your body right now," she said while helping him up.

"Well, you'd know," he said sarcastically, then shook his head, grinning, "You're too much, Kyle."

"Thanks. Now let me at least wash your back. You look like you've been living in the mud."

She took the sponge and started to rub his skin to wash off all the dirt. She then brought some water in her hands to rinse off his back, which she was more than happy to do. She always had a thing for back muscles—maybe because it looks like they can take it well.

"Okay, you're all done. Just give me a second and I'll help you get dressed."

"Now that's something every guy wants to hear," he joked.

He turned around to sit face to face to her in time to see her roll her eyes. She was washing her hair, her hands on her head scrubbing the shampoo, which gave Bruce the ultimate sight of her breasts pressed against each other under her black lace bra. She caught his eye and could not hold off a laugh.

"Bruce! Come on, man."

"Sorry."

"You don't look sorry." He shrugged his shoulders.

"I gotta say today was the first time I ever saw you laugh. Or even smile not ironically."

"Well, you don't really know me, do you?", she said while rubbing some conditioner on her hair locks.

"You’re right, I don’t. l'm hoping to change that," he said, and she eyed him from under her hair, "But something tells me you _are_ the more grumpy serious type."

"Says the man who hid in isolation for 8 years and had a cave for an office."

"Fair enough," he laughed softly.

The realization that he didn't know Selina apart from his researches and background checks hit Bruce unexpectedly. It wasn’t that he thought there wasn't more to her than his frenemy or war ally, but the fact that he felt as comfortable with her as he'd never been with any other woman in his life. He liked the fact that he never knew what she was going to do next, but still trusted her. Of course, that did lead up to her betraying him and leading him straight into Bane's arms not long before. But she proved herself later by staying with him to save Gotham and then killing Bane to save his life. He of all people knew the burden of taking a life, even if it was the life of a worthless dangerous mercenary, and she hadn’t seemed to have minded picking up that burden for him. So, in many ways he wouldn't be there if it wasn't for her, and neither would Gotham.

Even though that realization gave him an odd feeling, it didn't make him regret betting blindly on her. They'd have plenty of time to get to know each other now that no lives depended on any of them.

He'd decided he wouldn't ask. He wouldn't ask about her parentless childhood, her proneness to burglary, her escape from juvie at only 13, or even about her first arrest being at 16 for solicitation.

Those were all things that he'd come to know about her illegitimately. It wasn't fair if she wasn't the one telling him. If she thought none of these things were relevant to who she was, then neither did he. And if she was never interested or willing to talk about them, then they didn't matter to him. He'd seen enough of people's assumptions about one's life to know that the majority didn't even come close to the truth.

He realized how absorbed he was in his own thoughts when Selina cleared her throat, clearly expecting an answer to a question he hadn’t heard.

"Sorry?"

"I asked if you're gonna tell me about it."

"About what?"

"Seriously, where are you? About the whole dying/not dying thing. How did you pull it off?"

"Oh," Bruce pondered. He hadn't decided how much he was going to tell her yet. "Autopilot."

"Autopilot?", she yelled and splashed water on his face, "Seriously? You lied to me?"

"No. I mean, yes. But no." She looked at him impatiently as he rubbed his face. "I had the autopilot installed a few months ago, but I'd never tested it. I wasn't sure it was going to work," he was going to leave the last part out, but it came out anyway, "and to be honest, I didn't know if I wanted it to work."

She looked at him inquisitively. He couldn't read her face. It might have been impatience, fury or irritation. Or all of the above. He realized he wouldn't get away with telling her just half the story.

"Batman was done. He'd done his job. People didn't need him any more than they needed Bruce. I'd played the part I intended to play and it lasted long enough to create a symbol. And now this symbol could be anyone, because that's what a symbol is. And as for Bruce... well, let's just say he was done too. But I knew he still stood a chance, which is why I turned on the autopilot. And it's also why it didn't really matter for me if it didn't work."

Selina stared at him, patiently this time.

"Until... first, it's important that you know that none of this was planned, not really. And you played a huge part in this plot, because if you hadn't stayed and if you hadn't saved me, there wouldn't be a plan to begin with. And you're very unpredictable, so there was no way to tell if we would be able to pull it off beforehand. You did everything you could do for Gotham. You stayed, under no obligation whatsoever. You stayed to fight for the city that never fought for you. The second I realized that, the second I saw in your eyes how surprised _you_ were with yourself that you'd stayed, I knew your sacrifice couldn't be in vain. Not yours, and not the others'. So I had to do one last."

"You have very little respect for your own life," Selina stated. It was not a judgmental or accusatory statement; it was just a statement. "Speaking as someone who most of her life didn't have enough to survive with, I don't understand how you could think like that," she added, as if she was actually imagining what it would be like to live in Bruce's mind.

"I understand how that could be perceived as selfish. To not care enough about my life when so many people don't have the options I did. But as I was flying over the bridge and towards the water, all I could see was my parents and the lives they didn't get to live. And the sacrifices Alfred had to make to give me a decent life without them. And it didn't seem fair to any of them, and it didn't seem fair to me, as Bruce, to not try to see this through," he paused, not sure if he should continue, "Also... I hadn't been able to visualize a future for myself in a very long time. For 8 years, or maybe longer, I just existed. I didn't live. I didn't plan and I didn't care that I didn't plan. There was nothing in the world that gave me at least a glimpse of what I'd want for a future. Until you."

Bruce finally looked at her, because he hadn't been able to for most of his speech. He was terrified that she'd just freak out and leave. Instead, she just froze mid-brush and then continued combing her hair calmly, noticing that he wasn't done talking.

"When I was up there, the last thing that came into my mind before I pushed the autopilot button was you. Nothing specific, not even our kiss. It almost made me smile for a second despite the context I was in. You surprised me. Nothing had ever surprised me in a long time, not in a good way anyway. And there you were, startling me every step of the way, for good or bad. It made me bitter to know I wouldn't be able to stick around for more. To see if there was something here to see. And today when I was in bed shaking from the pain and fever, and I heard your voice calling me, I swear that for a second the whole universe stopped," he laughed nervously, "And I'm sure by now you're thinking of a million ways to get out of here unnoticed after you put me to bed, but I wanna tell you that there's no pressure. You can leave if you'd like. No hard feelings. I don't want you to, but I get it. It's a lot to pin on someone. But also, so you don't freak out, I want you to know that my life doesn't depend on that. If you left I would go on, living my life because that's what I chose, and I can't choose for you. I would be disappointed and frustrated, and, honestly, blue-balled. But I would understand." Selina seemed like she was about to cut him off, but he continued anyway, "But if you do choose to stay, there's also no pressure. We can see if this goes somewhere, or not. We can be friends—although friends with benefits sounds better, just saying. You're getting the clean slate and now you can do anything and go wherever you'd like, and maybe being here with me isn't your most appealing option. And I'm heading towards a new life, one that I've never had the chance to have. And I can have it without you, I know that. But... I guess with you I feel like I can finally begin."

Selina looked into Bruce's eyes for what felt like forever. He bare her stare, nervous but patient. Her expression was uncrackable. She was scared to open her mouth and she was scared not to. It might have been naive of her, but she hadn't thought this thing between them could actually be turned or had actually turned into a _thing_. They had kissed twice, both times with her making the first move. She felt the effect it had on Bruce, but then again that was the effect she had on most men. She didn't expect any of them to wait around for more than that, but then again she also never wished to wait long enough to find out. She was a cat-burglar and a crook and she couldn't imagine why anyone would want to stick around to know her more than that. Show a man what he expects to see, and he won't look beneath the surface. She had been with so many men in her life, none had ever made her speechless. Or blush. Or laugh freely like she'd done that day, despite the circumstances. But she also knew that when things seemed too good to be true, it was probably because they were.

"When I thought you'd died... when I ran to that bridge and saw you get blown up—I froze," she mumbled, staring at an imaginary point on the wall without blinking, "I felt like my whole body had turned into ice, and I'd be melting soon and there was nothing no one could do about it. I saw some people run to the shore to see if you would come back like some kind of miracle. I felt sorry for them, and I was angry at them. How dare they be so hopeful and naive," she trailed off, her face turning into a mask of disgust only to turn into one of wistfulness after. "I've lost so many people in my life I'm practically numb to it. Then with you... when I thought you were dead, I felt like all hope had been drained from me and it was offensive that others still had it. It wasn't fair. Nothing ever is, but this—this couldn't be ou... your end. I walked home and every face I saw along the way made me think of you. Of how you had to get yourself killed to save them when most of them didn't even deserve it, and I just stood there and watched it all happen."

"I hated every single one of them because they didn't understand your sacrifice and they would never appreciate it like they should. I felt so lost I wandered around for hours before I could find my block. I don't wanna feel like that ever again. And today I felt like this giant weight was taken off of me and my lungs could finally breathe," she looked him straight in the eyes, pondering if she should say that last part or not. "I'm staying. Again. I don't wanna give you any hope because I don't even have enough of that for myself, so I can't give you any guarantees. That's not me, I've never known that in my life. But I can't open this tunnel only to leave after it's opened. I guess I need to stay and see it through, whatever that means."

Bruce smiled as she paraphrased herself, and thought about how much had changed in the last two days or so.

"So it seems like I'm taking this leap, no safety net or anything. For neither of us," she said.

"With you, I wouldn't expect it any other way."


	3. 3. Intoxication

Selina got Bruce out of the water as soon as it got too cold for his still feverish body to stand without shivering. They hadn't realized how long they were in the tub for until his body started complaining. She found them comfortable warm bathrobes and then helped him into bed again. The bathroom cabinet was filled with meds and a first-aid kit, which she brought with her to the bedroom and lay it on the sheets.

Ideally he'd go to a hospital and have the wound properly sutured and taken care of, but his obstinacy had her try to single-handedly stitch him up without much but a topic anesthetic, which wasn't really doing anything. Bruce kept trying to stand still to make her job easier, but the pain was too sharp and he couldn't help but wiggle underneath her from time to time.

After she managed to disinfect and close the injury as well as one could expect from a non-professional, she put on some antibiotic ointment on it as he bit on the pillow to avoid screaming. As she proceeded to cover the wound with gauze, she put her cold hand on his forehead to alleviate the heat and stress, because it was already sweaty from all the tension he'd been put through.

She was seriously considering running to the hospital to steal some IV antibiotics and some morphine, because as soon as he opened his eyes to her she saw that he was again in the state she’d first found him in. He must have been hallucinating from the fever and she was getting anxious. She hoped the medicine he was taking would take care of that rapidly or else she'd have to break the promise of no hospital.

"Wayne, I swear to god if you die of sepsis because of your stubbornness you're going to have to come back from the dead again so I can kill you once more," she told him and he gave her a childlike smile, though it didn't seem like he'd completely understood her.

"Yes, Miss Kyle."

Selina covered him with blankets and told him she would hopefully be right back soon with some dinner. She didn't expect to have much in the kitchen given he must have been lying in bed in pain pretty much since he'd arrived, but there was actually plenty and she managed to find a tomato canned soup and put it on a plate to warm up in the microwave. She helped him eat in bed and gave him anti-inflammatory pills after to take with some water. Then she brushed his hair back with her hands and eased him in, trying to get him more relaxed.

Bruce stumbled into a heavy nightmare-filled sleep a short time later and Selina was left alone to dwell on her thoughts. The complete and utter silence held her in place, the only sounds in the house coming from Bruce's deep and steady breaths. She thought about heading out of the bedroom to find one for herself, but the idea wasn't appearing too appealing for her, which she rationalized must have had to do with the fact that she shouldn't leave Bruce unattended for the night. And so she decided to stay in his bed and pick up her bags in the car in the morning.

The silent night finally brought her the exhaustion and relief she hadn't let herself feel throughout her day. It had been an intense couple of days and she was in much need of a good night sleep, which never came due to Bruce's frequent moans of pain. Fear crept into her mind as easily as it'd left when she first saw him there. When he first "died" a few days before, Selina couldn't stop him from going straight into the lion's den as much as she'd wanted to.

She knew that made her a horrible person, but she couldn't care less about those people, not when their lives were going to be saved to the detriment of his. But she knew that as unfair as his death sounded to her, that was the death Batman had chosen for himself and it was an honorable one. Which only made worse the fact that she was now holding his life in her hands and that if she failed him this time, there would be no noble reason or meaning behind it.

She spent the whole night monitoring his respiratory sounds, his temperature, and putting damp towels on his warm forehead. She would wake up alarmed when she'd realize she'd overslept her twenty-minute sleeping shifts and immediately check his heartbeat. Batman's death would not be her fault, not this time.

When the sun finally came up, Selina was exhausted. She had just woken up to take a look at Bruce's wound and he opened his eyes, awoken by the touch of her cold fingers brushing against his stomach to open his robe.

"Buy a guy dinner first, won't you?", he mumbled in a husky voice.

"Ha ha," she said, not looking at him, concentrating her look on the gauze she'd put the night before. It was holding up nicely, and it didn't show any signs of pus. "Okay. So I guess you'll live to see another day."

"In theory I survived a bomb explosion, I think I can deal with a minor stab to the guts. I'm not so sure about you though," he said as he lifted his hand up to touch the dark circles under her eyes, "Go get some sleep, I can handle myself now."

Selina stared, analyzing him and grabbing the hand that was on her face to check its temperature and his pulse. His color wasn't as pale as before and the fever seemed to break gradually. He looked fine, almost. Her, on the other hand, looked like she could use a few hours of unconsciousness. She was ready to fight him on that, but unfortunately her body wasn't.

"Okay," she sighed, "but at least let me grab you something for breakfast so you can take your pills."

She got up and came back from the kitchen with toast, some scrambled eggs, and a glass of milk.

"When did you stock these?"

"The cleaning lady did before I arrived," he said as he sat up against the headboard and grabbed the food and meds from her hands.

"Now that makes sense. Can't imagine Bruce Wayne going grocery shopping."

She sat down on the other side of the bed and pushed her body down under the heavy blankets.

"You'd be surprised."

"Oh, would I?"

"Yeah, no. You're right, I've never done it," he smiled, admitting it while cleaning his mouth with a napkin.

"Oh, you poor little rich kid. You bought me a trip to Spain, maybe I’ll take you on a trip to the grocery store some time."

"I'd like that," he replied and she laughed idly, trying to hold in a yawn, "Come on, my turn to parent you. Time to sleep."

"Am I supposed to call you 'daddy' now then?", she asked in a teasing tone and batted her eyelashes, but not even that cheap rendering made her look naive.

"Not if you want to get some sleep."

Selina gave him a crooked smile and turned her back to him, settling in on the mattress and falling asleep less than a minute later. He looked at her and immediately felt the need to hold her or put his arms around her, or at least caress her hair, but he didn't succumb to any of these.

When she woke up almost ten hours later, the sun was just about to set. She looked around searching for Bruce, but he was nowhere to be found. Her heart skipped a beat while panic started creeping into her brain, horror images popping into her mind. She stood up so fast she felt dizzy and her vision faltered when she didn't stop walking. She ran down the stairs rapidly calling his name, and a sigh of relief involuntarily came out of her mouth when he showed his face on the kitchen door.

"Good _morning,_ Cinderella. You must be hungry," Bruce said while he walked back towards the stove with a frying pan in his hand.

Selina was still trying to slow down her heartbeat and breathing, but she was able to mouth, "You mean Sleeping Beauty."

"What?", he asked distractedly, overanalyzing how to turn on the electric stove.

"It's Sleepi... Uh, whatever. What are you doing? And how did you get out of bed?"

She sat on the high chair by the kitchen island, picked up an apple from the fruit basket and started nibbling on it.

"I am trying to figure out how this thing works to try and make us some dinner. And I got off the bed on my own two feet, thank you very much."

Selina laughed shortly, "You mean thanks to me. If I weren't here last night you'd be stuck in bed for weeks before somebody found you looking for a rotten dead body smell."

She then stood up and went to stand next to him, pressing the cycle pad on the cooktop control panel. The flames went up and Bruce stared at it stupidly.

"How did you do that?"

"There is _no way_ you've never cooked in your life before."

"Well, once I helped Alfred bake some cookies when I was a child."

"Mr. Wayne, I honestly don't know if I should kick you or feel sorry for you." Selina turned off the stove and pulled herself up to sit on the counter, finishing her apple. "Are you telling me you can operate the Bat and pilot airplanes and can't even manage to feed yourself if you have to use any sort of home appliance?"

"I can use a fridge," he joked, grabbing the apple stalk from her hand and throwing it in the trash, "So, what do you wanna eat?"

"Whatever, as long as you're not cooking."

He opened his mouth pretending to be shocked and offended. She jumped off the counter at the same time as he approached it, his body blocking her way. They were only a few inches apart for a split second when they started mumbling apologies and stumbling to get out of each other's way. She cleared her throat softly and went to open the fridge.

"Why don't we eat this frozen homemade lasagna? We can warm it up on the oven so you can say you cooked it yourself."

"Sounds good."

Selina left Bruce to handle dinner—even though she knew he had no idea what he was doing—while she grabbed her suitcase and bags in the car. She then went upstairs to take a quick shower and change into something better than the bathrobe she'd been wearing since she'd arrived the night before. Her only clothes that weren't black were jeans and a few red or grey items. She decided to go with black anyway, choosing a black tank top and a black high-waist slim jeans, and grabbing a comfortable grey poncho in case it got cold.

When the burnt smell reached her nose, she immediately rolled her eyes and ran to the kitchen still barefoot to check what was going on. She found Bruce waggling the opened oven with a dishcloth and getting the lasagna out of it.

"What the hell happened?"

"Sorry, I went outside for a second to light up the fire pit and when I came back this had happened," he said as he closed the oven and coughed into his elbow.

Selina rolled her eyes and walked in his direction, putting the plate on the counter and holding it steady with the dishcloth.

"Don't worry, I think we can still salvage most of it. Hand me a knife, will you?"

He reached for the drawer and grabbed one for her, leaning from behind her to see what she would do. She was cutting out the burnt parts and managing to keep a good portion left for them. His breath was touching the side of her neck and she had to focus not to cut any of her fingers off.

"You smell good," he murmured, "is it lavender?"

"Yes," she paused, unsure of how to respond to that, deciding then that sarcasm was the way to go, "I can lend you my shower gel whenever you want".

"Thanks, but I prefer my own roses and champagne scented," he joked and she smiled and poked him with her elbow, "I set us a table outside."

The night was calm and the weather was cool and pleasant. Selina put on her poncho to fight the ocean breeze and sat on her feet to keep them from freezing. They sat around the fire pit where he had set up a small table in front of the sofas. Although you could still taste a bit of burnt cheese, the food was overall good. Bruce had brought a fancy wine and Selina had been serving herself all night while he stuck to only half a glass because of the meds. They were quiet, making comments occasionally, but mostly just watching the sea rushing to shore from afar.

"You're suspiciously quiet," he mumbled after some time.

"I don't talk much when I drink," she said while lifting the glass up to her lips, "and I prefer whiskey if you must know".

"Of course you do," he laughed shortly, then turning to stare at her with such intensity and curiosity she couldn't bring herself to bear his gaze and not look away. "Duly noted. Why is that? Why don't you speak much?"

"Cause if I'd let myself speak at all, I'd say too much," she sighed, "That's not something someone like me or you can afford."

"You can talk to me," he said, loosely but seriously.

She looked straight at him for the first time since they had started talking that night, as if she were looking for something in his expression. Whatever it was, she didn't find it, and so she turned her eyes to the sea again and took another sip of her drink.

"I know I can. Doesn't mean I want to."

"Ouch," he chuckled lightly and faced away to the ocean too, "Is this part of the cat persona or is this you?"

"Both," she smiled softly for a second, "Don't take it personally, Wayne. I don't even talk to myself."

"Well, good, cause that would just make you batshit crazy."

"You'd know," she smirked, finishing her glass and reaching for the bottle for more.

"I thought you said you didn't like wine," Bruce said as he watched her pour herself the last of it.

"I didn't say I didn't like it. I said I preferred whiskey, which is true. But this bottle could probably pay two months of my rent so I ain't wasting it."

"For someone who teases me constantly about being rich you sure like yourself nice things."

"I'm a burglar, Mr. Wayne, not a tasteless cunt."

"Oh, I love it when you talk dirty," he provoked, making her throw him a devilish grin.

"And I am the one who's teasing you?" , she asked, practically purring invitingly; her tone was already giving away her inebriation, her eyes were directed at him, but somehow looking unfocused. She leaned in closer and put her lips to his ears; shivers ran through his body when they started to move breathing air against his skin, "So are you going to do something about it or should I?", she whispered and he swallowed as she moved to start taking off her poncho.

"No," he mumbled, grabbing her forearms and making her stop mid-move and arch her eyebrows in a mix of confusion and offense, "I mean, not today."

"Excuse me?", she asked, and he looked at her nervously, trying to pick the right words.

"It'd be our first time together and I don't wanna ruin this by you being too drunk to be there or me shivering from fever and painkillers," he said, turning his eyes away from her while she blinked.

"Ugh, what are you, 12?", she muttered impatient, leaning against the cushions on the sofa and swallowing the rest of her wine.

" _Twelv_...? No, definitely not 12," he answered startled, promptly straightening up and turning to her, "Look, I just meant I'm not at my best right now and you...", he was going to mention her drunkness, but figured it'd be better to leave that part out, "We should wait until we're both at our best. Trust me, it's not you, it's..."

" _It's not you, it's me_? Are you _seriously_ throwing this shit cliché at me?", she stood up quickly, bumping into the wine bottle and breaking it, making her way back to the house practically stumbling when he got up and grabbed her mid-way. "Let me go, Bruce," she said forwardly as he supported her by the waist and held her against him. 

He didn't move, but neither did she. They were so close they could feel each other's breath against their own; hers was especially intoxicating due to the wine. They took turns staring into each other's eyes and lips for a few seconds until Bruce took her mouth to his with such eagerness and yearning she was left breathless. She paused for a second only to deepen the kiss after, putting her arms around his neck and pressing their bodies as if she wanted to fuse them together. He kept holding on to her waist with one hand and using the other to pull her face closer to his, as if it were possible.

The adrenaline coursing through her veins was exhilarating and all she wanted was for it to never stop. She grasped his hair harder and she felt her pulse falter and something twitch inside her when he moaned from it. He was feeling everything at once; joy and anger, pain and relief, peace and conflict. His entire body felt hot and cold from her touch; and he had never felt anything like that.

"Selina," he mumbled in between breaths, "Please. Let's not."

She didn't listen to him, sinking further into his mouth and pressing herself tighter against him. He wouldn't be able to fight it, not with her tongue so urgent like that around his, her scent inebriating every fiber of his being, her kiss urging a purifying storm to heave inside of him. But he knew he couldn't—shouldn't—, not like this. He gathered every last bit of strength he had in him and took a step back.

"Selina, I'm not doing it like this. I meant it," he said panting, feeling her slipping away as her face turned angrier and more annoyed by the second. "Don't be mad, please. Just listen to me. I _want_ this. I want this so bad, I want this more than you know—you saw me in the bathtub last night. And because I want this so much I don't want to do it like this. You can barely stand on your own. I feel tired and dizzy just by taking the stairs. Give us a few more days and we'll do this right, I promise. Trust me, I didn't want to have to wait either. If it was up to me we'd be in bed from the time you arrived until now. But we don't have to rush this—we shouldn't rush this. Because you and I both know this is not a one night stand we're not going to call the next day. And I'm sorry if I've offended you somehow before, it was not my intention. It's just I haven't done this in a while and I didn't think my words through. I'm sorry."

When he finished, he was relieved to see her expression was a lot smoother than before, appearing almost gracious.

"Eligible bachelor Bruce Wayne doesn't know how to talk to the ladies?", she smirked softly.

"Not to the ones who matter, no," he gave her a tight smile.

She was taken aback by his saying, but immediately masked it by taking him in into a tender kiss, which he reciprocated willingly, though not letting it get too intense. When she pulled his lower lip, biting it lightly with her teeth while looking up at him, he chuckled and she stepped away.

"Ugh, you're no fun," she groaned defeatedly.

He smiled widely and picked her up from the floor in one fell swoop, stepping carefully over the wooden walk leading to the beach and carrying her steadily with his hands on her waist and behind her knees.

"What are you doing, Wayne?", she yelled, bumping her fists against his chest, "Didn't you just say you were an invalid dead man walking?"

"I just need to test a theory real quick."

She looked at him like she was either about to burst into laughter or punch him really hard.

"I heard cats were afraid of water," he smirked.

She paused, her eyes widening for a second. "You wouldn't dare," she said, then eyed him skeptically but cautiously.

"Wouldn't I?", he was already approaching the sea, his bare feet touching the cold water as the waves crashed against his legs.

She put her arms around his neck and pressed herself closer to him while he let out a joyous laugh.

"Bruce Wayne, I swear to god if you drop me on this water I will _murder_ you in your sleep," she shouted as he lowered her down as if he were to put her down on the water, but then lifted her back up when she started screaming like a little girl. "Cross that, I will murder you right now. Let me down."

"Poor choice of words," he smiled and took off his arm from under her knees, only supporting her back as she dove her feet right into the ice cold water and let out a high-pitched moan.

Selina shoved him away from her and snapped, "I promise you, you are going to wish you had died in that explosion," which only made him laugh harder.

"Scaredy cat," he mocked her as she crossed her arms firmly against herself.

He splashed her a bit of water and when she turned to look at him with a deadly look on her face, he mumbled, "You're no fun", rendering a terrible impression of her.

She shoved him again but this time he could see her fighting off the corner of her lips to keep them from turning up.

"Come on, I know you're not mad," he smiled.

"You are an insufferable prick, you know that?"

"Yes, I do know that."

Her mask slowly fell off and she looked at him, then uncrossed her arms and splashed him too, now openly smiling. The cold water had made her slip into a state of moderate sobriety, but when he smiled at her she could almost feel the dizziness coming back. His eyes met hers and they were all he could see under the dark sky illuminated only by the dim moonlight. They shone brighter than any of the stars above them; and so he crossed the distance between them and pressed his lips onto hers, holding her face firmly and softly at the same time while the waves broke around them.


	4. 4. Rejection

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid," Selina mumbled furiously while rearranging the sheets and the pillows around Bruce while he groaned incomprehensibly. She covered him properly with the blankets he had dismissed over the night and went to the toilet to get some tap water.

"Morning, Kitty Kat," Bruce muttered in a husky weak voice, "What have I done this time?"

She laughed humorlessly and unfazed, coming back with a glass of water.

After their make-out session the night before, they both went back into the house and Selina rushed to the bedroom and started collecting her things. When Bruce caught up to her, he saw her packing her bags from the door, a confused and slightly worried look on his face, having a play-by-play in his mind wondering if he'd done or said something so horrible that would send her right back to Gotham.

But as soon as she turned her look to him, she quickly clarified that she wasn't leaving, but that if they weren't _sleeping_ together, then they wouldn't be sleeping together. In her twisted drunk logic, she rationalized to him that sleeping together without having sex was way more intimate than actually having sex and that if he didn't want one, then he wouldn't have the other. Bruce was ready to fight her on it, but she grabbed her things and sprinted to the bedroom next door before he could even mouth the words.

Selina checked Bruce's wound and made sure he'd taken all his meds before locking herself up in her new room. Bruce didn't want to argue or get in trouble by saying the wrong thing again, so he decided to just accept and go with it. If only he had Alfred around to tell him what to say or do.

The kiss they'd shared on the beach had made Selina weirdly uneasy and inexplicably panicky, and so she decided to do the immature thing and ignore Bruce for the rest of the evening. Which completely bit her in the ass later, when she woke up hungover at 5am with his wails. She got up almost immediately, making the room spin around her and her insides protest in nausea. She stopped for a second, holding her breath and covering her mouth, telling herself to pull it together, then swallowed and kept walking towards Bruce's room.

He had completely gotten rid of his blanket and was lying curled up in a tight ball, his teeth chattering and his arms wrapped around himself. Obviously, the cold breeze and water hadn't helped his already compromised immune system.

"Seriously, why am I stupid this time?", he asked, taking the glass and meds she'd brought him from her hands.

"It's not you. I mean, it is you. You were absolutely stupid going outside yesterday, and even more so going into the water. But it's also me, not thinking I should have stayed here with you for the night."

"Can't argue with you on that one," he joked, but his voice was still faint and his skin was pale again, "You had a lot to drink, don't beat yourself up. I'm fine."

"Being drunk never stopped me from doing the things I need to do. If anything, it's the other way around."

"Come here," he said motioning to the vacant space on the bed and lifting the blanket so she could get in there, "it's still early, come back to bed."

His arms were opened, as if waiting for her to slip in and let them close around her. She stared at the image in front of her and swallowed terrified, her stomach turning ice cold.

"I gotta run," she mumbled in a strangled voice, pointing to the door. When Bruce raised his eyebrows inquisitively, she froze realizing she had nowhere to run to. "I meant run. Actually run," she said and gave him a tight smile, then left the room when he started to open his mouth to speak. He'd realized she had a habit of doing that.

Selina was in no condition to run or exercise in any way, but she felt an intense need to get out and get away from the house right away and breathe some air that hadn't been touched by him. She tied her hair in a high ponytail, put on her sneakers and workout outfit and ran to the kitchen, grabbing a pear and a bottle of water on the way out. She hadn't been to the beach during the day yet and so she decided to go from there.

The morning weather was still a bit cold, but the water was limpid and translucent, reflecting the lightest blue she'd ever seen; the sand was white and clean and she took pleasure in running in it. She was sprinting so fast the images were just blurs and her lungs felt like they were exploding, but she didn't stop until she reached some rocks and was gasping for air, unable to continue.

She sat down on one of the rocks and splashed herself using her water bottle, breathing heavily. Her thoughts were all over the place, but mostly they were grounded on where—or who—she needed to return to. That was why she liked running; there was no space to think about anything else when her body was so focused on not bursting.

She didn't know how long she was there for, just looking over the horizon and waiting for the sun to rise completely. It was when a few families started showing up to settle themselves on the sand that she realized hours had gone by. She had avoided reality longer than she could afford to, and so she picked herself up and started running back to the house, only then being aware of how far she'd ran. She still couldn't entirely grasp what was the thing she was so desperately urging to get away from that morning, but she knew in that moment that she was rushing right back to it.

———

As the weeks went by, Bruce was getting better and his infection had completely disappeared. He didn't have any more fevers and was only being treated for local pains. Selina slept in his bed for the first few days but returned to her bedroom when he stopped being sick all night. He didn't complain or protest, figuring he had to give her her own time and not pressure her into anything, like he'd promised he wouldn't.

They had settled themselves into their own routine. Selina would wake up first and check in on Bruce—even though he'd told her multiple times she didn't have to anymore, she somehow still seemed anxious about his health and wellness, even though she would never elaborate on it. Then she'd go out for a run and spend hours outside while Bruce had breakfast and occupied himself with whatever until she came back. He never asked her what she did when she was out or why she would run for so long, but she always came back with a smile when she saw him coming out of the house to greet her with breakfast. They would sit on the outdoor couch or on the beach—when he decided to wait for her there with an improvised picnic—and eat whatever it was Bruce had managed to provide with his poor cooking skills.

They stayed outside most of the time, even though the European spring wasn't being too warm that year, because the house had little to no furniture. More than once Selina asked him what was his problem that none of his houses seemed to be habitable, but he just laughed it off. At some point, he just gave up and hired a local decorator and delegated to Selina to choose whatever she wanted for the house as long as she didn't mention how creepy and horror-movie-like it was anymore. Bruce noticed that despite her initial complaints about it, she actually enjoyed doing it, although most of the work was just bossing around the poor decorator.

But Selina took it easy on her, telling her she could do whatever she felt like with the decorations as long as it was comfortable, minimalistic, had nothing orange or anything that would be easily knocked off on a fight. The poor woman raised her eyebrows uneasily to that comment, making Bruce laugh from the corner of the room; but Selina didn't bother to explain and so she brushed it aside.

Bruce spent most of his time learning 'normal' people habits with Selina, although he'd argue that she definitely didn't fit into that category. He was getting his strength back gradually and would do some light trainings every afternoon just before sunset, when he'd join Selina on the outdoor sofa to sit there silently and watch time go by. Then they would have dinner or watch a movie now that they owned a TV.

She wasn't one to talk much, spending 90% of the conversations focused on her deflecting with some snarky commentary or sarcastic input. They eventually ended up talking about their alter egos' lives more than anything else, which she seemed to be more comfortable with; Bruce would tell her about his favorite saves or worst enemies, and Selina would brag about her most successful heists and grand thefts. He tried not to judge, and sometimes he'd let show how impressed he was or even get a laugh out of something she'd tell; but sometimes he just couldn't help himself and Selina could see it in his face. Arguments like these were so common they wouldn't even get worked up or upset about it anymore, eventually agreeing to disagree.

Bruce also discovered new things about her, like the fact that she spoke fluent Spanish so well she'd talk to Paula—the cleaning lady that came up twice a week —and have conversations with her like she was a native speaker. He could speak and understand fairly, but nothing fascinated him more than watching her talk to the locals in a perfect accent like it was no big deal. He fought the urge to ask her about it, but one day it just slipped and she had no problem telling him her thieving career did more for her than just amount to legal charges. Later he would recall that when he first made his researches on her, he'd found out she'd spent a fair amount of time with a Peruvian foster family when she was a child, but he didn't mention anything and chose to ignore the memory and take her word for it.

She spent most of her time reading books by Spanish authors she'd buy in local bookstores and trying to teach Bruce a thing or two about survival skills—not fighting or self-defense, but cooking, doing the laundry or simple domestic tasks. She was definitely no expert in any of it, but Bruce was completely ignorant and an embarrassment compared to her. He'd learned one or two different ways to cook eggs and every morning he would meet her after her run with a plate of them. She didn't love them, but she ate them anyway, putting on the most honest smile she could—she was trying this thing where she would avoid sarcasm unless it was undeniably necessary. It wasn't working most of the time, but the first few minutes after her workout session usually left her in a good mood.

Selina had grown used to her current life surprisingly fast. She would have her alone time and running sessions in the morning, which helped deal with her 'togetherness' with Bruce for the rest of the day. For most of her life she lived alone; not in a literal sense, but meaning she spent most of her time alone. And in Gotham she occupied a major part of her day with her 'professional activities', while there she had plenty of time to spare and to be unproductive—hence, she needed those hours to feel like herself. And there was also the fact that Bruce's presence left her almost in a state of constant tipsiness—and that was something she chose not to elaborate on consciously—and those moments felt like finally getting a scrap of sobriety.

She'd grown fond of the house, specially after it was fully furnished and actually looked like someone lived there. It was located a bit far from the city center and in a private community with private beaches—everything too bourgeois for her taste, but at least they had privacy.

They didn't usually go out much, but she enjoyed walking around the pedestrian streets and eating at local coastal restaurants. She went out once or twice to go shopping for clothes since she'd only brought a few, and once grocery shopping with Bruce to keep her promise. She was having a blast seeing him find his way around the isles like he was in a different planet, but they ended up going back home in complete and utter silence after he got grumpy when she took an old guy's Rolex. The man was a tourist and was driving a Bentley, but he didn't seem to care for that argument, so she just dropped it and let him be.

They got along fine most of the time, except for the times when they didn't and it would nearly turn into a knife fight. Bruce was stubborn and opinionated and Selina was proud and cynical. He could be condescending and she could be cruel. None of that played nicely when they were in a disagreement. They both knew on some level that the main reason why they fought so hard when they did was the ever-growing sexual tension between them, but none of them seemed willing to say uncle.

One afternoon, after she woke up from a nap, she went to look for him from her balcony and saw him walking out of the sea from a distance. He was only in his navy swimming trunks and had just come out of a dive. His hair that was then longer was sticking to his cheek and he ran his hand through it to brush it back. His body still held bruises and scars and it still made him look like he'd been beaten up pretty badly, but it appealed to her like nothing else. He grabbed his towel on the sand and looked up to the house to find Selina on her balcony looking at him. He felt a little pinch to his chest and smiled, walking back through the wooden walk.

"What's gotten into you?", she yelled from above.

"First hot day since we've been here. Had to make the most of it. As opposed to you that decided to sleep the whole day," he teased, hanging his towel on his shoulder.

She rolled her eyes and jumped off the high balcony like it was nothing, landing as flawlessly and soundlessly as a feline.

"Didn't sleep well last night. Just needed to retrieve some energy."

"Why didn't you sleep well?", he asked, letting go of the provoking grin on his face to give space to a genuinely concerned and interested expression.

"Nothing—I don't know. It's not a big deal," she mumbled wanting to change the subject. Only then she realized just how close she was to Bruce's semi-naked wet body, and she got distracted for one split second, bringing her hand to his hair and saying without thinking it through, "I like your hair long, but I think you need a haircut."

He was startled by her sudden proximity for a moment, but forced his mouth to respond, "By all means", he said motioning to his head, and she laughed, dropping the hair lock she'd grabbed.

"I don't know if I should be offended or flattered that you think I can cut it."

"You should be flattered, because I never in a million years thought you ever cut someone's hair, and despite that, I trust you to do mine _and_ be around my throat holding scissors."

"You're either very trustful or very stupid."

"Take your pick," he said, sitting down on an outdoor bench and acting as if he was waiting for her to do something.

"Okay, then. Just remember you asked."

She went inside and came back with a pair of large scissors and a hair comb. She split his hair in two and started with the back of his head, grabbing a small bunch and cutting the tips off. Then she picked up another bunch and tried to do the same.

"I honestly have no idea what I'm doing," she said as she brushed off his nape with her fingers and Bruce closed his eyes with the feeling. She went around and stopped in front of him, "Are you sure you don't want me to cut you some bangs? You'd look so pretty", she teased.

He opened his eyes to her face standing inches from his, her gaze focused on the front part of his hair. She felt his stare and stopped to look down at him for a second as his eyes dropped to her mouth. When he looked up again and their eyes met, he could've sworn she was blushing if he didn't know her any better.

She cleared her throat almost imperceptibly and returned her attention to his hair, biting her lower lip on the side hard as she seemed to concentrate further, which only drew more of his attention to her mouth. When she finished, she stepped away to analyze her work and then gave him a little smile.

"Well?", he asked.

"It could've been worse, I'm proud of myself. I should add this to my resume."

"Thieves don't have resumes," he joked.

"Well, after this I'm getting one."

"Want to watch a movie today?", he asked, standing up and heading towards the house.

"As long as I get to pick, cause lemme tell you Wayne, you sure like some chick flicks," she followed behind him as they entered the kitchen.

"I do not," he said, pretending to be offended, "If it's a classic you can't call it a chick flick."

"Not sure that applies to Legally Blonde."

"I told you a million times! I pressed the wrong button."

"Right. And what about Gone With The Wind?"

"Oh yeah, I'm not apologizing for that one. It is a classic."

She laughed and he followed. He'd learned to cherish those rare moments when she'd actually show some teeth, and if she wasn't too clever to not notice, he'd stare endlessly. Without saying a word, they both started making dinner.

They had developed the kind of silent communication that barely seemed like communication because it felt as if they were both on automatic mode. When he finished cutting the vegetables and putting up a salad, she'd already grilled him some chicken slices and was now cooking some brown rice. Only after a few days living with her he'd realized she didn't eat meat, and when he asked her about it she told him she didn't think it was fair to eat animal flesh if they were killed without being given a chance to put up a fight.

"The day they kill a cow with their bare hands on her habitat, then we'll talk," she'd said.

He thought about mentioning how confusing her moral code was to him, but figured it'd be better to not say anything. She was a complete mystery to him and just when he thought he knew her, he'd realize he'd barely scratched the surface.

While Selina was finishing up, Bruce went upstairs to take a quick shower and change out of his swimming trunks. He took a look at the mirror and realized his haircut wasn't bad at all, and it made him more comfortable not having to brush it off of his eyes all the time. He smiled and put on some clothes to go back downstairs. Selina had set up a table at their small new home cinema room and was waiting for him to eat while scrolling through the movie options. He settled down on the large couch and poured them both wine as she pressed play on American Beauty.

"Seriously?", he asked. She didn't respond and didn't look at him, picking up her plate and putting her legs up to set it between her knees.

Bruce didn't really enjoy those types of movies, finding them too melancholic for his taste, but he took pleasure in watching her look at the screen attentively from the corner of his eye. She'd look so concentrated sometimes that he’d think she was actually finding meaning in whatever that nonsense was about. Her wine glass sat at the table practically untouched and she didn't even seem to remember it. Halfway into the movie though, he noticed a tiny grin on her face, one he figured had nothing to do with the scene where the guy finds out about his wife's affair.

"Keep staring Wayne, I might do a trick." He felt caught but didn't say anything, just kept looking at her until she met him with her eyes. "Seriously, what is it?"

Bruce stared at her penetrating deep-set brown eyes and didn't think twice before crossing the distance and rushing to press his lips onto hers. But something paralyzed him midway and he stopped only inches away from her face. She was taken by surprise and her expression showed it; her eyes that were once on his trying to see through had dropped to his lips. She felt a sensation that could only be described as deep thirst take over her; her throat was suddenly dry as if she hadn't had water in years and then finally there it was, an entire river for her to sink into.

She swallowed as his breath tickled her skin, and she closed the space between them, tossing the cushions around her away so she could get closer to him. He promptly grabbed her waist and pulled her in, making her entire body light up in an intense and until then, unknown fever.

She collapsed her face against his wanting not one bit of room between them, grabbing his recently cut hair and holding onto it as if her life depended on it. He was left breathless by her body pressing so tightly against his, her lips devouring his in such a hunger that only he would be able to recognize, because he felt it himself; a craving so urgent it ate him from the inside out. He grabbed her bare legs and pulled her so she was sitting and they were each on one side of his lap, the proximity making his chest explode and his veins burn in adrenaline.

His hands found their way through her body as if it was his own home; he knew exactly where to place them despite the feeling that he was discovering foreign land. He grasped her hair back lightly and lowered his lips down to her neck, spreading shivers all through her skin and bones, making her mouth open, edgy and short of breath. The sight and her scent intoxicated him all over and all he wanted was for him to never come down that high; her pale soft skin contrasted with her slim athletic body made him think there was nothing on this earth that could compare to her beauty. Under his touch, she felt fragile and strong at the same time. She was the most perfect contradiction there ever was in every sense of it to his eye.

"Finally", she whispered breathlessly, making the grip in his pants harder to restrain. She smiled devilishly when she felt it and lay him down slowly, her hands on his cheeks staring deep into his eyes; she knew exactly how to drive his lust through the roofs.

He gripped her legs roughly and she kissed him painfully slowly, savoring every inch of his tongue and lips, her fingers drawing his traces so lightly it tickled him. She could feel him getting harder under her every time she teased him or moaned under his touch. She lay down completely, resting her weight on him just carefully enough to not hurt his injuries. His hands reached her waist and pulled her closer against him, not giving a care in the world if it pained him.

She was then fully intended on kissing and tasting every inch of him, bringing her lips down to his neck and jaw, tracing and circling with the tip of her tongue. She then blew out a soft warm blow to his ear, making him quiver airily as she bit his earlobe lightly, pulling it to her. His husky moan made her twitch, feeling something warm drip in her panties. She pulled away a little to watch his face turning into a mask of admiration and desire, bordering on despair. She started opening up his shirt, taking her time unbuttoning it as she rubbed and pressed her lips to his chest while doing it.

A sudden deafeningly loud and distinctive noise made her stop abruptly, her whole body tensed up and her expression turned into one of both shock and panic. She stood up a bit to look carefully at Bruce, praying his brain wasn't blown out on the couch fabric, then around the room to locate the threat, which was non-existent. He was fine, his expression also startled, but mostly concerned.

"Hey hey, it's okay. It was just the TV. Everything's fine. You're fine," he said, caressing her petrified face too anxiously to calm her down.

Her eyes were wide opened and Bruce pulled her down to him; she offered no resistance, too spooked to even react. She lay her head on his chest as he stroked her hair and rubbed her back, humming comforting words she couldn't make out. The main character in the movie she'd forgotten was on had just killed himself and was reviving emotional flashbacks of his life as Selina leaned paralyzed, her heart racing loudly as a few silent and numb tears of surprise streamed down her face.

The screen had already faded to black when her body finally started to relax, with Bruce constantly reassuring her and blowing kisses to the top of her head. He felt her bodily tension growing dimmer, but continued to try and calm her down.

A few minutes after she'd started to feel completely at ease, she finally moved and looked up at him, not knowing what to expect. He was still stroking her hair distrait, staring at the ceiling, seemingly in deep thought when he dropped from wherever his mind was at to look at her. He promptly brought his hand up to wipe away the dried tears off her face, the other hand still in place holding her firmly.

"Are you better?", he asked. She nodded, still unsure of how her voice would sound, "Good."

She kept looking but not seeing him for some time and he never looked away. She then brought one hand up to his face, idly and distractedly tracing his lips with her fingers, then a small scar under his chin.

"Not from a fight," he murmured, "Slipped on ice on the Swiss Alps when I was a kid. Only three stitches."

She opened a tiny smile and her eyes seemed to lose their still a bit fearful appearance. He then smiled at her, restrained but widely in that way that made her insides jitter. She reached up to him and kissed the scar softly, then heading to his lips and sliding her tongue gently into his mouth, kissing him slowly and in all the right ways. He caressed her cheeks and her hair, brushing his lips passionately and calmly against hers. Her hands on him suddenly decided that they needed more, finishing opening his shirt and stroking his abdomen, feeling his every muscle and scar nearly in worship. Her kiss turned more urgent against his and he gladly reciprocated, only stopping when he was caught out of breath, finally clearing his mind and sobering up from her touch.

"Selina," he tried saying it firmly, but ended up coming out a puffed mumble, "We should stop."

She looked at him confused at first, then angry, and then let out a sarcastic and resigned laugh, getting away from him and sitting up.

" _Un-believable,_ " she muttered, laughing humorlessly to herself. He sat up too, ready to start explaining himself before she cut him in, "What do you _want_ from me, Bruce? Seriously. Cause honestly I don't even know why I'm here or why you brought me here anymore."

"Selina, I want you, in whatever way you want me..." he started talking, but she quickly interrupted him again.

"We are quite literally dry _fucking_ on this couch right now, what do you think that means?", she snapped.

"I don't know what that means. I know what it means to me, but I just want to make sure that's what you want too...", he noticed she was about to cut in again, so he continued, "And I don't mean sex, I meant _this_. Us. You don't have to want it, but I need to know if you do."

She exhaled, impatient and astonished, "Bruce, I'm here, aren't I? I don't know what else you want from me. I told you I'm not one to plan ahead, I don't do that, and you were fine with that. I'm not a person that stays for anything due to obligation, and I'm here. I'm here for it. I'm here for now. Why is it that that is not enough for you? Why on _earth_ would you want more than that from me?", she asked bitterly, exasperated and looking at a loss.

"Why are you asking me that? Do you think I'd ask you to come here if I didn't have at least one bit of hope of something with you? Whatever that is. I just need to know you're not doing this for me only. I just need to know you actually want this, because I do, and most of the time I have no idea what the hell you're thinking. So what do you want from me? Why do you find it so impossible that I'd actually want more than to 'dry fuck you on the couch' as you so elegantly pointed out earlier? Do you think I'd want you here like this if I didn't have a care for you?"

Bruce was finally letting himself feel frustrated and realizing it'd be harder than he'd initially thought to understand Selina. Every time he thought he was one step closer to getting through to her, she seemed to take a step back. They could communicate without saying a word, but sometimes the simplest of talks got them puzzled and all else lost in translation. Selina didn't let herself digest the meaning of his words, feeling too miserable and rejected to let herself feel anything else but. She was on the verge of having another panic attack when she stood up from the couch and embraced her chaos.

"I don't know if you've noticed Bruce, but I am _not_ a selfless person. So trust me when I say I'm not and I wasn't doing this just for you. You keep saying you want me to figure out and tell you what it is I want for us, but every time I try to show you you run away like a scared baby. Then maybe you should consider it's not me who's the problem here. But then again, I never expected it to be any differently, because _you_ are a freaking morally and politically correct self-righteous vigilante and I'm just the stray screwed up crook you decided to take pity on for god knows whatever reason. I've never been more than what I needed myself to be, so I don't know how to be what you want me to be. What you need me to be. I'll pack my bags and leave tomorrow morning if that's what you want now, but don't tell me I'm the one who's constantly walking away from this."

Selina picked up the wine bottle from the floor and stormed out before Bruce could say anything else, rushing up the stairs and banging her bedroom door shut.


	5. 5. Amendments

Selina stomped furiously into her room, bottle in hand, kicking off some shoes out of her way. Bringing the bottle to her lips, she walked over to the balcony and sat down on the floor, resting her back against the wall. Angry tears poured down her face as she continued to down more and more wine down her throat as if it was water. The night was bright and clear, the moonlight illuminating all around.

She hated crying. And even more, she hated herself for crying. It almost never happened, but when it did, they were angry tears—she'd almost never cry out of sadness or sorrow. She laughed darkly thinking how pathetic she must’ve been looking.

A few minutes later she saw Bruce passing by in the outdoor area downstairs, picking up the slippers she'd left by the sun lounger, and the sight infuriated her. She picked up the then empty glass bottle and threw it far away, making it crash loudly on the wooden walk that led to the beach; when he looked up to see her, startled, she stood up from the floor and eyed him harshly, her vision still a bit watery and blurred, then walked back to her bedroom and collapsed on the bed.

She felt humiliated and like screaming and swearing every curse word known to men, hexing the universe or whatever higher power she didn't believe in; but she swallowed her rage, leaving it to burn even harder inside her. She would like to believe she was just being dramatic or theatrical, but her chest pained in a way she just couldn't explain.

The water she so desperately needed to abrade her thirst had been flaunted in front her and then taken away as quickly as it had emerged. She could understand why Bruce would want to stall her, but she couldn't grasp exactly what kind of game he was playing. Why couldn't he just take what he wanted—like she was so clearly offering—and then let her go? Why did he have to toy with her to get his wishes and why did she even care that he did? She had played men plenty of times before to know that they enjoyed the hunt and got off on the chase, something she'd often use to her advantage, making them run around in circles tirelessly long enough for her to get what she wanted and escape before they could catch her; but she also knew they didn't usually reject a willing prey.

Was that all she had become? Was that what he had turned her into? A pathetic little prey handed over on a silver platter? Maybe. She wouldn't and couldn't afford to let herself go there, but she knew deep inside she wanted him badly, probably more than he ever wanted her. She had initiated both of their first kisses, as Bruce and as Batman, though initially with Bruce she just thought it was part of her game, even and despite her very real desire to do so.

It wasn't usual for her to actually want and enjoy those parts of her schemes, but Bruce had managed to make it into her very few exceptions. Before she even knew he was Batman he'd gotten under her skin, and when she realized she had delivered him straight into Bane's arms in that pit, for a second there, her world collapsed. She knew in that moment that her destruction power was more devastatingly damaging than she'd ever realized. The only two men she played and craved simultaneously were actually the same, and she ruined both the minute she entered their lives. She admired Batman way before she ever admired Bruce, and even more so after.

She had nothing to lose admitting to those things, but her self-preservation instincts were too strong for her own good.

That night she slept dreamlessly for the first time in weeks. The amount of wine she had consumed probably helped with that, because when she woke up the morning after she was still in her clothes from the night before, and with a staggering and blinding headache. She moved slowly as to not provoke her body further into hating her even more. She rubbed her eyelids hardly shut, seeing stars, wishing the world could just stop spinning for a second so she could reset time and not drink that much.

She didn't even let her thoughts wander about in what had happened the night before, figuring if she thought her hangover was bad, her moral hangover must be ten times worse. She stood up at a snail's pace and walked to the bathroom, undressing herself and turning on the shower. The cold water washed over her uncovering all her truths and sins she didn't want to acknowledge in sobriety. So she stayed under the water stream longer than she needed to, not feeling particularly excited to get out and face the reality that awaited her not far away from there, in the room next door.

She was in no condition to run that morning, and even though she knew it might've done her some good to have some time to herself to go out and think, she knew that the least bit of physical effort would have her throwing up and passed out in a second. Long after, she turned off the shower and sighed, wrapping herself in the towel and then crashing on the bed again. She stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours, unable to get up and change.

When she heard the sound of the main door unlocking downstairs, she knew Paula had arrived, which meant it was past eight and Bruce would be up soon. She stood up, afraid the ceiling would start talking to her if she kept staring much longer. She put on black shorts and her black and pink Pussy Riot t-shirt with a little kitten drawn. It was her favorite.

Passing right through Bruce's bedroom door, she rushed to the kitchen to find Paula putting the freshly bought groceries on the fridge and the pantry.

"Buenos días, _Miss_ Kyle. Cómo estás?*" Paula asked without looking. "Te despertaste tarde hoy," she said chuckling.

The woman was always in a good mood, which was something that normally would annoy Selina, but she actually liked her a lot, reminding her a bit of her own mother. Paula was probably in her mid-50s, but she had the energy and spirit of a 20-year-old and the looks of a 40-year-old. She enjoyed talking a lot, but that didn't bother Selina, who appreciated hearing about her life events, her newly born grandson and her "loca" daughter. Her problems seemed almost bright and enviable in Selina's mind, who constantly found herself pessimistically wondering if she'd ever have a life so simple. That morning she was wearing a colorful patterned sundress and had her sunkissed blond hair tied in a low bun, a real flower hanging on it.

"Bien, Paula. Por que la flor?", she pointed to the red flower.

"La encontré en camino aquí. También traje una para ti," Paula smiled widely as she brought her hands to her bag and put out another flower, "Usas demasiado _black_. Necesitas de un poco de color," she said jokingly outraged and Selina laughed at her comment, politely not backing away when she came and fixed the flower in her hair above her ear. She had to put in an effort not to be rude and decline it, but ended up smiling defeatedly.

"Gracias, Paula," she said shyly, looking down to the kitchen counter. Paula smiled and looked away to the door.

"Buenos días, Señor Wayne."

Selina froze on the spot and looked up slowly, not sure what her eyes would find.

"Buenos días, Paula," he said without ever taking his eyes off of Selina.

Paula must've picked up on the tension in the room, because she quickly found something seemingly endlessly fascinating inside the pantry.

Bruce was standing still by the door, his recently washed hair damp and brushed back, wearing grey sweatpants and his Princeton t-shirt. He probably didn't fill them when he was younger, but his muscles now made it look less baggy than intended, forcing Selina to have to make an effort not to look away from his face. His expression was impenetrable while hers had shifted from a recently acquired good mood to a harsher, tenser one.

———

That morning he had woken up early, realizing after a few seconds he was expecting something that probably wouldn't happen. He knew that every morning a little before six Selina would come by to check on him before going out for her run, and although he found it unnecessary, it usually made his entire day that she was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes.

That day though was different, because as soon as he saw the empty bedroom, the heavy weight of the realization collapsed onto his chest like a fucking cartoon anvil. It made him restless and kept him from going back to sleep. He lay there for a few more minutes, vainly hoping to be surprised.

The night before, when he saw her in that balcony after being left dazed by her angry-bottle-throwing episode, he went to sleep with her image stuck on his brain. The sight had left him both madly furious and crazy heartbroken; he wanted to scream and yell and hold her. Her watery eyes made his anger fade away completely for a second, only to return more intense. He kept wondering if she was okay, if she was asleep, if she felt sick due to the wine, if maybe he should check on her, his mind creating and coming up with every rational and reasonable excuse possible for him to just knock on her door.

He never did, though, but he also barely slept.

In the morning, he gave up on waiting for her to come by and went to take a shower, and while he was changing his clothes after, he heard her bedroom door opening and his breath faltered. She didn't stop by, obviously, but his heart raced just by imagining her sight, followed by his mind wondering what he'd be walking into that day.

As he was walking down the stairs, he heard voices coming from the kitchen and he realized it was Selina talking to Paula. His heart was filled with warmth the second he got to the door and saw the unexpected sight of Paula putting a flower in Selina's hair as she smiled timidly.

When Paula noticed and complimented him, he immediately perceived the sudden stiffness in Selina's body. And then when she turned her eyes up to him, he noticed she was a bit paler than usual, her expression was harsh but her look was almost soft, like there was something it wanted said. Seeing her like that, flower in hair and casual clothing, he could almost believe her to be an ordinary innocent girl; except there wasn't anything ordinary or innocent about her.

She had her oversized Pussy Riot t-shirt on, the one he always found ironically amusing and always felt like ripping off of her every time she wore it, even though it was the most adorable sight he'd ever seen.

He'd realized they must have been in silence for quite some time when Paula, whom he hadn't even noticed had left the room, came back and Selina swiftly looked away from him to listen to her announcing the day's lunch. He barely heard her, too unconsciously focused on Selina standing up to help her with some plates, laughing shortly at whatever he hadn't paid attention to.

As they were talking, he realized he must have been awkwardly still for too long, so he walked towards the fridge to pretend to get water or something. He was still immersed in his own thoughts when he heard Selina calling him Mr. Wayne in the middle of a conversation in Spanish. He looked up a bit startled.

"Sorry?", she didn't look at him, but still answered.

"I said you're allergic to cinnamon." He continued in silence and she noticed the confusion in his eyes. "She asked us if we wanted her to bake some cinnamon pastissets, and I said there was no need cause you're allergic."

That left Bruce a bit dumbfounded, because he only remembered mentioning his allergy to Selina briefly once and he didn't even remember the context. He realized he was probably looking pathetic being so slow and off, having to almost force himself to not stare lost and stupidly at Selina. She probably felt uncomfortable with that, because when she finished helping Paula she quickly asked to be excused, then removed the flower from her hair looking embarrassed, motioned it to her and thanked her, practically rushing out of the kitchen and to the outside porch afterwards.

For god's sake, he was _the_ Batman. How could he act so moronic sometimes? The moment Selina left the room, it felt like he could finally breathe and act normally again. He noticed Paula was looking at him from the corner of her eye, seeming worried and a bit curious.

"Estás bien, Bruce?", she asked in an amicable tone, trying to make him comfortable and feel like he could trust her.

"Sí sí, Paula. Gracias," he rapidly dismissed her preoccupation and left the room, running back to his bedroom.

From his balcony he saw Selina by the pool, laid down on the edge, one hand on the water and the other on her book. Her tiny shorts made her idly rested long legs the perfect sight. The image filled him with a quiet feeling of peace that quickly turned into anger, making him restless and fidgety. She had that effect on him, initially and instinctively astounding him with the greatest joy and then taking it away, turning him into an edgy unreasonable mess.

She had been right the night before. Not about the part about her being a stray he’d decided to take in. But rationally speaking, this was doomed from the start, she just was the first one to have the courage to say it out loud. He had to admit that if it was the other way around, he probably would've been confused and anxious about the whole situation too, accepting that typically he wasn't the best at expressing himself. He definitely was better at it than her, but that didn't make it any easier. But Bruce had been certain he was being clear from the start, and he couldn't imagine why she wasn't giving him credit when he expressed to her how serious he was about everything since he’d first laid his eyes on her there.

If he were to admit it to himself, he'd know that all this time he had been terrified that she wouldn't show up, and then after she did, he continued to worry about her not wanting anything to do with him, and then leaving after she got bored, because it all seemed very likely of her. So you could say he was postponing the whole thing trying to get her to realize that that wasn't all he wanted from her. Which he'd been making harder by not saying it. He couldn't put into words just what was it that he _did_ want with her, but he knew he would accept anything she had to offer—and maybe that was part of the problem. By not defining exactly what he needed, he left her and himself at a loss.

Though he wouldn't allow himself to think of it consciously, he knew that if it wasn't for the rational logical part of himself, he'd recognize that his feelings for her spoke for themselves in regard to his wishes for them both.

Fear crept into his mind when he realized that everything he had done to get them to be closer had only pushed her further away. He had put himself out there but he had no idea what he was doing and what was she thinking. She could be so infuriating. Her mind seemed to work differently than everyone else's—was she even _human_? Usually he could be very good at reading people, but she was a huge question mark on his brain.

Although he didn't feel any remorse or held any grudges, he knew that rationally speaking, she wasn't the best person to be trusted. Why did he, then? She had betrayed him more than once. He’d met her while she was stealing from him. She’d lured him into Bane's trap. The last woman he had displayed interest in before her turned out to be his enemy in disguise. And before that, he'd been moping over Rachel for years only to find out she never truly wanted him. What was the difference between all three of them then?

For Bruce that was an easy question to answer. Hard to elaborate and even harder to say out loud, but evidently knowledgeable. Besides, out of all of them, Selina was the only one he could truly be himself with, his entire self; and he knew that if he lost her—which then seemed very likely to happen—he wouldn't find anyone else in this world that could make him feel so at ease being himself around. He wouldn't find anyone like her anywhere _ever_. Recognizing those facts consciously and deliberately only left him more petrified.

If he could trust her knowing all those things and having such a complicated past and backstory with her, why couldn't she trust him? Aside from the fact that he spent his entire adult life fighting crime and she was a criminal, he never acted in any way that would make her doubt or distrust him. He had his complex and thorny past relationships to blame, but what about her?

He had some superficial understanding that her life hadn't been easy and that she'd had a more than complicated childhood—nothing too specific, but maybe enough for him to question if that was the main reason for her lack of trust in people. But that was one of the basis of their relationship—they both had had crappy turbulent lives and they didn't talk about it. That had never been a problem before.

Although, thinking about it, he had no knowledge of her past besides what he had found out about her while tracking her down when she was nothing but a thief to him. He had promised himself he wouldn't ask her or force her to talk about anything she didn't expressly wished to say. But he was now figuring out he had absolutely no idea who she was or where she'd been. He knew she had some notion about had happened between him and Talia, and then that Rachel existed and that she was somehow and on some level the reason why he self-isolated for so long.

But he knew nothing about her and her past relationships, if there even were any. She never mentioned anyone, having never even talked about any family or friends, except for her roomate Holly. He had never seen her with her guard completely down, not even when she drank. Her panic attack the night before was the first indication that she was even able to react like a human being. He didn't mean to be spiteful, because he could see there was always something more to her glances, to her sayings, to her actions and touches, but she always seemed to shut it down and off before it got too apparent. Always throwing in a sarcastic comment or changing the subject completely.

He was impatient to know her. He knew that wasn't right, that wasn't how things are supposed to go, but that was how he felt. He wanted to grasp her entirely, body and soul, and the more she turned it down the more curious he got. The burning rush he experienced every time she let him get a bit closer was addictive, and he knew that at that point he'd never be able to stop wanting more. Everything about her intoxicated him, to the point that it made him unreasonably mad and outraged, mostly at himself.

Her insights, her stares, her snarky commentaries, her looks, her scent, her legs, her mouth; even the way she eyed him angrily when they fought or argued, like she was one word away from getting violent. He loved when she tried to contain a laugh or when her lips pressed tightly against each other to keep her from smiling. He wanted her. And if he hadn't allowed himself to think further than that or to name it, he at least acknowledged this—he wanted _her_ , and he wanted it all to himself.

Physically speaking, that night on the bathtub had already proved it. But that didn't really mean anything, because any straight man with a set of eyes would have that reaction towards her in that situation. There were very few people on this world that presented that level of perfection, and she was one of them. And she was aware of herself and how she appeared to men, but Bruce didn't think she had any idea of the bewildering effect she had on people, especially him. She was the kind of person you have to force yourself to look away from, and she seemed completely oblivious to that.

His rage had disappeared, which often happened when he dove deeply in his thoughts about her. She had the upper hand when it came to them and she didn't even realize it; all she had to do was give him one look and he was done. 

———

Downstairs by the pool she was finishing her book, this time a British one, Wuthering Heights, which wasn't exactly the type of literature she'd usually pick up but the synopsis had caught her eye. The entire reading left her weirdly uneasy and inexplicably involved, and by the time she finished she felt physically and emotionally drained.

She picked herself up and went into the kitchen looking for Paula, telling her she was hungover and not feeling well enough to eat and that she should save her plate, that she'd eat later. Paula tried to argue that eating was exactly what she should do, but Selina simply thanked her and walked away. She figured Bruce must have been in his room, and so she paced carefully as to not give any indications that she was upstairs, opening the door and closing it slowly and soundlessly.

She grabbed a pair of sneakers, a beach cloth and a small bag and headed to the balcony, doing a flip jumping off of it and rushing towards the sand. She wouldn't be able to run that day, but she had to get away from that house, uncloud her thoughts and get rid of that suffocating feeling she hadn't been able to escape from. Her nightmares and sleepless nights were beginning to wear her down and the times when she wasn't sleeping weren't any easier.

Selina was aware that she spent most of her life _erasing_ her life, but she also knew that was the only way she could live. But when she fell asleep, there was no deflecting tactic or coping mechanism that could rid her of the images that played in her head over and over again. She'd gotten used to them, but since she'd arrived there they had been worse, clearer and more real. New ones popped up and old ones reappeared. The latest ones showed the image of a black airship exploding over the horizon and another showed her Bane at the bottom of a dark pit spanking a lifeless body while she watched from a grid afar, powerless and impotent.

She had walked until she found a beach that was mostly unoccupied, settled down and sat there on her cloth, watching kids playing for afar, couples making out forgetting the world around them, and old men alone sipping beer. She hadn't planned on staying long, but suddenly the weather was perfect for swimming and the sun was just on the right position. She hadn't brought a bikini, but she figured her panties were color and fabric acceptable for public displays and she didn't have a bra, which was not a problem since she was in Europe. She lay there for hours and swam twice, then bought a coconut and a granola bar on the stands, both which instantly made her feel better. She was right. There was nothing in the world she couldn't deflect in that place.

———

A couple of days went by before Selina and Bruce started being able to be in the same room alone again for more than a minute. He was with each passing day more inclined to ask to talk to her, but her fright disguised as anger made her flee every time he tried, and so he quit trying. It was only when he arrived one day at night from a drive to the city on the new Porsche he'd bought—the car Selina had stolen had long been disposed of by him—that they finally had their first actual attempt at communication since the fight. It didn't look like a big deal on the outside, but they both knew it was a better alternative to what they had been doing.

He had just parked the car when he saw her through the windscreen, sitting down on the front porch steps, a glass of rosé in her hand while she rested her head on the handrail. She didn't look at him. He got out of the car and walked towards the entrance, ignoring his first instinct to say something or ask what she was doing there. As he passed her and opened the door, he was surprised to see the living room filled with scattered broken glass all over the floor. Nothing else seemed out of order, but all lights were out so he wasn't sure.

"What _happened_ here?", he asked perplexed, not knowing what he should feel. She kept staring ahead and took a sip of her drink.

"Needed to blow off some steam," she said numbed, nothing specific expressed in her voice, "There was nothing to knock off so I broke some bowls. I'll clean it up in a sec."

Bruce was unsure how to react, still a bit shocked, so he asked the only thing that actually mattered to him, "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she answered, still not looking at him.

"Okay."

"Where are your things?", she asked before he could turn fully around and go inside.

"My things?", he asked, confused, "You mean my suitcases? I had Paula unpack them on the bedroom by the stairs. Why?"

"Nothing," she said placidly, "just wondering".

"Are you sure you're okay?", he asked after a couple seconds.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Okay."

It hadn't been the most comfortable conversation, but it gave Bruce a tiny smile in spite of the situation. Selina on the other hand kept staring away, relief and shame settling into her. She wasn't about to mention her earlier freakout had been due to the fact that she'd peeked through Bruce's opened bedroom door after he'd left, seeing nothing but his unmade bed; adding to the fact that his car was gone, to her it all could mean only one thing—he'd gotten tired of her bullshit and left.

She picked herself up, cleaned the floor and went straight to bed despite the early hour. She was now constantly tired and the bags under her ways were there to prove it. The sound of water running and splashing on the floor indicated that Bruce was showering. When the sound stopped and she heard him re-entering his room, everything inside her begged her to go reach out to him, but she gave in to her exhaustion and fell asleep listening to his idle humming.

Later that night Selina woke up startled and breathless in nightmares about two little faceless children crying and holding onto her legs. She pushed and closed the door on them, only being able to hear their cries and screams tormenting her. The scene changed and she was then on the top bunk bed on a tiny dark room, lay down trembling and pretending to be asleep; panic took over her as she heard the door opening and she knew there was nowhere to run.

She woke up with her heart pounding on her chest when the hand in the dream touched her to wake her up. She sat up abruptly, hand on her forehead wiping drops of sweat, throat closed so tight she was gasping for air. It couldn't have been past two, and knowing there was no other way around it, she walked to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face and neck to come back and try to get some sleep; but when she returned and looked at her bed, a sinking feeling took over her, one that would have made her cry if her lacrimal ducts weren't so damn proud. She decided not to overthink too much when she stepped away from the bed and marched towards the room next door.

She tried to open the door quietly, but the wood made a squeaky sound and Bruce opened his eyes, quickly locating hers across the room. Realizing then there was no turning back, she came in and closed the door shut behind her.

"What's wrong?", he asked worriedly.

"Sorry," she mumbled, unsure what to say, "Can I... can I sleep here?", she said, so quietly she was afraid he wouldn't listen. But his eyes widened a bit and a confused look took over his face; and then an expression of understanding and a quick dozy smile.

He grabbed the blanket and held it up for her to slip in. Her face looked sad and almost fearful when she lay down facing him, which completely broke him and tore his walls down, and so he struggled to fight the urge to stroke her cheeks or embrace her or pull her to him. Instead he simply cupped her hand in his.

She stared at his chest while feeling his eyes on her, fighting a stubborn tear that had materialized and managing to soak it up. He grabbed her hand a bit tighter after that, and so she looked up and their eyes met; in that moment something both healed and broke inside of her.

She struggled to sleep but Bruce kept himself awake until she managed to, calmly tracing soft circles on the back of her hand with this thumb to try and soothe her. He didn't know what had happened, but he did know that Selina was a very proud person, so for her to knock on his door to ask for that, it was probably because she wasn't fine at all.

When she woke up in the morning at her usual time, she realized they hadn't changed positions. They were still face to face with each other and Bruce's hand still gripped hers softly. He looked so tranquil and peaceful she almost smiled. She didn't want to move, but when she was just about to carefully get up, Bruce groaned.

"Good morning," he mumbled, drowsy with his eyes still closed, "planning to run today?"

"Yeah," she said, and he opened his eyes and his face almost looked disappointed, but she couldn't figure out why, "Catch you up later?"

"Okay," he said, seeming more satisfied.

As soon as she dropped his hand she started missing it, but she brushed aside the feeling and went to her room to get ready. She didn't know what had gotten into her the night before, but she was glad she didn't allow herself to stop herself from doing what her whole body was telling her to do. It had been one of the only times in weeks she had been able to sleep without having nightmares.

That morning when she was coming back from her run she saw Bruce from a distance, sitting down at the beach, looking out at the sea waiting for her. She had no idea how much she had missed that sight, and it instantly and involuntarily brought zest and warmth to her heart. He smiled a little when he saw her walking towards him in her tiny running shorts and messy ponytail, and motioned with his hands for her to sit down. She lowered herself down next to him, a bit too close than normally, and picked up the salad fruit bowl he'd brought her. Her cheeks were still slightly blushed from the run.

"How did it go?", he asked.

"Good," she said in between bites, "I saw a kid falling flat on his face straight into the sand, so that was fun."

He laughed a bit and looked away to the ocean again. They were both silent for some time, and even though they had been fighting for the last couple days, it didn't feel uncomfortable. Bruce still hadn't decided if he would ask something about the night before—about her little anger episode or her showing up in his room in the middle of the night. He knew the latter probably had something to do with her nightmares, which she hadn't mentioned to him, but it was clear every time she'd mention her sleepless nights; and also noticeable by the dark circles that had appeared under her eyes in the last few days—although she didn't have them that day. He was very familiar with that, having had lots of nightmare-filled nights in his days, so he knew how it could drain the life out of you. And so he wanted to ask her about it, make sure she was okay, but he didn't know if it implied anything that she'd feel it was too personal to share.

"Are we okay?", he asked, thinking probably that was the best way to start.

"On my part, yeah," she replied, looking back at him, "On yours?"

"Yeah, all good," he answered evenly as she looked away again.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, almost as if she had to force the words out of her, "I know I can be a lot sometimes." 

Bruce blinked, probably thinking he was imagining things. Had he just heard Selina Kyle _apologize_?

"You're not a lot. You're just the right amount," he replied after a couple seconds, "Besides, I think I'm the one who should be apologizing. I'm sorry for being so headstrong and I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way. I've been telling myself I've been entirely honest with you, and that's true, but that doesn't mean I'm being clear."

"Well, I think we can both admit we're not the best people at communicating," she chuckled humorlessly.

"True. But maybe we can work on that? I know it's not easy, but maybe we should try to say things out loud instead of just expecting the other to blindly understand what we don't talk about. We can do a lot of stuff, but we're not telepathics yet."

"Yet," she joked, "Maybe. All of this... it just doesn't come naturally for me."

"For me neither. That's why we need the other to push us to do those things."

"Okay," she said, sighing and preparing to continue, "but if we're trying to do this honesty thing now and if I'm being completely honest, rationally speaking I think we're kidding ourselves with this." Bruce looked at her, unsure of what his expression was showing. "Don't take this the wrong way. But I don't see how this could work on the real world."

"Who cares about the real world?", he asked. Selina smiled.

"If I had to bet one of us would say that, it definitely wouldn't have been you."

"Exactly. So why do you care?"

"I don't. You're right, I guess," she sighed, "and I think we've already proved we're not ones to back away because of the odds, right?"

"Right," he smiled.

"So... now that we're talking, can I ask you something?"

"Sure. I'm an open book."

"Yeah, right," she rolled her eyes playfully, "Anyways, I just wanted to ask you something that's been bugging me since I arrived here," he looked at her waiting patiently. "How did you know I was going to come?"

He thought for a second and then sighed, "I didn't, I had no idea. I just hoped you would."

"Yeah, but you had already planned for this, right? Even before you knew you were going to 'die'."

Selina had wondered about that many times, but never knew how to approach the subject.

"Okay, then," he settled down on the sand more comfortably, as if that was going to take some time to explain, "I didn't have any plans. I just knew I was heading for a fight I had very few chances of making it out alive. And that even if I did, I still wanted to have the option to fake it if I needed. I had just arrived in Gotham after escaping the pit," he explained and Selina flinched a bit at the mention of this specific part, feeling a bit ashamed, "and I went out to look for you. Remember? When I ran into you helping that kid with the stolen apple," she nodded, "And then I thought that maybe I could do something more for you. I was giving you the clean slate, but you needed more than that, you needed a clean start. So I arranged things for you so that even if I weren't here, you'd still have a chance of making it out of there. I put everything on the safe, got you the documents and asked Lucius to transfer one of my untraceable bank accounts to you."

Selina stared at him, both shocked and amazed, realizing in that second that she had never met any person better than Bruce Wayne. It should have been obvious, but that moment made it that much clearer. He hadn't planned all of this for himself. He had planned it for her, so that she'd be able to get out of Gotham.

"Of course, I had the added bonus of actually living to see it, so that's a plus," he smiled, "and that wasn't something I was truly expecting."

"I never apologized for handing you over to Bane," she said after some time. When he was about to cut in, she continued, "I know you think I don't have to and you said it didn't suit me, but I still want to say it," she looked him in the eyes, "I am sorry. I had no idea it was you, but that's no excuse; because unfortunately I know that at the time, even if I had known, I wouldn't have made a different choice. I regretted it the second that grid closed in front of me, but I do these things, you know? I'm a survivalist. And most of the time, a ruthless, vicious one. I'm not proud of it, but that's just the only way I know. Though I always thought I had an imaginary boundary that I would never cross. I thought that I would never try to survive at the expense of people I actually cared about again. Which now that I think about never made much sense, because I never really had many people I cared about. And because I’ve done it before. But I crossed it with both of you. I crossed it with Bruce _and_ Batman."

She then looked away, unable to keep bearing his infuriatingly understanding eyes.

"I thought he had killed you, and so I moved on. I was about to leave town without giving it a second thought. But then I got caught and ended up in Blackgate of all places, with those filthy, disgusting men, and I realized I was no better than any of them. They were just as merciless and cold-hearted as I was, and I thought because you were probably already dead I wouldn't have to feel remorse anyway. But then you showed up, clearly alive and so frustratingly forgiving, and I started feeling guilty—relieved also, but mostly guilty—something I had never felt. And so, of course, because I felt it, asking your forgiveness was the last thing I wanted to do. Because, like I said, I'm vicious."

Bruce was silent for quite some time, digesting and thinking her words through, while Selina stared ahead, biting her lower lip hardly and seeming to be lost deep in her own thoughts.

"You do what you need to do to survive," he finally said, "I respect that."

"No, you don't,” she rolled her eyes slightly angry, “Spare me of your endless compassion and sympathy, Bruce. You and I both know you don't understand that and you never will. You put Gotham before yourself your whole life. That despicable place with those predominantly despicable people."

"So did you," he pointed out and she laughed humorlessly, "And it doesn't matter if I understand it or not. I forgive you anyway..."

"Come on Bruce, I didn't stay for Gotham. I couldn't care less about those people," she interrupted him and he looked at her confused.

"Well, why did you then?"

She stared at him, her expression blank, and she gulped, realizing she had hit a dead end.

"I told you. I felt guilty," she said and looked away as he kept focused on her. She then sighed, knowing he wouldn't let her leave it at that, "I couldn't leave you to die a second time."

"But you didn't know if I was going to die. And if I was to die, you probably would be too" he mumbled, trying to make sense of what she was saying.

"But I didn't know if you _weren’t_ going to die either. And then you said that thing about you maybe standing a chance if I stayed, and I realized you were probably right. It went against every instinct and fiber of my being, but I stayed for you."

This time, Bruce completely shut down. She hadn’t stayed for Gotham. She had stayed for _him_.

Maybe he wasn’t fooling himself after all.

Selina didn't pressure him into talking, because she was also in her own state of astonishment, battling conflicting feelings about either staying there to see what he had to say, or fleeing as far away as she could so she would never have to deal with the consequences of letting her guard down so low. She eyed Bruce from the corner of her eye, but his expression was stiff and indecipherable as he stared at the ocean, probably seeing nothing. After a few minutes, he cleared his throat and then a little smile appeared in his face.

"Sucker."

Selina stared at him amused and in shock, an uncontainable laughter coming out of her thinking how pathetic those last words to him would have been if he had actually died. Bruce looked at her in wonder, her laugh sounding like music to his ears. Without hesitation, he put his arm around her so he could pull her in to kiss the top of her head, and she didn’t decline it, still laughing a bit.

They were fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> —————————  
> *Translations:  
> Buenos días: Good morning.  
> Cómo estás/Estás bien?: How are you?/Are you okay?  
> Bien, Paula. Por que la flor?: Good, Paula. Why the flower?  
> Te despertaste tarde hoy: You woke up late today.  
> La encontré en camino aquí. También traje una para ti: I found it on the way here. I also brought one for you.  
> Usas demasiado black. Necesitas de un poco de color: You wear too much black. You need a bit of color.  
> Gracias: Thank you.


	6. 6. Tension

They were fine, but Selina smelled a rat. 

They might not have been fighting anymore, but she wasn’t about to singlehandedly put herself out there again only to be rejected a third time. Now that she had come to terms with the fact that there was no escaping him and his effect on her, it had become even harder to fight the attraction that drew her to him. Every little touch and movement of his around her seemed to be charged with sexual tension, and she had ignored that for long enough. 

One day, when she returned from a drive around the city, she came home to find him casually reading in bed wearing his batsuit. He’d said he’d thought it would be funny to see her reaction. Only he probably didn’t know what that costume did to her _downstairs_ , or how the husky voice sent shivers down her spine. She tried to brush it off and laugh, but eventually she just had to get out of there; and so she ended up going for a run the second time that day. That tension had to be released somehow. He was left confused, but at that point in their relationship he’d gotten used to her unique reactions and her using escapism as a coping mechanism. It wasn’t his favorite thing, but it was better than her staying and them turning it into an argument.

She’d usually revel in those moments of proximity and heavy atmosphere, but recently she had been avoiding them at all costs. _If Bruce wants something, he might as well ask for it_ , she thought. She had made herself available, and so for now she was only going to wait. It wasn’t easy not giving into those lust-filled instants, but she was now keeping a safe distance on her part and keeping her alcohol level always at a minimum. Those “innocent” moments, like when she cut his hair — when she had to bite her lip to keep her from doing something stupid —, their unusually long glances and their casual touching were going to be the death of her if she didn’t put a stop to it. It was easier said than done, though. 

Summer had almost arrived and they would now spend a lot of time at the beach or at the pool. One day after they had returned from a swim on the sea, they unintentionally entered the poolside shower together and Selina had to try with everything she had to not smash her body and face against his. Her hands were mad at her for not letting them roam freely on his abdomen and back. She could honestly say she had never experienced anything like that, never having desired a man so much. Not even Ted, which was saying something because that was all she ever did with him. 

It hadn’t been a piece of cake for Bruce either. His body was constantly on edge and with Selina backing away every chance she got, he felt it was only a matter of time before he’d burst. The day on the shower was the closest they had gotten in some time, and it had been only because the proximity was unavoidable so they could both stay on the water stream ratio. But as he felt her boobs stroking lightly against his chest, he immediately stepped away and went for his towel, in need to get as far away from her as possible. 

The weather hadn’t been helping either, because the European heat was no joke. Selina had been wandering around the house in less and less fabric, but that wasn’t even the issue. He’d been practically feeling like a teenager every time she stepped out of the house in a bikini, specially then when she was exhibiting the most beautiful recently acquired tan. Looking at her body felt exactly like looking at the sun — it was so hot it burned his eyes and he’d never be able to reach it. And now every time he was distracted and closed his eyes, that was the first image that popped up in his brain — and so knew that if nothing happened, and fast, he’d become even more obsessed with her, which already seemed impossible. 

The only thing that was holding him back was her sudden change of behavior. She usually had no problem with their closeness, but after their fight she had become more distant, and he was afraid that if he pushed something she would back away for good. He was only waiting for a sign, something, anything on her part that indicated that she still wanted it. 

They’d now spend a lot of time occupying their minds, as if both were trying to avoid having too much to spare to think or try to act on their wishes. They’d play poker, chess, pool, whatever game that kept them from dealing with the actual game they were playing. They’d swim every day in the afternoon and then watch a movie every night. They’d still bicker from time to time; nothing too serious, but enough to make Selina feel like they were an old married couple—fighting, playing bingo and not having sex. 

As the days went by she’d tried to find new ways of testing him without directly teasing him. She’d only wear silk babydolls after her night shower, especially on the nights she’d show up to sleep in his bed. Nothing too transparent, but just enough and with the right low-cut to keep him wondering. The first few times she could see the surprised expression on his face, his eyes widening for a split second that only she could notice. The problem was that Selina was so naturally and unconsciously sexy and sexual Bruce most of the time never even considered she might do those things on purpose—mostly because she didn’t need to to get his attention.

One day after lunch while he helped Paula put away the dishes, Selina cooked them a Brazilian _brigadeiro,_ and when it was almost ready she dipped two fingers on the dough and brought them in her mouth. She sucked on them closing her eyes and letting out pleased sounds. That was when Bruce knew she had no idea how irresistible she actually was, because if she did, she would have never done that with Paula in the room; another day, while they watched a suspense on TV, Bruce felt the heat coming from her body near him and casually wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 

“This is getting ridiculous,” she laughed, very quietly so Bruce would think it was just random mumbling.

Although she had gotten frustrated—mentally and sexually—she allowed herself to take shelter in his chest and breathe in his scent. Bruce smiled satisfied and warm-hearted, dipping his nose in her hair and feeling complete. When the movie credits started rolling in, she was barely awake, and so she opened her eyes just enough to realize she’d been sitting with her bare legs thrown over his lap, her upper body settled in a tight ball like a baby on his. Knowing she’d get up embarrassed if she tried to, she just kept pretending to be asleep while Bruce carried her up the stairs and put her in her own bed. She ended up falling asleep, this time unaccompanied and untouched.

A few hours later, Bruce heard the door opening and he already knew what that meant. Without having a second glance, he accommodated himself on only one side of the bed to give Selina space to slip in. This didn’t happen every night, only the ones she’d wake up petrified due to her ongoing nightmares. He was in no way happy about her sleeping issues, but he was glad that she was now able to overcome whatever pride she had before that wouldn’t allow her to let him help her.

That night though not only did she come, but she also seeked comfort in his arms, pulling herself closer to him and settling in his chest as soon as she lied down. She felt tiny and childish, but the nightmares that night had really taken a toll on her. 

“Is this okay?”, she asked quietly, afraid it was too much to ask.

“This is more than okay,” he replied softly and dozy, wrapping his arms around her and pressing his lips to her hair, “Are you okay?”

“No,” she muttered gloomy, “but better now.”

They had developed that kind of intimacy while there was no _actual_ intimacy, and she was glad for it. They had created the ability not to charge or turn everything into something sexual, and it felt nice not feeling the urge to rip out his clothes every second of the day. Which she did, but at least then she’d recognized not everything had to be about that. He’d noticed that change too, which for him was the realization that that was exactly what he was waiting for all that time. He wasn’t postponing sex because he thought it was too important to do it on a whim, but because he knew deep down that it shouldn’t be their main concern. They had sexual tension and attraction enough to make a nuclear bomb out of it, and so their problem would never be that. It would be their lack of ability to be intimate without _actually_ being intimate.

If he was being honest, that had been the first time he’d actually believed in something enough to take things slow and carefully. He’d never worked to build something other than a physical relationship the way he had done then. Probably because he knew that Selina being the way she was, and him being the way he was, if they had started off with sex, that would’ve been it and nothing else. They wouldn’t have been able to just stop. And if he were to be brutally honest, he’d guess Selina would have probably left in a few months by the time she got bored or startled realizing things were getting more serious.

That wouldn’t have been _entirely_ true, because Selina knew then that there was no escaping the way she felt. She still couldn’t quite grasp what was it and why it existed since they hadn’t even had sex. For her, the situation was still confusing at times. She had never been with anyone for as long as she had been with Bruce without having sex. Aside from a few friends and acquaintances, she’d never even been involved with anyone in a way that didn’t include sex, so for her it was extremely difficult to understand where Bruce came from in a way that didn’t make her feel rejected—especially when he didn’t fully understand it either. 

She appreciated their newly found friendliness and confidentiality, but she was getting impatient. Or better, her body was getting impatient. He couldn’t deny he was on the edge too. Living with her and seeing her every day the way he did and not being able to do anything about it was a literal physical torture. He just wanted to know she was on board with that and that was what she still wanted too. He needed to ask her exactly what she wanted from him. Before all that had happened, he’d say to her and to himself that it didn’t matter how she wanted him, that he would be there to be it whatever it was. But with her laying in his arms the way she was in that moment, her lavender-scented hair spread all over his chest, her breathing tingling his skin, her body warmth making him the most peaceful he’d ever been, he knew that it’d break his heart irreparably if she decided to not stay with him, or worse, if she left. He needed that bit of reassurance that she wouldn’t flee the first chance she got after they’d already been physical and things got scary.

Later that day they went for a walk around the city. There had been so many almost kisses and moments of awkward sexual tension as they went hardware shopping—maybe it had been all that quantity of ropes and devices that could be used to tie a person up, but who knows. Bruce got home as if he’d been electrically charged and Selina about to start combusting. They went their different ways when they came inside, with him going to exercise by the pool and her running up the stairs to go into her room. 

She’d started to develop a plan in her head, one that would be extremely uncomfortable and embarrassing if it didn’t work. She’d been postponing it trying whatever else that could keep her from having to put it into action, but after the day she’d had, she knew she would have to test it. 

While Bruce was downstairs doing push-ups, Selina downed a shot of whiskey she had hidden in her closet, entered the bathtub and turned on the shower hose. What started out as only a plan actually turned into something extremely enjoyable and it was all due to the accumulated tension and recent inspiration she had had.

As soon as Bruce walked into the kitchen to get some water, he heard it. It’d be hard not to. His eyes widened listening to the sounds coming from upstairs, so genuine and vigorous that could only be described as moans of pleasure. She wasn’t screaming, but it was loud enough to make him blush then send his blood rushing to all the right areas. He was frozen on the spot, unsure if he should come up or get out of there. If he was waiting for a sign, that was a neon one. 

A few minutes later Selina walked into the kitchen in a bathrobe and with her hair wet. She saw Bruce sitting on one of the high chairs on the island, where he’d been since he’d found out he was unable to move. His face was twisted weirdly, almost looking tormented, and he didn’t look up at her. 

“What’s up with you?”, she asked unfazed, opening the fridge and grabbing orange juice to pour on a glass. He finally looked at her, still looking disturbed.

“What were you _doing_ in there?”, he asked while she clearly pretended to be confused for a second.

“Oh, that?”, she smiled and acted untroubled, taking a sip, “Just taking care of what you won’t. You want some?”, she asked, pointing to the juice. She then kept going as if nothing had happened when he didn’t respond, putting the glass on the sink and washing it. “I’ll be reading by the pool if you need anything, okay?”, she said in a honeyed voice and left the kitchen. 

Bruce was left dumbfounded for a couple of minutes, unable to process what had just happened or to clear his thoughts and mental images long enough to have an appropriate response. What even _was_ the appropriate response to these situations? His body knew the answer; his brain was still catching up.

After the initial shock, he stood up and walked outside. As Selina saw him coming towards her she lowered her book down, unsurprised as he sat down on the sun lounger next to hers. He took some time to look at her and analyze her expression, but it was blank and unreadable under her sunglasses. She bare his look patiently.

“Are you _trying_ to kill me?”

“Not today, I’m not. Why?”, she asked acting innocently. He could see why so many people fell for her schemes. She was a good actress.

“Selina, come on. Talk to me,” he pleaded firmly and she sighed, putting her book down completely and fixing the sunglasses up in her head, “What are you doing?”

“Are you seriously going to ask me that again?”, she asked, seeming irritable and frustrated, her nonchalant pose starting to fade. Her eyes looked almost sad.

“Okay, then. Let me ask you this then. Do you see this going anywhere?”

She rolled her eyes, “God, Wayne, you sound like a teenager.”

“No. No, this is what _adults_ do. They talk about things, they try to uncomplicate things.”

“Well, adults should know better,” she said dryly.

“What are you so scared of, Selina?”, Bruce asked her almost pleadingly, looking at her like he demanded her to do the same.

“I’m not _scared_. Do you want me to talk? Okay, I’ll talk. I’m angry. I’m mad. I feel humiliated, not scared,” she muttered, exhausted, “I’m here since day one, and I’ve thrown myself at you more times than I can count. And if you don’t want me, that’s fine, but you _keep_ me here. If you're enjoying toying with me, at least have the decency to tell me now and release me so I can go.”

If Selina were one to cry, she’d be crying. But she wasn’t, and so she just stared at Bruce’s appalled expression.

“You think that’s what I’m doing here? Playing with you? I don’t do that. I don’t play with people, I’m not…” he stopped himself before he said something he’d regret, looking away from her. She chuckled lightly in disbelief, but didn’t say anything. “You say you’re not scared. Well, I am. I’m the freaking Batman, and I’m scared of you. I’m scared that you’ll shut yourself down again if we do this, and I’m scared that _you’ll_ get scared and run afterwards. And I don’t scare easy, but I’m pretty damn scared to lose you,” he muttered, unable to stop.

“Are you that blind?”, she yelled exasperated after a few seconds of staring blatantly at him, laughing nervously, “Or are you just choosing to be ignorant?”

“Just tell me what you want from me,” he cut in.

“What?”

“Tell me what you want from me and we’ll start from there.”

“I don’t know how you survived all these years being so dumb, Wayne.”

“You’re deflecting again. Just tell me. Why can’t you tell me?”

“I _can’t_ , okay?” she snapped, “I don’t know! I told you since the first day I was here I couldn’t give you any guarantees. And you were okay with that, and you said you wouldn’t pressure me, and now here you are. I don’t know how to _live_ like this, Bruce.”

Bruce took a deep breath, trying to control the anger that threatened to take over him. He didn’t want them to fight again and he hated seeing her so distraught, even though in that second he felt mad just by looking at her.

“Okay. You’re right. I’m pressuring you, and I’m sorry. So why don’t you take some time and think about it, okay?”, he got up from the lounger before he could make things worse and started walking towards the house. “I’m going to make us some dinner, so just stay here and calm down.” 

If there was one thing Selina hated about Bruce it was when he used his condescending tone like he’d just done. She stood up quickly, grabbing her book and rushing to the kitchen too. She stood by the door and saw him turning on the stove.

“I’m not eating tonight, thanks. I’ll be in my room.”

That was definitely not the reaction and result she was expecting from her little “plan”. Her heart sank when she banged her door closed behind her and she automatically started gathering her stuff. She picked up her empty suitcase in the closet and started putting her clothes inside. She had no plan, she had no idea where she’d go, she just knew that she had to get out of there. Her shoes didn’t fit the old suitcase anymore and so she grabbed an extra bag, also putting her toiletries and makeup. She kept on doing that until her room was emptied out and so was she.

The sun had already set and her room was dark and lit only by the moonlight by the time she was done. She crashed onto the bed and lost herself in her thoughts, overwhelmed.

She felt like a quitter, but she also felt exhausted and suffocated. The man downstairs had just told her how scared he was of losing her, and in saying so, he probably did. Selina never handled well people expecting good things from her, and if staying meant living up to those expectations or recognizing they were real, then she didn’t. And she hated herself for it.

But then again—

 _No_ , she thought. _Nonono. You can’t do that. Not this time. Not with him. If you ever stood a chance in your life, this is it._

Those months had been the happiest she had ever been in a long time. And as miserable as he could make her feel sometimes, she wasn’t ready to let that go. Because deep down she knew he was only able to affect her so negatively at times because he was the only one that could affect so positively _ever_. 

That was what she was used to doing, she ran. She learned to run before she could walk and that had been her life ever since. She ran from her family, she ran from her foster homes, she ran from law enforcement, she ran from bad guys, she ran from jail, she ran from relationships and she ran from herself. She’d even run every day there to escape Bruce even if it was for a few hours.

She wouldn’t run anymore. 

_Even if you get shot down again. At least you’ll know you tried_ , she thought to herself.

An hour later she heard steps on the stairs and her heart clenched. She downed another shot of whiskey and tried to act as if this was just another scheme or heist she’d planned. Flashbacks of herself knocking on other men’s bedroom doors came flooding into her mind, but she shook them off as quickly as they’d appeared. This was nothing like that. This was the complete opposite. 

She heard Bruce going into his room and she checked the mirror once more. She was in her usual cat red lipstick and wearing her favorite black lace lingerie set, with a balconette bra and a garter belt. Anyone else would probably blush at their own sight in those, but she was as comfortable as it gets. She put on a short black silk robe on top and, for a final touch, the pearl necklace she’d once stolen and was then gifted from him. Then she took a deep breath, unlocking her door.

There were no sounds inside his room, but she decided not to knock, just opening his door calmly. He was standing by his bedside table, checking something on his phone when he looked up to see her. He put the phone down slowly as if she was a wild animal cornering him, one he did not wish to scare away. He eyed her head to toe, and if he was trying to be discreet it hadn’t worked. His breath faltered, and before he could say anything, Selina shut the door closed behind her and started talking.

“It doesn’t matter if I don’t know what I want for the future; as long as I know what I want _right now_. And I know what that is,” she started opening her robe teasingly and he gulped, his wide eyes unsure where to look. When the robe dropped to the floor she looked up at him cattily. “Maybe I wasn’t being clear before—I want you to fuck me. I want you to fuck me in whatever ways _you_ want and I want you to not stop until I’m breathless and dripping and bruised and begging you to stop. What do _you_ want?”

Bruce looked into her daring eyes and felt every nerve in his body light up in flames like he’d never felt before. His skin felt hot but the blood pumping through his veins was ice cold. There was no fighting this. This had been a lost battle since the moment she’d walked in. 

“I want to throw you and tie you to my bed and never let you leave,” he said husky.

Selina opened a tight devilish smile, satisfied with his answer.

“So _do_ it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTES:  
> As you guys can see, I am slowly trying to develop Selina's backstory through her inner thoughts, which will be key to this story. Don't worry if it seems a bit loose, I will tie it all together at some point :)
> 
> Okay SO  
> Spoilers, but not really. I guess you guys can see where this is heading lol.  
> But anyway WARNING: For those of you who do not enjoy or do not feel comfortable reading explicit content, there will be some in the next chapter, so read at your own risk.


	7. 7. Giving in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: EXPLICIT CONTENT [+18]

Bruce’s lips were everywhere.

He had crossed the room in a millisecond and pressed Selina so hard against the wall a painting crashed down to the floor and she almost hit her head. But she didn’t care. Her whole body was in flames and her extinguisher was the one throwing in more gasoline with his touch. She devoured his mouth and everything else ceased existing. They were the only thing that were and nothing else mattered. 

His hands clasped her waist firmly and she gasped under his touch. He trailed kisses from her mouth to her neck, feeling intoxicated by her scent and the breathless sounds coming out of her mouth. She had her arms around his neck, pulling him close and not leaving one inch of distance between them. She pulled on his hair as his tongue traced patterns on her collarbone, going up to the soft sensitive spot on her neck and then nibbling her earlobe slowly. She couldn’t imagine one single thing she’d want more in the world than that man. 

Bruce gripped her barely covered ass and the feeling of his hands against her skin sent shivers down his spine. She let out a strangled breath and he felt himself getting harder by the second, in need of more friction. He grabbed her legs as she put them around him, clinging to him as he lifted her up effortlessly. The sudden encounter of his hardness pressing against her heat made both of them moan in expectation, their heartbeats faltering in exhilaration. 

Selina kissed his neck desperately, feeling the intense need to taste Bruce and relish in all of him, as if she was afraid he’d disappear if she ever took her lips off of him. She made an effort to back away a bit and just enough for her to grab the bottom of his shirt and take it off of him with urgency. He lifted his arms up to help her and then immediately returned to her mouth, grasping her face eagerly but gently, as if it was the most precious thing he’d ever come to touch—though he’d soon change his mind. 

Selina let her hands run free through his abdomen and back, tracing muscles and scars and spreading shivers throughout his body. She dug her nails in his back like claws when he sucked all the air out of her mouth and she then felt him prodding against her, unable to stop himself. That was a theory she’d been dying to test; and so she bit his lower lip softly, then tightening the grip until she tasted a bit of blood. As if on cue, she felt his dick throb under her as he let out a choked moan while grabbing her waist harder. She let go of his lip, smiled teasingly at him and untangled her legs from him. 

“I knew it”, she whispered.

By the time he understood what she meant she was already pushing him back towards the bed. He offered no resistance when she shoved him down and threw him on his back. She took off her pearl necklace—afraid they'd wreck it—and put it on the nightstand, and then came onto him, sitting on his lap and grabbing his neck to pin him down.

Bruce knew in that moment that that was the most beautiful and rousing sight he’d ever seen; Selina on top of him, wearing a dirty-hot lingerie and a hint of a smile on the corner of her lips. There was no one else, dead or alive, luckier than him. When he motioned his hand up to grab her face to bring her closer, she grasped it with her other hand and then licked his thumb, bringing it to her mouth and sucking on it teasingly with her eyes on his. His heart raced at the image and he felt the catch in his pants grow tighter. 

She then lowered herself down to kiss him, her tongue seductively tracing his, and then let go of his neck, rapidly bringing her hands to his waistband, unbuttoning his pants, urging to have him out of them as soon as possible. She got rid of them in a second and started driving her mouth souther, kissing his neck, licking the muscles of his abdomen as her fingers trailed their way to his boxers, stroking the length of the big bulge it was restraining. She finally let her hand slip under his fabric, feeling her own getting damper as she did. He let out a heavy breath as he felt her touch him, pressing his eyelids with his hands and shoving his head back onto the mattress in anticipation for what was coming when she rid him of his underpants completely.

Superman had kryptonite; he had her. One touch and he was done. 

He was about to grab her by the waist to pull her in to him when she stood up from the bed and positioned herself kneeled between his legs. She rested her hands on his thighs bearing his look, and he had no other reaction than to just mouth her name, “Selina”. She smirked in triumph seeing his desperation, then grabbed his throbbing dick in one hand while putting the other on his stomach to hold him down; she then put it in her mouth staring straight into his eyes, pushing it in as far as she could and making it touch the back of her throat. She then started sucking on him relentlessly and painfully slow, cupping his balls and keeping him from moving his body. 

Bruce was already dripping wet and running out of air. His whole body felt burning hot and his muscles trembled in pleasure. Selina knew what she was doing all too well and he knew he wouldn’t last too long if he let her have all the control. It felt just too damn good to stop her, but he pleaded anyway.

“Selina... stop... fuck, please.”

She took her hands off of him immediately, but only to dig her nails on his thighs, scratching him roughly as she licked his whole length and then pulled her mouth back and away from him as he almost came undone. She smiled victorious and wiped the corner of her mouth as she climbed on the bed, crawling over him like a cat. 

“God, you’re amazing,” Bruce mouthed airily.

“I know,” she smiled conceited.  
  
He caught his breath and grinned, taking advantage of her distraction to overthrow her and pin her to the bed. She didn’t fight him, figuring she wouldn’t mind letting go of some of the control.

“You’re overdressed.” 

“By all means, Mr. Wayne. Do what you must,” she said, not moving one inch.

He put his weight on his elbows so as to not crush her under him and went for her neck, holding her jaw and kissing her soft spot, stealing heavy breaths from her mouth. She shivered and closed her eyes, letting him take care of her. He reached his hands under her and unhooked her bra, freeing her breasts from the lacy fabric. He barely had time to stare amazed at her figure, his tongue demanded her taste almost immediately. She let out a soft surprised gasp when his mouth reached her perky nipples, feeling them hardening instantly under his hot breath. He pinched one while circling the other with the tip of his tongue. Selina caught her breath in her throat when she felt something hot dripping down her panties. She was so ready for him.

Bruce brought one hand to her face and looked up at her, his eyes filled with lust and dazzle taking the time to stamp the image onto his brain. He trailed his way up with his other finger, first rubbing her nipple lightly watching her mouth drop a bit. He only took his eyes off of her when he felt a tiny lump under her collarbone and he looked down instinctively. A small gunshot wound stood there, a little paler than the skin surrounding it. He caressed it suddenly disturbed and affected. When he looked up to her eyes, they were staring vacantly at the ceiling, clearly avoiding his. He realized he was ruining it for her, and so he brushed it aside and did the only thing he could at the moment, which was try to make her feel good. 

His lips crashed onto hers again and she was a bit hesitant at first, letting it go after he held her neck firmly, pulling her face to him eagerly. She held his body tightly against hers, entangling her legs around him and grabbing his hair desperately. Her desire for him was like nothing she’d ever experienced—she wanted him fully, body and soul, merged and buried inside her until she felt whole again.

He felt her getting worked up again as she thrusted herself up against him, her hands traveling through his body urgently. He was going to give whatever and exactly what she needed to feel good. He trailed his kisses down to her flat stomach, grabbing her boobs and fondling them as he kissed and breathed on her belly button, making her nerves jittery and sending chills throughout her skin. He licked her down to the edge of her panties, biting them gently and pulling them down. She looked at him lustfully, bringing her hand to his hair and stroking it anxiously. 

“Fuck Miss Kyle, I think I’ll be keeping these,” he puffed showing her her panties, “You’re dripping wet.”

She let out a short laugh and he smirked, lifting her legs up and resting them on his shoulders as he dove his head between them. She let out a heavy sigh as soon as she felt his mouth on her, licking her painfully and teasingly slow. She closed her eyes tightly as he gripped her thighs deepening his kiss on her folds. Her body arched involuntarily as he hit that hot spot that sent her to both heaven and hell, sucking on it unrelenting and mercilessly.

He was making her hit whole new levels of pleasure, and she was now moaning shamelessly as her toes curled in the most wonderful and powerful agony. He directed his tongue to her entry and entered her as he pressed one finger to her clit. She felt waves of pleasure crashing in her whole body, crying out as she grabbed his arms to feel steadier, but nothing helped her. The only way out of that high was down.

“Bruce,” she moaned uncontrollably and he felt his dick throb to the sound, “stop, please.”

He slowed down, took his finger off of her and then just looked up at her, slowly wiping up her juices with his tongue and making her pant breathlessly. 

“Are you sure?”, he teased, blowing a soft kiss to her exposed clit, which made her flinch involuntarily.

She was going to go insane faster than she would eventually go insane. 

Not knowing if she would be able to answer it, she just gripped his hair and pushed his head down to her again. She heard him let out a short laugh, but she didn’t care. All she wanted was to feel herself clenching and letting go in his mouth and she wouldn’t ask for anything else in the world. He worked her up rapidly and she was struggling to breathe, and when her legs started shaking he put two fingers inside of her, making her cry out in pleasure. He sucked on her clit ruthlessly and pounded his fingers inside her as she held onto dear life, pulling his hair and moaning incoherently.

Suddenly all her muscles tensed up and she felt the weight of the world being taken away from her as she came undone mumbling his name; her legs clenched around his head as she came down and he pressed soft gentle kisses to her inner thighs until she calmed down and opened her eyes to him. 

“God, you’re amazing,” she imitated him, still gasping for air. 

“I know,” he teased, climbing over to her and kissing the top of her head.

She smiled at him, her cheeks were pinky and her hair was messy and her lips were slightly swollen and Bruce was amazed and dizzy at the sight. He lowered his lips to her and they started kissing again. In that moment he had no idea why he had stalled so much for that to happen; but then again he had no idea what he had been missing. Selina pushed him softly from under him so he’d have his back on the bed. She kissed his neck as she brought her hand to his cock, stroking it gently. He was hard as a rock.

“Poor baby,” she purred in his ear, “let’s take care of this, shall we?”

Bruce groaned as she cupped the head and rubbed it with her fingers. She sat and lifted herself up only to lower herself down with him entering her slowly. He panted at the feeling of her around him; she was tight and she made sure to clench him as she pulled herself up and down on him. She put her hands on his chest to steady her movements and threw her head back, reveling in the sensation of _finally_ having him inside of her. He put his hands on her waist to guide her and be able to thrust back into her, the torture of her purposely slow pace killing him.

He was about to combust and he wanted to take control, but Selina was intentionally teasing him by making him wait. That was probably her revenge on him for making _her_ wait all this time. When she saw the desperation and torment in his eyes, she chuckled lightly and airily. 

“Isn’t it rewarding? Being patient?”, she asked sarcastically, and as he was about to flip her over by the waist, she noticed it first hand and grabbed his wrists, pinning them down on each side of his head, “I don’t think so.” 

Selina rode him as she pleased, enjoying every strangled moan and groan he’d let out. She let herself down and sucked on his earlobe, making him breathe heavily against her neck, sending shivers down her spine. In the blink of an eye, she was there again with him. She began feeling bad for him and so she thought she might give him a little treat; she let go of his wrists and brought her hands to his throat; his eyes widened a bit.

“May I?”, she asked hesitating, not sure yet what were the specifics of his kink.

Bruce simply nodded, unable to look away from her. She gripped it softly, starting out taking things slow, and as she was getting more confident, she started tightening it up more. Bruce grasped her waist hard trying to hold on to what little control he still had over himself. He started thrusting back up against her faster and she moaned startled. Her legs were turning into sand and she gripped him harder in response, which only drove him harder towards the edge.

Her boobs were bouncing up and down and her mouth was opened letting out the most perfect sounds for him. Adding that to the fact that her soft hands were around his neck pulling him over the highest level of pleasure he’d ever experienced, he’d be done in seconds. Knowing she wouldn’t resist him then, he flipped her over and immediately buried himself deep inside of her, making her cry out his name as he pounded her rapidly to her end and back. 

“Fuck, Selina,” he mumbled out of breath, “Come with me.”

His whole body was on fire and he needed it to be put down and fast. Selina pulled his hair harder than necessary as she felt herself being lifted up that high again, and he enjoyed it.

“Just say the word and I’m there,” she gasped.

“Fuck,” he whispered, feeling his climax coming so strong he wasn’t sure he could take it. Selina took his word to heart, letting the waves come and wash over her as she clenched tightly around him. “Now,” he moaned.

“I’m with you,” she panted, biting his shoulder to keep herself from screaming and with that sending him over the edge, grunting and moaning huskily while burying his face on the crook of her neck.

“Fuck...”

He kept himself inside of her for quite some time until they were both breathing steadily again, letting himself down on her, careful as to not crush her under his weight. She still had her arms wrapped around his neck and had no intention of untangling them yet, feeling utterly and completely whole with him holding her close. 

At some point later he had settled himself down on top of her breasts, his hand on her stomach as his fingers drew circles on her skin. Her hand was on his hair and the other was supporting her head as she stared at the ceiling, lost in thought and still processing all that had happened in the last hours or so. She had no idea how long had it been since they’d both moved or talked, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. It was an exciting and blissful silence. 

After a few minutes, Bruce moved his head to look up at her and she did the same. She kept stroking his hair as she pulled away some locks from his eyes. He brought his hand up to cup her face, his thumb caressing her lips.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Kyle,” he mumbled distractedly.

She chuckled lightly, “I think Batman can take the heat.”

“I’m sure he can. It's me I’m worried about,” he smiled and stood on his elbows, pressing a gentle kiss to the ribs between her breasts, turning to his side and lying down on the bed on his back.

He immediately felt the absence of her touch and it felt like opening a window during winter. She probably felt that too, because she jittered uncomfortably under the sheets. Bruce wavered shortly after and opened his arm to her; this time Selina hardly hesitated, slipping in and resting her head on his shoulder, her hands laying idly on his chest.

“I didn’t know people actually did that,” she chuckled quietly.

“Did what?” 

“This. Touching and holding _after_ sex. I thought it was just in the movies.”

“What?”, he asked perplexed, “You thought cuddling was what, a fabrication of cheap romcoms?” 

“Ugh, don’t say that word.”

“Romcoms?”

“ _Cuddling,_ ” she let it out like it was a nauseating term to mouth.

“What the hell kind of weirdos were you with before me?”, he questioned in shock, but she just laughed it off.

“Let’s _not_ go there right now.”

“Yeah, better not,” he chuckled lightly, “But does that mean we’ll go there at some point?”

“Absolutely not,” she looked up at him and smiled shortly, looking tired, “Can we call it a night?”

“Sure,” he replied calmly, lifting his hand up to stroke her wild messy hair scattered across his chest. 

“Do you want me to leave and sleep in my bed?”, she asked quietly, almost as if she had forced the question out of her mouth, not really wanting an answer.

“What?” His eyes widened a bit in surprise. “No… do _you_ want to leave?”

“No,” she said shortly, and then started settling herself more comfortably over his naked body and pulling the sheets to cover them.

“I swear you act like an alien or something sometimes”, he said after some time, but Selina was already unresponsive. He pressed a light kiss to her forehead and closed his eyes imitating her.

Bruce woke up with the sun beams entering through the glass walls. It took him a few seconds to recall the night before, but when he looked to the side to see Selina naked sleeping peacefully on her stomach he was filled with an almost unbearable joy. Her head was resting on her forearms and she breathed in and out silently and heavily. His hand went to reach her before his brain could even process the action, stroking her back lightly with his fingers. He stared at her closed eyes; she was in such a deep sleep he didn’t feel like waking her up—she’d had enough trouble sleeping.

He was so distracted admiring her traits he almost didn’t notice when his index finger stumbled upon a deep scar near her shoulder. It was shaped like a scratch but he’d seen similar; it was just like the one Talia had left on his abdomen, only it seemed older and already healed. He hadn’t come to feel or see it the night before. Selina started opening her eyes briefly when his hand stopped on her scar, tracing it repeatedly.

“Hi,” she mumbled drowsy, a small smile showing up in her lips.

“Hi,” Bruce said, his hand dropping from her, “Good morning.”

“It is, isn’t it?”, she murmured, closing her eyes again.

Bruce didn’t answer, only smiled and slipped in nearer to face her from a closer distance. She opened her eyes to him again and sighed. Their time together had provided her with nearly impeccable skills on reading his expressions.

“Just say it.”

“It’s a question, actually,” he said, and she raised her eyebrows, “What’s this?”, he asked, touching the scar on her back.

“I know this isn’t the one you're actually wondering about. But okay...”, she took a deep breath and turned her body around, laying on her side to look better at him, “ _This_ is a little gift from my cellmate back in juvie,” she reached to touch it and the corner of her lips were slightly and almost imperceptibly upturned.

“Great gift,” Bruce puffed, looking a bit distraught. 

“It was, though. Pamela was my only friend there. I was much younger than the other kids and she took me in. She was about to turn 18 and they were going to release her. I was desperate because I wouldn’t make it in there without her and I still had 5 to 6 years ahead. She sacrificed everything for me when she did this. They ran me to the hospital and there I was able to escape. She was transferred to Blackgate on her birthday for malicious wounding and attempted murder; and I’m here,” Selina mumbled, unable to stop herself, her eyes firm suddenly turning gloomy and empty. “I thought I was going to see her last year when they sent me there,” she said, and a humorless dark chuckle came out of her mouth, “I was dead scared she was going to kill me for getting caught and being there; but they ended up sending me to the men’s wing and so I haven’t seen her since I was 13.”

Things were very quiet for some time. Selina didn’t seem to notice, too lost in her own thoughts, while Bruce digested her words and tried to think of what to say. That had been the first time she’d mentioned anything from her childhood and even her past. He felt perturbed and disconcerted, but he didn’t want to let it show too much, scared it might ward her off.

”She seems like a good person.”

”She was. She also got sent to juvie for larceny and robbery—among other things—, so she must be your type too,” Selina tried to joke, but neither of them laughed.

“I’m sorry,” he said, calmly caressing her arm, “I didn’t mean to intrude. But thank you for telling me, I know you don’t like to talk about your past. It couldn’t have been easy for you.”

“That’s the thing though, Bruce. It was a piece of cake,” she said, looking distressed and with a hint of shame in her tone, “I told you before, I do these things. I didn’t even hesitate to accept her offer to do this, I jumped at it. And I knew exactly what it meant for her. I didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was that I was getting out. The girl took care of me for almost two years and I selfishly let her take the fall for me without a second thought to it. I was never able to visit her in prison because they would arrest me at the spot, but I never even tried any sort of contact either. At some point I just stopped thinking about her at all.”

Selina finally looked up to Bruce’s eyes, her own darkened and stony. She kept staring for a couple of seconds, then she rolled them.

“You shouldn’t look at me like that. You shouldn’t look at me like I’m some wounded puppy that bit someone because it was scared. You should look disgusted, or at least mad.”

“I don’t feel either,” Bruce spoke firmly. His eyes once soft and wondering were now stiff. “You’re always telling me things about you hoping I’ll jump at the chance to let go of you.”

“You should,” she quickly replied, “you’re too good for me. And I’m not saying that out of sheer humility because I’m not modest at all. I’m saying it because I see you struggling to bend your morals to accommodate me every time I tell you these things.”

“You were a child,” Bruce said blatantly.

“I’m not a child anymore, Bruce,” she said, turning around to rest her back on the bed and face the ceiling.

“Don’t do that,” Bruce snapped, sitting up on the mattress, “I knew we’d get together and you’d get scared and try to push me away, and that’s exactly what you’re doing. It’s not working, so just quit it. You tell me whatever you want about yourself, or don’t, but I’ll decide what to make of it, okay?” 

Selina kept staring at the ceiling for a couple seconds more, but when she wavered and finally looked at him her expression was contained, trying to mask the mix of surprise and even emotion she was feeling. 

“You really are no quitter, Wayne,” she sat up too and rested against the pillows on the headboard, “Okay, suit yourself. But I just wanna say that I’m not _trying_ to push you away. I just don’t want you to go into this blindly. You need to know what a god-awful person I am.” 

“I know,” he said jokingly, letting out a sigh and ultimately a smile, “I guess I’m just already too balls deep into this to care.”

His attempt at humoring the situation worked and he finally got her to beam a little. 

“Pun intended?”

Bruce simply shrugged. 

“Go fetch me some water, Wayne,” she motioned to the bathroom with her head. He grinned and got up without opposing, walking towards the sink to get her some tap water. Her head tilted slightly to the side and she bit her lower lip involuntarily while staring at Bruce’s ass. 

“I see you,” he said without looking back.

“Oh god, you caught me. I’m blushed,” she replied sarcastically. 

There was a tight little stubborn smile on her face she just couldn’t seem to get rid of. She looked around the room distractedly while he was gone, taking notice of the mess they had made. There was a dropped painting on the corner by the wall, and the bedding stuff was all over the floor. Their clothes were nowhere to be found. A small item on the bedside table by his side caught her attention. A little lifeless and dull red flower—already darkened due to the time it’d been dead for—stood there. She picked it up and studied it vacantly. She had no idea how he’d gotten that or why, given the fact that she couldn’t even remember what she’d done to it. A little thoughtless on her part, given that Paula had brought it to her as a little gift, but still…

Bruce got back to the bedroom with her glass of water and seemed a little startled to see her holding the flower he’d kept, though he tried to disguise it. He sat down by her side and she grabbed the glass from his hands and then put the flower away on the table by her side, unsure if she wanted to get into the subject either. 

“I found it on the sand. I guess i…”

“Shh…”, she cut him in, putting a finger to his lips and the glass away, “Enough talking.” She turned to him, sitting on his lap with one leg on each side of it, “Unless it’s dirty.”

Selina pressed her lips roughly onto his and her body against him, making him let out a groan. He gripped her face and devoured her mouth as she scratched his back lightly. Her body went both numb and energetic under his touch, her head dropping back as he kissed her neck, forcing airy moans out of her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter I introduced Pamela, which I don't know if you guys knew or noticed, but it's DC's character Pamela Isley (Poison Ivy), but, of course, portrayed differently and with a different background story. Since she's usually described as a redhead, I imagined her looks somewhat like Sophie Turner. But it's up to you guys :)


	8. 8. Newness

“I think we need a safe word, cause we keep telling each other to stop when we don’t really want to,” Bruce muttered airily as he dropped to the side and away from Selina’s dripping body. 

“Okay. How about “babe”?”, she proposed, still breathless and panting.

“ _Babe?_ ”

She swallowed, her throat too dry to speak, “Yeah, I find it absolutely nauseating when couples call each other that. So it’d definitely be a moodkiller for me.” 

“Did you just call us a couple?”, he looked at her and asked jokingly.

“Definitely not,” she puffed and shook her head blatantly.

He laughed, ““Babe” it is then. And since you called us a couple, I’ll have to come up with a weird nickname for you, like honeybear or cuddlebunny.”

“Babe.”

“What?”

“No! _Babe,_ ” she shoved him further to the side and got up from the bed, going straight into the closet.

“We just exercised, are you really going to run this morning? You’re already drained.”

“That’s not why I go running,” she mumbled from the closet.

It had been a few weeks since they’d first had sex, and it had been exactly what you’d expect from putting two rabbits in the same house with nothing better to do. Selina for once was glad she’d had her IUD implanted years back, or else Bruce would have needed to buy a condom factory or something like that. Not that that’d be a problem, financially speaking. 

She ended up returning her things to the master bedroom when she found out the reason why Bruce had asked Paula to move his things to another room was that so she’d eventually have room for herself in his. She called him pretentious after that, but gladly took up practically all the space in the closet for herself. Bruce didn’t mind one bit, having learned to love watching her get ready in the morning in his room so casually. That morning though, he was getting jittery when she took longer than usual to put on her workout outfit and leave for her morning run. He had some things to do in the city and didn’t want her around while he was gone, because he hated lying to her and he was terrible at it. Omitting on the other hand turned out to be a bit easier.

Among some other issues, that day he’d be going out for lunch to pick up his and Selina’s new documents with an old acquaintance. Some fake passports and driving licenses she’d hooked him up so that they could travel safer and blend in better. Selina had already used the clean slate program to erase her name from all data systems, but having the extra document couldn’t hurt. He on the other hand had no intention to use the program—not that it would work for him anyway; having Wayne Enterprises all around the globe made it quite impossible for him to simply disappear without being recognized or at least raising suspicion due to his name. For the rest of the world he was dead, and that’s how he wanted and intended it to be. 

Some things concerning that were still troubling to him though. Like the fact that he had “died” before ever getting to talk to Alfred or explain to him the situation, and that now his friend was probably still mourning his loss unreasonably. He’d been trying to get in touch without success because he didn’t want to be recognized or leave any trace that he was alive. Alfred’s old number wouldn’t work. He didn’t want to tell him via email, where anyone could hack into it or get to see it. And so he’d planned the perfect trip for them around the time Alfred usually went on vacation during the summer. He’d hoped it would work because it was his last resort. All these were things he needed to sort out that day, but first he had to make sure the one vital part of it all was on board, even if she didn’t know it yet.

Bruce got up from the bed and walked through the closet doors. Selina was standing in the middle of the large room in front of a clothing rack, wearing her tight running shorts and sports bra, looking uncomfortable and frustrated, so much that she didn’t even notice when he got in. 

“Is there a problem?”, he asked, and she looked back at him, a bit startled. 

“No… just need to change these,” she took off her shorts and put on some black baggy sweatpants. She grabbed her sneakers from under a cabinet and started marching out the room in a hurry.

“Wait. Do you want to go out to dinner tonight?”, Bruce asked in a more serious tone.

“Sure. Just text me the address, I won’t be home today,” she answered without giving it much thought.

Another thing, he’d bought her a cellphone. For some reason she hadn’t owned one in years, something about it being too easily traceable. He had to talk her a bit into it and convince her there was no one looking for her anymore so she’d accept it. He was about to ask her what else she might be doing out the whole day, but she flashed out of the room so fast that when he blinked she was gone.

“I really don’t like being on this side of the disappearing act,” he mumbled to himself. 

Selina rushed out of the house, afraid Bruce might ask questions or follow her. She desperately needed some time away from him; and this time it had nothing to do with feeling suffocated or overwhelmed, but more about feeling… sore, if you know what I mean. They had spent almost every day in bed for the last couple of weeks and her private parts were screaming bloody murder. Earlier when she’d tried on her tight shorts she’d realized how much. She needed at least 24 hours worth of quarantine and fasting, away from him and from what she’d probably be doing all day had she stayed. Bruce was her favorite drug and it was killing her slowly from the inside. 

She cut her running session short that day, coming back to the house only to take a shower and change her clothes. Bruce had already left in the car and so she took the extra one—an extravagant silver BMW Bruce thought it’d pass as discreet because of the color—to drive to the city center.

It was around noon and the streets were a little crowded. Summer had arrived and small towns like that were filled with tourists they had no capacity to bear, and hours like that which usually made Spanish towns look like ghost towns due to the _siesta_ habits turned into one of the most agitated. As soon as Selina drove by on one of the busiest streets, Bruce’s car quickly caught her attention, parked by a traditional restaurant they’d usually go to. She turned around and decided to roam about in another part of the city, worried they might run into each other and she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from running back to the house with him. She’d thought herself a coward, but did it anyway.

Bruce was finishing his lunch meeting when he saw Selina driving by through the window glass. He was distracted for a second, but didn’t want to draw Waller’s attention to her. Amanda Waller had been a somewhat close professional colleague to both Bruce and Batman over the years, having worked out the 1+1 mystery pretty quickly. She was a federal agent to a high level domain of the government and not one to be played with.

Bruce had managed to get in touch with her only because she herself allowed it beforehand, knowing about his current “living” status and whereabouts. He didn’t know how and he didn’t ask—he was used to her knowing just about everything, mostly things she had no way of knowing. He was pretty sure it’d be better not to find out how. They were old acquaintances but that didn’t make them sleepover buddies braiding each other’s hair and pillow fighting—if anything, it made her more dangerous to him, which is why he’d chosen to keep Selina at a safe distance. Waller didn’t deal with “minor” crimes such as the ones Selina was convicted of and took part in, and she probably didn’t even care, but it was better not to test the waters, even with her name recently cleaned. 

“Thank you so much for arranging me these, Amanda. I’m very grateful. I know it was a lot to ask,” Bruce said as he stuck the envelopes with the documents on the inside pocket of his jacket.

“Not at all. You saved Gotham, it’s the least we could do,” she said straightforwardly, not even one hint of emotion in her voice.

“Batman saved Gotham. Me, I’m just a guy trying to be left out of this and all messes from now on,” Bruce smiled tight and politely, but Amanda kept her silence, her expression frowned weirdly; then after some time she relaxed her face muscles and took her napkin to her mouth wiping it.

“And your little thief friend?”, she asked.

Bruce immediately stiffened at her mention, relaxing a split of a second later and clearing his throat softly trying to mask it. But Waller noticed everything.

“I hope you know what you’re doing. We’ve been keeping tabs on her for some time now, although those seem to have magically disappeared a couple months ago,” she raised her eyebrows suspiciously, but Bruce kept his pose and silence, “And although she’s been convicted of relatively minor delicts, her links are sketchy to say the least, and we do know she’s capable of much worse—if she ever finds she wishes to put her mind to it. I’ve chosen to give her the benefit of the doubt; or rather, give _you_ the benefit of the doubt, because for whatever reason you seem to trust her, and she did play a huge part in saving the city, and we are grateful for that. So we owe this to her, but don’t think for a second that we’ve forgotten how dangerous she is.”

Bruce tried to keep himself as cool and unfazed as possible, holding down the urge to gulp loudly or jump at her for implicitly threatening Selina.

“So she committed a few—or more than a few if you’d prefer me to say—felonies and went to prison a few times. Doesn’t mean she’d ever go full villain on anyone,” he said in a contained voice.

“She _escaped_ from prison—several times. Some built to hold down _actual_ monsters. Twice as a teenager. I am trying to give you an inch here, but don’t even try getting a mile. I certainly hope you are purposely downplaying her actions, not being unwillingly ignorant to them. Because if you actually think she’s _just a thief_ , you haven’t done your research thoroughly,” Waller said blatantly, grabbing her bag from the floor and reaching for her wallet. Bruce simply held up a hand, signaling he’d take care of the check. “Thank you for lunch, Mr. Wayne. And for your services to Gotham. I hope these papers can help you find a new start and be of good service to you and Miss Kyle. I have your personal contact if we ever do need to get in touch with you.”

She stood up from the chair and reached out to shake Bruce’s hand. He’d been left a bit paralyzed by Amanda’s statements, but managed to brush it off for that moment. As he gripped her hand, she pointed the other to his jacket pocket and added, “Don’t abuse them.”

Meeting Amanda always left him a bit distraught and irritated; it was just part of her fascination. The woman held herself at an impeccable pose at all times, always composed and undaunted. She was the type of person who wouldn’t let herself be intimidated by anyone, and that included Batman himself. As soon as she left the room, Bruce felt the atmosphere clear out of its heavy weight. 

He spent the rest of the afternoon handling the rest of his affairs while Selina went window shopping to distract herself. She’d recently found that now that she had enough money to buy whatever she wanted she no longer wanted everything, and only a few caught her attention. Sometimes she’d still get the urge to swipe something away from a white-collar-looking old man or a lady holding a poodle in a Louis Vuitton dog carrier, but she’d try and focus her fidgety hands elsewhere. She had no idea what held her back, but she’d like to think it wasn’t only the thought of Bruce’s disappointed look. 

While she sat down on a bench by the _plaza,_ looking around and waiting for time to pass, something vibrated on her backpocket. She wasn’t used to having and carrying around cellphones, so it took her a second to remember what that was about. A simple text from an unidentified number she recognized popped on the screen: _Calabajio, 8pm_.

For some reason she couldn’t entirely grasp then, she felt herself getting nervous. Bruce and her went out to eat all the time, so she couldn’t understand why the sudden change of atmosphere surrounding this one dinner. She’d hoped it was just her imagination, but there was something about that text and the way Bruce had acted that morning that made her question the meaning of it all, specially after she’d remembered what restaurant was that that he’d gotten them reservations. He was a former billionaire and so a fancy restaurant would not make one raise eyebrows, but this particular one seemed too intimate and dim lit for a casual dinner. 

She pressed send on her response, “ _What are you up to, Wayne?_ ”, and he answered almost immediately, “ _Just be there._ _”_

Selina was hoping it wouldn’t come to that, and now she was feeling as pathetic as a fifteen-year-old waiting for her prom date to arrive. She didn’t do these things. She didn’t do dating. In fact, she could count in one hand the times she’d been on an actual date that wasn’t part of one of her schemes; and out of those, she could count in even less than that the ones she actually wanted to take part in. If this was what Bruce was making it out to be… she couldn’t even think. She held her hands in place and closed her eyes for a second, replaying her mother’s soothing voice in her head. _Breathe, my sweet girl, breathe_. She wasn’t certain that was a real memory, because she’d never had panic attacks before her death; but the image once came to her in a dream and it always helped calm her down.

Her feeling stupid for reacting that way didn’t help at all. She stood up quickly trying not to pay attention to the sensation of her throat closing in and getting drier by the second. She gulped and went to the first shop she saw across the street, going inside and letting her hands roam the clothes in the rack without actually seeing them. A young woman came and offered her champagne and that was how she realized she could actually find something in there.

She tried on a few black dresses and declined any of other colors the attendant presented, though a bit later she finally gave in to the girl’s suggestion and tried on a navy blue one so she’d stop insisting. Her lightheaded feeling almost disappeared when she saw her own reflection on the mirror, looking almost like a daisy-fresh and not at all twisted person. She’d grown used to wearing only funeral-adequate colors since her teen years and the image of herself in anything other than that almost startled her.

Selina left the store in the dress after paying for it. It felt almost like wearing her mask and hiding away from the world by pretending to be someone else, and it left her more relaxed and prepared to deal with whatever it was she would need to. If she felt like a different person, maybe she could act like one. She entered her car and picked up her makeup bag, putting on just her usual lipstick and a bit of mascara—she was _not_ going to make a big deal out of this. 

It was almost time, but since Europe during summer had endless hours of sunlight, the sun had barely even began to set. She parked her car on the coastal avenue in front of the restaurant and took a deep breath. She was hoping to get some time before going in because she still had a few minutes to go, but her eyes caught Bruce walking towards the entrance while handing the car key to the valet driver. That made her smile a bit, her eyes rolling as she thought about his “rich people habits”. There had plenty of parking space for him on the streets. Without giving herself time to think, she rushed out of the car and across the street in time to catch him opening the door. She swooped in before he could let himself in, tapping his butt midway. 

“Thank you, kind sir,” she said. He was startled for a second, but then smiled broadly when he realized it was her, and even more so as he looked down and saw what she was wearing. 

“That is, uh… not black.”

“So not just a hot piece of ass, he’s also quite the observant.”

They were led to a table on the second floor on the balcony with seaview by a waitress. The sun had just started to set and the ocean breeze scent was flying through the air. Bruce ordered a bottle of their probably most expensive red wine, but aside from that, everything else pointed to a normal dinner between them, just like the ones they were used to having. Something did feel different, though.

Bruce couldn’t take his eyes off of Selina, still trying to grasp whatever it was that was making her look unlike herself, but also entirely herself. It couldn’t have been just the unusual dressing option. Selina on the other hand kept waiting for a twist moment where she would just feel overwhelmed and want to flee from there, but it never came. 

“So I got us these,” Bruce said after they were quiet for some time eating. He slipped the envelope over the table to Selina. “They’re new IDs. I figured it’d make things easier and likely safer for us. I hope you like the name Dyer, cause it’s your new surname.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Sure, whatever. What’s yours?”, she opened the envelope and then the passports, “Bruce _Hyde_? Someone had fun picking this.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure she did.”

“Who?”, she asked distractedly, going over the papers.

“Amanda Waller. An old colleague. She arranged these for us.”

Selina stopped on the spot, raising her eyes to him.

“ _Waller_ did this? Why on earth would she help _me_ with anything?”, she asked suspiciously. 

“She did it as a favor to me. And also to you, seeing that you played a huge part on the whole saving Gotham thing. She thanked you.”

“I do not believe a word of that,” she said.

“You don’t have to. You just have to forget about her and appreciate the opportunity you have at a new start,” Bruce said, urging the subject to be done. He didn’t want to think about Waller and their conversation about Selina. “Also, you should notice something else in your documents. I made sure those were legit.”

“Nothing about this is legit,” she said, her eyes wandering over the paper, “I wasn’t born in Sacramento, I haven’t been to these places they have stamped...”

“Check the dates,” Bruce cut in, pouring himself more wine. It took a moment to realize what he was meaning to say, but when she did, that whole afternoon started making sense.

“Oh,” was all she managed to say. That was not good.

“Happy birthday,” he said, lifting his glass for a toast and then drinking from it. Selina stared blankly at him, unsure how to react. 

“I don’t do birthdays.”

“Well, we’re doing this one,” he put the glass down, “Besides, it’s Selina Kyle who doesn’t do birthdays. I think Selina Dyer does, or I’m hoping so.”

Selina gulped and let the papers down, grabbing her glass and taking a long sip of wine. She put the documents away and started tapping her fingers on the table anxiously, her hands getting fidgety again. Bruce had now become a bit nervous he’d pushed her too far, her eyes meeting his with a bit of desperation.

“Or… we can just let it go and pretend this never happened. Whatever works for you works for me,” he said, a more concerned look taking over his face as he reached for her hand over the table. The action made Selina startled for a second, but then she relaxed almost completely, her expression getting softer and a tiny hint of a smile appearing on the corner of her lips. “If I sprang this out on you too fast I apologize.”

“No,” she said quietly, then leaning over and gripping his hand back a little tighter, “It’s fine. I know you meant well. It’s me that’s not used to getting this kind of attention. I didn’t even remember it was today, cause I don’t usually care about these things, so I was surprised, that’s all.”

“Okay. No pressure then, we can do whatever you want.”

“Okay,” she beamed softly, letting go of his hand and settling herself back on the chair, “We can start with dessert then.”

By the time they were finished it was already 11pm. Time had flown as they talked endlessly about trivial things and Bruce picked on her for wearing blue, calling it the equivalent of a normal person wearing a rainbow for an outfit; or how the waitress was constantly checking in on them, way more than she’d done with any other table. Selina teased him about it, but he insisted she was just fishing for tips. But when the check arrived and the waitress “accidentally” dropped it on Selina’s lap, bent down to get it and lingered so long it started to get awkward, Bruce started to laugh, unable to stop himself. Selina stared blankly at nothing on the table and the woman left seeming embarrassed, and he could barely hold his composure long enough to speak.

“Okay, so maybe I was wrong and it wasn’t just about the tips.”

“Laugh all you want, she’s not that bad to look at,” Selina joked and threw the check on him, “Usually I’d play the feminist card here and say we split it, but you’re so filthy rich I don’t even care.”

“You drop your morals and belief systems so easily”, he mumbled, just starting to regain some self control and stop laughing, and pulled a few hundred euro bills from his wallet.

“I’m a crook fucking a vigilante, I’m surprised you didn’t realize that sooner.”

“I have to admit that dirty mouth has grown on me.”

“I wonder why,” she mumbled teasingly as they got up from the table and started heading out.

“We still got somewhere to go,” Bruce said as he signaled to the valet driver to go get his car.

“I drove here too, we’re in two cars,” Selina said confused.

“Doesn’t matter, we can walk there from here,” he said as he grabbed the key from the suited man and then her hand, pulling her to the street and crossing it. 

“Where are we going?” 

“Just over here,” he answered as they walked past the entrance to the marina, located just across from the restaurant.

“What are we doing here, Bruce? Isn’t this trespassing at this time?”

“Didn’t think you’d care about that. Also, it’s not trespassing if you have a keycard,” he said as he picked it up and passed it on the card reader at the entrance gate to the docks. 

“Why do you—”

“Hold the questions.”

Bruce walked over to the end of the dockwalk still not letting go of Selina’s hand. They stopped in a corner where tied to a rope there was the biggest sailing yacht in the marina. She didn’t understand anything about boats, but she’d bet good money that that was the best one in there. She only connected the dots when written across the hull was the name Martha.

“Wayne, what in the—”

“I bought this today. It was supposed to be a birthday surprise but…”, he stopped when Selina’s eyes widened almost in panic, “Hey, relax, this is for the both of us. No need to freak out. I just thought that maybe this was a good traveling alternative since we’re going to be doing more of that from now on. It’s dark right now so you can’t really see it, but I’ll bring you here tomorrow so you can take a better look.”

“Bruce, this is… too much. Do you even know how to sail this thing?”

“Yeah, sure. Also, it has autopilot, so there’s that.”

“Yeah? Did you make sure it works this time?”, she teased him.

“No, but we can test it tomorrow if you want,” he said, wrapping his arm around her waist.

“I’d like that,” she answered as she embraced his neck.

Bruce leaned in and pressed his lips against hers softly. They rarely had calm, quiet moments like that together. There was usually too much fire and excitement between them for that to ever happen. He took his hand to cup her face, stroking his thumb lightly on her jaw and she breathed him in deeply. They walked back to their cars entangled in each other and they each had the same thing in their minds—that that was the first time they’d done something of the sort or been affectionate in public, even though there was no public. For Selina it was a weird estranged feeling which kind of made her uneasy, but not enough for her to want to stop. Bruce on the other hand had never felt so comfortable, especially in a situation like that. 

They both went back on separate cars, driving next to each other. As soon as they got to the dirt road leading to the house, Selina overtook Bruce and stepped on the gas pedal, trying to make it a race. He got her point and caught up to her, leaving them side by side. They both sped up never letting the other outrun them until they both hit the break at the last second so they wouldn’t hit the gate. Bruce wavered and let Selina go first once the gate was opened, though she still made the tires burnout as she passed him. They got out of the car laughing and Selina had a triumphant smirk on her face. Bruce came running to her and grabbed her by the legs, throwing her over his shoulder and smacking her butt playfully. 

“Let me down, Bruce!”, she demanded, though her tone was too light for him to take her seriously. He rushed up the stairs and threw her in bed.

That was it. That was the moment she’d been dreading.

“Now you’ll get your real present.”

She didn’t fight him when he kissed her passionately, his hands traveling around her body making it almost impossible for her to think clearly. When he started to unzip her, though, she stopped him.

“Bruce, I can’t. I physically _can’t_ do this today, and don’t even ask,” he stopped on his tracks confused, but then he featured an understanding look on his face Selina could bet was wrongfully placed.

“Oh, are you on your period? That’s fine, I don’t care…”, he said as he started to approach her again.

“What? No!”, she cut him in, a bit surprised at his reaction, “That’s not what I meant. I just… can we press pause on this, at least for today?”

Bruce stepped away from her and sat on the edge of the bed, “Sure, we’re not going to do anything you don’t wanna do. But can you tell me what’s going on?”

“It’s not that I don’t want it, I do, I just… god this is embarrassing”, she sat up too and faced the mattress not wanting to look at him while she blabbered, “ _It_ hurts, okay? We’ve been going at it like animals and now I’m all sore and sensitive and I can’t take it anymore, I can’t, not tonight.”

Bruce waited a few seconds to see if she was serious, and when he did, he bursted out laughing loudly. Selina shoved him down on the bed cursing him.

“You think this is funny? You did this to me, asshole!”, she shouted. She kept play punching him and it only made him laugh harder. “Ugh, you’re the worst,” she said as she finally gave in and crashed back onto the bed on her back.

“I’m sure we can find something else to do”, Bruce said when he finally managed to control himself and stop laughing, “We could talk, like normal people do,” he suggested.

“We’re not normal people.”

“Yeah, so? We’re also very good at pretending to be people we’re not, so we should be fine.”

“Duly noted. What do you wanna talk about?” 

Bruce turned around to face her, supporting himself on his elbow, “Anything. Whatever. Up to you. We can make it a questions game.”

“Okay… not sure I like this, but okay. I’ll start,” she said, turning to face him too, “Why do you talk about Batman like he’s somebody else? Like he’s his own being separate from you?”

He took a second to think about his answer. That was a good question, he didn’t think anyone else in on the secret had ever asked him that; probably because he did it so unconsciously people didn’t even notice. But Selina wasn’t people. 

“I guess I do see him as someone else. I put on the mask and I become him, but he’s not me, and I’m not him. He’s just a better version of myself, or in fact of anyone else. He’s a symbol, not an actual person. Anyone can become him to try and do better, cause that's what he stands for. I’m guessing it’s not like that for you... I also use Batman to protect myself and my own identity, but it’s not really what he’s intended for.”

She sat on it for a while.

”Yeah, I don’t think I see it like that for me", she answered reflective, "My symbol is for me, not for other people. It’s another version of me, but it’s still me. It’s a form of escapism I guess. A time to feel free of my own problems and flaws and do whatever I need to do with a clear mind. I’m worse and better for it, because I don’t have to hide anything. I am the Cat, mainly because it’s a version of myself I can get on board with better.”

“Doesn’t mean your other parts are erased though,” Bruce said contemplative.

“No. It doesn’t. But they’re more easily hidden or disguised.”

“Sounds like you have a lot to hide then, if you have to create an entire alter ego for that. Care to share a bit?”, Bruce teased, but noticeably genuinely curious. 

“Sure. Why don’t I just hand you over my entire life worth of diaries?”, she said sarcastically and rolled her eyes

“Yes, please.”

“Okay, you get one question.”

Bruce looked down to her cleavage, where the dress didn’t cover her skin. And just below her neckline he saw exactly what he wanted to know. She followed his eyes, but kept quiet.

“How did you escape prison so many times?”

Selina looked up at him, knowing surely that that wasn’t the question he wanted to pose.

“Ah, you know. A combination of charm, manipulation, martial arts and identity theft. Depends on which time you’re talking about. But mostly on charm,” she joked, blinking an eye.

“I can see why that would work. Maybe we shouldn’t put male guards on the women’s wing anymore.”

“Oh, they weren’t all male,” she said smugly and Bruce laughed. “Okay, my turn. Why are you afraid to ask me what you so clearly wanna know?”

“It’s not that I’m scared,” he responded after thinking some time, “I just want you to tell me because you want to tell me, not because you see I’m curious.”

“Well. What can you ask me about it that you’d think wouldn’t be cheating for info?”, she smiled shortly. He lied back again and stared at the ceiling in silence for a couple seconds.

“Assuming your panic attack that day when we were watching a movie is related to that, are your nightmares too?” 

“Mhm. Let’s dial back because you’re assuming wrong. I’m not scared of gunshots or anything like that. I got shot once but that never made me scared of guns. But to answer your question, most of the time no. I don’t usually have nightmares about it, those are rare.” She looked down at him and saw an even bigger question mark being formed on his forehead like in a cartoon. “That only made you more confused. It’s because you’re asking the wrong question. Ask away, Wayne.”

“No. I don’t want you to just trust me, I want you to be able to confide in me. And we’re not there yet, I get it. So I’ll be patient,” he sat up and faced her, brushing her hair away from her front.

His fingers went from her cheeks to her neck and ended on her collarbone, where her little scar stood. He’d gotten used to running his thumb there idly, and Selina could see the curiosity burning in his eyes. But then it became something almost natural, and sometimes he wouldn’t even realize he was doing it. He caressed it lightly and then looked up into her eyes, understanding. She bare his look, which wasn't common to her since she wasn’t big on eye contact and she would usually look away after some time. She wanted to tell him, but she knew it wouldn’t come out naturally, especially since she’d never spoken of it out loud. And so she decided to give him just a bit, just enough for him and for her to be able to recognize that at least she was trying to share.

“It’s still there, the bullet,” she muttered quietly, “it’s lodged, they never took it out.”

Bruce looked down at it unexpectedly and put a little bit more pressure, touching the tip of something small and kind of pointy and hard; his eyes went straight up to hers, and this time they carried some emotion Selina wasn’t able to recognize but felt the need to comfort anyway.

“I don’t mind. This thing… this _event_ , it doesn’t bother me, not anymore. It was a long time ago. It’s fine. Now, my panic attacks, they only happen when I don’t see things coming. I like being in control, being aware of every possible future scenario. I don’t care about the loud noises of violence and guns and whatever, but sometimes if they come when I’m not expecting them, I lose it... if I have my guard down too low. Which is why it’s always up high,” she joked and forced out a light smile. “It’s my turn to ask... I still don’t understand one thing. You seem to do more than just tolerate me, which I don’t get because I can be a pain in the ass”, she said and he laughed, “so why did you take an interest? I know I look okay and all, but there’s no reason I can think of for you to want me around like this.”

Bruce simply stared at her, a bit dumbfounded.

“Selina, I don’t think you see yourself. You are quite literally the most astonishing person I’ve ever met in every sense of the word. And trust me, you’re not just _okay_. It’s not just your looks, though. Since day one you astonish me.”

Bruce eyed her in that way that made her lightheaded and fuzzy and the only reaction she had was to look down and cover her face, which was stupid because it only made her feel even more like a little girl. Bruce tried to pull her hands away, but he knew exactly what to do so she wouldn’t feel so exposed and self-conscious. He’d long figured how she worked and how to talk to her. You had to play in her game, say something truthful and candid and then cover it up with some snarky or sarcastic commentary to lighten up the air and make her less uncomfortable.

And so he smiled and kept talking, “Of course, that was before I found out how screwed up in the head you were. Honestly, I thought _I_ was emotionally unavailable until I met you.”

It worked like a charm and she finally looked at him, but her expression wasn’t funny or playful. It was serious and almost kind of sad. 

“Every time I’ve tried to communicate love has disappeared,” she mumbled under her breath. She had searched for another word other than _love_ in her brain because she thought it was too much, especially to spring like that, but no other had seemed to fit, and so she just blurted everything out like a waterfall that she wouldn’t be able to stop. And Bruce acted accordingly, because that had probably been the most personal and emotional thing she’d ever said in all those months together. The one thing that made him entirely believe she was trying and in it with him too.

“It won’t. Not this time. I promise.” He kissed her forehead and pulled her into his lap, and so she wrapped her arms around her body letting herself be comforted. “There’s nothing you could ever say.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter I've introduced Amanda Waller and I've pictured her just as the character from the Suicide Squad movie, aka Viola Davis <3


	9. 9. Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: EXPLICIT CONTENT [+18] and mentions of sensitive topics, such as violence, suicide, and abuse. Read at your own risk.

Selina woke up with the sound of waves crashing roughly against the hull. She was used to sleeping on Bruce’s chest now; listening to his heartbeat was the equivalent of doing relaxation exercises, and so now every time she felt nervous or had nightmares in the middle of the night all she had to do was breathe his scent in and dive into the sounds. That morning though she was laid flat on the mattress, nothing supporting her head, and the bed felt empty because that’s what it was. So she got up and walked up to the stairs leading to the first deck. Bruce was arranging a few ropes around the boom when he saw her coming and he smiled.

“Good morning, baby,” he teased her.

“Ugh,” she complained, but went straight to him and hugged him from behind, resting her head on his bare sun-warmed back and closing her eyes still feeling a bit drowsy. He finished tying the knots and turned around in her embrace, holding her from the front and wrapping his arms around her warm body. She’d slept in one of his white t-shirts, and though it was large for her it still barely covered her bottom, especially when she stood on her toes to kiss him the way she did. His hands traveled there instinctively and she chuckled lightly against his mouth. 

It had been a month since they’d gotten the boat and a few weeks since they’d left the coast of Salobreña to explore other parts of the country and ended up in the south of France and then Italy. They were still a few miles away from the coast of Cinque Terre, where they’d drop off the yacht and rent a car to Florence. Bruce was initially worried they’d get seasick on the first few days staying for so long on a boat, but that never happened; he should’ve guessed they’d both been already accustomed to a little turbulence and physical discomfort. Besides, the boat he’d gotten was expensive enough for a reason, it was too fast and resistant to waver and wiggle excessively.

Selina had been worried before that she’d get suffocated being locked together 24/7 with nowhere else to go, but it had been quite nice and comfortable. The boat was big enough for the both of them to have their own space; it was a double deck with four bedrooms, a dining and a living room, an inside kitchen and an outside BBQ kitchen, a garage, a hot tub and plenty of other outdoor spaces. She’d use to lie around in the hanging deck hammock above the water and read for hours when she wanted to be alone. But that never lasted long. She’d gotten used to Bruce’s presence being a constant, and now there were times when she craved it, even when there was no apparent reason. They still had sex practically every day, but they’d grown out of the whole bunny phase and no longer needed to be tongue deep in each other’s throat every time they were around each other. They would talk for hours now that they felt more comfortable with more than just small talk. 

Bruce had learned to never smother her and to sometimes keep some distance and wait for her to approach. To give her her own time and let her come to him once in a while. To always announce himself when she’s distracted and to never try to tickle her. On her part, she’d learned to be patient and less defensive towards him. To never try to teach him to cook when he’s naked. And to never, never, ever prank him on his sleep. Her bloody nose taught her that. Though the day that happened he spent it entirely granting her wishes and spoiling her, so that was a plus.

In the morning she’d usually lie in the sun—which was giving her skin a light tanned tone Bruce loved—while he checked the boat and hovered around her. They’d spend the afternoon reading, cooking, watching movies or snorkeling when they would find a nice spot. At night, Bruce would open a bottle of wine and they would lay on the upper deck and enjoy it while taking in the ocean breeze. They’d talk for hours under the light intoxication and sometimes would end up making out right there on the opened until they fell asleep. Bruce would usually wake up a bit before the sun rose and carry Selina to bed. The weather was normally so hot they wouldn’t even bother crashing outside, but the sun in the morning would burn their eyes if they stayed there. 

Selina brushed her mouth against his lightly one last time and stepped away, and Bruce brought one hand up to hold her jaw and stroke her lips lightly with his thumb. She smiled dozy and his heart pathetically skipped a beat. 

“Hungry?”, he asked.

“Not much. Wouldn’t mind a fruit salad though,” she smirked and went to lie down on the sun lounger. When he came back with a bowl and two glasses of juice, Selina had her eyes closed and was lying flat in only her red panties, his t-shirt now serving her as a pillow. He stopped on his tracks for a second and smiled openly. “I can sense you gawking, get over here and give me my breakfast.”

“I thought you said you weren’t hungry,” he said as he sat down on the lounger next to hers facing her and handing her the bowl of fruits. 

“Changed my mind,” she replied and sat up slightly reclined. “Are we almost there?”, she asked as she took a spoonful of apple pieces to her mouth. 

“We are. Though I think we’ll arrive a bit late to look for a car rental place, so maybe we should spend the night on the boat and get things ready to drive in the morning.”

“Sure,” she said with a mouthful. He grinned brightly staring at the image of her, and when she noticed she took the spoon to his mouth. A bit of honey lime dressing spilled on his chest and he was about to wipe it when she cut him in and cleaned it with her index finger, bringing it to her mouth and savoring it cheekily and unhurriedly.

“I don’t deserve you,” he mumbled jokingly and she rolled her eyes.

Selina lied there for some time enjoying the sunlight and the heat while Bruce left to keep his eyes on the GPS and the indicators over at the control room. A couple of hours later he smelled something burning, nothing he should be concerned about the boat, but rather what Selina might be up to in the kitchen. He rushed there and found a piece of hardened almost-black steak on the frying pan, turning off the stove immediately and getting the pan under the sink tap.

“Selina! You left the stove on!”, he yelled. When he didn’t hear an answer, his instinctive side took over and he was alerted. “Selina?”

He looked for her inside and found nothing, then ran over to the upper deck, finding it empty. He was about to lose his shit when he looked down and found her over at the downstairs deck, walking on the handrails idly and effortlessly, as if the boat wasn’t at full speed. He let out a sigh of relief, his anguish and anger disappearing completely.

“You left the stove on, pussycat,” he said and she looked up to him. 

“I’m guessing that means you turned it off?”, she asked, unfazed. 

“I did,” he replied as he grabbed the edge of the balcony and jumped to the first floor. 

“Sorry, I was making that for you. I don’t know shit about cooking meat though," she said jumping to the floor.

“It could’ve gone better,” he admitted, “but usually you have to not let it sit there forever and forget about it. Come on, let’s get inside and I’ll join you in the kitchen.”

They cooked lunch and then spent the rest of the day arranging their suitcases and the “house” so they could leave everything prepared for the next morning. By the time they started seeing the coast it was around 6pm and the sky had taken on beautiful shades of orange and pink. Selina stood on the pulpit watching the town appearing in front of her eyes, first just little spots of light, and then colorful houses and small buildings spread over the horizon and around the beach. Their boat was too big for the marina and so they had to park it a bit further and in the morning take the smaller speed boat on the garage to the docks. Bruce came from behind and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her neck lightly. 

“It’s beautiful,” she mumbled distractedly.

“Yes, you are,” he said, his face buried in her hair. “What do you say we pop some champagne?”

“Sounds good to me.”

Selina arranged them some appetizers and met Bruce on the top deck, where they sat on the long couch over the many cushions. He had already poured her a glass and motioned for her to slip in closer. She dropped her legs over his lap and rested her head back on the couch. The night was settling in and the air was fresh and salty, and they both stayed quiet for quite some time. 

“When I was seven I had a small boat. I liked to watch people sailing and arriving on the docks, so my parents got me one.” Bruce broke the silence and Selina looked at him attentively as he stared away at nothing specific. “One day I was angry because of something I don’t even remember, and I took the boat and rowed it into the Gotham river by myself. A storm came and I had no idea what to do; the water was dark and so strong the boat was just floating current away. Some fishermen saw me and went for my rescue. When I came back home, my father was crying and came running to the door and hugged me; I don’t know why I’m telling you this, I’ve just been thinking about this a lot lately.”

“Why do you think that is?”, she asked calmly. 

“I have an idea, but I’m not sure yet,” he said turning his eyes to her and staring heavily. Bruce hadn’t lied when he said that, but he did have a very compelling theory that it had nothing to do with the memory itself, but with the feeling it brought. He’d also figured that sharing that seemingly insignificant recollection might make Selina feel more comfortable sharing any of hers if she ever felt like it, and he was probably right. 

She didn’t pressure him into saying anything else, but her eyes were vacant and empty, and knowing her better then, Bruce knew that expression meant some kind of wistfulness she wasn’t able to express out loud. He worried, but waited patiently for her to say something.

“Your parents seemed like amazing parents,” she mumbled quietly.

“They were.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“That’s alright”, he said honestly. That subject usually did stir up some emotions in him, but that night he felt tranquil, and her poorly masked uneasy semblance didn’t let him dive into it too much. He felt like there was something up in the air, but he wasn’t sure if it’d be okay to mention or ask. After little consideration, he risked it, “What about your parents?”

She seemed a bit startled at the sudden question, but then breathed in slowly and relaxed, “They weren’t like that,” she took a sip from her glass. “Well, my mom maybe a bit. She was nice. Not my father, though.” She let out a sigh and eyed him calmly, “I see you walking around on eggshells around me. You don’t have to, you know? Not anymore. I know I’m not big on talking or sharing, but you can ask. I may choose to answer or not.”

“Okay…”, he replied, deep in thought, “Can you tell me about them, then?”

“I can,” she murmured after a couple of seconds, handing him her empty glass so he could pour her more. “My mother’s name was Maria Kyle. She’d come from a relatively wealthy family, but they didn’t like my father. When she got pregnant with me she was 18 and her parents didn’t approve, and so they told her that if she didn’t ‘handle it’ they’d disown her. So she dropped everything and went to live with my father in the Narrows.” Bruce’s eyes were on hers as if he was trying to absorb every single word she said. She got a bit nervous with that and so she tried to defuse the tension she felt. “She still liked nice stuff though, so one day she went back to her parent’s house and stole all her mother’s jewels. So I guess I know where my jewel fixation comes from,” she chuckled quietly.

“Your dad?”, he asked cautiously. 

“Well, if I’m going to talk about my father I need something stronger than this.” Bruce grabbed a bottle of whiskey from seemingly nowhere and her eyes widened in surprise, “Where did you—”

“I had this under the couch in case we ever needed it. It must warm though.” 

“That’s not a problem,” she said as she picked up the glass he’d poured her and took a long sip. “Okay, so my father… is a more complicated story. You’ve probably heard of him. When my mother’s parents warned her he was bad news, they weren’t wrong. His name was Rex Calabrese, and he was a direct son to the Falcone’s.”

Bruce then could not hide the surprise in his face. “You were from the Falcone crime family?” 

“Not really, no,” she said. “Try not to let show those judge-y little eyes you pull on me once in a while.”

“I’m sorry,” he quickly replied, “I promise I’m not judging, it’s just surprising, and—”

“I know. Should I continue?”, she cut him in and he nodded in silence. “Well, he was a high-school-athlete-bad-boy-turned-drunk and he became the mob boss a few years after I was born when his parents died. He’d become a terrible person, and even a more terrible husband and parent. My mom came to hate him, but she also feared him because she knew what he was capable of; and so she never had the courage to run away with me and my siblings. They were both constantly on edge and she paid the price more than once, and one day she just couldn’t take it anymore,” Selina’s voice went slowly fading, but she took another large sip and managed to continue, this time looking at Bruce when she did. “If you wanted to know what the panic attacks were about, this is it. One day I came home from school earlier with a headache and went straight to my bedroom, because I thought my parents were out. That’s when I heard the gunshot; I ran to the kitchen and there she was. I tried to cover her wound with towels, but there was so much blood… I didn’t call an ambulance because I knew it was too late. I just sat there on the bloodied floor and waited for my father to arrive.”

“Selina… I don’t know what to say,” he murmured, and suddenly a lot of pieces of the puzzle she was started making sense to him. But something told him that was just the surface. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. It was a long time ago,” she answered dryly. 

“And your father…? Did he—”

“He didn’t change, if that’s what you’re wondering. If anything, he only got worse. He only tolerated us because of my mom, so when she died he became even more violent and cruel.” She laughed quietly and humorlessly, “I guess you’ll be getting two answers today then; I was eight when she died, but after that I single-handedly had to take care of everything, because he wouldn’t. A couple of years later when I was ten my father came home drunk, as usual, and he tried to beat me, as usual. Aiden, my little brother, saw it and took his gun from his pocket and begged him to stop. My father laughed and I watched as Aiden pulled the trigger, so I pushed him away and took the bullet for him. It was pure luck that he was such a bad aimer, I guess,” Selina chuckled silently. “The neighbor took me to the hospital and when I woke up three days later he was in jail. He called me stupid and hated me for it, because if it wasn’t for what I did he would’ve never been caught. But I didn’t care.”

“Why did you do it then?”

Bruce was trying to mask the perplexion on his face, but it wasn’t working. 

“Why did I save him? I didn’t. That’s not what I intended to do, anyway. I didn’t care that he died, but I was a kid and I was exhausted, and I couldn’t take care of my siblings on my own if he died… Of course, that didn’t matter in the end anyway. He was killed in prison only a few weeks in.”

That had been a lot to absorb. Bruce was stuck in his own thoughts, trying to digest the amount of information he’d just gotten. His whole body pained for Selina, even though she didn’t appear much bothered. A lot had come together in his mind in that moment, and even though that had been heavy and dark to listen, he was glad he did. Because suddenly he could understand her in a way he’d never been able to before.

“You were shot as a kid… that is fucked up.” He shook his head in disbelief. “I’d heard of him before. At Blackgate his name was Leo Leone, right? I’m sorry he was your father, I never knew.”

“Yeah, lucky me I never got his name. He was also erased from my files when I was a kid, because they were worried no one would adopt me if they knew where I came from.” She drank more and gulped loudly. “Whatever. I guess that’s it, then. My parents, I understand their death. Yours doesn’t seem fair though, they loved you. You would’ve been raised right and loved.” 

“Your mother loved you, I’m sure of it,” Bruce said.

“She did. She just didn’t love me more than she hated my father,” she said, unsure if she should continue speaking her line of thought. But she shrugged her shoulders and added, so quietly she wasn’t sure he’d listen, “I can’t blame her, he was awful. It’s… it’s just not for me.”

“What’s not for you?”, he asked and she stared at him, knowing then she should’ve kept her mouth shut.

“I’m not bitter, okay? It’s not like I’m one of those people who say they don’t believe in love or anything like that. I believe in it; it’s just never been for me. I don’t think it’ll ever be.”

Bruce’s expression changed rapidly; from blank to confusion, from confusion to understanding, from understanding to sadness, from sadness to anger, and from anger to sarcasm. “I call your bluff,” he snorted. 

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. That’s bullshit. Anything is for you if you want it. I don’t think you think it’s not for you, you just never worked for it or wanted it bad enough to think it is,” he blurted out. It was then his turn to sip desperately from her glass of whiskey, finishing it and putting it away. She looked at him surprised, not having expected that reaction.

“Are you angry with me?”, she asked, confused and staggered. 

“Yes, yes I am. I haven’t been until now. I’ve kept my cool through all of this; your denial, your escapism, your complete inability to talk anything about feelings. I did it because I _get_ it. It’s hard and sometimes it’s the only way we can cope and survive the day without crumbling, so I don’t complain. But we do it because we know we have something to lose and we wouldn’t be able to handle it if we lost it. If you didn’t think you had it, you’d have already given up and you wouldn’t even be here. And yes, I’m talking about _us_ , by all means, do freak out then. So if you want to hide away from yourself and from me, you can keep going on countless hours runs every morning and use your sarcasm when things get too emotional, or drink a little bit too much when they get hard to face. But you don’t get to tell me you don’t believe you’re in for this as much as I am, because I _see_ you.”

Selina kept quiet, still too shocked and paralyzed from his words to be able to say anything. Bruce brought his hands to his face, looking a bit desperate, but then dropped them and breathed in deeply, trying to calm himself down.

“You know the story I told you about the boat earlier? That was about you. Since you got here, I feel like I’m on that boat again. I didn’t want to feel anything, and I tried fighting it when I realized how deep into it I was already. But my feelings for you, it’s like being swept into that current. I’m on that river again and I try to hold back and grab onto something but there’s nothing. And the thing is, I don’t care. I’ve lost control, but I’m not scared this time.”

Selina’s heart was pounding so hard in her chest she’d be sure he could hear it if it wasn’t impossible. She was nervous looking into his eyes, but she felt incapable of looking away. There he was, stripped and naked in front of her, and she was the one who felt powerless and exposed. And it didn’t feel half as bad as she would’ve thought it would. 

“I… Bruce. I’m sorry, I...”, she mumbled, her voice faltering and slowly dying. Her mind went deadpanned from so many things going through it and no words seemed to come out right. She dropped her head down and covered her face, giving it all she could not to let the tears come. When she managed to control herself she looked up again to him, her eyes only slightly watery, and this time his semblance was controlled and patient, only looking at her sadly. 

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have snapped like this,” he said with still a bit of distress in his voice. She didn’t hesitate to reach for his hand, gripping it tightly and then bringing it up to her lips and kissing it softly. He opened his arms to her but he didn’t have to, because she’d already slipped in closer and wrapped herself around him sitting on his lap. They were like this for a very long time, and though her heart was desperate and had crumbled earlier and her brain was foggy, Selina felt completely and utterly whole.

“You never told me you had siblings,” he mumbled distractedly, breaking the silence after so long.

“Another time maybe,” she simply murmured.

———

Bruce woke promptly when he felt a weight settle over him, and opened his eyes to see Selina’s face only inches away from his. He blinked a few times, looking around the dim lit room searching for something that would explain why she was suddenly straddling him in the middle of the night. 

They had gone to bed unusually early after all the drinking and sharing sessions they’d had. The atmosphere hadn’t been fitting to anything more than just lightly embracing each other, and they both fell asleep. Bruce with Selina’s slow breath on his neck and Selina with Bruce’s hands on her hair. She woke up a few hours later and was unable to go back to sleep, so she took a walk around the boat and got a few ideas from it.

“Hi,” she whispered softly, a smirk showing when she slid her hips back a bit so that he’d feel her rub against him.

“Selina…”, he mumbled and tried to reach out to her hips, planning to grip her in place so he could find out what the hell was going on; but something stopped him. Something, literally, physically, stopped him. He turned his head to the side to the sight of his wrists tied to the bedpost with some ropes, then found the same had been done to his ankles. Slowly he looked up at her again, alarmed and cautious. 

“Don’t worry, I didn’t take off anything important... I think.” 

“What are you doing?”, he asked perplexed.

“You said you weren’t scared of losing control anymore.” She got up and stood up on the large bed, walking on it around him and hovering like a cat surrounding her prey. She wore only a set of tiny black panties and her infamous cat-whip hanging from her hand, which made Bruce widen his eyes in shock. She had a devilish grin on her face, but the rest of her was godlike. And she looked down to notice that Bruce’s boxers apparently agreed. “ _And_ the dark knight rises…” she teased, “Don’t worry, I know how to use this,” she said motioning to the leather whip. She then bent over and crawled over him, pressing a soft gentle kiss to his lips. When he opened his eyes, hers wore a more serious tone, “You remember the safe word, right?”

“How have I gone so long without you?”, he mumbled rhetorically and in awe, then felt a sharp but tolerable pain on his forearm as Selina whipped him, “Ouch! Yes! I remember the safe word.”

“Okay, then.” She kissed him quickly one last time and stood up sitting on his lap. Her hands reached out to his face, stroking him gently and smiling. “Open your mouth,” she ordered, and he did. She slipped her thumb inside and he immediately sucked on it, forcing her to fight her own body not to shiver. She took it out and dipped the other one, bringing them both to her nipples afterwards. Bruce watched as they hardened under her touch and felt himself have the same reaction to the image, especially after Selina made eye contact and gripped her boobs to keep herself from moaning.

“Selina…”, he mumbled, considering begging her to untie him so he could touch her too.

“It’s Miss Kyle to you,” she said and whipped him softly on the palm on his hand. His body jumped a bit and he shoved his head back further on the pillow, smiling in disbelief of what was happening. Selina grabbed the edge of his boxers and slid them out of him, letting them sit on his knees. His cock jumped out of them instantly and she smiled teasingly. “Excited about this, huh?” She eyed him, “Answer me!” She whipped his palm again and his cock twitched further up. 

“Yes, Miss Kyle!”

“Good. Now close your eyes and don’t open them. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Yes what?” She snapped.

“Yes, Miss Kyle.”

He did as told and she crawled back to the edge of the bed, letting her whip dropped loose on his chest and sliding it towards her slowly and calmly. His breath was now audible and unsteady and his skin shivered where the leather rubbed. When it touched the base of his cock he panted shortly, and she made it circle around it once before pulling it up and out altogether. Without a warning, she cupped his balls and drove her mouth to his neck, kissing him eagerly there. He moved his head to search for her lips, and she hesitated to let him find them, but gave in when she realized that she needed it just as much. She only wavered for a couple seconds though, not letting him deepen the kiss too much. Bringing her lips down to his jaw, she then let them wander around in his chest, scratching him edgily with her long nails all over. His body was already sweaty and had her marks all over it, and that made her smile wickedly. She kissed intensely the skin under his belly button and that made him thrust involuntarily.

“If you move I’m gonna have to punish you,” she stopped and looked at him, his eyes were still closed. She smiled crookedly when he thrust again, this time almost imperceptibly, but willingly. She took his cock into her mouth and made it reach the end of her throat, and when he gasped she immediately took it out. Standing up on the bed, she lifted her whip up, “Open your eyes and do not close them.” As soon as he did she whipped his shin, harder this time. He was caught by surprise and his leg jumped on the bed. “Didn’t I just say you couldn’t move?” She whipped his other shin and he closed his eyes involuntarily. She shook her head in fake disappointment, “I guess this punishment isn’t working.”

She bent down and stood on all fours over his body, bringing one hand to cup his face. For a second there, her eyes met his and she checked if there were any signs of hesitation, almost as if she was asking for permission. When he didn’t oppose to it, she slapped his face and then almost immediately grabbed it and brought it back to her. She studied his eyes again but relaxed when he simply smiled at her. Her hands traveled down his body and grabbed his dick, stroking it and massaging it as she kept eye contact at all times. Her own juices started flowing down just by looking at his expressions and listening to his moans. She had to remember herself she was the one in control. 

Lowering herself down, she left her hand only moving on the base of his cock and put it into her mouth, sucking it painfully slowly and teasing the tip with her tongue. Bruce was in complete exhilaration. The whole experience was bringing him towards what he was sure would be the most powerful climax he’d ever had. Selina was both a dream and a nightmare, and he wanted to wake up from neither. Her mouth moving on his dick made him see stars and it was taking him everything he had to not try to break free from those ropes and bury himself inside her. The anticipation and impossibility of it all only drove him crazier. 

His whole body was in flames and his legs suffered spasms, his toes curling as he dug his fingers on the palms of his hand to try to manage so much pleasure. He was then moaning uncontrollably, and when Selina grabbed his ass to deepen her movements he was left breathless. He could see it in her face how much she was enjoying herself with that. Suddenly he felt it. The waves coming, traveling south and making all his muscles tighten and his face contract in expectation. This was what he’d think heaven tasted like. And then, when they were only seconds away from hitting the shore, the waves stopped. Selina’s mouth was nowhere to be found, and when he looked at her in desperation she was smirking diabolically.

“Seli... Miss Kyle. Please,” he pleaded, “don’t leave me hanging here.”

“Poor thing,” she said, her index finger wiping a drop of pre-cum from his cock and taking it to her mouth, which she wiped entirely after. “I guess I’ll go watch some TV now,” she yawned, standing up and turning off the lights in the bedroom as she left. 

“What?!” He yelled disbelieved. He tried pulling on the rope, but it was too well attached and tied the bedpost. His eyes were still getting used to the dark when he felt the bed move. He felt a puff of air in his ear when Selina whispered.

“I guess your battle reflexes have gotten a bit rusty,” and with that she sat down on him, burying him deep inside her as he gasped for air, every nerve on his body being pulled over the edge again. She moved calmly but firmly against him, and all he wanted was to grab her waist and kiss her neck, stroking her nipples and listening to her panting in his ear. The thought only drove him more mad, and he began to thrust against her. She gripped his hips down, but didn’t immobilize him completely. He could see more clearly now in the dark, and her eyes were closed and her mouth a bit opened. He couldn’t hear anything, but he was sure she was now biting her lip to keep herself from moaning. She then started pushing against him harder and faster, and the buildup was killing him. He needed to release like he’d never had before. His strength was wearing off and he grabbed the ropes, feeling the explosion coming. He couldn’t help but moan loudly when it arrived, tensing up all the muscles in his abdomen and making him shiver all over. 

“Fuck!” He grunted, his unsteady breathing sounds loud and clear in the silent room.

Selina waited a couple minutes for him to calm down and drive down his high to remove herself from him. His body was dripping and hot, and she pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before starting to untie him.

“I didn’t know torture could be this good,” he panted and she chuckled, “I’m serious, I’m dying to touch you. To just like, literally, touch you.”

As soon as she got rid of all ropes, he held her waist and pressed her body against his, spreading kisses all over her.

“You are unbelievable. And unbelievably amazing,” he mumbled between kisses and she giggled, “Let me do this. I need to kiss you everywhere, every square inch of you,” he said as he flipped her over.

She didn’t oppose. Truth is seeing him ride out that climax had gotten her so worked up she could barely function.

Bruce pressed his lips to that sweet spot in her neck and she panted, making him smirk. He drove his mouth to her nipples, sucking and nibbling on them until she let out a strangled moan. Then he kissed her belly button and she arched her back in anticipation, grabbing his hands to steady herself. She was going crazy waiting for him to finally reach her there, her pussy aching from the exposure and lack of touch. When she felt the tip of his fingers stroking her inner thighs her whole body lit up, and she had to keep herself from driving his hand to her already. He took off her panties torturously slow, but when he saw the state they were in, he dove in almost immediately, kissing her wet folds so intensely she had to gasp for air. 

She gripped the sheets without letting go of his hands and dug her toes on the mattress, feeling her entire body shiver in expectation. He sucked on her clit intentively and licked it in circles, making her head spin. She no longer had any control over what came out of her mouth, grunting and moaning in an attempt to let out a bit of the painful pleasure she was in. He dug his tongue inside of her and she almost lost it, her hips jumping in surprise and against his face.

“I can’t… finish me, please,” she whimpered.

He took her request as an order and came back to her clit, licking it thoroughly and exhaustively until her legs started shaking uncontrollably and she was catching her breath. Bruce loved nothing more than to see that wild untamed creature shiver under his touch and give over control. She felt her muscles tightening and so she gripped his hand harder, waiting for that discharge she so desperately needed. It hit her slowly but strongly like a tidal wave and her whole body started shaking, her moans turning into cries as she tried to ride down that mind-blowingly long high. He wrapped his arms around her legs and helped her relax, spreading soft kisses to her stomach.

When she finally calmed down, he crawled over her and kissed her slowly, stroking her face and her hair away from it. She flipped him over and lay down on his chest the way she’d gotten used to do, longing to listen to his still a bit accelerated heartbeat.

He almost said it. He didn’t, but the sentence was repeating itself in his head time and time again until he fell asleep. And even then he could still hear it—those three little words echoing constantly somewhere in the back of his mind.

———

The drive to Florence was quick. Bruce insisted on driving because Selina kept yawning every two seconds, and as he’d predicted, she fell asleep as soon as they got on the road. He parked at the hotel entrance and stroked her leg lightly to wake her up, then gave the car key to the valet driver and the handyman came to pick up their bags. She was still yawning, but seemed in a good mood, which she proved later in the elevator after they checked in and were heading to the presidential suite. The elevator was filled with businessmen and they got stuck at the back, so Selina took advantage of the situation to give an unwarned squeeze on Bruce’s bulge. He let out a little squeak and jumped a bit, startled, and then cleared his throat when two Chinese guys turned around to look at him. Selina looked down to the floor, trying to contain her laugh. 

“Selina, there are cameras in here,” he whispered quietly in her ear.

“Then smile,” she said, following her own command in a presumptuous way. 

They were quickly out of the hotel after settling themselves in the room and changing their clothes. Selina put on the blue dress that she’d worn on her birthday, because the sun was out and it seemed appropriate, and also because she knew Bruce loved it. They were staying in front of the Ponte Santa Trinita with a view to Ponte Vecchio, so they stopped by for a bit to look around. Selina sat up on the edge of the bridge to appreciate the view better and Bruce leaned towards her in between her legs. If any stranger observed them in that second they’d never think they were more than another couple having a cliché honeymoon in Italy. Selina took pleasure in realizing that, as if the feeling of normality could contaminate and take over her. 

Bruce was also observing the people and their surroundings, thinking about where he was a year before and how much his life had changed. When he looked up at Selina, she had her scheming look on her face he’d always come to fear and love. He followed her eyes and saw two high-class-looking teens carrying a bunch of shopping bags, most of which were Cartier and Tiffany’s, and so he knew exactly where her mind was at. 

“Don’t even think about it.”

“What?”, she asked in fake disbelief. “I wasn’t gonna do anything.”

“Right. You do know I’ll buy you whatever you wish, right?”

“Yes, I do know that. But it’s no fun like that,” she pouted. Then she bent down to kiss him and he happily reciprocated, but then he gripped her waist and pulled her down. 

“Come on. We should get going.”

“Okay… Where are we going anyway?”, she asked, grabbing his hand as they started to walk, his lips upturning almost imperceptibly. 

“Getting lunch at this cafe a friend told me about.” 

Bruce led the way and after a couple of blocks they arrived in a beautiful grand cafe, opened, with tons of natural lighting, plants and flowers. The tables were all full, but it wasn’t crowded. Bruce slipped in an extravagant tip to the receptionist and she quickly found them a table outdoors. The menu had so many options Selina just told Bruce to pick something out for her, as he usually got her taste right. Italian summer was no joke and they kept endlessly going through water bottles, until Selina just gave up and decided to fix herself a high ponytail.

The entry came, and then lunch, and then dessert, and then almost an hour had passed and Bruce still didn’t want to leave, though he wouldn’t tell Selina why. She was about to lose her patience, but decided she would tolerate it for one more bottle of water. She called in the waiter and asked as nicely as she could with such annoyance boiling inside her; Bruce though seemed unfazed. A few minutes later she was ready to ask him again if they could leave already, but when she did look at him, he had such an unreadable expression on his face that she wasn’t able to bring herself to speak. She was studying his semblance when a waiter came in interrupting her. 

“Sir? The man on that table asked me to give you this,” he said in a heavy italian accent. Only Selina turned around to check who he was talking about, but the table he’d pointed to was empty. “Wow, are you alright, sir? What happened to your hands?”

Selina chuckled quietly and shortly and Bruce only smiled tightly and brushed it off, so the man left. 

“What is that?” 

“It’s a number.” 

“Okay. That’s not weirdly forward at all,” she muttered sarcastically, “At least now we know you’re italian guys’ type.”

“Let’s go,” he simply said, leaving some euro bills on the check envelope and getting up. Selina stood up and followed, her earlier irritation having faded with Bruce’s sudden mood change. 

They walked around for quite some time, wandering around the city and its famous historical and touristic landmarks. Bruce kept his hand tangled to Selina’s at all times, but was quiet for the most part, only answering her questions and occasional comments unexcitingly. If this had happened a few months before, Selina would’ve just called him on his bullshit and been vexed towards him; but they both knew better now, and so she just let him be and hoped he would talk about it at some point or get over it.

When the sun was about to set she asked him to take her home, as she knew nothing about the city streets and they had walked around for so long she’d completely lost track of where they’d been. This wouldn’t have happened had she been there alone, but that day she’d just trusted Bruce to guide them without giving it much thought. 

It had been quite the walk, and with no distractions this time it gave Selina plenty of time to get nervous about Bruce’s silence. When they got to the bridge in front of their hotel she walked around and stomped in front of him. He stopped on his tracks surprised, seeming to have been dragged out of a deep train of thought. 

“Okay, that’s it. Are you mad at me? Cause if you are, just tell me, don’t just give the silent treatment. If this is about those girls with the bags, I promise you I wasn’t gonna do anything, and besides…” she gabbled, her stress preventing her from being able to stop herself. But his reaction was so completely unexpected and surprising that she just stopped abruptly. She’d never seen him not even close to reacting like that, so she was left downright dumbfounded and speechless. His eyes filled with tears and he backed away, leaning on the edge of the balcony and sticking his hands on his front pockets. 

“I’m not mad at you,” he said with his voice still firm, and sniffled once. His eyes didn’t meet her concerned ones, and he was simply looking down the street, watching the people and the cars passing by without really noticing anything. She leaned back by his side and waited patiently, not wanting to pressure him. A couple minutes passed before he pulled his hand out of his pocket and handed her the small paper it contained. On it there was an american number alongside the words “ _I_ _n case of emergency. Or not_ ”. She was left even more confused, but then he finally looked at her, “I saw Alfred today.” 


	10. 10. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: PLEASE be warned and read cautiously if you are triggered by any of these topics: emotional, physical and psychological abuse, domestic violence, child cruelty and abandonment, drug use, among others.

Bruce dropped the bags at the house entrance and opened the door, taking off his shoes and hanging his coat as soon as he entered. Selina was still behind, paying the taxi driver and picking up the rest of their stuff. It had been a few weeks since they'd been in Florence, which ended up presenting them with an interesting turn of events, to say the least, especially for Bruce.

The day after they'd been to the Cafe was purposely filled with different kinds of entertainment and touristic cliché activities, such as visiting the Cathedral and the main galleries, shopping at Via Tornabuoni and even going on boat rides down the Arno—even though they'd been on a boat for almost a month; all of which were orderly and strategically planned by Bruce so they wouldn't have too much free time.

Selina accepted it wholeheartedly, knowing that that was being his way of coping and keeping his mind off of what he'd been refusing to talk about. She acted like it was just another day for them and Bruce was grateful for that—they had really learned how to deal with each other. Which was why Selina also had plans of her own, and keeping Bruce busy during the day was coincidentally convenient, because for the most part of it he was too distracted or focused on other things to notice her separate agenda.

Later that day she made sure Bruce wouldn't take them anywhere for dinner, reasoning that she was too tired and prefered to get room service and go to bed, which he didn't oppose to. When they arrived in their suite, arms around each other and mentally and physically drained from their long day, a strange movement coming from the balcony caught Bruce's attention, leaving him alarmed and alerted, his hand gripping Selina's shoulder tighter. She didn't react though, and when the man outside turned around and entered his field of vision, he was left paralyzed, his bones turning into ice.

"Surprise," Selina whispered next to him, "As you know I'm very light-fingered, you didn't even notice me taking that paper from your pocket," she smiled.

He squeezed her shoulder lightly, as if he needed support, but then let go of her, hesitantly taking one step ahead.

"Alfred."

"Master Wayne. It is very good to see you again," Alfred replied in a contained voice.

Bruce stepped in further and grabbed Alfred's hand shaking it, but realized a second later how stupid that had felt, so he pulled him in a tight hug. The man held him right back, holding back tears and letting go of his invariably impenetrable and flawless composure for that moment.

"I'm sorry I didn't reach out sooner, Alfred. I tried, but..."

"Nonsense, Master. I'm just happy to see you alive and well. Very well, if I must say...", he said, taking notice of Selina's presence from over his shoulder. Bruce let him go, and motioned to Selina, as if to introduce her, "Miss Kyle, glad to finally officially make you acquaintance," Alfred said before he could speak, "Thank you for contacting me. Master Bruce has certainly been lucky to have found you."

"That he has," she said, walking to him and shaking his hand, "Pleased to meet you too, Alfred. I'm glad I finally get to meet the man who raised this goody-goody. If he's a pain in the ass nowadays I can't imagine how he must have been like as a kid."

"Oh, he wasn't always the easiest fella to deal with, but his stubbornness grew with time, along with him," Alfred joked and looked at Bruce.

"Don't stop on my account, I'm glad you two are bonding over mocking me. You should get a coffee sometime to discuss the many ways I get on your nerves," Bruce said sarcastically.

"That would be lovely," Alfred replied, ignoring his teasing tone, "Although I remember having suggested that once to you. I see you have followed my advice," Bruce laughed and they both looked humorously at Selina, who seemed confused and oblivious to their inside joke.

"Yeah, I admit the idea grew on me since then," Bruce muttered smiling at her, then leading Alfred to the balcony, "Shall we order dinner and maybe some Fernet-Branca?"

"Oh you know me Master, I would never decline from such suggestion", he answered jolly.

They both sat down on the outdoors table and Selina ordered practically the whole dinner menu. She then told them she'd get in the shower and give them some time to catch up before they ate. They'd never been together _together_ in a room with people from their past, and something told her it'd be better to have some time to adjust and see how Bruce would want to handle it.

Bruce and Alfred talked for hours as if time hadn't passed. Alfred never once asked about how Bruce had escaped, or faked his death, or saved the city; he only wished to know and questioned about his current life, what had he been up to, and about Selina. He also didn't ask about their relationship or anything of the sort when she was around, wanting to be respectful and not seem too prying. But he could see the way Bruce's eyes shimmered when talking about her and needed no more details, knowing what that meant and only caring about his happiness.

When Selina joined them some time later leading in the chamberlain that was bringing them dinner, she was in the hotel giant fluffy bathrobe; and as soon as she sat down next to Bruce, he absentmindedly reached out to her, resting his hand on her knee under the robe; she barely seemed to notice and Alfred smiled imperceptibly as the young man finished serving them on the table.

Alfred engaged in conversation with Selina and this time Bruce kept quiet for most of it, only making occasional comments and argumenting when they ganged up against him playfully. She'd insisted he called her Selina, and not Miss Kyle, and he explained to her their earlier inside joke, telling her how he'd teased Bruce and tried to set them both up when they were doing their research on her after she stole his pearls.

"He was too caught up and busy being an unshaved hermit, though, to take any of my attempts seriously. Although, I did tell him once that at that point I would have set him up with a chimpanzee if that's what it took to get him out of the house," Alfred added and Selina laughed loudly.

"Let me guess, he also had a problem with me being a thief? Classic judgemental-Bruce. Although, I probably wouldn't have taken you seriously either, because he did look like a homeless spiritual guru the first time I met him," she said, and Alfred laughed almost spilling his drink, which made Bruce start laughing too, shocked at his mentor's unusual reaction.

After that, Selina made sure the both of them returned to their own conversations, not wanting to intrude in their reunion, and said her goodbyes telling them she was tired due to the long day they'd had and was heading to bed.

She didn't know how long it'd passed since she'd laid down when she felt the mattress move underneath her and big strong arms revolve around her from behind.

"You smell like alcohol," she mumbled, still half-asleep.

"I just showered," he answered indignate.

"Doesn't matter, it's coming out of your pores."

"Do you want me to move further away?"

"No," she answered almost immediately and grabbed his arm to keep him in place. She'd feel embarrassed about her reaction hadn't she been so sleepy. "So... you turned me down, huh?", she asked accusingly, but her tone was frisky.

"I wouldn't take it personally. I turned down everyone at the time, even the ones that interested me," he said as he kissed her shoulder softly.

She laughed a bit, soundlessly, "Not Miranda Tate. Or Talia, whatever her name was." Bruce tensed up a bit at her mumble, but she didn't seem to notice, "You can say it was because of my _professional occupation,_ why you didn't even let yourself go there and consider it, I don't mind." 

"No, it wasn't, because Alfred was just teasing me and I wasn't even thinking like that at the time. Still, despite your _professional occupation_ , I knew you were beautiful, brilliant and accomplished. You could do anything you wanted. I assumed you did it because you couldn't not, or you couldn't stop," Bruce replied, his tone just a tiny bit annoyed, but he realized Selina was deep in her sleep, probably never even realized she'd engaged in a conversation with him. He relaxed and pressed a soft kiss to her hair, allowing himself to fall into a profound drunken sleep too.

That morning Selina let him sleep until the afternoon. She spent it reading on the balcony, having only went outside to walk around the block and then pick up some pastries for when Bruce woke up, hungover and hungry.

The rest of their trip turned out to be even better than the first part. Alfred decided to tag along with them for a couple of days and they visited Rome and Venice, then heading to Croatia when Alfred returned to Gotham. They'd promised to keep in touch and insisted that he visited once in a while. They spent a couple of weeks wandering around the country, staying wherever they found interesting while passing during their car drives, and then returned to Cinque Terre to their boat. The way back was a bit more uneventful, because they felt tired and drained from so many days far from home, jumping from town to town.

The first thing Selina did when she stepped foot in their house was run to the bathtub, because to her there was nothing like taking a bath in your own house after so many days away. Bruce agreed and joined her after a couple of minutes. The week after they arrived wasn't anything remarkable or exceptional, because they mostly spent it in bed or napping in each other's arms lying on a cloth by the sea, still recovering from the long boat ride home.

Selina returned to her normal routine after a couple of days, leaving the house every morning for her habitual runs. They didn't last as long as they once used to, because instead of sitting down for hours on a far away beach, now she'd just rather run back home to Bruce waiting for her on their own beach. She couldn't deny she was feeling lighter and even happier now, not having the constant need to flee or the feeling of suffocation. Her life was exactly like she'd never pictured but always subconsciously wanted; normal, ordinary and predominantly lawful.

Bruce was focused on silently and secretly overseeing the Wayne Enterprises income and transfers to charity institutions, mainly the Thomas and Martha Wayne Home for Children, former Wayne Manor. After reuniting with Alfred he'd turned to a few matters he'd thought he had left behind for good; but he didn't see any trouble keeping an eye on things from afar, as long as he never meddled in or interveined. He continued exercising every afternoon, but now he and Selina would sometimes train fighting each other, which had basically turned into pretext for having sex right after. There was nothing like a good combat with lots of straddling and close grappling to work them up and keep them on edge.

One day after one of these fight and makeout episodes—both of which ended with Selina tackling Bruce to the ground —right there on the beach, they found themselves sat down on the sand, waiting for the sun to set so they'd go inside to start dinner. She was resting on his chest, sitting between his legs, and he had his arms around her, one hand lightly and idly caressing her bulletwound like he used to. Normally he wouldn't even realize he was doing it anymore, it had just become a habit, a physical instinct he most of the time didn't even notice he was doing. But since she had told him the story behind it, he'd usually become disturbed and uneasy when he was reminded of it. He had already hated the fact itself before he'd even heard about it, when he still thought it must have been due to a heist or a police chase gone wrong, but now that he knew the actual story, that it happened while she was just an innocent, defenseless child, inside her own home, he felt even worse.

”What are you thinking about?”, she suddenly asked.

”Uh... I don’t know. You, mostly. As always,” he smiled softly.

"Bruce? Stop me if I'm overstepping here, but...", Selina mumbled, interrupting his thoughts, "Have you ever been in a serious relationship?” A pause, but she quickly clarified, “I mean, I've heard about Rachel and I know you were recluse all that time because of her, so you must really love her, but I was just wondering if... well. Have you?" Bruce became rigid for a couple of seconds, and then he went silent, making Selina worried, "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer. It was too intrusive of me to ask."

"No," he simply said, "no, it wasn't. I just haven't heard her name in a while, and coming from you, it was just... anyway," he took a deep breath and relaxed his muscles, glad she couldn't see his face in that moment. He felt odd. "It's _loved_. I don't love her anymore, not like this. And no, I don't think I can say I've been in a serious relationship, not for long anyway. Yo...?"

She cut in before he could finish, "Why were you isolated for so long then?"

"Uhm. It wasn't _just_ because of her. Her death... it changed everything. I guess I loved the _idea_ of her more than anything else. We grew up together, she was my best friend for years, she was there for me through everything—it made sense. To me, at least. And to her too, for some time. But I idealized it too much. And when she found out about Batman... well, let's just say she couldn't love him as much as she loved me. She gave me an ultimatum, saying that the day I stopped being Batman she'd be waiting for me. I wasn't ready for that then, and even less when the Joker came into the picture.

“The day he walked into my life was the start of me losing her, both literally and metaphorically. He changed both Batman _and_ me, and I'd never be the man she wanted again, even if we'd had the chance," he paused, trying to reorganize his ideas. He'd spent years considering those things, but now it had been some time since he even thought about them, and the first time he ever voiced them out loud. "It didn't matter anyway, because she was going to marry Dent, and she'd chosen him before she died. I didn't know that until quite recently though, when I decided to relive Batman last year.

“So the answer to your question is that I didn't stay recluse just because she'd died, but because after everything, after her dying because of it, I thought I'd be honoring her, because that's what she'd want from and for me. To let go of the Batman. She was right though, because if it wasn't for him she'd still be alive."

Selina turned her face to him, studying his expression, and then looked away to the sea again. "And a lot of other people wouldn't. You can't think like that. It's not your fault. It's the Joker's, it's...", she stopped, searching for the words, "You have a lifetime of burdens on your shoulders, but this one is not yours to carry, be sure of that."

"Thank you for saying that. But it is though," Bruce muttered in a poorly masked sorrowful tone.

A heavy feeling washed over Selina, making her hands jittery and her heart somehow smaller in her chest. All she wanted to do was to take that pain and guilt away from his voice, to be able to kiss him in a way that would suck all his troubled thoughts away. She couldn't bear seeing him blame himself like that, because her and God knew it wasn't his fault.

"But don't worry. Although I hated myself for that for years, and still do a bit, who I really hate is _him_. I really thought he was going to be my ' _limit-breaker_ ', you know, the one I wouldn't be able to stop myself from killing had I had the chance. And I hated Batman for that too."

Selina turned around to face him, resting her head on his arms now. That was her way out of the subject and her way of trying to make him feel a bit better.

"I'm going to tell you something", he eyed her right away, a bit of wistfulness in his look giving space to curiosity. "You asked me about my siblings before, that night on the boat," and then he really looked interested, seeming to have dropped almost all of that tension behind. "Well, it's a long story, but it basically ends with me being a sucker for Batman."

"What?", now he was full-on smiling, and that gave her the encouragement she needed to talk about those things out loud.

"Are you sitting down? Because I've never told any of this to anyone before, and it _is_ a long story. It's actually my story."

Bruce's eyes widened a bit, and although she was nervous, she couldn't help but chuckle seeing his reaction. He pretended to be settling in better in the sand, as though to say ' _I'm all ears_ ', and she took a deep breath and turned her face away from his and to the ocean again.

"Okay, so you know that my father died in prison after that whole incident. I was ten, my brother Aiden was seven, and my sister Maggie was four. We had an uncle, my father's brother, but he never wanted anything to do with us and never stepped forward when our parents died, so we were sent to foster care. When it became clear that I was too much trouble for the foster families, they separated me from them and I went to live at the orphanage. I hated it there, so I ran away to live on the streets. I'd snuck up to visit them now and then, but after some time I just started thinking that I was getting in the way of their lives, because they were young and still stood a chance of being adopted, and it'd be better for them if I just walked out. I went to their house once to say goodbye, but I couldn't do it. I don't know how, but they understood what I was doing there and I—", Selina paused and took a deep breath, trying to force the words out of her mouth. "They grabbed my legs and wouldn't let me go, so I just had to push them away and rush out the door," she had to stop and gulp again, and Bruce held her a little more tightly, caressing her arms relaxingly. Her voice was a little steadier when she continued, "They were adopted eventually. I snuck into their last legal hearing and saw them leave there with their family. They seemed nice. I lost track of them during the years after they moved to Oregon. I never tried to reach out though. I guess I just prefer imagining they've had the perfect life, so perfect that if I know about it I'll get resentful for never getting to have it," she forced out a chuckle, but Bruce wasn't fooled.

"Then a year later when I was twelve, I got sent to juvie after I got caught pickpocketing in the East End, and the rest of this story you know. I ran from the hospital, but I was still weakened from having a kitchen knife stab wound to my back, so I didn't get far and I had nowhere to go. It was pouring rain that day, and so I knocked on my uncle's door. He took one look at me, all soaking wet and just with my hospital gown on, and slammed the door on my face. He was worse than my father, if that's even possible."

At that point Bruce had already quit trying to hide his shock every time Selina talked about her past. And every time he felt it even more intensely—the need to hold her so tightly she'd just turn into a little thing he could hide away and protect from all else. But she wasn't one to run away from danger, and even less to let herself be protected by someone else, and he knew that. So the most he could do was comfort her in the ways she'd let him.

"And how does that end with Batman?"

"Well, it ended a few years back, when after so many of my own attempts to bring my uncle down, this guy dressed up as a bat suddenly swoops in from seemingly nowhere and gets him arrested. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. My uncle is Carmine Falcone."

"You—your uncle is _Carmine Falcone_?" Bruce looked down at her and she eyed him back quickly, but he could barely stay still.

"Yeah. Talk about a rotten family tree, right?"

"Only if you're the black sheep in it."

Selina rolled her eyes, “Yeah, sure. Anyway, so yeah. Thank you, Batman, for avenging me," she said jokingly.

"You're most welcome," he replied, "if I'd known that back then I would've hit him harder."

Selina chuckled and swung her head to the side, pressing her lips to his quickly. He brought his hand up and stroked her cheeks lightly, feeling that overwhelming sense of protectiveness towards her. He knew it was useless and she'd hate it if she knew, but he couldn't help feeling it.

"So... what then? What did you do after he turned you down, where did you go?"

Selina's smile faded slowly. She'd actually thought she'd get away with telling him just part of her story, thinking he would just drop or forget the rest or leave it to the imagination. She knew that if he'd reacted in such shock and disconcert to what she'd already told, he had no idea what he was asking for then. She also knew there was no reason to keep the rest from him, seeing she'd already started and it'd look like she was hiding something. Not that she wasn't.

"I don't think you're going to like hearing the rest," she mumbled nervously.

"I don't care. It's you. I want to know," he replied, but at the same time thinking “ _what the hell could be worse than what she's already told me?”_

She was right. He didn't want to hear it, but he had to.

"Okay, then. Just give me a minute," she said, turning away from him again, knowing she'd be unable to mouth the words if he had his eyes on her. Most of the things she'd say had never been spoken out loud, and she felt her heart pumping the blood to her face and her palms getting sweaty. She didn't know how to continue, but she did, "I stayed on the streets for a couple of months. I'd stay in the alleys in the East End and the Narrows and pickpocket and rob whatever I could to eat and dress myself. I couldn't go back to the orphanage because they'd send me back to juvie, and I didn't know anyone else in the city.

“Then one day I tried to rob this old lady thinking it'd be a piece of cake, but she caught me and pressed a switchblade to my stomach. That was Miss Oliver. She told me she could help me if I came with her, or else she'd call the police. I obviously went with her. She lived in a house full of other kids—kids like me, parentless, homeless, and with nowhere else to go. She'd teach us how to rob and we'd do the dirty work for her in exchange for food and a place to sleep; it was hell there, though. I shared a bunk bed in a room with seven boys, and it was torture. They'd tease me all the time and touch me when I was sleeping, so I'd never sleep. After almost two years there, one day I woke up and I just couldn't take it anymore. I complained about it with Miss Oliver, but she mocked me, and so we had a fight and I left. She didn't let me take anything, so I was again on the streets with nothing."

Selina took another deep breath, but that wasn't helping. She had no idea how Bruce would react and that gave her that strange feeling of wanting to flee she hadn't felt in a while again. Her stomach was about to drop.

"I moved in temporarily with this girl I used to know from the orphanage to her one bedroom apartment. She worked as a prostitute for this guy, who turned out to be her boyfriend and hung around all the time. No one would give me any jobs, because everyone around knew I was tied to the Falcones...", her throat closed and she thought she wouldn't be able to continue, feeling all the blood that initially went to her face go anywhere but there. She tried to sense Bruce's feelings and the atmosphere around them, but found nothing, only hearing his breathing a bit louder than usual. She continued before she could chicken out, "This guy, he tried to... _recruit_ me... and—well, to be honest, I gave in after a while. I sometimes would go days without eating and he'd just watch just to push me over the edge and accept it.

“The first day, I cried in silence the whole time. Then I never cried again. Then one day I just couldn't take it anymore and so I told him and said I wouldn't do it anymore. He got angry, very angry, and said he'd teach me how to take it. I was fast and strong, but he was too and we were in a 200 square feet apartment and he had me locked in. When he was... _done,_ he threatened me if I ever told my friend, which I said I would, and so he had someone tip me off to the police. I was arrested for solicitation, but the charges were dropped because I was 16. I fled anyway before they could take me back to juvie. My roommate then found out about the ra... thing, and when I came back home she'd kicked me out."

By the time she finished talking, Bruce's arms had dropped from her and were now strangely and loosely rested on the sand. She felt naked and weirdly cold, her eyes threatening to produce tears. She wasn't going to stop, though. She had started and she would finish, even if it meant he'd never look at her the same. So she moved away from his chest, sitting on her own and holding herself, forcing the words out of her.

"I went back to stealing, but it wasn't enough to survive. I ended up being sent to jail twice after that, getting caught on purpose so I wouldn't starve or be frozen to death on the streets. But I always managed to escape. I learned to manipulate people; and by people, I mean mostly men. I had already known a thing or two, but I started seducing guys pretending to be drunk to have a place to sleep when it was raining or snowing. I wouldn't let them do anything to me, slipping them a pill or two when I noticed they were the aggressive type or looked like they could force me into something.

“One of these times, I ran into an old colleague when trying to fool him. That was Ted Grant. He was this older kid from back when I lived with Miss Oliver, and he'd been one of the only ones there that were nice to me. He'd turned into a relatively known successful boxer around town and he decided to take me in. He helped me with my martial arts skills, and we were kind of together for about two years." That seemed to have made Bruce react slightly, but she pretended not to notice, "Then... well, one day, he came up to me and said he was in love with me. Which was, you know, a problem. Nothing was enough for him after that, and he began to get irritated by me using my 'skills' to steal, and fear I was indifferent towards him. I wasn't, you know. I didn't love him the way he wanted me to, but I did care for him. It didn't do it for him anymore, though. We had a fight and I fled, after he told me I was a 'cat', too selfish and sneakily vile for him. That's how the Cat was created."

They were both silent for what felt like forever. Selina managed to keep the tears away from her eyes, feeling absolutely emptied out and drained. She held herself so tightly at some point she just lost sensation to her fingers. Bruce hadn't moved, and the small distance between them seemed like miles long. She had already done the talking and the damage, and so she didn't feel like anything could make things worse.

"If you want me to leave, it's fine, I'll go. And if you can't look at me that's fine too, but please just say something."

Bruce didn't say anything, and as she puffed, starting to get mad and stand up, he reached out to her and pulled her down again. She turned around right away, sitting face to face to him. His expression was hardened and blank, but his eyes were slightly watery and directed away from her.

"I can't think of any reason why you'd think I'd want you to leave. That’s absurd. You're a survivor, Selina. You're beautiful."

"Then why can't you look at me?"

Bruce gulped, "Because I know I'll see more than what I saw the last time I looked at you, and I just want to take some time to do it right."

"And what if you don't like what you see?", she replied, her voice was harsher but quieter, it faltered at the end of the question, and she was now unable to control her eyes from generating tears.

"That would never happen. But if you do want to test it... do your worst. Tell me the worst thing or what you think is the worst thing you have ever done."

She puffed, "I could never. Then I would know for sure you'd never look at me the same. Or at all."

"I already won't ever look at you the same. I'm seeing you, the _whole_ you this time. It's already changed. So give me your worst, it won't matter. I'll still...", his voice faded.

"Eiko Hasigawa," she said, knowing for certain that that wasn't even one bit true, especially after that day’s conversation. "She was the daughter of the American-Japanese crime family's boss. After I left Ted's place I was looking for someplace else, and I met her. She knew who I was as the Cat and helped me get on my feet. I found out her family was planning something against the Falcones and I wanted in. She was naive and in love with me and I took advantage of it. I pretended to love her for months, and when I finally managed to get in in it and take down a whole bunch of the Falcones, I told her everything and I left her. Her father was pleased either way, but she was a wreck after that. And I wouldn't have stepped down so soon hadn't you arrested Carmine, and it probably would've gone on another year or so, maybe more. I'm not proud of it. I didn't mind using men, but using her felt wrong," Selina babbled everything almost in one breath, the guilt of it all taking over her. The guilt of reliving it, and the guilt of lying to him. "After that, her father gave me enough to go about on my own, and that's when I moved in with Holly."

She brought her eyes up to him and tried to wait patiently. He looked deep in thought, but not as disturbed as she'd imagined he'd be. He seemed to have been battling something in his mind, as though something she'd said left him pensative. She started getting fidgety and anxious and he noticed, so as if to put her out of her misery, he finally looked at her.

No words could describe what his eyes would say were they able to speak. He looked at her the way anyone would want to be looked at at least once in their lives, with full understanding, sympathy, pride, respect, admiration... love. The broken pieces of her heart felt almost on a physical level like they were slowly mending, leaving her out of breath. She suddenly couldn't bear thinking she could ever lose that, and that she still might.

Bruce slipped in closer to her, cupping her face with his two hands and resting his forehead on hers. "Selina, I want to say something. And I want to say it right now, because I don't want to be intimidated or discouraged by some of the things you've just said, and if I don't say it right now I might start overthinking it and I don't know when I'll have the guts to do it again. I just need you to promise me you won't run. Can you do that?" She nodded quickly, her tears starting to run down her cheeks. "I love you. I need you to know that so you don't feel like you need to scare me away from you with your past or your thoughts. I love you, no matter what, in spite of _and_ because of everything you've said and done," his voice was now strained, hardly even a whisper, "I swear it's like torture. Most of the time I think I'm losing it, because that's not me, I'm not one to talk feelings, but you're not either and I thought we were both just broken people, but after all of this you just told me I feel like I'm the one who needs to step up. And I look at you right now, and you're not Selina. You're not the Cat. You're not the little girl in the alleys. You're something else that I thought one day I could fully understand, but now I see that's just simply not true. I look at you, and I love you so much. It terrifies me what I would do for you. You don't have to say anything, but please, you have to tell me... tell me I'm not crazy. Please, just _look_ at me too."

There they were, then. The three little words the world had been urging to extract from Bruce's chest. Selina always knew love was real and love existed, she'd just also always thought it was a bad idea, or some cosmic distasteful joke the universe had inflicted upon us all. But looking at him in that very moment, through her blurred, distorted sight, it was like she'd finally understood.

"You're not crazy. I feel it. I feel it too. I just can't bring myself to...", she whimpered, shaking her head nervously, "I feel like choking just by thinking about saying it. I feel like it might kill me", she then reached out to him too, putting her hands on his neck, "I won't run, I couldn't even if I wanted to. Is that enough for you? Is that enough for now?", he nodded and accepted patiently.

He didn't need her words. Hell, he'd gotten more of her that day than he'd gotten in their whole time together. He didn't need her to say anything, her trusting him with all of her like she'd just done, that meant more than anything in the world to him. It was a burden and an honor to carry her secrets, and he just needed her to _be_ there.

Bruce kissed her lips softly and then pulled her in to him while she let herself down on his shoulders. She held him so tightly he couldn't find one inch of distance between them if he searched. That was practically the spitting image of what he'd wished for earlier, for his arms to make her disappear to the wicked world around them. He felt the wetness on her face transfer to his shirt and dug his nose in her hair, resting his forehead on the curve of her neck.

Somewhere a few feet away from them inside the house his phone rang for the eighth time.


	11. 11. Proposition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: EXPLICIT CONTENT [+18]

That morning Bruce woke up to the smell of freshly squeezed orange juice, scrambled eggs and toast. He looked to the side to find the bed empty and smiled amused, stretching his arms above his head and getting up. The clothes scattered across the floor were practically already part of their house decoration, given that they rarely spent the night—and sometimes the day—in any. He bent down to pick up some black trunks to put on and exited the room. 

It had been a week since the “incident” on the beach, and weirdly, he’d never felt closer and farther away from Selina. Closer because now he knew he knew her better than anyone else in the world—and even then she remained a mystery—, and farther away because they’d never talked about it ever since. But he was fine with it. Never once he would’ve thought their relationship was going to be simple and that she was an ever easygoing person, but he didn’t care. He was determined to be patient and empathetic, giving her her own time to deal however she felt like—she’d had enough complications in her life for a lifetime, and probably more. 

Yet, he was really surprised at how she was handling it. He didn’t quite get the meaning behind her response, though.

Selina had already acknowledged in her mind that she hadn’t been acting much like herself, and that part of the reason why was that she was feeling a very weird, formerly unknown and predominantly absent sense of guilty conscience. She was trying to compensate the fact that she had probably dumped too much on Bruce at once only to leave him hanging right after when he most needed her to speak. But trying to be a bright and shiny person turned out to be way harder than she would have guessed. It was a look she did not recognize in herself, and she knew it was probably freaking out Bruce just as much as it was freaking her out.

Bruce came down to the kitchen to find Selina on the tip of her toes reaching up to the top cabinet to look for something, making his black shirt lift and let show a bit of her butt. He smiled looking at her from head to toe. Her long stretched up legs were one of his favorite things on earth. She turned around to catch his eyes on her and grinned. 

“Hey,” she said, walking towards him, “I made us breakfast.”

“I see,” he responded, hugging her waist and smiling down at her, “Do we have time for some quick pre-breakfast ‘workout’ or not?”

“Not, because it’ll get cold”, she said and let go of his arms, pulling his hand to sit down on the island with her, “Come on, let’s eat.”

Bruce looked at the plates in front of him, full of eggs, bacon (on his), toast, and a variety of fruits and biscuits, alongside a cup of coffee and another of juice. He flung his eyes up to her smiling curiously, “Seriously, Selina, what are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”, she asked in a terribly forced innocent tone. When she couldn’t even fool herself, she rolled her eyes and Bruce saw a glimpse of her actual self in her expression. “I know, I’m trying too hard… I don’t know how to do this”, she replied, shoving an apple in her mouth and pushing her plate away a bit. 

“Do what? And you don’t _have_ to do this…”

“I know,” she quickly replied, “I’m only looking to see if I can be _not_ too dark and twisty.”

“And…?”

“I don't think so. I was just trying to be a daisy-fresh, normal girlfriend, I guess.”

Bruce smiled widely, but she pretended not to notice. It had felt weird coming out of her mouth, but it did and she barely had time to try and stop herself. So instead of dwelling over it and overthinking herself into embarrassment, she simply pretended like it was nothing, or like nothing had happened. Bruce knew her well enough to just let go and let her be and didn’t pressure her or comment on it, although he was dying to.

“But you’re not normal, and I’d never expect any of that from you.”

“Thanks. I—”, she sighed, “I’ve never tried at anything like this, I have no idea what I’m doing. Sorry, I just feel really stupid.”

“Then stop. I don’t need you to be like this. I don’t need you to be extra nice or sweet or daisy-whatever, I know you’re no do-gooder. Like I said, I just need you here.”

They both smiled. “Well, I’m here,” she whispered.

“Exactly,” he said and leaned forward to press a quick kiss to her lips, “let’s just focus on that.”

They both finished breakfast short after and Selina headed up to change while Bruce went to sit by the poolside. He checked his phone for the hundredth time that week, looking for a missed call or even a text. The number that had tried to contact him days before had been disconnected and that had made him uneasy, urging an instinctive pit in his stomach. He’d tried to track it through his security servers, but there was nothing. He’d even considered asking Alfred to check it out, but figured it’d be better not to, since he’d disapprove or think Bruce was getting Batman paranoia all over again. Selina said it was probably just the phone company line. And so he decided to force himself to brush it aside and minimize it.

Bruce was deep in thought when Selina came out through the glass doors in a white bikini, book and wine glass in hand, swiping all his musings away.

“Starting this early?”, he chuckled lightly.

“It’s rosé, so it doesn’t count,” she replied as she dragged the sun lounger closer to the pool edge where he was sitting and lied on it. 

“Who said that?”, he asked. 

“I did.”

Bruce stood up and grabbed a bottle of sunscreen from the pool towel cabinet and she rolled her eyes to him when he motioned for her to sit up. 

“Oh, I thought you were trying to be sweet,” he said sarcastically and sat down behind her. 

“I guess that’s lasted long enough already,” she replied.

“Agreed,” he said as he put some lotion on his hand and she lifted her hair up so he could rub it on her back. She turned her face to him and raised her eyebrows inquisitively. “It doesn’t suit you. I love you for you, even when that includes you being a bitch sometimes,” he said.

Selina shivered almost imperceptibly at the ‘L’ word being thrown so cavalierly, specially since they hadn’t touched the subject since that day on the beach. Bruce pretended not to notice it and she tried to handle it as unfazed as possible, ignoring the growing feeling of butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. She’d never understood that expression before until recently, and it made even more sense as she felt his hands stroking her lower back and waist to spread the sunscreen.

“Ouch,” was all she could say, “Oh, well, you’re right. I don’t even have the energy to pretend to be offended”, she quickly admitted.

“Lie down,” he told her, and she did. He was starting with her legs and making his way up her body, and she closed her eyes involuntarily to avoid the sun, and also to relish in the sensation of his hands rubbing her skin. When he reached her chest, he squeezed her boobs jokingly and she chuckled lightly, then opened her eyes to find his deep into hers, smiling.

Her heart skipped a beat pathetically and blood was pumped straight to her face. Bruce stirred up some emotions in her that made her understand all those references in country songs, because she felt as stupid and risible as them.

She always thought that her spotty track record in relationships had already doomed her to an eternity of running away. All the other times someone dropped the L bomb on her or anything coming close to it had left her fleeing in one fell swoop without so much as a second glance. But her promise to Bruce hadn’t been empty, nor due to some misplaced sense of obligation or compensation. Hearing those words coming out of him had been one of the most terrifying things she’d ever heard, but also one of the most wonderfully thrilling. It gave her a sense of security and hope she’d never had a grip on before, and it felt weirdly freeing, which wouldn’t have been the first thing she would’ve thought it’d be.

All those feelings she had been fighting and struggling to ignore or downplay suddenly were filled with new meaning. She heaved a sigh of relief reliving that memory on the beach every time she started freaking out about those annoying and distracting butterflies. 

Had it been anyone else but Bruce, she probably wouldn’t have felt as calm and relieved. But if there was one thing she was certain of, it was that he wasn’t one to lie or toy around with people for his own personal gain. She trusted him enough to believe every word he said, even if sometimes that troubled the hell out of her, because on the other hand she trusted herself less for that.

It felt exactly like he had described once; like willingly letting go of control and letting yourself be swept into the current. If that made her undeniably insane or hopefully sane, that she didn’t know.

She took his hand and pressed a quick kiss to it as if to thank him, but also using it as pretext to look away from his flustering gaze. He got up and went straight to the pool, jumping into it head first so elegantly it barely splashed any water.

He swam back and forth the pool length plenty of times before Selina dropped her book and decided to sit by the edge to watch him. He went underwater and was able to hold his breath for so long that it took him some time to look up and see her. When he did, he swam straight to her with a smirk on his face and hugged her body settling himself between her legs. She bent down right away to kiss him and when it got more intense, she didn’t oppose as he pulled her in, dragging her down to the water and to him. Her legs tangled around him and at some point he dove them both underwater, his eyes opening down there to find hers, her face brightened into a grin.

They stayed there in the water the whole morning, making out, talking, and playing around until their skin started getting wrinkled. After that Bruce went to cook them lunch—now that he considered himself a beginner chef prodigy—and Selina headed up for a quick shower. Then, as she was coming down tying her bathrobe around her, she heard the intercom by the front door ringing. She stopped in her tracks for a second, then rushed to it, immediately turning on the camera screen. There was a mailman waiting by the gate, which she found confusing and oddly suspicious, since no one knew they were there and they never got any mail.

She heard Bruce in the kitchen and considered warning him, but then just decided to grab her leg knife holster already loaded in the entryway closet and put it on. The more she walked towards the man and closer to the gate, the more she found him to be just an innocent-looking local teenager, though that didn’t make her let her guard down not even one bit. He didn’t even seem to be paying attention to her though, delivering her a large heavy envelope without even glancing, only asking her to sign the small space after the box that read “Selina Dyer”. 

She came back to the house and Bruce found her a few minutes later sitting on the stair steps, surrounded by paper sheets and looking concentrated and deep in thought as she read a small yellow business card.

“What is all this?”, he asked surprised.

She didn’t respond right away, still staring at that little piece of paper. “It’s from a French secret intelligence agency,” she replied benumbed, “Amanda Waller referred me to find some things for them.”

Bruce first got confused, and then gulped, tense, not sure if he was more unsettled about the request or about the mention of Waller’s name being involved in it. “What do they want?”

“I don’t know. They haven’t explained it here. There’s only a hundred-page contract, this card, and this,” she said, showing him a letter sheet with the letters AW printed on top, “which I’m assuming it’s from her. It explains that she’s worked alongside the agency many times and they asked for her help to retrieve some sort of stolen object, and she thought I’d be good for the job. Seriously, are they trying to make me a double thief or something by stealing stolen stuff?”, she added, more to herself than anything, “Anyway, she says she made sure they don’t know my real identity or my whereabouts, but that she thinks I should take it.”

Bruce stayed silent for some time, unsure what to say, but Selina didn’t seem to notice, too caught up in her own shock, going over all those documents. “And what about the card?”

“It says Jacqueline Dupont. There’s only a number and an email,” she said and finally looked up to him. “What are you thinking?”

“I don’t know. But I don’t think I like this,” he answered honestly.

“I know. It feels weird to me too,” she shook her head, “but I don’t know, I do think it’d be nice to get back out there again.”

That’s what he was most worried about. “Anyway we should check the facts first. See if this is all legit and what the hell do they want with you.” 

Remembering the conversation he’d had with Waller made him even more concerned, knowing that if she eventually took the job it’d mean it’d get even more easier for her to keep tabs on Selina.

That night they discussed it over and over. Bruce was trying to not sound protective, but Selina heard in his unspoken words that he wasn’t thrilled about it all. He never said anything and his voice was controlled, but living with him for so long made her aware of most of his expressions, especially the ones he tried to contain. Although she found it a bit irritating that he might think she couldn’t handle herself, she decided to quit the subject for the moment to try and ease his mind. 

When he didn’t fight her on it, she got up and picked up his laptop from the desk, then coming to sit on the bed in between his legs, resting on his chest. They picked an old Italian movie none of them had seen before and pressed play. He put his arms around her as they watched distractedly the black and white images flowing on the screen.

She stroked his knees idly and he rested his chin on the top of her head, caressing her arms softly, both unaware and absentminded of what they were doing.

By the time the credits started rolling in he’d pulled her head back demanding her lips on his, which she gladly abided. His hands traveled down to her stomach under her shirt, leaving her flustered under his touch and sending chills down her spine. He grabbed her head from behind and intensified the kiss, leaving her breathless as she held his jaw pulling it closer to her. 

His hands started opening the buttons on her white silk shirt, leaving her with her front bare, only covered by her white lacy panties. She pushed the laptop away from her lap and he dove his face on the curve of her neck, kissing her slowly there, breathing heavily against her skin and making her shiver. He drove one hand further down and she caught her breath in anticipation as he slowly slid it under her panties.

Before he could touch her there, his other hand was gripping her breast and pinching her nipple, causing her to shove her head back on his shoulder and pant in exhilaration. He then dragged his middle finger down to that sweet spot of hers and her body jumped shortly and involuntarily at his sudden touch. He couldn’t help but let out a low groan feeling her in the state she was.

“How is it that you’re always so wet?”, he asked, hoarse.

“I guess you just have that effect on me,” she replied, puffing and short of breath.

He started moving and she moaned in relief, her hips moving up against his fingers, wanting every bit of him she had access to. She became a live wire under his touch, digging her claw-cut shaped nails softly in his thighs to release some of the tension. Tracing circles over her clit and squeezing and stroking her boob roughly, he was sending her so high she could barely stay still, her chest coming up and down from her accelerated, unquiet breathing. 

Bruce let go of her breast to bring his hand down, like a scissor opening her folds and holding them in place, leaving her clit exposed and uncovered so he could stroke it better. She then started moaning noisily, not giving a care in the world; she just needed his hands on her until her muscles became weak and trembling in wanton for him. He began kissing her neck and shoulder, nibbling her earlobe, sucking her skin intensely and turning that painful pleasure into so much more.

Selina felt her whole body light up in flames when he dipped two fingers inside of her, and she let out a strangled grunt as her legs became uneasy and agitated. He pounded fast inside her, delighted at the sight of her so given and out of control. She gripped his thighs, searching for some kind of support, because every sensation in her body made her feel like tumbling into an endless fall, never being able to hit the ground. His other hand let go of her folds and took over her clit, this time throwing her deep further towards the edge.

“Oh my God,” she groaned, “please don’t stop.”

He chuckled softly and huskily, because hearing her like that had also made him jittery, making the sounds coming out of her mouth send his blood straight to his already tightly confined bulge.

“Never,” he muttered amused.

She brought her arms back to wrap them around his neck and he continued fingering her, moving his fingers faster and harder this time as his other hand kept rubbing her clit. Her body started shaking all over, delivering spasms as she cried out uncontrollably. She felt such an immense amount of pleasure she couldn’t even keep her eyes opened or her mouth shut. She couldn’t imagine anything feeling better than that, but at the same time she urged it to be done with, to reach that high so far up she’d simply blackout from the zest. The muscles in her abdomen were beginning to turn rigid and she gripped her arms around him tighter for stability, that known sensation starting to take over her, her breaths becoming even shorter. He quickened his pace as he realized it and the climax hit her so hard she had to hold onto him to keep herself from losing it. She moaned loudly as the waves crashed against her, leaving her body trembling and dripping as she shattered herself, squirting all over his fingers.

Bruce groaned and moved uncomfortably under her, reflexively trying to get some friction after having witnessed that scene. “Jesus, did you just—”

“Yeah...”, she panted, looking surprised and confused herself. The sheets under her were soaking wet. “I had never... I mean... _never_.”

It wasn’t like her to feel sheepish, but suddenly she was feeling weirdly self-conscious. Not enough to leave her bashful, though. Her heartbeats were reaching her hearing senses like a bird flapping its wings, and her breathing was still shamefully heavy.

“God, that was so hot, Selina,” he grunted, and she giggled airily, less tensed.

“You don’t have to tell me,” she replied, motioning to her very obvious fluster and lack of composure.

Bruce chuckled hoarsely and began to remove his fingers from her, but she grabbed his hands, keeping them in place covering her as she tried to relax and calm herself down first. She felt extremely sensitive down there and any movement from him could startle something she had absolutely no energy to pursue. He laughed shortly and amused and kissed her cheek, waiting patiently for her body to settle down. After a minute or two she relaxed and turned around over to him, now resting on him on her stomach, dug her nose onto his neck and pressed a soft kiss to it. 

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“You’re most welcome,” he smiled.

“Your turn, then?”, she said and smirked lightly.

“There’s no need…”, he began saying.

“Your antsy boner under me says otherwise,” she cut him in and he laughed. 

Selina started removing his sweatpants along with his boxers and his cock jumped straight up out of them, and so she rose her eyebrows at him, as if trying to prove her point. Bruce simply gave in and settled himself better down on the pillow on his back. She began moving her hands up and down slowly, at times letting her nails scratch him up very lightly, watching his skin shiver from it and relishing in it. He knew how much she enjoyed teasing and torturing him, so he just prepared himself to try and not lose his mind. She had other plans, though.

She slid over to sit on his legs and bent down, grabbing and putting him entirely into her mouth, sucking him and licking him so vigorously he started moaning not long after she’d first started. She wanted so badly to watch him lose control. His dick touched the back of her throat and then she removed it quickly, at times swinging her head to the side so it’d touch the walls of her cheeks, making him grunt when it did. He hadn’t been prepared to be taken so fast up the high, and so he moaned airily, surprised and edgy. He brought one hand to her hair, stroking it anxiously as she drove him insane. 

He felt his muscles tensing and his cock throbbing almost unbearably ready to release. As soon as she realized it, she licked the top of it with the tip of her tongue, circling it and looking straight into his eyes. The image sent him over the edge and he came hard, grabbing the sheets and her hair and holding back from thrusting into her mouth again. He didn’t need to, though, because as soon as she realized it she took him in completely again, sucking every drop of the juice he’d released, making his climax last even longer. When he seemed done, she removed him from her and swallowed, wiping her mouth and smiling mischievously at him.

God, he loved her. 

“I was gonna say you’re the best sex I’ve ever had, but then I thought that you’re probably the best sex anyone could ever have, like, ever, so it’s kind of redundant,” Bruce said after some time, when they were already lied down, both staring at the ceiling and still recovering.

“Oh, you’re so full of shit,” she said, disbelieved but also amused.

“Am not,” he replied.

“Who was your first?”, she asked out of a sudden.

His eyes widened in surprise for a second and he laughed, “Vicki Vale, at 16. She was my date to junior prom. She got us a room in her dad’s hotel. She knew the whole staff. It was really awkward…” 

“Oh God. That sounds horrific,” she laughed, “but also very cliché apart from the rich teen drama.” 

For a moment there he completely forgot about everything and was about to casually return the question, but he stopped as soon as he opened his mouth, closing it back again. Something told him he’d never stop walking on eggshells when it came to her past. She noticed he’d gotten uncomfortable and it didn’t take a genius to figure out why. And so she tried to lift the atmosphere by commenting on the subject as lightly as she could, because she also had not predicted that innocent question backfiring.

“Well, I must admit I was a bit premature,” she said casually, “but I didn’t know sex could actually be good until later in life.” Bruce sat on it for a while, but she interrupted his thoughts shortly after, “But yeah, I get what you’re saying. This is the best I’ve ever had too. I don’t get why or how we’re so insanely good together.” 

They continued talking for a long time, minutes turning into hours, jokes turning into deep conversations, unpretentious touches turning into long passionate kisses. At some point Bruce was laughing so hard at something she’d said his eyes were watering; she was containing her laugh and wiping his tears away, unable to hold back a smile at the sight.

A beeping sound caught their attention, though, and Bruce gradually stopped laughing to identify where it was coming from. Selina picked up his laptop which she had shoved aside earlier on and gave it to him. 

“What’s that about?”, she asked as he opened the computer and typed in the password.

“I put on an alert to urgent Wayne Enterprises matters. I’m sure it’s nothing. Do you wanna get some pizza?”

“You read my mind. I’ll go grab my phone,” she said as she got up and headed out of the room. She came back a few minutes later, “Hey, I ordered margherita, is that… What’s wrong?”, she was tense right away.

Bruce was paralyzed, staring deadpanned at the screen, his eyes empty but desperate, his expression retorted into a tortured one. Selina was immediately alarmed, rushing and kneeling by the bed on his side and waiting patiently but nervously for him to start speaking.

“Lucius Fox died,” he said in a strangled voice. “Elevator crash.”

“What happened?”, she asked surprised.

“He was working late and the power went down, and somehow the cables stopped working,” he replied automatically, “It says here it was an accident.”

“But you don’t think it was,” she muttered, knowing him well enough to recognize the suspicion in his tone. He didn’t answer, just kept staring hazily at the screen. She closed the laptop and got up, slipping in beside him and grabbing his hand in hers on her lap. She didn’t really know how to act in situations like that, but started with the basics, “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah… me too,” he replied blankly. 

“Is there something I can do?”, she asked, feeling completely at a loss and useless.

“No,” he answered, but added shortly after, “just being here helps.”

“Okay”, she whispered, then lay her head on his shoulder and gripped his hand tighter under hers. 

A couple minutes later the intercom rang downstairs and Selina went down to answer and go get the pizza they had ordered. She came back with the box and saw Bruce on the balcony, talking on the phone. She wasn’t exactly eavesdropping, but she could hear him, and he had continued talking normally when he noticed her presence. 

“Are you sure?... Yes, I know that Alfred… _Please_ , ask him to be thorough with this… No, my head is exactly where it should be… I do trust him, but Lucius was my friend, I’m just looking out for him… Yeah, I’m sorry too… She’s fine, she’s here… We’re both fine… Yes, thank you, Alfred. Please let me know if he finds anything… Yes, I know, but either way I wanna know… Okay. Thank you… Bye, talk soon.”

Selina handed him a slice of pizza and he took it, both sitting on the edge of the balcony. She waited silently for him to speak.

“I’m having Blake check this out. To make sure it really was an accident, you know,” he bit the slice and swallowed, “Alfred said he was monitoring it, then he started freaking out thinking I’m meddling into Gotham business again. I’m not, I’m just…”, he exhaled airily. 

“I know,” she said, grabbing his hand for a second, then letting go, “You’re looking out for your friend, I get it. You’re you and it’s exactly what I’d expect you to do.”

He smiled sadly at her, “I’m not sure which is worse.”

“What do you mean?”, she asked.

“His death not being an accident, or it being an accident,” he sighed. 


	12. 12. Mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: EXPLICIT CONTENT [+18]

The following couple of months Bruce and Selina had had some changes added to their pace and routine. She had decided to take on some freelance jobs with the secret French intelligence agency—although they wouldn’t tell her their name; while Bruce was still obsessing over Fox’s death, even though everything pointed to it being an accident. He wasn’t one to ignore his instincts, though.

They would still train fighting every day and weren’t taking it easy on each other anymore. There was a lot of buildup from being pulled out of their perfect bubble and into the real world again, and they used that time to relieve that. Selina practiced on her strength and Bruce on his agility, still trying to compensate for his wounded knee. 

She had already gone on three missions, one in Stockholm and two in Barcelona. All of them were concerning stolen items such as documents and archives, one being an actual pair of diamond earrings that was previously being held as evidence against a serial killer in Bordeaux. They had all been a piece of cake for her, the longest trip having taken a little less than two weeks, and the shortest four days.

Miss Dupont, although she’d never seen her in person, was the only one she actually had contact with. The woman was extremely satisfied with her work, especially when she saved them months and a lot of money worth of operations. Selina had requested to keep herself anonymous at all times, stating that she would not take part in any of the follow-ups or trials that may happen after she helped them put their work together. Dupont agreed without hesitation, assuring her that her identity was being kept secretive; and Selina believed it, because the woman didn’t even know her real name wasn’t Selina Dyer, although she probably suspected it wasn’t—not that that was a problem to her.

She had been usually working under the mask of her alter ego, but had made a few adjustments just in case someone recognized her by chance. Although she found it to be highly unlikely, images of her had been screened all around the world during the Gotham occupation, so if there was even a tiny possibility of that happening, she wanted to avoid it. 

Bruce had been more tranquil since her first trip, which had been the most stressful week he’d had in a long time. He’d always known that she was extremely good at what she did, and self-sufficient at sometimes even an excessive level, but he couldn’t help but feel distraught watching her going against probably some of the worst criminals in European mobs. But since then, the idea had already been settled down better in his mind. He couldn’t deny her survival skills and instincts were significant, and like she’d said once—she was a survivalist, after all. 

Waller probably would’ve referred Bruce as well, and he would’ve been working alongside Selina; but she knew chances were Selina would only take the job if it was for her alone, because if it had been addressed to both of them, Bruce would’ve likely talked them both out of it, and if she offered it only to her, he wouldn’t have a say in it. Also, that was a minor pretext, because she would’ve referred them both right away had she thought he’d want to take part in any of that. But after so many years, she knew the Batman would want to remain dead, and Bruce to keep in hiding, since he’d also be too easily identified. 

And so he tried to spend most of the days he was alone focused on keeping track of events in Gotham that stood out from the normal criminal scenes. If until a few months earlier he’d avoid the news at all costs, now he’d been studying it thoroughly practically every day. Selina knew he thought she hadn’t noticed that, but he wasn’t exactly being too discreet about it. Since Fox’s death, Bruce had been nervous about the lack of information and investigations on it, and since he could not get in direct contact with Blake, he’d been getting all the scoops from Alfred, whom he suspected did not tell him everything. 

However, aside from some relatively big bank robberies and assaults, nothing seemed too relevant to his eye. But Bruce had had enough experience in that city to know that the unreported events, those who never made it to the headlines that mattered the most; and that’s what he tried every day to get a grasp on—and although his computer had access to more servers than probably most governmental agencies, it still was nothing compared to what he could find using the ones in the Batcave. But even so, he hadn’t found anything too substantial or eye-popping.

Regarding their relationship, Bruce and Selina had never been better. They couldn’t even remember the last time they'd had a real fight, which was saying something for the both of them. Bruce fell in love with her every day a bit more, which each day seemed like an impossible idea; Selina let him in and dropped her guard down more and more with time, and she’d started trusting him to a level where she wouldn’t even feel so scared to do so. She could easily say he was the person she had trusted most in her whole life, even though all her rationale evaporated when her heart filled with warmth whenever he was around, or so much as looked at her. 

One of the reasons why she had been loving taking jobs once in a while was the expectation it built for when she got back. They would not keep in touch when she was away in a mission, mostly because it distracted her, but also because she didn’t like “breaking from character” or having Bruce in mind when jumping off of buildings or being held at gunpoint. She needed her mind clear and free of any emotional attachment. Bruce had not been a fan of that no-contact rule, especially because he never got to know anything about her jobs, since she almost always only found out what and where it was on her way there, and even then the information was strictly confidential. But he understood where she came from, and accepted it reluctantly when she offered to send him an automated text every night to let him know she was fine.

So when she was finally done and had tied all the loose ends to her missions, her mind filled with him, and she spent every second of her trip back being consumed by that thought. Bruce would also try to manage and not be too obsessive about her whereabouts and safety, choosing to trust her and not get too caught up on it while she was away; all that changed though when she’d text him she was on her way back home.

On her first “work trip”, the job had been so below her she spent most of the time in airports and airplanes. That was because she’d finished so quickly the majority of the time spent away was actually just getting and coming back from Stockholm. Although Bruce had been anxious for most of it, she was back after only four days, which surprised him. They hadn’t worked their system yet, so she hadn’t let him know she was returning when she did; and she could have such a quick and silent pace sometimes it would startle him, even with the years of battle and reflexes training in the dark. So as soon as she set foot inside their room, she was practically tackled to the ground by him. She joked that if she had known he’d miss her that much she would’ve left him a widow hugging pillow, and he relaxed, laughing along with her.

On her third and longest mission away, though, she returned home overtaken by stress and tiredness; Dupont had finally realized Selina was no amateur and was able to handle tougher tasks, and by the time she was done with her exhausting last one, all she needed was to see Bruce and have his arms make her feel at peace again. Only when she got home, there was nothing too peaceful about him, and he looked just as distressed as she felt. As soon as she drove through the entrance gates he was already at the front door, and she became immediately alarmed.

She got out of the car and rushed towards him. His arms wrapped around her tightly and he let out a sigh of relief, but she took a step back, asking concerned what had happened. He got confused and just explained that nothing had happened, but she had been gone forever and he didn’t even know where she was or what she doing. She also hadn’t sent a text the night before, or one letting him know she was done. All she could do was sigh and apologize, telling him she’d explain everything if it’d make him feel better.

They sat down on the outdoor couch as Bruce lit up the fire pit and brought them two glasses of whiskey. Although Spain wasn’t that cold, not even during winter, fall had arrived bringing gelid winds; it had been weeks since they last stepped foot in the ocean. 

They sipped on the drink as Selina told him all about the job, not leaving out any gory details, because he’d see right through her if she did. And so she talked about the knife fight against four men she’d gotten herself into when invading the target’s house; and the day after, which she spent tied up and chained to a chair in his basement—admittedly, being caught had been her plan from the start, but still; and then the part about having to run away in heeled boots—not that that was a problem to her—from hungry pitbulls when escaping. 

She explained that they had her phone taken away and that’s why she didn’t text him. Bruce was able to mask his preoccupation and be comprehensive, but told her she should’ve bought a new phone after she was done. She wasn’t in the mood to get into it, so she just slipped in closer, stroked his face idly and apologized. He leaned into her touch and all his concerns and slight anger faded away. At that point they both probably already knew she had him in the palm of her hand, though she’d like to think it was only due to her own power of persuasion, while he knew it was pure devotion and lack of will power to fight it. He might’ve been at her mercy, but it was also exactly where he wanted to be.

That night she admitted to him had been the first she felt in control again after so many days of uncertainty. He almost replied reprehending her about her plans involving getting caught on purpose, but stopped himself fearing sounding too condescending, which was something she absolutely hated. Instead, he took a simpler and more satisfying road and told her that control was overrated, and insinuated that she might enjoy leaving it behind once in a while. When his intentions didn’t seem to have been clear enough, he suggested that he could teach her how to give up control without actually losing it, and promised it’d also show her how pleasant and freeing that could be. 

It took her a couple of seconds to catch up, but when he talked again her eyes were already darkened, and her breathing unsteady. 

“I wanna try something with you, if you’ll let me.”

Selina was on board for most things—in bed, so he wasn’t surprised when she bit her lower lip anxiously, which in her own language indicated how in she was for his idea. He smiled excited, but let her finish quickly swallowing down her whiskey and grabbed her by the hand, rushing her to their bedroom.

That night the ropes she’d often use to restrain him were tying her to each bedpost. When he saw how nervous she was, he tried to ease her mind by simply reminding her that they could stop at any time, and that if she ever mouthed their safe word he’d put an end to it and untie her immediately. But she wanted it, and he could see it in her eyes.

Aside from her simple black set of lingerie, her body was completely exposed; her pale skin was glowing under the moonlight coming through the windows. Bruce relished at the sight, but could barely believe his eyes. He added a small final touch covering her eyes with her silk sleeping mask. At first she was reluctant, but then complied after very little convincing from him. He’d been right to insist on it, though, because her other senses were then strangely and amazingly magnified, making every touch surprising, and in consequence more exciting and exhilarating. 

That day he’d paid tribute and worshipped at her body in ways he’d only dreamed of doing, touching and kissing every square inch of her and forcing the most wonderful and lustful sounds out of her mouth. Not once, and not twice, but many times in the following hours.

Since they hadn’t discussed exactly how far she’d wanted to go, he’d voice some things out loud before doing them, or found a way to let her know what he’d do next so she’d have the chance to stop him. She never did, though. But aside from a few relatively rough spankings and hair pulling, he didn’t allow himself to go further than that, although he thought he might’ve seen her express her want and expectation for more. He much preferred giving her an immense amount of pleasure without ever coming close to hurt her, but he did both. 

However, when he touched her neck and covered it with his hand, her breathing accelerated instantly and she knew what was coming, having not given any signs that she’d tell him to stop; and so his eyes dropped to her boobs going up and down with her chest and then absentmindedly bumped into her gunshot wound scar. After that, he simply could not go through with it, the image of himself possibly choking her being too disturbing for him; but when he pulled away she almost seemed disappointed.

He managed to compensate her in other ways, though, sparing absolutely no effort to get her to finish as many times as humanly possible, until she finally and suddenly yelled “ _babe_ ” when she realized he was about to go down on her for the third time in a row. He immediately pulled away and stopped; her body was dripping and shaking as he quickly started untangling her from the ropes and removing her mask.

She could barely speak aside from a few delighted and exhausted moans, mumbling about how she couldn’t take it anymore as he chuckled huskily, amused. She’d also realized that by that point he’d gotten little to no action for himself, and she apologized, but said he’d left her in no condition to do anything for him at that moment. He didn’t seem to mind one bit, too content and marveled at her and the state she was in to even think about himself. 

She slept like a baby the whole night, the fatigue of it all combined with her weeks of hard physical and mental work making her drown into a heavy dreamless sleep. If it wasn’t for her strong hold around him all night he would’ve been worried she might have just simply collapsed and died from exhaustion. At least she didn’t have nightmares, he’d thought. Although they had decreased significantly, especially when she’d sleep in his arms, they were still a bit constant, and always left him at a loss of what to do every time she woke up startled and panting in the middle of the night. His true wish was to be able to simply pick up those nasty dreams from her brain with his bare hands and crush them like little bugs, one by one. He hated the fact that there were things he just couldn’t protect her from, and things so painful that had already been inflicted upon her and couldn’t be taken back, no matter how much he wanted to.

The following month they recruited her for one more job, quicker and less bloody, but more complex since it was more technical, which wasn’t really her area of expertise. They’d sent her to Lisbon to retrieve and delete some digital files stolen by a rival agency. It had been tricky to get into their head office and even harder to go through their system, but she’d managed to get in and out without ever being spotted. She’d left the content in a pen-drive in a small bag in their pre-arranged place, which was usually a hotel room, and was able to return home after only three days.

She arrived at the airport a bit earlier than she needed to because she had nothing else to do anyway, and as she sat down on the lounger at the VIP room, she saw him. Right there, on the TV in front of her, was a low quality, poorly taken picture of Bruce, following the headline “presumed dead Bruce Wayne spotted in Europe?”. You could see him walking down the street in a cap, arms around a “mysterious brunette”. But you couldn’t actually see her face, because it was turned to him and her hair covered the sides. 

She froze right on the spot and picked up her phone, noticing there were two missed calls from “BW”, the only contact number saved under a name. She’d thought about changing it to BH, as in Bruce Hyde, but it had felt wrong. She couldn’t reach him, though, as his line was occupied. It left her even more nervous, because there weren’t many people they talked to on the phone, and she tried to take comfort imagining it’d be Alfred. 

Her hands were fidgety and her body was finding it difficult to stay still, her legs jerking up and down and bothering the guy sitting near her. She got up quickly and looked for a waiter walking around offering champagne, taking one glass and finishing it in one large sip, then grabbing another one. The young man looked surprised, so she just muttered how it had been a long day and he just respectfully stepped away, probably thinking it was none of his business. 

When she arrived at the airport in Granada, she rented a car, predicting she wouldn’t be able to stand waiting patiently on the back of a cab. She was only able to relax when Bruce finally picked up the phone, also startled—probably because she’d never call during a mission—, telling her it’d all be handled and dealt with by the next day. He told her how the tabloid who first published it was very easily bought off, and they’d come up with a story for a counter report.

As Bruce had not been catching up too much on local news, too focused on keeping tabs on Gotham, it had been Alfred who let him know about the issue. He called, mortified but also proactive, already coming up with publicity stunts to stop it from getting viral. When asked about why he’d been so quick to find out about it and why he’d been so worried, the man responded that it wasn’t a good time to be exposed, which he didn’t elaborate on when Bruce questioned. That only raised his suspicions that something else was going on, and that Alfred had been keeping it from him. But he pretended to let it go and told him he needed to call Selina to let her know. 

Bruce knew he’d been fooling himself thinking that wouldn’t happen at some point. Ra’s Al Ghul told him once and he didn’t give it much thought, but the world really was too small for a name like Bruce Wayne to just disappear. It would’ve been fine by him to have to deal with it and the constant threat of being discovered, but knowing that it didn’t affect only him anymore left him stressed and fearful. He’d been putting Selina at risk at all times by being with her. She sacrificed everything for a clean slate and was now risking it all just by staying with him. He had too much baggage to carry and he’d been laying it on her as well, knowing damn well she had enough of her own.

When she got home, he realized that that thought hadn’t even crossed her mind, and she was way more concerned about his safety and well-being. That only made him feel more guilty and unsettled, and it only got worse when he let himself have his mind eased by her comforting words and gestures. She had no idea his distress had nothing to do with the news, and everything to do with her being there with him.

The next day, Gotham newspapers were all displaying images and interviews of Alfred Pennyworth, former mentor and butler to billionaire Bruce Wayne. They all wrote about how devastated he’d been seeing those false images being spread, and how it made him mad and indignated at the people responsible for it. “It is hurtful being given false hope. That is not Bruce”, read the headlines. Many speculated that photoshop had been used, while others agreed it must have been a look-alike—either way, they all complied with the fact that it was not him.

Bruce and Selina stayed in for the next couple of days, agreeing to be more discreet and careful until the dust settled. Soon enough the rumors were forgotten and left behind to give space to newer and juicier celebrity and political scandals. Still, they started going out less often, and wearing more accessories such as sunglasses and hats when they did. Bruce began carrying his light-stealing device again at night, in case anyone ever tried taking pictures of them, and had become more paranoid and cautious. All in all, though, their lives returned to normal pretty quickly.

Selina rejected the first job she’d been assigned to after the incident, claiming to have a family emergency. She’d wanted to stay and make sure the air was clear before going back out there, and while Bruce told her it was unnecessary, he’d been relieved she’d done so. He’d been obsessing over her safety since then, especially since he started feeling there was a lot that wasn’t lining up. Selina was sure that was only an overreaction and an exaggerated but comprehensible response to the realization that their perfect bubble wasn’t so impenetrable. That, combined with his recent habits to overanalyze everything that happened in Gotham.

The second time Dupont contacted her, a few weeks later, though, she was instantly interested. The woman never gave her many details about the missions beforehand, and she also never _asked_ if she was willing to take a case or not. So when a huge file was delivered to her door, along with a very alarmingly detailed and straightforward call from Miss Dupont, who asked her to consider carefully before accepting it, she was immediately hooked. She explained very thoroughly how this would be different from any of her previous assignments, especially because it’d involve catching _someone_ , and not _something._ However, even though her mind was made, she hung up the phone claiming that she would think about it and get back to her the next day, trying not to look imprudent or thoughtless, even though she knew that’s exactly what she was being, and she didn’t care.

Selina had heard of him before. Anyone with slight links to criminal activities in Gotham did. She’d crossed him once or twice, never having made direct contact, though. As soon as she heard his name and saw that’s who the case was about, she knew why Dupont was being so upfront and cautious about recruiting her. This would be dangerous, possibly deadly, and the woman was clearly trying to warn her just how much. 

There was the tiny issue that Bruce wouldn’t be a fan of the idea at all, but she was certain that if anyone could get him, it was her. 

“Floyd Lawton?”, Bruce asked rhetorically.

“Yes”, Selina answered blatantly.

“Are you asking me if you should go on this mission to catch him?”

“No. I’m telling you I’m accepting the case”, she said firmly.

“Absolutely not”, he nodded, walking back inside the bedroom and turning his back on her. 

Selina blinked twice in disbelief, then stepped away from the edge of the balcony and followed him inside. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. There’s no way I’m letting you go after this guy on your own.”

“As opposed to what, with you?” 

Bruce just stared at her, seemingly deep in thought, “There’s a reason why they call him Deadshot, Selina.”

“Well, duh”, she replied, “Guess I’ll just have to find a way to keep guns out of it, just the way you approve of”, she clapped back. 

“This isn’t funny, Selina.”

“Who’s laughing?” 

Bruce was making a lot of effort to be able look her in the eye, as much as she fought to keep his gaze on her. She knew that meant he was hiding something, or at least there was something he was struggling to speak out loud.

“Just say it, Bruce.”

“I don’t like it,” he let out before he could stop himself, “I don’t like you going out there and putting yourself at risk, not anymore. But I _e_ _specially_ don’t like this.”

“I’ve been at risk my whole life, Bruce, even went to the At-Risk Kids Convention a few times”, she snapped humorlessly, her voice so acid it could burn the skin. “This is all I know, and this isn’t any different. I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself, I always have.”

“Trust me, I know you do. It’s not you that I don’t trust…”

“C’mon, Wayne, don’t be lazy, you can come up with better lines than these cheap set phrases,” she spoke sarcastically, calling him by his surname because she knew he hated when she’d do that when she was mad or being ironic.

“ _Selina_. At least let me come with you… I know you can take care of yourself. But you don’t have to, not anymore—”

“Oh, so what you’re saying is you should do the work now?”, she cut in, “Really, Bruce? Is that what you really thought would happen? That I’d just drop everything and let myself be looked after by a man, just cause he turned out to be a billionaire, or, I don’t know, the _Batman_?”, she laughed darkly.

“Geez, you never let me finish…”

“I’m not Rachel, Bruce!”, she snapped; her tone was firm, but you could hear the exasperation and despair behind it. This time, he fixed his eyes on her, his expression blank, his brain deadpanned and struggling to form words. “I’m not the princess tied to a bomb you need to and can’t save. I can defuse the bomb myself. You can’t turn me into her, you can’t change me that much. When are you going to get that?”

“Believe me, I _get_ that,” he said, his voice letting show a controlled anger, but she could see she’d gotten under his skin.

“No, you don’t. I don’t think you see it. I changed. I’ve changed because of you. I’ve changed _for_ you. I didn’t love it, but I would’ve changed even more, if it meant you’d accept me better. But I accept you whole, entirely. And I _changed_ for you! But you can’t do that for me,” she spoke, discomposed, struggling to keep her voice steady, but failing to. “You and I both know this isn’t just about Lawton; this is about you projecting your own insecurities onto me. Don’t.”

“I don’t want to change you,” he replied, this time emotionless almost in a cold, harsh level, “And you’re right, you are definitely not Rachel. She would never do the things you’ve done. She’d never go so low; she stood up against people like you. You’re selfish, and greedy, and doesn’t serve or regard for anyone other than yourself.”

Selina felt like she had just been punched in the stomach and slapped in the face all at once, but she fought with all she had to not let it show. He saw her eyes darken and harden as she gritted her teeth and gulped subtly, “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way… And I’m sorry she’s not here to watch you still moping around over her. I won’t.”

She bolted out of the room, but came back a few seconds later, bag in hand. On one hand, he wasn’t worried, because she was packing her mission suitcase; and on the other hand, he was worried, because she was packing her mission suitcase. He would’ve said something, but he felt too enraged and frustrated to speak, already aware he’d regret some of his sayings later. Also, he knew at that point there was not much he could do to change her mind anymore, especially after that argument.

Selina drove her rented Mercedes rapidly through the narrow dark woods as she called Dupont’s usual number. The woman didn’t seem too surprised when she called back so quickly to tell her she’d take the job; she’d probably already figured Selina was an adrenaline junkie or some other freak like that. The night had already settled in when she got the instructions to take a flight to Paris. One single tear fell from her focused and hardened eyes, and she briskly wiped it away.  
  


———

One, two, three, six days went by with no news or automated texts. On the seventh day, Bruce gave in to his desperation and brushed aside his anger long enough to send her a message, which did not receive a reply.

He’d been taking turns and switching between being mad and being concerned for the last couple of days, one feeling always and invariably turning into the other at some point, generating a vicious circle. The nights had been the worst part. He’d wake up from horrific dreams and there were no arms there to ease his mind, no warm body breathing calmly over his chest letting him know they hadn’t been real.

On the hours that he’d spend preoccupied he’d try to locate her phone or check for billings on her debit card. But he knew she’d always disable her GPS tracker when going away; and this time she’d turned off even the personal one they’d set up just for the other—she’d agreed to it if they only used it in case of emergency, like if she ever stopped responding for multiple days during a mission. In regards to the card info, the bank account he’d transferred to her had been chosen for a reason, and that was because it was impossibly hard to trace.

After the tenth day without any updates, he’d started to lose it. There was no room for anger anymore, only for freaking the fuck out. At that point, he’d already called Alfred, who tried his best to give him some peace of mind, but hadn’t seemed so sure of it himself after Bruce added that she was out hunting down _the_ Deadshot. So that idea had backfired pretty badly, and after the call he’d gotten into an even worse shape. 

The next day he’d already let go of any remnant grudges he might’ve had about their fight, which were already few. At night, after rolling around on the sheets tirelessly without being able to sleep, he decided to take action. Since he knew she had a hard time swallowing her pride and letting bygones be bygones, he chose to take the first step and write her a pretty long and redeeming text, hoping she’d just waiver her guard down enough to let him know she was fine.

_Hey. I just wanna say I’m sorry for the way I acted, I was upset and edgy and I take all the fault. I was just trying to protect you because I can’t stand the thought of you being hurt or in danger. But it was selfish of me to ask you to stop doing something you like and are so clearly good at. I was hurt by some of the things you’d said and I snapped and said some cruel and untrue things, but that’s no excuse. You have to know you are absolutely perfect to me the way you are. You don’t have to forgive me just yet, but please just let me know you’re okay. That’s all I ask. I love you. BW_

As soon as he pressed send he put the phone away, trying not to be so impatient and anxious, reasoning that she probably wouldn’t check her phone so often while on a case. He also knew that that was best case scenario, but he wouldn’t let his mind go there, refusing to even consider a possibility where she wasn’t safe and well. Bruce didn’t believe in anything, but that night, after waiting for an automated text that wouldn’t come, he just prayed to the nothingness, hoping there was someone, something, anything, listening. 

———

Selina had all the information available on his whereabouts and intentions in the French capital. All she needed was one moment of distraction, one tiny breach on his ever so impeccable plans. 

She’d never done the bounty hunter job thing, not like that anyway, so she had no idea what were the protocols and rules; and so she just invented them for herself. She’d been following him for a couple of days, learning his routine and habits, when the opportunity presented itself.

The details she’d been given about his stay in Paris were many. He was there on a “business” trip, which meant at least one person was dying and another one was paying him to do the work. The latter she’d thought to be none of her business, as the former she’d rather just think that if she did her job well, would also become none of her business. She was there for him, and for him only, and it was already a lot on her plate to even consider anyone else.

Lawton had been consistent about two things: the time he left his rented apartment, every day around noon, and where he ended up at the end of the night—which was coincidentally and conveniently where she’d end up as well.

The hotel she was staying at was next to his place, in the heart of Paris but still in a less touristic area, around the hipster-wannabees-filled Belleville. The city was so charming and appealing, Selina had to focus on what she was doing so as to not let him get out of her sight. Although, on some level, she knew being distracted by the city was only a way to not let herself get distracted by what was really bothering her. 

Certain events had been deliberately outcasted from her mind the moment she stepped foot outside of the house, and she couldn’t bring herself to even think about them, not if she wanted to avoid crumbling into a million pieces. And so she cut off any sort of communication or device that she or he could use to remind her of it all. She had to admit it’d been pretty petty of her to also shut down the automated texts, but she was too hurt and angry to care. 

As soon as she realized her mind was swinging onto that direction, she pressed her eyes shut and consciously removed the thoughts from her head. When she opened them, she was staring at her own reflection on the bathroom mirror, unrecognizable. Her dark locks were now giving space to light red ones; her almond eyes now covered in green. Somewhere in the back of her mind she saw her old cellmate friend reflected onto her own face.

Floyd Lawton, she’d decided, although less eye-rolling, was like any other mob gangster she’d ever had to deal with. Boastful, cocky, paranoid, distrustful, and a heavy drinker. So she knew better than to follow him and hang around every day the same. She’d gotten herself a wig for each different day and at least two different pairs of colored contact lenses. At the end of that day, though, she’d decided to play it differently. 

She returned to her hotel room and took off her red wig, French braiding her own hair and putting on an annoyingly pink nude lipstick. Then, she dressed herself the way she’d imagine any girl who never had a one-night-stand or threw up in the back of a cab would. A simple knee-high skirt and a buttoned shirt that said “I have boobs, but you’ll never see them”. She then headed down to the hotel bar, expecting to see him enter in thirty minutes at the most. She came up to the bartender and explained, in a broken but understandable French, that she was a recovering alcoholic and that every time she ordered a gin and tonic, he should give her a Sprite on the rocks.

As expected, Floyd came in and ordered his usual neat scotch. Selina was already splayed all over the bar counter, pretending to talk and laugh at herself. When he looked at her amused, she smiled provocatively just like a virgin would, and asked him to sit with her. She expected that at that point, the only thing crossing his mind was that he’d drink for free, putting it all under her tab without her noticing, which she didn’t care. But throughout the night, she started hinting him the way only years of experience fooling men would allow her to. She started with her hair, unbraiding it gradually over the hours, then her shirt, unbuttoning it when he thought she wasn’t looking. And then were the touches, the gentle, carefree thigh strokes, and then the subtle, accidental hand brushes. He was delivered to her—hotel room—doorstep before the end of the evening. 

By the time they were inside the suite, he was already all over her, kissing her mouth eagerly and making her have to put in extra effort not to punch him right there in his face. As soon as his coat fell to the floor, she saw it. Just as she’d hoped, there it was, a very expensive-looking gun, just hanging on the side of this waistband. With the most carefully thought out expression, she looked at him spooked, covering her mouth and looking as if she was about to scream or cry. He quickly removed it from his pants, putting his hands up and lying about how he was an undercover cop and promising he wasn’t going to hurt her. 

_Every fucking time_ , she thought, smirking on the inside. Oldest trick in the book, the damsel in distress; or, how she’d recently started calling it, the Rachel. Only she knew, at least in her book, the knights in shining armor were rarely climbing up towers to save the ladies, and more intending to take advantage of their vulnerable unfortunate situations.

She continued her act for a few more seconds and dropped the unsettled innocent look by tackling him to the bed, and kissing him more hungrily than he’d ever done to her. Then she abruptly stood up and got away from him, wiping her mouth and letting go of her false composure completely. 

“Honestly, this was kind of disappointing,” she chuckled softly, “Men… history never taught you anything, did it? You fall for the same tricks every damn time. I expected more of you, though.”

At first he looked at her confused, but it was already too late when he caught up to her and realized he’d been cuffed to the bedposts on each side. She’d become such an expert at that, he’d barely even felt it. By the time she left the room, there were already squad members of the French police entering. She mumbled ” _you’re welcome_ ”, but they ignored her, and she laughed as she walked away, hearing his insults to her echoing through the corridor. 

Her joy only lasted a couple of minutes as reality started crashing down around her. She was done, and so then... what? She returned to her own bedroom and started packing her stuff, unsure of what she’d do next. It wasn’t even midnight, and the weight of all the thoughts she’d fought all those days to ignore were settling on top of her again. 

The first cab that drove by the hotel entrance was called upon by the doorman and she got inside it quickly, telling the driver the first place she could think of. 

When it parked on the street adjacent to the Eiffel Tower, she got down and looked up to see how tall and big it was, much more than she’d ever imagined. It’d been the right call, she thought, she deserved a little time off after managing to catch no one other than Deadshot himself. She went through all security checks and began walking over the small garden leading to the area under the tower. She also thought how lucky she was that the place wasn’t crowded with tourists, seeming unusually and fortunately quiet. The line to buy tickets to take the elevator up to the top was relatively small, and she got one after just a short wait.

On the waiting room, after going through another security check—which made her thank god for not having brought any of her “toys”—, she stood patiently observing others; an Asian family whose couple held hands and smiled at each other the whole time as their two little girls played around them; a couple of teenagers kissing like no one else was around them; a group of pre-teens talking and laughing so loud it’d normally drive her nuts; and an old man wearing a beret, with a newspaper under his arm and looking up at the numbers changing on the elevator sign.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a beeping sound coming from her bag. She knew what that exact ringtone meant; she’d heard it a few times in the last days, but had adamantly ignored them. That time, though, she knew she wouldn’t have the strength to do it again, because she couldn’t come up with any reasonable excuse or feel any anger strong enough to overpower her need to at least see what was expecting her in that screen.

She picked up her cellphone from under the many layers of useless stuff and pressed the main button, waiting for that text to pop open, when she heard a voice coming from behind her. All she could see when she turned around to look was something soft being quickly pressed to her face as she rapidly lost all her senses. The last thing she’d been able to hear was that terrifyingly amused voice summoning her.

“Here, kitty, kitty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who haven't watched Suicide Squad, the character Deadshot is portrayed as the best hitman in Gotham, who's never missed a target. He's played by Will Smith.


	13. 13. Torment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [TW]: Graphic depictions of violence. Read at your own risk.

Her wrists hurt from the tight ropes wrapped around them, tying them together behind her back. She could feel blood dripping and streaming down to the palm of her hands. Another sudden wave of sharp pain hit her right cheek, but she didn’t falter, immediately turning her face to stare daringly at the one whose hand had just slapped her. 

A deafening and annoying laugh came out of his mouth, so loud and high-pitched she had to stop herself from flinching at the sound. The ice-cold howling winds hit the burning hot skin on her face, slightly numbing it from the pain. The white lights started flashing again outside of the tower grids and Selina calculated that therefore she’d been there for a bit less than an hour—every thirty minutes the Eiffel Tower golden lights changed color and began to sparkle brighter.

She looked around and observed the many clown-masked men standing in position, holding their guns in a circle around them; then all those people standing cornered against the monument structures, preferring to be on the edge of it than near that horrific and twistedly childish figure. They all looked at her, frightened and sympathetic, too scared to even come close and do any of the things their good conscience must’ve been telling them to do. One little girl holding onto her mother’s leg seemed to be the only one with truly fearless eyes, and Selina realized the only reason she’d been clinging to her like that was to give _her_ moral support and comfort. She smiled at her shortly and the girl smiled back.

“I like you,” that disturbing voice spoke, pulling her away from her thoughts. She sighed, annoyed. “You have a fire in your eyes, almost like the one that other one had… what was her name? Mmm… Reagan? Racquel? Doesn’t matter.” 

Selina rolled her eyes and spit out bloodfilled saliva, looking clearly uncomfortable with the comparison.

“Of course, you’re much more fun to play with,” he said, leaning down close to her and resting his hands on the arms of the chair. His tongue flickered around as he spoke, “I wish you’d brought some of your own toys, though. I would’ve loved trying them on you—oh, well, mine will have to do.”

Selina kept quiet, and didn’t express any reaction to that dirty, painted, and disfigured face that stood only inches away from her. He looked down to her mouth, licking his own lips, seemingly amused and in deep thought. She didn’t dare speculate what was it he was thinking, but she had an idea of what kinds of mental images he might’ve been reliving.

“You’re so quiet!”, he snapped, pulling away from her pretending to be mad, “Say something, Kitty Kat! Come on, play with me! I’ve been so bored! Should we do a little truth or dare? I didn’t bring any booze but I’m sure we can come up with some other sort of punishment…”, he looked at her pleadingly, but her expression continued to be blank, “You’re a shy kitten, I get it. I’ll start then, I say truth. You ask me.”

She wasn’t planning on playing by his rules, but after a few seconds, she started thinking that maybe it was a good way to get some explanations. And buy herself some time. 

“Okay,” she said, and his eyes popped in excitement as he bounced up and down like a little boy. “Why are you here?”, she asked, condescending.

“Ugh. No fun,” he rolled his eyes, “Okay. I’m here for you, kitty.”

“What does that mean?”

“Uh-uh, that’s two questions. It’s my turn.”

“Truth.”

“Do you know… Batman’s real identity?”, he asked theatrically, “And careful, because I know the answer to that one, I’m just making sure you’re playing fair here. I’ll be a 100% honest with you if you’ll return the favor. And I’m not even asking you to say his name.”

She eyed the people around her from the corner of her eye, and seeing no point in lying at that stage, whispered quietly, “Yes.”

“What is that? I can’t hear you,” he yelled teasingly, bringing his hand to his ear to direct it towards her.

“Yes,” she replied somewhat louder.

Some chitter-chatter started growing quietly among the hostages, but soon died when the clown looked at them angrily.

“Thank you for your candor, my dear. Now… I choose, mmm… dare.”

Selina thought carefully. She couldn’t ask him to do something as stupid as untying her, or letting them go. He wouldn’t, and he’d just ridicule her for even thinking he would. She needed to work with what she had. 

“I dare you to tell me the truth about what’s going on here.”

He sighed, fake disappointed. “Argh, okay. We’re going there, then. This… is my opening show. Somehow, my comeback hasn’t been displayed the way I’d expected it to. Shame. They didn’t want to make a fuss and cause “panic”—so I decided to take matters into my own hands and make that myself,” he said, now motioning to everybody, as if he was the host to a talking show. “But imagine my disappointment when Batman didn’t show up to my homecoming party. Of course, being dead does excuse a person from attending to such matters… or does it?”, he turned, eyeing and smiling at her darkly. 

That had been probably the first time she’d seemed affected by his words, when she grit her teeth to keep herself from showing her rage. When he started laughing again, she knew she’d exposed herself, and he hadn’t been fooled. That was exactly why she never brought personal matters into work.

“But then, _you_ came into the picture. Oh, that made my day! A new character, an added plot twist to my final chapter! I could barely contain myself!”, he said dramatically, brushing his greasy hair back excitedly, his tongue getting twitchier by the second inside his mouth. “But I needed to be patient, careful, plan this out to the second. You understand? And I needed my favorite actor to show up for the rehearsal! I left signs everywhere for him to see. Practically begging him to come out and play. I started thinking he was actually dead! But I tied the knots… I realized he wasn’t the only one declared dead or missing in town and...”

“Excuse me, sir!”, a man from across the floor interrupted him. His clown face quickly lost all thought-out and carefully played composure, taking a slow turn to face the man. “Look, I’m sorry, but I have nothing to do with this, I got a wife and kids back home, please let…”, the man stopped talking when Selina shot him a quick, mad, what-the-fuck-are-you-doing look.

The Joker turned away from him again, staring at Selina with a fake smile as he took a gun from his jacket and shot the man straight in the face without even looking. She didn’t flinch nor quit his stare not even for a second. As soon as the commotion began spreading across the room, he fired another shot up to the skies, and everybody shut up.

“So, as I was saying… I left signs. The feds decided to cover it all up. The media wasn’t informed. Imagine that, they didn’t want people to know I was back! So I had to step up my game. I had to hit close to home. That little friend of his died screaming. Admittedly, it was a quick death, I was feeling generous that day. Still no show. I was disappointed. But _then…_ a little tabloid from Nowhere City, Europe, turned out to be my salvation! Where was he, the almighty dark prince of Gotham? Playing play-pretend with the neighborhood cat! Taking a vay-cay. Being all bright and smooshy, drinking margaritas by the sun and tapping this pussy all the way across the world like some mama’s boy rich playboy.”

Selina couldn’t help but notice he wasn’t giving out Bruce’s name, nor seemed like he intended to. She didn’t know how, but that made her feel calmer even in the face of everything else. 

“Of course, I didn’t know the woman in that picture would turn out to play such a big part in my play. I actually thought she was irrelevant to it all. But someone helped me open my eyes to how you could actually be the key to everything. I admit, I could be a little blindsided when it came to those things until a while ago. But when we found out it was _you…_ everything just became so much more exciting! The crime-fighting hero and the cat-burglar? My mind just…”, he motioned his hands as if his head was exploding, then reached for his pocket and picked up a small thin object from it. Her cellphone. “Now… according to this recent text here, you two are in a bit of a lovers’ quarrel, am I right? Well, he apologizes. Wanna see?”, he asked and showed her the screen, immediately pulling it back and laughing. “Just kidding, you can read it,” he dropped the phone on her lap.

She looked down and read it, then fought with every fiber of her being not to let it affect her thoroughly controlled, tranquil attitude. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath when he wasn’t looking, then eyed him with the coldest look she could pull.

“Is this your plan then? Try to lure him here by threatening me? It’s pathetic. Good luck with that. You see, you think you’ve got me figured out, but you don’t.”

“Don’t think I don’t remember you. You’re the little thief from the alleys in the Narrows. You’ve come a long way since then, but don’t kid yourself thinking you’re anything more than that. Not to him, anyway. Not to these people here. I _see_ you. Don’t think he doesn’t too, as much as he tells you how _purrfect_ you are,” he teased her, rolling his tongue. 

“How did you find me anyway?”, she asked, wanting to change the subject, “Here in Paris, I mean.”

“I told you. I see you. You’d like to think yourself so different, but you’re just as common and cliché as everyone else. This is Paris. The Eiffel Tower would be the one place you wouldn’t miss. We just had to wait”, he said as he approached the hostages curiously, unpretentiously analyzing them, then stealing a paperbag of popcorn from a little boy’s hand. “As for how I knew you’d be here, that’s a different story. You should by the e-book later”, he walked back to where she was, “Okay, you’ve bought yourself enough time for now. Back to business. We’re going up now.”

Two masked men came from behind her and untied her hands, throwing her cellphone to the Joker and grabbing her by the arms to get her to stand up. She knew it’d be pointless, and possibly dangerous, but she couldn’t bear to just sit idly by as he treated her as a trading pawn. She shoved both of the guys’ head against the other’s as she pulled herself on both of their shoulders, kicking their groins at the same time with her heels and making them fall to the ground. Two others started coming to her direction and she smiled, calling them signaling with her hand. From the corner of her eye, she saw the Joker clap his hands in excitement, laughing and eating the popcorn as if she was the most entertaining thing he’d ever seen. 

She lifted her leg up and kicked the shortest guy straight in his cheek while grappling the other and using his body for support as she closed her legs around the first one’s neck, tackling him to the ground. Since the second one was clutching her tightly, he also fell to the floor when she did, hitting his head pretty hard. She was about to handle him when she realized it wasn’t even necessary; so she stood up and waited for another one to show. They all had guns, so she figured they were all under strict orders not to shoot her; but none of them seemed too willing to stand against her anymore without using them. 

So she started walking determinedly towards the clown, but someone kicked the back of her legs and she fell kneeling; and just as she was about to turn around to fight them, she felt a sharp cold blade being pressed to her neck. 

“That’s enough, lady. You’re not messing with my puddin’”, said a voice she hadn’t heard speak yet. It was feminine and high-pitched, with a childish accent.

She tried to see who it was from the corner of her eye, but ended up seeing her entirely when she let go of her as two others came and cuffed her hands on her back again. The woman was very pale and blonde, had small tattoos all over her face and body, and was probably in her mid-20s, but she couldn’t be sure with the outfit she wore—fishnet stockings under just sparkling red panties and a white t-shirt that said Daddy’s Lil’ Monster. She had her hair tied in pigtails, the tips dyed in blue and pink on each side, matching her makeup. She looked like a cartoon character, especially next to the man in makeup in a purple suit and green hair.

“Harley Quinn, nice to meet ya!”, she said excitedly, as if she hadn’t just almost threatened to slice her artery opened, offering her hand to shake. Not that she’d considered it, but Selina looked down at it then up at her again, and she laughed, the Joker following after. She was now sure she’d just walked right into the freaks wing.

They took her to the central elevator, the one who’d take them straight up to the last floor, to the top of the tower. The elevator panoramic view allowed her to see the streets down there, packed with police cars surrounding them and crowded with people looking up as if they were able to see anything. The fussy situation didn’t seem to bother them at all—the Joker was humming happily while Harley blew bubblegums and checked her nails distractedly.

They entered the empty restaurant and some of the henchmen started making space by pushing and throwing tables and chairs to the corners. They tied her to another chair yet tighter than before, and she bit her lips to stop herself from grunting in pain as her bloody wrists were smashed together against the backposts. 

“Why are you doing this?”, she asked huskily.

“Harl, please shut her up, I need to think,” he said, looking out the window glass.

“Gladly,” Harley replied cheerfully, smacking her across the face so hard the chair swung and fell to the side. Selina groaned as she hit the floor hardly, having her whole body crushing her arm under her. “ _Mistah_ J hates it when people are chatty. Just be happy I didn’t use my baseball bat,” she whispered and winked.

Selina ignored her, “He’s not coming, you know that, right?”, she continued when she realized that’d gotten his attention, “He doesn’t even know where I am.”

“Oh, believe me darling, one way or another, he’ll know.”

“I’d left him”, she tried lying, “When he realizes that, he won’t come. He won’t wanna risk it all for me then, you know that.”

As if on cue, her phone started ringing in his suit. Selina cursed silently when she recognized the ringtone. He looked at her, pleased and amused, and motioned to someone behind her to lift her up from the floor.

“We’ll see about that… Now, I can only assume BW is who I’m thinking it is, right?”, she didn’t answer, and spit out some accumulated blood from her mouth again. “I’ll take that as a yes. You’re going to answer this, and you’re not going to sound alarmed. Not yet, anyway. Think you can manage to do that?”

Selina didn’t want to give into it, but nodded grudgingly.

“I’ve heard you’re a great actress. Let me see you put on a show,” he pressed the green button on the screen and put it on speaker mode.

“ _Selina? Where the hell have you been? Why didn’t you answer any of my texts?_ ”, she could hear both relief and anger in his voice.

“Hey… Sorry, I’ve just been so busy. Everything’s fine, though”, she cleared her throat, needing to try hard not to let her voice crack after she heard his. They muted the call and the clown slapped her, reprimanding her.

“ _What do you mean,_ fine _? You left without saying anything and shut me out for weeks, and you say it’s all fine?_ ”, he said, frustrated. 

“Sorry about that. I needed some time to think, to get away from there. I needed to go on this mission and do this for myself…”, her voice squeaked at the end, when Harley pulled her hair back roughly. The Joker muted the call and said she wasn’t being warm and fuzzy enough. She reminded him they’d been fighting, and he turned on the mic again.

“ _What was that?_ ”

“Nothing, I just stepped on my foot. Listen… I’m finished here, and I’m fine, but I don’t know when I’ll be coming home, okay? I still need this time, I need to think… I forgive you, but I still gotta figure out what I want… what I need.”

 _“Selina, please. We can figure this out, you just need to_ be _here, remember? You promised_.”

The Joker rolled his eyes, but Harley looked like she might start crying any second. 

“I know… but we both knew this was never going to work on the long run. I know I said some awful things, but you’ve also hurt me too much. I need to be alone right now.”

“ _Hey, come on, please don’t do this, we ca…_ ”

“I gotta go,” she cut him in, unable to handle one more second of that talk, “Again, I’m sorry.”

“ _Selina…!_ ”

“Babe?”, her voice was just a murmur now, “I love you.”  
  


———

Something was wrong, he knew that. Selina had tipped him off, but he had no idea where to start. 

That night, after he’d sent that text, thinking he’d get some weight off of his chest, he only started feeling worse; especially after he saw that she’d seen the text, but hadn’t responded. Either something was off, or he was in a deep state of denial, not wanting to accept that she was simply choosing to ignore him completely.

He searched the entire office in their house, but finally found that little piece of yellow paper he’d thought didn’t even exist anymore. Jacqueline Dupont’s business card. He’d prayed she’d answer the unidentified number, and she did. As soon as she picked up, he started explaining the situation and begging her to give him some, any, information on Selina she was able to. She insisted she didn’t know who that was, and even if she did, that it’d be strictly confidential. The conversation took a turn when he said he was a friend of Amanda Waller, and that’s why he was trying to reach out to Selina. She stood her ground that all information was secretive, but wavered enough to tell him that she wasn’t going to give out where she was, but she had finished her mission successfully and was fine when they’d last talked a few hours earlier.

Bruce was filled with relief, which then turned into crumbling hopelessness, realizing that the fact was that she’d been actually blowing him off. However, Dupont kept talking, and opened up a bit more to him, saying that although she’d delivered Lawton to them impeccably, they hadn’t found any evidence that he’d been there to kill anyone, nor that he’d done so. And the guy they’d thought was his victim they’d discovered to be nonexistent.

 _Okay, so something_ is _wrong_ , he thought.

It was already late, but since she was surprisingly done with her mission, he’d decided to try her again. He typed in the number he knew by heart and waited. It was a few seconds before the call was answered, but she didn’t say anything. He started, letting out all relief and frustration he’d been feeling at the moment, but she didn’t seem so eager to be talking to him. His chest felt small as she voiced the words automatically and seeming distant. He could hear strong winds behind her, but the sounds were being completely cut off from time to time. 

When she began saying how much she needed to be left alone, he was left desperate and confused, his brain going a hundred miles an hour trying to keep up and come up with whatever he could say to not let her leave. But she wasn’t sounding like herself, which at first crushed his soul, imagining she was already done and decided; but then it made him inexplicably suspicious, and he just wanted to keep the conversation going enough to buy him some time and think. 

Then she said the word. Their safe word; followed by the most beautiful and terrifying ones to ever reach his ears. She was not fine. She was in trouble, deep trouble, enough to make her believe that could be her last chance to say them out loud to him, and that was her way of letting him know. 

She hung up and his heart was pounding so loud in his chest he could barely hear himself think. He had nowhere to start; what _could_ he even do?

Thinking back on the phonecall, he could now tell she hadn’t been alone for it. The stiffness in her voice and the fact that her mic seemed off at times made him believe someone else had been holding the phone for her, possibly muting the call from time to time to talk to her. She’d said she had stumbled on her feet—she was the most gracious person he’d ever encountered and there was no way that was true. Shivers went down his spine when he started seeing the picture of it all.

With shaking hands, he picked up his phone again. The only thing he could do at the moment was play along the way she’d been doing. And so he typed in the words.

_B: Selina, please, don’t do this.  
  
_

No response _._

_B: I’ll do anything. I’ll change._

(...)

_B: I know you’re there. Talk to me._

His breathing sped up when the screen indicated she was typing.

_S: Thats pathetic._

_B: Come home so we can talk._

_S: Cant. sorry. tied up in something here._

_B: Where are you?_

_S: Yeah, right._

_B: Just tell me where you are!_

_S: HA HA HA._

A few seconds passed before he could actually process the words. A weird feeling took over him, like he might throw up or his legs might give in. No. It had to be Selina pulling a sick prank or cruelly playing him. Before he could even start thinking about what that could mean and what to answer, there was another beep.

_S: Shes feisty this one. even better than that other one. good choice. tho i wouldnt think she was your type. too crooked ya know? ;)_

_S: But she does pull one hell of a good (cat)fight. HA HA HA_

(...)

_B: Selina._

_B: This isn’t funny._

_S: Whos laughing??_

_S: Oh wait. that would be me. HA HA HA_

(...)

_S: Relaaax brucey. its just a JOKE_

  
And with that, he threw his phone away from him and punched the nearest wall, opening a hole in it. He didn’t even feel the pain of it.

That was it. The terrible thing he’d been waiting to happen ever since he’d decided he was happy. Though that was nothing like anything he’d ever imagined, it was a thousand times worse. His imagination could’ve never aimed so high. If that was what a panic attack felt like, he could finally understand the terminology. The air fell short in his lungs, his heart was deafeningly fast, his body tingled maddeningly all over; his palms were sweaty, and he felt as if he was paralyzed, but also like he could not stop moving. Everything was in fast and slow motion at the same time, and he had to make an effort not to pass out from the disorientation. 

He picked up his phone from the floor but didn’t stand up from it, sitting down and resting his back on the bed. Typing his phone number, he called the only person able to help him at that point.

“Alfred. Selina was taken,” his voice sounded worse than he had imagined it would. 

“ _Master?_ ”, Alfred answered, suddenly startled. He’d been probably sleeping at that hour and Bruce could hear him getting up. “ _Tell me_. _Lawton got her?”_

“No, she got him. This is worse. Alfred, this is much worse. I don’t know how, but… I think it could be the Joker. “On the other side of the line, there was only complete silence. “But that’s impossible, right? He’s in Arkham. In the most secured cell in there, I made sure of it. It can’t be him, right?”

“ _Right,_ ” he replied, his voice filled with so much uncertainty it didn’t fool any of them. “ _Do you know where she is?_ ”

“No… I don’t know anything! I’m losing it here, Alfred. For God’s sake, just tell me what you know!”

“ _Alright_ ,” he said after a few seconds, “ _The Joker escaped Arkham a few months ago…_ ”, he could hear Bruce groaning angrily on the other side, but continued, “ _I didn’t tell you because they were handling it from here, discreetly, and there was no need for you to get involved._ ”

“Well, obviously, they didn’t handle it so well! How does he even know who I am? How does he know who she is? How did he know where she _was_?” 

“ _That, I don’t know._ ”

“Alfred, was he involved in Lucius’ death?”

Silence.

“ _Yes, Master._ ”

“How could you not tell me all of this?!”

“ _I was just trying to protect you. Amanda Waller tried to contact you many times the day it happened, but when she couldn’t reach you I begged her to stop. You’d finally gotten out of Gotham, that would’ve brought you right back in._ ”

“Well, clearly Gotham hasn’t gotten out of me. I can’t believe this. You should’ve told me. And now he _has_ her! He didn’t even say what he wants, which probably means he just wants to toy with me by using her. I can’t even imagine what he’s doi… How could you not tell me?!”

“ _Master,_ ” Bruce was about to cut in, but he continued, “ _have you seen what is going on in Paris?_ ”

“No, what’s that to do with anything?”, he replied automatically, exasperated.

“ _Turn on the TV._ ”

“I don’t have time to…”

“ _Just turn it on._ ”

Bruce rushed down the stairs and pressed the ON button on the remote. The first thing that popped up on the giant screen was an urgent news coverage, showing hundreds of police cars surrounding the Eiffel Tower. He heard journalists announcing all kinds of reports—calculated number of hostages, no suspect, bomb threat, failed attempts at communication and negotiation; but he could barely hear them, staring numbly at the images. 

“It’s him,” he simply said.

“ _I’m on my way._ ”

“Alfred? Bring Blake. And everything else.”

“ _Yes, sir,_ ” was all he could respond.

———

Selina had lost track of how many days she’d been tied to that chair, unable to change positions or move. Was it two days? A week? Two weeks? She had no idea. Every muscle in her body hurt. She was so hungry her stomach had just completely given up complaining, probably starting to digest itself from the inside out. The skin around her wrists was already nonexistent. The dehydration had left her lips so dry they would bleed out spontaneously once in a while.

But if she was able to choose only one pain to stop, would be the pain of having to listen to Harley talking non-stop. And not only did she have to listen to her, she had to respond, or else she got a very angrily thrown punch to her stomach, or a slap in her face, or even a hit with her baseball bat when she was feeling particularly vexing. 

The girl would sit by her side on the floor and talk about the Joker 24/7, and it was starting to make him look less and less enigmatic and “grand” by the hour. Selina had begun to feel she’d actually been kidnapped by the world’s craziest clown and her boyfriend. She’d been given all the “scoops” on how Harley had been his psychiatrist in Arkham and helped him get out of there. She’d heard over and over again about how they got together, and in seemingly moments of clarity on her part she’d talk about his diagnosis’ like she was actually normal, but Selina blacked out for the most part. Every time her eyes lingered shut for more than a second, though, Harley would snap her fingers in front of her demandingly. They’d never let her sleep.

Still, it was nothing compared to when _he_ ’d show up and decide he was bored. They’d gather all their so-called “toys” and test them on her for hours on end. Selina now displayed a scar on her ankle they’d carved shaped like a heart, with J + H written inside it; also, a couple small ones shaped like X’s on her thigh; and bite marks all over her legs from when they’d play out vampire kinks. And these were only the apparent ones. 

Once, when her chair was dropped and her body stood still over the cold floor, and she’d been already so drunk in her sleep-deprivation she’d actually paid attention to Harley, the girl managed to sneak in a sandwich to her, which she even fed her. But her moment of generosity backfired pretty badly for her, with the Joker coming in and catching her on the act, then slapping her across the face so hard she fell to the floor. He grabbed Selina’s chair and got it up only to slap her too, enough for it to tumble back down to the ground. 

For the most part, Selina had no idea what was going around her. It seemed like her brain had stopped working properly due to the extreme general deprivation. They’d let her use the bathroom, and usually gave her a bag of chips or a sip of water once in a while, but never enough to get her body to function. 

The Joker was MIA most of the time, which initially made her anxious, but then relieved, because when he showed up it’d usually turn into a bloodbath, and not only to her. He’d stopped with the pleasantries and theatrical conversations, and she could see his composure fading by the second. He was getting nervous, and she thought it had something to do with Bruce not showing up, which was the only thing that was still keeping her sane. 

It was a strange feeling to her. To actually want and pray that someone wouldn’t risk their life to save hers. It’d always been her first instinct to survive, no matter what or who suffered the consequences for that. But lying there on that cold floor, the only thing she wanted was for him to simply let her die, or at least to not be the one who kept her from dying. She’d like to imagine he was on the beach by their house, waiting for her to come back with a bowl of fruit salad, safe and unconcerned. 

Two fingers snapped inches away from her eyes, and she realized she’d almost fallen asleep into that dream. When she paid further attention, she noticed those were not Harley’s small, nail-painted hands. They were bigger, calloused, and covered in dirty white paint. She took a deep breath and looked at him. He was lying on the ground to face her, his makeup transferring to the floor as he spoke dangerously calm. 

“So it seems your bat really does not care enough about you to come,” he licked his lips, “so, what I’m thinking is, maybe I should increase my civilian casualties number? I don’t know… what do you think?”

“I think…”, she gulped, her throat was so dry her weak voice came out scratching her from the inside out, “you can try. But it won’t work. The Batman you knew is gone. Trust me, Bruce is just going to let the police handle this. He’s not going to risk or waste his life again just for you.” 

“But… I’m his archenemy. He has to show up,” he replied, seemingly confused. 

“You’re not his archenemy, Joker. You’re just a clown he enjoyed beating up from time to time. He won’t show,” she said, knowing by her recently acquired knowledge on him she’d hit his pressure point. She expected a punch, or at least a hit, but there was only silence. He stood up and looked deep in thought, staring blankly at the windows.

“So, what you’re saying is… I’m not his archenemy?”

“No.”

“And you’re what… just a bitch he was fooling around with?”

“Yes,” then she felt his foot kicking her straight in the stomach, and she groaned.

“Sorry. Force of habit.”

He paced around the room silently, mumbling to himself quickly and incomprehensibly for minutes on end. Selina started getting dizzy just by looking at him, so she tried falling asleep with her eyes opened for the hundredth time.

“Okay. I’m not giving up just yet. But, if the main character won’t show his face, I need to at least add some visual effects for better entertainment. I still have some tricks up my sleeve. I am a joker after all.”


	14. 14. Showdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [TW]: Graphic depictions of violence. Read at your own risk.

Maybe, just maybe, if she hadn't hit rock bottom all those years ago, she wouldn't be in that situation. All those people wouldn't be in danger. Many would still be alive. In a way, she'd once held in her hands the future of the city she despised, and that despised her, even if she didn't know it at the time; she'd been too good at her job for her own sake.

She wouldn't be in that tower. The Joker would've been just another criminal playing dress-up. Batman wouldn't have disappeared for almost a decade, and Bruce would've probably married Rachel Dawes, and maybe even had a couple of kids.

She wouldn't have met him either, but that would've been fine, as long as he was fine.

———

Bruce drove all night, knowing he'd never be able to be patient enough to get on a flight, even if it'd take him less time to get there. He'd been driving for almost ten hours, but showed no signs that he'd stop soon. His eyes were focused on the way, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly they'd cramp once in a while. He couldn't afford to think about anything other than the road ahead of him.

Alfred had taken the Wayne jet and was flying it to a smaller, local airport around Paris, where he'd meet Bruce. Blake was in the back, studying sketches of the Eiffel Tower structure. He'd never even left the country, and there he was, flying to another continent with less than a 24-hour notice, to face Gotham's most feared criminal.

As soon as they landed, there was a black Mercedes waiting for them by the airstrips. There were no exchange of pleasantries when they entered the car and found Bruce behind the wheel. They both exchanged looks, probably thinking about the same thing: the dark circles under Bruce's eyes and his excessively fast driving. But they didn't say a word, fearing he'd just freeze them out or disintegrate them with his cold furious gaze.

Bruce was mad at both of them, but he had no time to deal with those feelings. It helped that they kept silent for the rest of the trip to the Wayne penthouse in the Parisian city centre. The city looked apocalyptic, showing no signs of the usual romantic dreamy setting. Everyone on the streets had terrified expressions, and countless police cars and ambulances rushed by them every minute or so.

They settled themselves in the giant apartment and Bruce started voicing orders around, telling them to look into this or that; none of them argued, following his instructions without questioning.

Bruce had been studying his former and long worn uniform, fear and doubt creeping into his mind, when his phone rang in his pocket. It'd been Miss Dupont, telling him they'd found someone had been infiltrated in their squad and had been caught trying to help Deadshot escape. None of that had made any sense until she told him Lawton had let out he'd just been hired to show up in Paris, stay there and wait for further instructions, which never came.

When Bruce brought that information to the table, Alfred explained how the Joker had escaped. He told him about Dr. Harleen Quinzel, the psychiatrist who'd been manipulated and fallen in love with the clown, who helped him get away from there and had been one of the masterminds behind his plans ever since. Blake let him in on all the robberies he'd been pulling around Gotham, and all the mobs he'd been killing off.

Bruce concluded that the whole Deadshot mission had only been a setup to bring Selina into town. Why, he didn't know. But he was sure that somehow, and for some reason, the Joker had hired him to play bait while he kept his actual plans running from behind the curtains.

Their plan was taking shape after three days of studying and analyzing every possible entry and exit that did not involve having to run it by the cops first. They also needed to take into account that there had been a bomb threat in case anyone tried to interfere, so on top of being smart and quick, they also needed to be discreet and cautious. They had calculated about a hundred people had been taken hostages, but agreed that Selina was probably not being held alongside them. That meant they were possibly keeping her separate, on the top floor, which presented harder access and lower capacity, while the others were scattered through the first and second floor.

Bruce had been intently trying to contact Waller, but reaching her had proved to be pointless and impossible. On the fifteenth try he almost smashed his phone with his bare hands.

"I was glad to find out you were alive,” Blake said suddenly after Bruce sighed exasperated, probably trying to distract him a bit. "When I saw that picture, I just knew it was you. I was even more certain of it when I recognized Miss Kyle. Alfred wouldn't confirm it, though, but still, I knew."

Bruce looked up at him, initially tired, but then something clicked in his brain, "That's it. That's how he knew about me. That's how he found us," he muttered, understanding. Blake froze on the spot, which meant he probably agreed with his theory. "We need to wear him out. I don't know how, or why, but I know this is for me. He wants me to show up."

"And will you?", Blake asked.

"We both will."

"When?"

"When the time is right, we'll know. He needs to think things aren't going according to plan, and then he'll make a mistake."

Blake looked at him curious and attentive, but Bruce didn't even notice. His mind was going a hundred miles an hour these days, and nothing seemed to make it stop.

"I don't know how you're managing to be so rational about this."

Bruce looked up, finally seeming to be present during a conversation since they'd encountered there. At first, he'd thought Blake was being ironic, but when he saw his eyes he could see he was being honest. For the first time since they'd gotten there, Bruce stopped everything he was doing, then started talking almost in a soft manner.

"This is the worst thing I could've ever imagined—scratch that, I could've never imagined this. But this is what she would have wanted me to do. She trusts me to do things right and think them through, and she wouldn't respect me if I let myself lose my shit", he explained calmly, "And I trust her. I trust that she can handle herself and that she'll be fine. My one mistake was underestimating her, and I won't do that again". Blake felt like he needed to say something but couldn't find the words, but then Bruce continued, "Having said that, it's the Joker. I know she's not fine. She'll be fine though, and I don't allow myself to think further than that."

"Yeah, man. We'll make sure of it," Blake reassured him after a couple of seconds in silence. "And you're right, if anyone can take care of themselves, it's her."

Bruce let out a short humorless laugh, then said, "I'm sorry I didn't say this before, but thank you for coming.''

"Of course... but if I may ask, what is it exactly that you want me to do here?"

"You're here for them," Bruce said, pointing at the muted TV screen showing pictures of some of the hostages on the urgent news coverage. "I can't save them until I know she's safe, and I can't save her knowing they're in danger. I can't choose, because I know that if it came down to it, I'd probably choose wrong. I'm retired—I've done this enough times, and I don't want to do it again, I'm done being put in this position. These people... they need someone whose only concern is them. That's you. That's why you're here. I'm here for her, and for _him_ ,” Bruce mouthed like he was disgusted, "So I can finish my job, and you can start yours. If that's what you want, of course...''

Blake sat there pensively. He had considered all of that before, sure, but that was different. That was him putting himself on the frontline and actually taking a step towards becoming the new... what?

"Obviously, you can accept this and go and take on it on any form you want. But right now we don't have time for that, and it'd be a good way to start. You also need to understand the sacrifices you'll have to make. And it's not a simple work/life balance sacrifice. If you care about those people like I do, and like I know you do, you have to care enough to be willing to go through what I'm going through right now. I don't regret any of it for a second, but I live with the burden of knowing many people I love and loved would be alive or living safely hadn't I taken on this journey. It's not just you on the frontline, it's them too. And I need to not have to make that choice right now, I need to not have to pick between saving the people, and saving the one I love. And I'll take the selfish path if I have to for the first time in my life, because I have committed to leaving that life behind, but I really hope you don't make me have to pick. I really hope I'm not just yet another bad thing that happened to Selina. She's had more than enough injustice in her life for me to let her live through another one, so if it comes down to it, I'd rather not let her have an unfair death over the others having it. I never thought I'd ever hear me say this, but this time I have to pick her; and more than that, I have to pick me. So I really hope I was right when I picked you.''

Several moments passed before any of them spoke. Bruce kept staring patiently at Blake, who stared anxiously at nothing.

"Let me see if I get this straight... you want _me_... to be the _Batman_?"

"Yes, and no. When you get back to Gotham, you can be whatever the hell you want, including nothing. But here, today, yes, that's what I want you to do."

"And you'll do what?", he asked, perplexed and confused.

"I'll be Batman, too.''

———

Selina's eyes blinked, irritated at the sun beams reflecting on them. She didn't know why, or how, but she'd fallen asleep and this time they hadn't hampered it. Her head was hanging loosely, with nothing to support it; but she had been so tired that it hadn't gotten in her way.

Harley was sitting down on the corner, sleeping with her head against the wall. When Selina moved uncomfortably on the chair, it woke her up and she was startled, looking around as if she'd forgotten where she was.

That morning she called in two other guys to help her carry Selina to the bathroom, because she could barely walk. The cops had just sent in another badge of wrapped up sandwiches and she also fed her one. Selina was in such a deplorable physical and mental condition that she didn't even think too much about Harley's unusual non-vexing and non-violent behaviors. But she knew she was less worse when the Joker wasn't around.

For the first few days Selina would keep track of him or at least try to keep tabs on his movements by eavesdropping on whispered conversations around her. She figured that if she wanted to make it out of there alive, she had to know exactly what he was up to at all times and whatever trump cards or aces in the hole he still had yet to use. But as the days went by, she just couldn't find the energy to even process what was happening around her anymore, let alone what wasn't.

When Harley took her to the bathroom that morning, she was surprised with the pale, skinny, wounded woman who stared back at her in the mirror. Scratches, cuts and bruises painted her body in all different shades and colors, the ugliest ones being around her wrists. There was still a hint of determination under those dark-circled eyes, but it was hidden under many layers of lethargy and exhaustion. But what she was most surprised about was the fact that she felt even worse than she looked.

They'd given her some sips of water, but she still had to fight the urge to lick her chapped lips due to her general dehydration. When they took her back, they didn't even bother tying her to the chair like they'd usually do, just dropping her on the floor as if she weighed as light as a feather—which she probably did at that moment. That was the confirmation she needed that she wasn't the only one aware of how pathetically unthreatening she must've been appearing to be. But she was glad, though, because that meant her skinned wrists would get their much needed rest from the tight ropes.

She had figured that either torturing her had become too dull and easy on her current state, or that they were dealing with more pressing concerns at the time, because she'd barely seen the Joker or his henchmen in the last hours or so. It was probably both. Though she had no idea how long had it been since she'd first gotten there, she knew it was time enough for them to be running out of it, and the authorities were probably tightening up their security measures and putting to work invasion strategies.

She knew, one way or another, she wouldn't be getting out of there alive; it wasn't hopelessness or her giving up, it was simply stating the facts. She'd heard the term ''bomb'' being thrown around once or twice, and so whether they'd be able to stop it or not, she knew the Joker would personally take her down if he had to before they even had the chance to do so to him. And if she was right, and the whole intent for that whole fuss was just to make Bruce show up, then she was absolutely certain there was a light at the end of that tunnel for her, and not in a good way. The Joker wouldn't let her live to see the day, whether his plan worked or not.

With Harley talking her head off most of the time, Selina had learned to space out for hours on end, managing to frown an expression or two from time to time to pretend she was listening. She didn't know if she'd just grown tired of beating her up or if she was just bored from all that time they'd been there, but Harley was being unusually less intolerable, and would only rough her up from time to time when she realized '' _Mistah J_ '' was coming, which recently was almost never.

So later at night, when that smeared make-up, doe-eyed looking figure widened her eyes when one clown-masked man whispered in her ear and made her completely stop talking, Selina returned her attention back to her. Something was up, because she felt the sudden change in the atmosphere around her. She didn't know if she felt more tense or more relieved that there was finally something going on—either way, she just wanted it to be done with.

Harley smiled widely and wickedly at Selina, then grabbed her baseball bat from the floor and came up to her. She prepared herself for another hit, but the girl simply squatted down next to her as deafening plane, or helicopter, or whatever it was, sounds reached her ears and bright blue lights flashed outside the restaurant glass walls.

''Seems like you were wrong, kitty'', she said as the elevator doors busted opened, and the Joker came out triumphantly, carrying a machine gun with his men behind him.

———

Bruce could see from afar with the help of binoculars from way up over, where he stood by the airplane opened backdoor, Blake-Batman approaching the circle formed by hundreds of police cars around the tower. His motorcycle was no Batpod, but it did the job. He saw the tensions rising amongst the cops when he drove his way through them and stopped abruptly in the middle.

It was a strange sight to him, seeing Batman in action from the outside. Blake's uniform was identical to the one he was wearing, which strangely didn't cause him to feel any weirdness or uncomfortableness; though as he was putting it on, he could see Alfred's eyes on him, and he could practically hear him saying " _don't get used to it_ ". He would've laughed in a different context.

As the plane lowered down as low as possible and as close to the tower as it could, Bruce prepared himself to jump. He opened his mechanic wings and dove head first into the gelid winds.

He was counting on the clown to be around Selina by the time he showed, but he needed him to be confused enough by the presence of two of him to not know exactly where he should be. Either way, it was more of a philosophical question: would his archenemy believe he was saving the woman he loved in detriment to the hundreds of other innocent lives, or the other way around?

At the end of the day, it didn't matter.

It didn't matter what he'd think he'd do, it only mattered how badly this confusion would disrupt his plans. Logistically speaking, a bomb going off would have more effect if placed on the lower grounds, which would cause the whole building to fall off. But logically speaking, it'd be better to have it around in case he'd like to set it off or stop it from doing so. And so, in a twisted logic, he hoped Selina was closer to the Joker and hopefully the bomb when the time was right, so he could get her and deal with it at the same time, killing two rabbits with one stone.

It was a risky plan, he acknowledged that. But having Blake around to open space for the cops and help invade the first floors was the key to it working. If he trusted him enough to deal with that part alone, and get those hostages out of there and back to safety, all he had to worry about was Selina's life and the Joker. Plus, a few expected other henchmen, but that was the easy part.

When he landed on the giant anthem on the top of the tower, standing thousands of feet over the ground, he gave himself a couple of seconds to breathe and grasp even if just a bit the immensity of everything that was at stake. Before he could get anxious, he took a step forward and then a giant leap towards the ground, falling a couple of floors down until he grabbed his grappling hook gun and shot it at the grid that enclosed the top summit, pulling himself up to it. He pressed a hand grenade to it and stepped away by hanging himself on the cord until it went off, opening space for him to climb through.

If their timing had been right, the Joker would be receiving the news about Batman's breaking into the first floor at that moment. Before he could let him react to the news by following through with the bomb threat, or personally heading there to deal with Blake's Batman, Bruce busted open the door to the restaurant, which looked nothing like the place he'd once dined with his parents. The tables and chairs, many broken, were scattered all over, having been dragged away towards the walls. It was dark and quiet, and there were many spots of dried blood on the floor.

At first, he saw nothing. Then, what his eyes found was a distinctive figure in a purple suit and greasy green hair. The clown himself, stopping on his way into the elevator to turn around and see him. The automatic doors closed behind him as three of his men stayed in, not having realized their leader had been left behind. He carried a machine gun idly on his shoulder, but barely seemed to remember it. His expression was of a child on Christmas morning.

Seeing his face after so many years sent ice-cold shivers down his spine, but he ignored them. But it only got worse when that disfigured face slowly broke into an amused smile, staring back at him perversely.

"Did you miss me?", he asked in a faux-innocent tone, his voice sounding even more repulsive than Bruce remembered.

Ignoring his question, Bruce finally looked around to identify the figure he'd already seen from the corner of his eye. The blonde in caricaturistic clothes and appearance also smiled at him, carrying a baseball bat over her shoulder and popping a bubble gum. Harleen Quinzel, he assumed. Not exactly what you'd picture a doctor looking like, but then he wasn't surprised at how the Joker could transform the people around him, not anymore.

He was about to turn his attention to him back again, but something caught his eye about her posture; the way she stood tall and protectively over a smaller, indiscernible figure curled up on the ground behind her. Before he could look further into it or process it, they both started laughing insanely and his whole body tensed up.

Of course it was her.

"Here we are again... I must say I'm impressed! And _crazy_ happy to see you're here and alive... you kept me waiting for so long I started to doubt you'd even show,” the Joker said, walking slowly around the room, his eyes twitching and his tongue flickering around like it'd use to, "I even thought I'd misinterpreted things and it'd take more than some rabble bitch to get you to leave your sabbatical behind. But I am curious, though, and for pure psychological research and future references, what brought you here? Was it her or was it them? Or better, was it me?"

"An airplane brought me here."

"Ugh, I forgot how _un_ -fun you are. You two have that in common..."

Before he could continue mumbling, Bruce couldn't stop himself from checking, "Selina, are you okay?", he asked calmly and seriously, not taking his eyes off of the clown.

When several seconds went by and she didn't answer, he imagined the worst. His heart raced in his chest, but before he could go mad and jump at the throat of the despicable man laughing unnervingly high in front of him, Harley stepped aside and push-kicked Selina hard in the stomach with her boot heel. He had to physically restrain himself from throwing that blonde off the tower. But then she groaned, and he could finally see her. Her eyes fluttered opened and closed back again; she looked terribly fragile and beaten up, and his blood boiled in his veins. He clenched his trembling fists tightly, trying to control the anger that was threatening to take over him and that would put their entire plan in jeopardy.

"I taught her that trick," Harley spoke for the first time, her tone annoyingly high-pitched and childlike, "Kitty's just playing dead. Look... kitty, roll!", she yelled and kicked her again, making her body roll over and her moan in pain.

"That's enough," he said, restrained.

"I-I'm okay,” Selina managed to mumble; her voice was dry and weak in a way Bruce had never heard before, and it almost made him flip out and reach out to her. But he didn't, which didn't soften the grip in his palms.

"You're not laying a finger on her anymore."

"Oh, is that so? I've already buried one of your girlfriends, I can bury another one. And this one, mmmmh... is going to be even better! She's feisty! She's a got a fire in her eyes not even my favorite toys could put out... I admit, it was fun, at first, but then I just started feeling she continued daring me out of spite... which I admire, but it can become quite irritating. So I'd just beat her up until she passed out. No way to see those eyes if they're closed, right? HA HA HA. _And_ if you think about it, this is all your fault. If you hadn't taken so long to show I wouldn't have had so much free time to get bored and I wouldn't have played with her so much. And she didn't waver, okay. I asked her so many questions, she didn't open her mouth. And trust me, I _tried_...", he smiled, showing Bruce his pocket knife, "but I just hate ruining pretty faces... when there's no one around to watch and mourn the waste."

Bruce weighed his options and stupidly considered and calculated the risks of grabbing him while he carried a machine gun on his shoulder. The odds were obviously against him; and besides, it'd be two against one, and he worried that the second he laid a finger on the Joker, Harley would finish the job on Selina with her baseball bat.

As if on cue, the elevator rang, disrupting his thoughts and signaling it was on the floor. When the doors opened, three dead men tumbled to the floor, and two others came out, their eyes widened and crazy-looking. They both froze on the spot when they saw Bruce-Batman.

"Ho... how? There's two of them?!", that grabbed the clown's attention, "They took all of them! The hostages... they're all out! The police are coming here—", a sharp loud sound filled the room as the other two joined the bodies on the ground.

It took Bruce only a second to realize the shots had been fired from the machine gun the Joker himself carried.

"Ooh, finally! Daryl never shut up. I hated the guy," Harley commented.

"Right?", he answered, "But what was it that he said, though?", he turned to Bruce, "Two of them? Is there something I am missing here?''

"Hey, don't look at me, I just got here," Bruce said innocently, but the corners of his lips upturned a little.

"I was told Batman was coming up from the ground floor with the cops," the Joker thought out loud.

"I guess I'm just that fast... although, which one are you talking about?"

The Joker frowned, not seeming too excited about being played and confused like that, "You do know I can press a button right here and blow us all over in a second, right?"

"I am aware. Let her go and you can do whatever the hell you want with me."

"HA HA HA. You're kidding? But _this_ is what I want to do with you. I don't wanna blow you over. I thought we'd already established that all those years ago. I need you, Batsy. I'd never want you dead... you keep me on my toes. Her, on the other hand... Well, let's just say she's made you go soft. These women do that to you, so I very much enjoy killing them like ants to keep _you_ on your toes. This one in particular will be even more satisfying—she's a criminal. So it's even worse, cause not only it's making you soft, it's making you less hero-like. I don't know which one of you is more pathetic for going mellow for the other. I can only imagine how great in bed she must be to make you drop your morals like that... Harley, dear...'', he motioned to her to get Selina up from the floor.

Bruce moved forward as if he was going to get her, but the Joker also took a step ahead and they both froze. But the Joker gripped his gun closer to him and kept walking towards her. He reached for his pocket knife on his suit and swung it opened, then started stroking Selina's lips lightly with the blade.

"Mmm. You should try her some time, Harl. Her lips were soft once,” he said, and Selina looked up at him darkly, as if her eyes could punch him in ways her body couldn't. She didn't look away from him when Harley came closer, grabbing her face and kissing her lips eagerly for a moment. She then separated from her, laughing and pushing her away. Selina tumbled back, but managed to stand on her feet after she reached the wall and leaned against it.

"You're right, Puddin'. I can tell she'd be a good kisser."

The Joker laughed and stepped closer to Selina, cupping her chin in his hand, "Yes, yes, yes. You could've been on the right wrong side of things, but you preferred being an embarrassment to our kind, kitty. I'd expected better things from you. When you embrace your villainy, you have to embrace it fully and constantly, not only when it's convenient. And you are _such_ a waste of potential. Oh, the things you could do, if only you hadn't let this goody-goody get to you...", he picked up his knife again, then slowly drew a small cut on her cheek. She didn't react, and kept staring daringly at him.

"That's it," Bruce said.

He'd controlled himself long enough, but he could bear no longer. He shoved Harley to the side roughly, making her head crash against the wall and her fall to the floor. But by the time he turned to face the Joker, he'd already grabbed Selina and had his arms around her, his sharp blade on her throat, pressing lightly against the thin skin covering her jugular.

"One more step and all her blood will be spreading across the floor in seconds," he said.

Bruce stopped immediately, looked at her pleading eyes and reminded himself he couldn't let his emotions get in the way. The Joker licked her face and smelled deeply into her hair staring at him, teasingly amused at the situation. She shivered almost imperceptibly, mainly trying to keep her reactions at a minimum so as to not let it affect Bruce. But he wanted nothing more than to smash that clown's head until his skull cracked open, but he had to think rationally and not let him use his weaknesses against him.

Harley seemed to have passed out. When she moaned in pain and Bruce looked over to her, he caught a glimpse of movement from the corner of his eye, through the glass windows, and he tried his best not to let it show. The Joker had also looked at her, breathing heavily and fuming, then turning his eyes furiously back at Bruce-Batman, who decided to poke the bear.

"What makes you think I won't just walk out of here? I'm assuming the others are safe, thanks to your idiocy. You've made it clear you don't want me dead. I don't know what's the reach of your bomb and if it'd only hurt us in the tower, but I'd rather not find out. Your mistake was thinking I'd pick her over everybody else, or the other way around. What I do know is that you're going to kill her either way, so it's better for me that I at least get to save the others. So what I'm thinking is that I can simply walk out and leave you to the cops. You can blow up the bomb, but then you'll have died for no reason, because the hostages are out, and Selina would’ve died either way."

"What makes me think you won't walk out is the fact that you haven't. And that even though I can't see your face or your expressions in that mask, I can still notice your teeth gritting every time I touch her...", he said as his arms gripped her waist pushing her back back tighter against his body, as if trying to prove his point, "See? I know you better. So stop joking around, that's _my_ job."

"Alright, then. But who do you think saved those people down there? You know the cops alone wouldn't stand a chance against your armed men. So you should ask yourself if the Batman would honestly let a bunch of policemen walk to their deaths only to fail to save those innocents? Would he let hundreds die to save _one_ life, even if that was the life of someone he loved?", Bruce questioned, "I don't know. I'm asking you, maybe you do."

"He'd try to save both,” the Joker answered, fixating his gaze distantly in nothing in particular.

"Yet, I'm here."

"Yet, yo..."

As soon as he started talking, a strangled grunt came out of his mouth and he involuntarily let Selina go and the knife drop. Bruce saw a batarang stuck into the arm that was previously holding Selina's throat, cutting into his now bloody purple suit. He grabbed her, pulling her away and pushing her to stay behind him before the Joker could react.

The clown's face, once unfazed and impenetrable, had assumed a confused and indignant expression as he turned to see a second Batman facing him by the door. Even Selina, who for most of it had barely had any energy to be shocked or surprised at anything at that point, seemed disoriented looking at both of them.

The Joker took turns analyzing them, seemingly trying to identify any similarities or differences, probably even bewildered and wondering who was the original one. He held his injured arm and pulled the batarang out.

"I always hated these things...", he groaned, "So, it seems like you took a page from my book and are pulling tricks now—"

"Enough talking,” Bruce snapped, and Blake quickly got the memo.

They both stepped forward, and Blake grabbed the Joker from behind as Bruce ripped the gun away from him and absentmindedly threw it to Selina. However, the clown shoved his head back against Blake's, who stumbled back and was left a bit dizzy for some time. Bruce picked up the pace and gathered all the anger he'd been holding back and started throwing punches, one after the other until they were both on the floor.

"Stop me if you've heard this one before," the Joker said in between punches, "Two guys walk into a bar—"

"Get her out of here,” Bruce-Batman told Blake-Batman, who promptly reached for Selina.

"I'm fine, I'm staying,” she argued, but before he could answer, he was on the ground.

Harley had regained consciousness and had hit his knees hard with her baseball bat. Blake hit the floor, and as she lifted her arms to give it another go on his head, Selina tackled her, restraining her hands. She'd been able to stop her, but she wasn't strong enough to fight her, and as Harley was flipping her over Blake threw in a punch to her stomach. It only slowed her down for a few seconds, but enough for Selina to kick her and get away from under her. She stood up, groaning due to the effort it was taking her, and pointed the machine gun at Harley before she could move again.

"Puddin'...", she muttered.

Bruce-Batman had just lifted the Joker up from the floor and was about to tackle him against the wall by his throat, when he was able to mumble, "I'm gonna blow this up. I'm telling you, if Kitty Kat right here doesn't lower the gun down now, I'm pressing the button. And only I know where that is."

Bruce stopped momentarily, then tightened his grip further around his neck, "Selina, put the gun down."

If she had been in any condition to argue, she would have, but she was drained enough as it was. She gave in to his request and put it down. It only took one second of distraction, but it'd been enough for Harley to grab the clown's long forgotten knife on the floor and drive it straight into Blake's abdomen. He tumbled back, falling against a couple of stacked tables and chairs and hitting the ground, groaning as Harley's laugh took over the room. Selina didn't think twice and raised the gun again, shooting once at Harley's leg.

The deafening sound reached Bruce's ears and he looked back, terrified at what he might find, but all he could see was Selina rushing to Blake's side. The Joker took advantage of that moment of diversion and got himself out of Bruce's suffocating grip, kicking him in the guts away from him and punching his face right after.

Blake was breathing heavily and grunted loudly when he pulled the knife out of him, against Selina's instructions. She tore a piece of the Batman's cape with her teeth and pressed it against his injury, telling him to hold it in place. She quickly assessed the room, seeing Harley crying out, lying on a pool of her own blood on the floor and yelling repeatedly " _she shot me_ "; Bruce-Batman and Joker were engaged in a punch-throwing fight and were heading out of the restaurant and towards the balcony.

Selina wanted to help so desperately, but the simple act of walking made her feel like she was about to pass out. She gathered all of the tiny bits of strength she could find and chanted silently something about mind over matter. She bent down and picked up the bloody knife from the floor. She couldn't risk using the gun with Bruce standing so close to him.

She hobbled her way outside to find the Joker talking and pressing Bruce dangerously hard against the broken grid. Half of his body hung loosely, threatening to fall off of it. Her heart stopped.

"Jack, stop!", she cried out, "Please!"

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Bruce acknowledged her saying, but the thought was interrupted by the Joker's laugh, sounding even more insane than usual.

In that moment, the adrenaline that pumped through Selina's body made all pain and weakness disappear and she walked firmly to him. When he didn't turn around, she stabbed him in the back with all she had. He yelled out in pain and let go of Bruce, who quickly managed to regain his balance. She was consumed by an unbearable hatred and didn't stop herself when her body drove her to tackle him to the floor. More than she hated him, she hated what he'd done to her, and even more so after the sight of him trying to get rid of the one good thing in her life. He didn't fight her when she straddled him, sitting on his chest, and lifted his own knife to aim at him; he simply laughed, blood coming out of his mouth, and that drove her even more mad.

"Selina, don't", Bruce mumbled in an annoyingly calming tone.

"No. This needs to be over. You were right, Harley didn't need to die. But he does", she muttered furiously, tears gathering in her eyes and making her vision blurry. "And I need to see the look in his eyes when he realizes it's the cat-burglar nobody who ended his life. He needs to watch himself not fulfilling his purpose and not dying by your hands."

The Joker's expression changed rapidly when he realized she’d meant every word of it. His amused and entertained smile quickly died as a terrified look took over his face.

"Why so _serious_?", she said acidly.

Selina had believed every word she'd mouthed, and so she couldn't understand why her hands were suddenly hesitating. Her brain was fighting her body, ordering her to do it and be done with. She had killed people before, people much less worse than that monster. There was no reason why she had to spare him. She could see Bruce approaching slowly and cautiously from the corner of her eye, and so she forced herself to work faster. When her fists clenched around the knife handle and she was about to drive it through his heart, something caught her attention.

A very low, beeping sound coming from him. Or, better, coming from his suit.

Her hands automatically loosened and she dropped the knife to the side. Bruce quickly realized what had happened and took advantage of her hesitation to intervene, removing her from over him and getting her as far away from him as possible.

"Bruce, we gotta go. Now", she said urgently and he looked at her confused, "The bomb. I think he set it off. It's on his sleeve."

_I still have some tricks up my sleeve._

Bruce looked back into the restaurant and saw both Blake and Harley passed out on the floor. Selina, although awake, looked even worse than they did, and had him supporting practically her whole weight so she could stand. There was no way he could get them all out of there in time. He turned his eyes to her, and even with his mask she could see he was battling something in his mind.

"Do you trust me?", he asked desperately.

"Yeah, what's going on?"

"I can't get you all out of here in time. We probably have a few minutes at most. I need to get _him_ out of here."

Her expression gradually turned into an understanding one, then a horrified one, "No. _No_ , you're not doing this again! You're not running off with a bomb to save everyone. Just throw him off the tower, force him to deactivate it, I don't care! You're not running off to die again."

"I'm not gonna die, I promise. I'll get out in time."

Selina turned anxiously back to the Joker, but he wasn't there. The knife had also disappeared. She looked back at Bruce in time to see a glimpse of green hair behind him, and so she pushed him out of the way using her whole body, otherwise she wouldn't have been able to, even with him not fighting it coming from her.

Pulling the most cliché and useful trick in the book, she kicked the Joker in the crotch, which made him bow down. She snatched the knife back from his hand in time for Bruce to come and punch him hard in the face, enough to make him fall down. As he held him down in place on the floor, Selina used the knife to cut his sleeve.

Under the pale skin of his forearm—now the only visible part of him not covered in white paint—, there was a small red light flickering.

"I told you so,” he winked and laughed at her shocked face, then received another punch from Bruce.

His laugh had left her inflamed and raging, specially after hearing it so many times as he tortured her over the last weeks. And so she knew there was no stopping her, and she didn't think twice when she grabbed his knife and carved mercilessly into his flesh, making his insufferable grin disappear and him scream in pain. The cut was deep and extended from his wrists to the end of his forearm. There was so much blood, if it wasn't for the lights she couldn't have found the beeping device.

It indicated the number 13, which descended by the second.

She barely reacted or saw Bruce's appalled face at what she'd done and what that number meant, rushing inside and picking up Harley's baseball bat; at that point, that was the best she could hope for to work. She ran towards the balcony and threw the device up in the air, swinging the bat back and then up straight on it, sending it flying high and far away from them.

Only a couple of seconds later, she watched the sky become consumed by flames, fog and smoke entangled around a ball of fire.

Selina felt the inexplicably and impossibly strong gush of wind against her face and body and she was thrown back, hitting the ground.


	15. 15. Truth

The last thing Selina felt was herself being lifted off the floor. All of the strength she had managed to gather had been quickly swept out of her and her mind began gradually shutting down until there was nothing, only the dark and the silence.

Her survival instincts had never been let so down. She didn’t care who carried her, where she was being taken, or how she’d get there. She only wished the complete and utter darkness would take over her so she could hibernate undisturbed in it for however long it took for her body to feel like a body again, for her to feel like herself again.

She was only dragged away from that mental void after what had felt like hours later by the familiar sounds and movements of a car engine. Voices and sirens seemed far distant to her buzzing impaired hearing. Bruce noticed she’d been drifting in and out of consciousness, and she could hear him mumbling as if from afar words of comfort, about how everything was going to be fine or how he was going to take care of her. But she felt so unbelievably wholly exhausted, she felt like there was nothing in the world that could cure her from the general weariness that consumed her. 

Bruce carried her inside the apartment as Alfred made room for them to pass and for him to accommodate her on the living room large couch. Her eyes opened briefly when someone flashed lights on them, and she caught a glimpse of Bruce’s cowl behind it as he sat down next to her and talked to someone else with a familiar voice in the room. She made an effort to try to look around, but all she could see was a large chandelier hanging from the ceiling, a coffee table, and Batman’s cape covering her. 

“I think she’s waking up, sir,” someone mumbled.

She tried to search the origin of the voice, but her eyes stumbled upon her own hands. Copious amounts of blood and white paint covered them, spreading all across her arms and sleeves. Her expression became terrified and her face turned even paler than it already was. An intense and strange feeling of desperation took over her, and if she hadn’t been so weak she would’ve probably given in to that pressing urge and eagerly scraped her own skin off to remove those stains from her. 

“Is the bed ready, Alfred?”, she heard Bruce ask.

“Yes, master”.

“Get this off of me,” she managed to slur. Her voice seemed even lower and farther away than those around her. Bruce looked at her surprised at her sudden reaction. “Please, get this off. Just get this off…”, she mumbled almost incomprehensibly, trailing off and seeming only partially conscious.

As soon as he saw the agonized expression she displayed, Bruce picked her up again and didn’t hesitate to do as she pleaded. She weighed as light as a feather, even though she was practically passed out on his arms. Bruce was getting increasingly anxious at the realization of how bad of a state she was in. His apprehension got even worse when he let her down and started undressing her and was able to see the full extent of her deterioration. 

Her ribs were completely apparent. Her wrists were barely covered by skin. She had deep blue and purple stains spread all over her body, some injuries on her legs he could swear looked like bite marks, and even… shapely scars. The one on her ankle in particular gave him the sensation of being punched in the guts with brass knuckles, and he had to grit his teeth to look away from that sick cruel joke. He gulped and quickly decided to brush it off in order to be able to take care of her. 

Selina was only slightly aware of what was going on, but when the hot water touched her skin, her mind seemed to light up a bit. She opened her eyes to find only moonlit darkness and Bruce—Batman's chest. He still wore his complete batsuit and was supporting her under the shower and rubbing her body softly with his hands. Not really an elaborate bath, but just enough to get the blood and accumulated dirt off of her. She took a quick peek at the floor and was left a bit nauseous by the sight of the red water that ran down from her.

She’d never felt that before. She never had issues or felt uncomfortable with depictions of violence or any of that. Only that time, she knew what that all meant. She knew what it represented—and that was how badly she’d screwed things up. That wasn’t any news, but she’d finally been forced to acknowledge and deal with the consequences of her poorly chosen behaviors of the past. 

She brought her hands up to assess the burning sensation the water was sending to her wrists, and was left a bit shaken up at the sight of the Joker’s blood accumulated under her nails. And even more so realizing he was indeed someone who bled. Bruce must’ve noticed it too, because he quickly mumbled something she hadn’t been able to pay attention to and grabbed her hands, taking them out of her sight. 

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she felt relieved and thankful Bruce hadn’t had time to take off his cowl, or turn on the bathroom lights. In the dark she could let herself slip away mentally. In the dark she could pretend he was just Batman and they didn’t have any issues. 

Her eyes filled with tears at the thought, and that crumbling feeling of desperation started taking over her again. It had all been too much. She could feel the adrenaline wearing off again. She was finally starting to feel the full extent of her physical condition and her knees becoming limp and weak, and she only had time to try and grip Bruce’s arms before the void swallowed her again. 

———

Hours later, Bruce was sitting by her bedside, scrubbing the blood off of her nails gently after having treated and assessed her injuries. She had multiple wires and needles going in and out of her, and the sight was absolutely agonizing to him.

Blake lay on the bed next to hers, also unconscious, though only asleep. Alfred checked his vitals on the monitor. They had set up hospital beds at the Wayne penthouse before they left in case any of them needed medical assistance, so they wouldn’t have to go to a hospital. A trusted doctor would come by twice a day and make sure they were recovering properly.

Beeping sounds echoed in the back of Selina’s mind, and she could even hear some conversations around her, though she hadn't found the strength to wake up yet. The painkillers they’d been giving her made her have lucid and colorful dreams, which initially produced beautiful images and visions, until they’d turn into horrifically realistic nightmares. 

Bruce slept on an improvised bed on the couch by her side, which he never left. He didn’t sleep as much as took timed naps once in a while. He’d wake up distressed when her heartbeat accelerated and the monitor machine started beeping like crazy. Since he knew that meant she was having nightmares she wouldn’t be able to wake up from, he’d crawl into the bed with her and hold her tight, whispering comforting words in her ear. He’d sometimes pick up one of her favorite books or poems and read them quietly only to her.

Days passed before she could stay awake for more than an hour. They’d been trying to reintroduce food into her system after her having spent so long eating so poorly and then being fed through parenteral nutrition. She didn’t talk much, or at all, and Bruce didn’t pressure her to do so, even though it left his anxiety going through the roofs. He’d instead try to take comfort in the fact that she always seemed to want him around, never hesitating to accept and give in under his soothing touches. 

He’d been dodging calls from Waller, whom he’d already yelled at a few days earlier and wanted their statement and testimony about what had happened in the Tower. He’d made it pretty clear they’d talk only after she was completely recovered, and that _if_ she wished to talk about it at all. The woman had not taken that well, but managed to step away respectfully, and that uncharacteristic move to Bruce meant she acknowledged and was aware of how much of it could’ve been avoided by her. 

As the days passed and Selina’s conditions started to improve at a quicker pace, Bruce did not get any more relaxed. If anything, it had been the other way around. When he expressed his concerns to the doctor, the man carefully explained that a traumatic situation like the one she’d been through could’ve left her in a bit of a catatonic state, and the only remedy for that was giving her time. 

Around her, he’d never let show his nervousness, but sometimes he’d just storm out of the bedroom when her empty apathetic eyes became too much for him to bear. A despairing sense of guilt would wash over him whenever his train of thought led him to imagine whatever went through her head or what memories she might’ve been reliving under that detached look. A part of him wondered if he should’ve been less reasonable and just flounced into that tower to get her out of there, without a plan but as soon as he’d heard of it. Alfred had reasoned with him that that not only would’ve been careless and foolish, it would’ve also been unsuccessful. 

Furthermore, although Selina felt numb and torpid, she was still able to see through Bruce’s thoroughly calculated attempt to look calm and unfazed through her recovery process. She knew her silence must’ve been causing him great amounts of concern and stress, and that killed her inside, but what was she supposed to do? She couldn’t talk. Not without ruining everything. Her realization that the paralyzing fear that caused her stupor was coming from a place of complete and utter self-seeking selfishness only drowned her deeper into it. 

She didn’t need to ask to know the Joker was dead. And Bruce would never bring it up to her, but she’d heard him once talk about it with Alfred on the other side of the door when he thought she was asleep. He’d been wondering if her quietness was due to some sort of guilty conscience. That almost made her laugh, but she felt bad for him. He gave her way too much unfounded credit.

She knew Bruce enough to know that he’d never willingly fatally hurt another if he could help it, even someone as despicable as the clown. And if and when he did, it haunted him forever. She was not like that. She regretted a lot of things in her life, but killing him wasn’t one of them. She couldn’t even bring herself to feel bad about it, and she knew that kind of thinking would probably disturb the hell out of Bruce if she ever voiced it out loud.

She’d like to think her eagerness to kill him had come only from a pure, reasonable, well-intentioned attempt to spare Bruce from doing so and then living the rest of his life beating himself up over it, but that wasn’t the case. She wouldn’t go as far as saying she’d enjoyed it, but it hadn’t bothered her either.

A couple of weeks later, Blake and Alfred flew back to Gotham. Alfred had been torn between leaving Bruce and Selina behind and leaving Blake to return alone. But Bruce insisted and he compromised, afraid he’d overstay his welcome and get in the way of the two and their business. He knew they had a lot to talk about and Bruce still faced a long recovery process with Selina. He made him promise he’d call at least once a week and left the couple behind shutting the door to the giant penthouse.

Bruce took a deep breath and walked back to the improvised hospital room, where Selina rested by the window seat with a book in hand. He noticed her staring at the Eiffel Tower, which stood distant but very much at sight. She turned to see him by the door and closed the book when she recognized the “we need to talk” look on his face, though she kept silent.

He sat down next to her and started talking softly, “They want our statement for the investigations. They still can’t put a few pieces of the puzzle together, and they think we might help with that,” he said, carefully analyzing her reactions, “but I told them we won’t do it, not unless you’re on board with it. I don’t wanna pressure you, it’s completely up to you. I can also go by myself if you wish to stay.”

Bruce waited patiently, but he knew this might happen. Selina simply looked down at her own hands and kept her eyes there. He grabbed them and she let him, closing her eyes for a moment as she did. 

“Talk to me. What’s going on?”, he asked gently. When time later she still hadn’t answered, he continued, “Well, when you’re ready, I’m here for you. You don’t have to say anything. And about the statement, I’ll take care of it. I just need to go there and give them enough to get them off our backs. It’s tomorrow morning, will you be okay a couple hours by yourself?”

“I wanna go,” she replied promptly. Her voice was low but clear, not exactly as dry and husky as you’d imagine after spending so long without talking. “They want to know what happened, I’m the one who can tell them.”

“They want to know how he died,” Bruce muttered quietly and hesitatingly.

“I’ll be happy to explain it to them,” she coldly responded, seeming unconcerned. 

Bruce couldn’t help but feel a slight weird and gelid chill down his spine due to her harsh and emotionless tone, especially when that had been one of the first things she’d said in weeks. He’d seen her earnestness back in the tower when she held the blade to the Joker, he’d seen the look in her eyes when she spilled his blood, and he’d seen the somewhat unnecessary brutality she’d put into doing so; but he’d also managed to push those images aside after it’d all been said and done, because he thought those had just been momentary feelings derived from a completely justifiable anger towards him. He of all people knew how much hatred the clown could inflict on people’s hearts, but that didn’t keep him from the discomfort he was feeling about how lightly and frigidly Selina was treating the subject. 

On a related note, he’d been noticing something about her, but it was like an insight he couldn’t quite grasp yet. It was like she was hiding or avoiding something, though at first he’d simply thought it must’ve been only her not wanting to dive into her still recent traumatic experience, which was totally understandable. But the more he reflected on it and on some specifics of that night on the tower, the more uneasy he got. He felt like he was missing something now and like he’d been missing something then.

“Okay… look, I know he did unspeakable things to you, but maybe don’t be so indifferent about how he died in front of the investigators.”

“No, you don’t know. And I am,” she met his eyes. Her unforgiving look left him uncomfortable again.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I have no idea what it must have been like”, he gave in and pulled her in, resting her head on his shoulder and stroking her hair, “I’m just so relieved you’re talking again. I missed your voice.”

She settled in on his chest and breathed in his scent for what she hoped wouldn't be a last time. 

“Can we go back home after this thing tomorrow?”, she asked.

“Anything you want. I’ll check with the doctor, but I think we’re good to go.” 

They were quiet for some time before Bruce worked up the courage to talk what had been eating his heart out since the moment she’d walked out the door all those weeks before.

“Selina, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. There aren’t enough words in all spoken languages to express how sorry and guilty I feel. None of this wou…”

“Shut up,” she mouthed quietly, “I don’t wanna hear it. None of this was your fault.”

“But it is, though. And I should have never let you leave with the two of us on such bad terms. If you agree, I wish we’d just completely forget about that fight.”

“Agreed,” she replied quickly, wishing to end the subject.

They went to bed early that day. It had been the first night Selina didn’t spend in a hospital bed, or worse, in a long time. Wrapped in Bruce’s arms, she could almost pretend like the last weeks hadn’t happened, if it weren’t for the nagging pit in her stomach telling her her relief wouldn’t last long. As for him, his heart felt finally whole and settled having her alive and well sleeping on his chest.

“Bruce…”, she suddenly mumbled in the dark, “did you mean it... when you said you loved me no matter what?”

“Of course,” he said a bit surprised, “Why are you asking me that right now?”

“Nothing. I just… me too. No matter what.”

He smiled broadly and kissed the top of her head. 

That morning they woke up early. Selina had been agitated for most of the night and so when the first alarm rang, they were both up in seconds. Bruce was stressed, not because he minded handling her insomnia, but because he knew the reasons behind it. Or at least he thought he did.

When Selina saw Bruce putting on the batsuit, she decided herself to also put hers. She hoped it’d give her at least a false sense of security and leave her more confident and comfortable by being the Cat, even if they knew who she was–which they probably did. Plus, it’d cover her recent scars better than any other piece she could wear. When he came out and noticed her wearing her suit, though it still appeared a bit loose due to the weight she’d lost, flashbacks of the time they were fighting together in Gotham invaded his mind. So much had changed since then—they were only war allies back then, and he thought the Occupation was the worst he could ever face.

They drove to the local federal agency, where they were received at the backdoor gates so as to not cause too much disturbance. Batman’s reappearance was getting enough attention as it was. Selina walked so tall and secure in her bladed heel boots an unsuspecting observant couldn’t possibly tell what she had been actually recovering from.

They were greeted politely with headshakes from armed officers and men and women in suits wherever they passed, being led through corridors by guards to an office on the top floor. The elevator doors opened into a big room with panoramic view to the city. The only furniture was a large white table with room for about twelve people, but there were only other four in the room. 

The first one to approach them was Jacqueline Dupont. She was a blonde woman in her 40s, with dark eyes and a kind smile, and she formally introduced herself. That was not how Selina had pictured her at all. She thanked Selina for all her work and apologized for the way the last time had turned out. 

The second was Waller, who walked slowly to their direction. She greeted them and then put her hand out for Selina to shake, but she just looked down at it and ignored it. And given her last interaction with Bruce, she barely had to look at him either to know there was no need or use in trying to keep things civil.

Another woman came to them, and she smiled but kept it short, as if she was trying to be respectful. She was tall, had brown skin and perfect white teeth and she introduced herself as the lead investigator, Gabrielle Lebois. The short man standing next to her was the co-investigator. 

They motioned for them to sit down and they all did, except for Waller, who remained standing against the glass wall in the corner. The other three faced Bruce and Selina across the table. 

Before they could start settling in and talking, Selina leaned in closer to Bruce and whispered in his ear, while the others looked away pretending to be distracted or entertained by something else to give them privacy.

“I just want to give you a heads up. Some things I haven’t told you yet might come up. I just don’t want you to be caught off guard here. We can discuss it after, but please stay with me here.”

“Of course,” he replied automatically like it was obvious, but also sounding confused and concerned.

They turned their chairs again and he grabbed her hand in his as Miss Lebois started with some simple questions. Selina’s birthplace, what places she had lived in, what she had been convicted of before, what was she doing in Europe. She answered them all directly and sincerely, and although everything was going well, she was still afraid to let her guard down.

Then the questions started getting more explicit and specific, and although she was there as a victim and not a suspect, she started feeling like they were clamping down on her. She began shaking her leg under the table when the conversation became focused solely on the Joker. Why did he want her, how did he get her, what kinds of things did he use to do to her, how often, for how long, to what intent; did he want information? Did he want answers? Did he blackmail her? Was it just pure and simple torture, or did he want something out of it?”

At that point, she was glad at least part of her face was covered in a mask. 

Bruce had put all of his efforts into remaining unfazed and keeping a poker face as she talked about all the atrocities she’d been put through. This was hard enough on her without him crumbling. 

“And…”, Miss Lebois continued as she flipped through paper sheets, “please, don’t take this the wrong way, but did you ever give him any reason to target you?”

“No.”

“So you’d never met him before?”

Selina hesitated and looked down at the table at a fixed point, trying to ignore Bruce’s eyes on her like magnets. 

“Not exactly.”

“What do you mean? You _had_ met him before?”

“Yes, and no. I met him once, at a club in Gotham, but he wasn’t the Joker yet.”

Bruce’s hand stiffened on hers involuntarily and he clenched his jaw discreetly. She gripped him back softly. At least with his cowl it was hard to read his expressions. Though when he looked to the corner where Waller stood, he could see there was someone he wasn’t fooling. She had her arms crossed and a relaxed pose against the wall. He could tell she’d been analyzing him for some time now, barely paying attention to Selina as she talked. Her expression was full of condescension, and he could swear her lips were the tiniest bit upturned. He looked away from her, or else his fury might consume him entirely. 

“Can you tell us more about that?”

She took a deep breath, “That was years ago. I didn’t even think he’d remember it.”

“But he did?”

“Yeah. He brought it up a few times.”

“So what happened that day?”

“Not much. It was at the Black Mask Club. He bought me a few drinks, we talked, danced a bit, and that was it.”

“So that was all?”, Lebois asked in a tone that suggested she wasn’t quite convinced, and eyed Bruce-Batman rapidly from the corner of her eye.

“Yes,” she replied firmly. 

“And how did you know it was him?”

“He was just a normal guy that day; quite unremarkable actually. A bit of a weirdo, but not in an unusual way. Common name, normal clothes. But his face was very unique. Not in the scarred way it became later, but very distinctive. I knew it was him the minute I saw him on the news.”

“You said you two met, he bought you drinks and you talked. If that is all, what did he want with you after all these years?”

“I told you. He didn’t want anything with me. He was just using me to get to Batman. The fact that it was me was just a _happy_ coincidence,” she said ironically.

Gabrielle looked down at their intertwined hands on Selina’s lap and then up back to her, seeming in deep thought.

“I see… I’m sorry, Miss, and no offense to you, Sir, but I should have and never did ask you if you were comfortable giving your statement with him in the room. Are you?”

“Yes,” she replied promptly and confused, “Yeah, I want him here.”

“Okay, then.”

She gripped his hand a bit tighter, but his was a bit looser around hers than before, feeling a bit like dead weight, though he didn’t move it. 

“I want you to know that anything you say in this room will remain here. As there is no trial against the Joker, there is no reason why any of your past personal relations to him should be displayed to the public. In fact, your entire involvement in this terrorist attack will be kept secretive if that’s what you wish, as have many of the other hostages chosen. So if there is anything that you can think of about your links to him that might help us, even if you think it’d incriminate you somehow, please tell us, and be sure that you’re the victim in this case and we would never turn it against you. It’s no news to us that you have engaged in many criminal activities in the past, but that doesn’t matter to us right now. We just want to know if there’s anything regarding your involvement with him that could help us understand his motives.”

“There was no _involvement_ ,” Selina said, her tone now annoyed and irritated, “I told you. We met _once_ ages ago and it was no big deal. He wasn’t much more different than any other guy in that club trying to score. You wanna understand his _motives_? He was a sick, narcissistic, fucked-up-in-the-head psycho who got off on torturing and toying around with people. And he was obsessed with Batman. There’s no political agenda. There’s no reason or logic. Some people just wanna watch the world burn.”

Miss Lebois was thrown aback a bit, but thanked Selina politely. She then continued with the questions, now directing them more to Bruce-Batman, mostly regarding the invasion when he broke into the Tower. He explained everything from the moment he stepped foot in Paris, only made it clear he would not give out any information on the “second Batman” that had made an appearance. 

From time to time they’d ask Selina to confirm something or ask if she recalled this or that that he’d told. When they started asking about the Joker’s death, Bruce tried his best to keep her out of the conversation, but the investigators constantly drew her back into it, even though they both insisted her recollection of the facts was still a bit fuzzy, which wasn’t a lie.

“He first had a knife stabbed into his back. Do you remember doing that?”

“I guess, yeah,” Selina replied, trying to put the pieces of her memory back together.

“Can you be more specific?”

“I think I remember him pressing Batman against the grid and threatening to push him out. And then I came with the knife and stabbed him from behind.”

“But you were very debilitated, correct?”

“Yeah. But I guess the adrenaline kicked in in that moment.”

“And what about the cut on his arm?”

“I saw the bomb beeping inside his arm, I knew I had to get it out, and so I cut it out.”

“The autopsy suggests that the bomb was about 4.5 centimeters and only under his skin. The cut was far deeper and longer than that, so much that he bled out. I understand that it was self-defense, but were you deliberately trying to hurt him or kill him?”

“There was a bomb about to go off. I could barely stand on my own two feet. My hands were shaking. Excuse me if I didn’t have it surgically removed from him.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“No, I did not _intend_ to kill him. That was just another happy coincidence.”

The room got so quiet you’d be able to hear a needle hitting the ground, but Selina was unbothered. Also, she could swear she’d seen Waller smile a bit at her response, but she had more pressing concerns on her mind than that interrogation, or those people, or what they thought of her. She just wanted to talk to Bruce alone, see how permanent was the damage she’d just caused. She still had so much to explain, and she worried it would all turn out to be the last straw. 

They were released short minutes later. Dupont informed them that she’d keep in touch, but just as they were about to walk into the elevator and leave, Selina interrupted the closing door with her hand.

“What about Harley?”

“They’re going to extradite her, and she’ll be sent to Arkham,” Waller answered before anyone else could, “Why do you ask?”

“Nothing. Just curious”, she said and let the doors slide, trying to avoid any further contact with that woman.

"Try to keep her there this time,” Bruce spit out before the doors were completely shut. 

They only returned to the penthouse to change and grab their stuff to get on the road and go back home. Bruce was silent for the most part, pretending to be solely focused on driving, even though they both knew he didn't need to. 

Since her critical weight loss, Selina would be constantly cold, even after she’d recovered a bit and regained some strength. She had her arms wrapped around her legs on the car seat and was wearing a big black hoodie, but she still couldn’t stop her teeth from chattering. Bruce turned off the aircon as soon as he heard it, but still kept his silence.

She didn’t know what to think. On the one hand, he was driving them both home. On the other, she knew the situation was pretty bad when he didn’t talk. She’d prefer a thousand times for him to scream and yell at her, because the silent treatment was just pure torture.

It didn’t help that he’d sigh or puff from time to time. He’d been going over every memory of him and Selina ever talking about the Joker over the last months and looking for any signs. And then he recalled the Tower and all the nonsense the clown was babbling. All the weird things he’d done and he didn’t pay attention because, well, he _was_ weird. How much did he miss out and not even notice?

A couple hours went by until Selina finally decided she couldn’t take a whole trip of that.

“Come on, Bruce, just say it… I lied to you, and you’re mad.”

“You did. And I am,” he answered, not taking his eyes off the road, “Anything else?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lie. Tell me what you want—what you need me to do.”

“I need you to tell me why you’re still lying!”, he snapped, “You think I’d fall for that crap you told them back there? I knew something was off. I knew it felt like I was missing something back at the tower. Just fucking tell me.”

Selina let go of her legs and took off the hood, preparing herself to ruin everything.

“I didn’t lie back there. I just didn’t tell the whole story,” she sighed, “We did meet at the club. But what I didn’t tell them was that I was there to meet him. He was… a client of mine. One of the firsts.”

Bruce's expression became quickly appalled as his head turned to her so abruptly, and his hands gripped the wheel so hard, that it took her a second to realize what he'd really gotten from what she’d said.

“No! Not that kind!”, she quickly corrected herself, and he clenched his jaw before he seemed to relax a bit, and even slowed down the car a little. Selina exhaled heavily and gulped, looking out the window.

“I heard you call him Jack. Is that his real name?”, he asked, slightly calmer.

“As far as I know, yeah. That’s what he told me that day.”

“He said your lips were soft.”

“What?”

“He said Harley should kiss you, because your lips used to be soft. I thought it was just more of his nonsense, but it wasn’t, right?”

“No, it wasn’t,” she admitted quietly after a moment.

“Care to share?”, he asked coldly, trying to hold back the anger that threatened to take over him.

“Okay,” she took a deep breath, “He’d hired me for a job. Steal some info on some bank accounts. He asked me to deliver at the Black Mask. I couldn’t even get in yet at the time, so I used a fake ID, but they caught me. Only he knew the owner and they let me in. I delivered the package and he invited me to stay and drink, and... he really was a normal guy. I didn’t want to stay there with him, but I had just left Ted, so I also... I still had nowhere else to go.”

“So you two…”

“No. I just needed a place to crash. I did what I used to do, only... I was miserable and he was being nice and so we made out once or twice. But we went back to his apartment and he fell asleep drunk, like I’d predicted he would. I left before he was even awake and never saw him again.”

Bruce didn’t say or ask anything else. Selina looked out the window and wondered how they’d survive being locked in that car with each other for hours without the tension eventually becoming atomic and exploding. 

At some point, she fell into a stress-filled sleep and only woke up hours later when it was dark and the roads were mostly empty. She could tell they weren’t that far from home anymore. 

Panic began creeping into her mind when she realized they’d be going home to probably sleep in different beds, and ruin and charge the once perfect atmosphere of their own little sanctuary. And so before she could talk herself out of it, she started confessing.

“I can’t do this, Bruce,” she cried out of nowhere, startling him, who hadn’t even realized she was awake. The tears started pouring endlessly from her eyes, which had been dry not even two seconds earlier. “It’s all my fault. Everything. The Joker, Rachel, everything. I can’t live with this hanging over my head forever.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”, Bruce demanded, perplexed at her meltdown, confused and trying to process her words.

“The information I stole for him was of the accounts that belonged to the mobs he robbed all those years ago. When everything started to fall apart in the city. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal back then, he didn’t seem that threatening and I didn’t know whose accounts those were, they were under fake names and businesses. I didn’t know he’d turn out to be that much of a lunatic,” she cried.

“Selina, I…”

“I know I should’ve known better! But I can’t keep living terrified that one day you’re gonna find out about this and leave. Do you remember when I cracked your safe? Do you remember the fingerprints I used?”

“Ahm, yeah. Nikolai On… something,” he managed to mumble.

“Nikolai Ondrejko. Do you remember the name the Joker used to author the fake obituary for the Mayor back then?”

“... Nikolai Ondrejko.”

“That’s because I’d stolen this identity for him. And then when he got sent to Arkham I didn’t see a problem in using it.”

The rest of the drive home was in complete silence, with the exception of Selina’s occasional sniffing. When she saw them approaching the entrance gate to the house it was already the middle of the night. Her heart felt heavy in her chest and she started crying again, though she turned her face to the window so Bruce wouldn’t see it. She felt hopeless and pathetic, and had already started to wonder how she’d survive without him in her life, and worse, how she’d manage to go on about knowing he hated her. 

When the car stopped in the garage, she looked down at her hands. Her once skinned wrists had now taken a pinkish color. The doctor had said the scars would get better with time if she took care of them properly. New skin was forming and growing, still fragile and sensitive, but healing. They’d never be the same again, though. She had a feeling lots of things wouldn’t. 

She then realized they were both still unmoving and with their seatbelts fastened, staring at nothing. They were both probably unsure of what to do next. How could they walk back in there after everything? Selina had been through so much since she last stepped foot in there. Bruce had seen and heard too much. How could they just return to their perfect little lives after all that had been said and done?

With a sigh of exhaustion, Bruce gave in and looked at her, and then followed her eyes to her palms resting on her lap. Tears streamed quietly down her cheeks as she stared at her scars. Although there was still a lot of anger for him to process, there would never be enough to cloak the heart-wrenching feeling that took over him looking at that scene.

He gulped and had to hold back some tears himself in order to keep going. He cupped both her hands in his momentarily and muttered, “Come on”.

By the time they were on the front porch and Bruce was unlocking the door, Selina dropped her bags and collapsed, kneeling on the floor. At first his instinct had been to catch her, but then he realized there was nothing physically wrong with her.

“I can’t go inside like this, Bruce. I need to know at least one good thing remains. I need to know at least one thing hasn’t changed completely,” she whimpered between sniffs and cries and then held onto the bottom of his shirt, “Please, forgive me. Please. Please. I’m so sorry, and I’m so ashamed, and so disgusted with myself. You deserve so much better. And you would have gotten it if it wasn’t for me. She’d still be here, she’d still be alive…”

Bruce was too shocked to react. It took him a few seconds to snap out of it and figure out what to say. He lowered himself down in front of her and held her face is his hand—not in a caring, loving way, but in a serious, demanding one.

“Selina, stop that,” he said quietly, but firmly, “That’s not how things work and you know it. A lot of people would still be alive if wasn’t for me either, including her, so what’s your point?”

Selina tried to keep her voice steady but the weeping and sobbing had made it impossible, “I just need you to know how incredibly sorry I am. You don’t have to take me back, but please forgive me.”

“I do know that. But I’m not taking you back, cause I’m not letting you go in the first place, silly,” he forced out a tight smile to her, but then returned to his more solemn expression, “Look, I’m not saying what you did wasn’t wrong, because it was. But you were young and didn’t know any better. Now you do. Besides, no one could’ve predicted what he’d become. It’s true that you shouldn’t have done it, but either way he would’ve found a way to get those things with or without you. What he did after is not on you.”

She ignored the tension that still hovered around them and let her forehead drop and rest on his chest. Bruce didn’t oppose to it, and put his hand on her back to stroke it softly as her crying gradually slowed down. 

He didn’t know how long had it been since they were sitting silently on that porch, but the sun was starting to come out. He then had his arms wrapped around her and she rested her head on his shoulder, staring blindly at nothing with her dried out eyes. The front door was opened, and their bags were scattered on the floor around them, but they didn’t dare move. 


	16. 16. Recovery

Bruce's eyelids felt as if they were glued to his skin. He tried twinkling them against the weak light entering the room. Groaning drowsily, he turned to check the alarm clock on the bedside table. He rubbed his eyes, realizing it was almost nighttime and he'd slept for ten hours. Well, he'd also driven for almost as much the day before, so that wasn't a surprise.

They had only gone to bed in the morning, but the sheets on Selina's side were cold, so she'd been up for some time now. Bruce forced himself up and into the shower to try to at least look alive. When he was finished and already dressed up, he slid the curtains and opened the door to the balcony. The air was cool and fresh, announcing fall was finally settling in. The ocean was darker and more turbulent than usual, but it still made it to a very nice sunset.

By the beach, contrasting with the plain white endless sand, sat Selina on a long round cloth wearing Bruce's navy blue sweater. His heart stumbled upon a mix of feelings caused by the image—joy, sadness, frustration, wistfulness, but above all, relief. God only knows how many times in the last few weeks he’d thought he’d never see it again. Or, more accurately, how many times he’d fought the idea of thinking like that, not allowing himself to ever consider it, knowing what even the possibility of it would do to him.

On the way down the stairs, he ran into Paula coming up. She carried piles of clean sheets and towels and complimented him cheerfully as she'd usually do, then told him she had a meal prepared for him in the kitchen. By the time she came back, Bruce was almost done eating, and so she decided to take the opportunity to approach him. She respectfully asked him if everything was okay with Miss Kyle and if anything had happened to her while they were gone. She expressed her concern about her and mentioned that she’d found her looking ill and sad.

Bruce tried to ease her mind, explaining she'd just caught a bug on their trip, but that she was recovering fine and that her paleness was only due to the recent lack of sunlight. Paula insisted that she still thought Selina was a bit blue, but eventually let it go, telling him about dinner and letting him know what she'd stocked the fridge with. She continued to make small talk until she casually brought up how surprised she was when Batman showed up during the "incident" in Paris, and then asked him if he was too, being from Gotham and all. Bruce almost choked on his last bite, which then made her completely forget the subject and reach out to help him.

Paula left soon after and Bruce sighed, knowing he could no longer postpone what he needed to do. As he walked slowly towards the beach, he realized he had no idea how to approach Selina, and so he grew even more frustrated with how everything had changed in just a matter of weeks. They were so good before. No serious fights, no secrets, no earth-shatteringly traumatic events.

And so he wasn't sure what he was most angry about, that Selina had kept all those things from him, or that she'd come clean about them. I mean, she'd done them way, way before they had ever met, and so did he really want her to tell him the truth? Did he want the truth, or did he prefer living blissfully in ignorance? He didn't know, and, honestly, he figured that at that point it didn't matter. He couldn't change what had already happened. So the real question was, did it all really make a difference to him? And if so, how much would he let it affect him or their relationship?

Could he simply forgive and forget?

He hoped so.

As he stepped foot in the sand and started getting closer to Selina, he realized she was talking on the phone. He didn't want to seem too prying so he stood a few feet back away until she was done, although he was curious to know who could she be talking to.

She hadn't noticed his presence yet, being too absorbed in her conversation with Holly and her memories of a distant life in Gotham. It all seemed like forever ago.

It had been a bit of a pickle to get her number, but she managed to find it with Alfred's help. Holly was not the kind of friend you have to keep in touch to keep. A few minutes of catching up and it was like Selina had never left, which gave her the impression that things in Gotham never really changed.

They talked mostly about her illicit life in the city, and Selina just laughed, just slightly internally wistful of it all. Aside from actual murder, her life had been pretty lawful since she'd left. Her friend eventually stopped asking her where she was and what she'd been doing when she realized she would just keep on deflecting, and Selina was grateful for that.

Besides, if her plans went accordingly, she'd be seeing her again in no time, and by then she would've probably figured out what to tell her.

"... I know, but that's kind of the point," Selina chuckled, "Out of all people, you should know I'd be the last one to judge you for doing that—"

Selina then saw Bruce's shadow on the sand next to her and turned her head to him. Her smile quickly grew dimmer.

"Hey, Jen, I'm gonna have to call you back later... yeah, I know, I'm sorry, I should've reached out sooner... I miss you too... bye," she hung up and looked up at him again, "Hi."

"Hi," he replied.

The awkward silence that followed after made her hands fidgety, and she started tapping her nails on the cellphone.

"I grabbed your sweater, I don’t have many winter clothes here. Hope that's not a problem," she babbled, but he kept quiet, staring ahead with his hands on his pocket and looking out of place.

How had they come to this?, Selina thought. How did they go from such an intimate, warm relationship to charged, uncomfortable interactions?

"Talking to Holly?", he asked, unaffected.

"Yeah, just doing some catching up," she sighed, defeated, "so how do you wanna do this? Do we talk or not talk about it?"

"I don't know," he answered after a while.

Silence.

"I came out here to run. Only I found out I couldn't. It's like my legs won't listen to my brain," she mumbled suddenly.

Bruce realized she must've been really anxious, cause she wasn't one to jabber away like that.

"You should take it slow, your body's still recovering," he responded, trying to ease her a bit, but she cut him in almost immediately.

"Do you remember my first day here?", she asked.

Seeing she wasn't about to quit blabbering nervously, he sat down on the cloth as well, though she barely seemed to notice it.

"You kissed me right here on the beach. Well, in the ocean, more precisely," she said, hugging her legs, "I was so scared after that. I mean, that kiss scared the crap out of me."

"And why is that?", he asked.

"I don't know. I just... for a second there, I think I absentmindedly let you in. And I felt this warmth, and hope and... softness in me I hadn't felt in so long, I'd convinced myself it never even existed there in the first place. And then out of a sudden, you come up and unearth it like it's no big deal. I mean, the audacity...", she shook her head and chuckled humorlessly.

"You're giving me way too much credit. It was probably the wine,” Bruce tried to joke, but neither of them laughed.

"Nah, I've been drunk enough times to know the difference,” she muttered.

"Selina..."

"Don't," she interrupted him, "please. I'm not sure I can take what you have to say right now."

"At some point you'll run out of jibber-jabber to avoid this conversation. Besides, I know for a fact there's not much you can't take."

She sighed airily, shook her head and, seeing no other option, muttered, "Okay... shoot me."

"I'm actually not sure what I have to say yet. I still have no idea how to proceed here. They don't teach you how to deal with your girlfriend's criminal past in Relationship 101. I've been doing fine so far, but it seems like now I've hit a bump."

Selina took a deep breath and rubbed her forehead, trying to prepare herself and expecting the worst that was yet to come.

"But I think we'll be fine," he said, and she looked at him surprised, "It's debatable, but I guess we've had worse bumps. I just haven't had time to process this yet. But I know I can't hold you to the things you've done before you and I ever met. And most of all, I can't hold you accountable for doing what you had to do to survive, especially when you were so young and had no way to know what it'd turn into—Why do you look so surprised?", he asked when he noticed her expression.

"I... I guess I just thought there would be at least some yelling. Or at least a moral lesson."

Bruce rolled his eyes, but seemed almost amused. "I guess you've had enough of those from me. And I'm hardly an example setter at this point. I know I don't say this much, but I see how much you've changed and how much you try to do better for me. It doesn't go unnoticed. And I'm sorry you feel the need to... adjust yourself to be with me—but now I see you've changed me too, though I don't think you realize it. You've shown me not everything is black and white. But now with this... and most of all, with what I was ready to do to save you that day in the tower... I was ready to leave all morality behind if it meant you'd be okay. I was ready to be the most selfish I could be by putting you in front of everyone else. It's something I would've never considered doing for me or anyone else about a year ago. So you said before I hadn't and couldn't change for you, but I already did, and drastically. And like I told you once, I’m terrified of what I can do for you.”

Selina eyed him studying his expression. He seemed determined and sure, but also kind of sad. There was a time she would've been dead scared to hear declarations of that sort, but not anymore. The only thing she could feel was overwhelming affection; and guilt. A whole lot of guilt.

"I'm guessing you don't view that as "good" change, though, do you?"

"Does it matter?", he asked sort of rhetorically, "We've both done terrible things, and we've both suffered immeasurable loss and pain, and we've both come out the other way. It's the ties that bind us," he said as he gave her a short, wistful smile. "But to answer your question, for the most part, no, I don't particularly think I'm better for it, but you were... well, I don't often say something was worth the wait, because I hate waiting. But I didn't even know I was doing it, that I'd been doing it my whole life. Yeah, you were worth the wait. And you should know you're worth a lot more. And maybe it's just me being selfish and thinking only of myself, but I can't lose that."

Selina tried not to overthink it and give herself too much time to get reluctant and scared to be turned down, and brought her hand to his face, stroking his cheek lightly with her finger. He sighed and closed his eyes, giving in and leaning into her soft touch and cold hands. His lips shivered faintly when her thumb traced them gently and she thought about how much she missed them on hers. It felt like forever ago, but it didn't seem like the time for that yet, though.

"Well...", she mumbled and dropped her hand from him before she could do something time-inappropriate, "Maybe my take on this isn't really that valid to you, but you're the best person I've ever met—I mean, truth be told, I haven't met many great people in my life. And maybe that's not universally true, but at least to me, you're the best one in the world. And I'm stupidly glad you came into my life, so I guess that's selfish of me too—you would've never swerved from your 'righteousness' and wouldn't be feeling guilty for it right now if it wasn't for me."

Bruce studied her intently for a while.

"Right, but I don't regret it for a second, Selina. And of course your take is valid to me. It's probably more valuable than anyone else's—isn't that why I feel guilty, though? I don't care about anyone else's opinion but yours. But anyway, for now... I'm thinking we should just forget about "good" and "bad".

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I gave you the clean slate program once. Maybe we just need to apply that logic to us right now. If we're gonna try to make things work."

She frowned, "Where are you getting at?"

"We don't let our past lives interfere with us anymore. Not like this, anyway."

"Sounds easier said than done," she muttered pensively.

"I know. But aren't you willing to try?"

"I am,” she quickly replied, "I really am. Though... we might need to postpone and revisit this later."

"Why?", he asked confused.

"I want to go back to Gotham. I want to see this thing through to the end. I know Harley kept yelling that this wasn't over—well, I need to see that it is, and that's with her safely vexing some poor old guard in a cell in Arkham. I need closure and I can't let this go any further, especially now that you know everything. And of course, you can't come, cause you're supposed to be dead. So I need to deal with this first. And when I come back we can start from zero."

"No way," he said promptly, "we all know how well the last time worked out."

"Exactly. Look, you don't know her. She's insane. Crazier than _he_ was. And she should be even more so now that he's gone, cause she was obsessed with him. And I killed him, so trust me, she's not gonna let that go."

Bruce was looking away from her, quiet and contemplating. She waited anxiously for him to say something, but he just laughed in disbelief.

"What is it? What are you thinking?"

"Well, right now I'm genuinely concerned for your mental capabilities if you actually think I'm just gonna let you run off alone to freaking _Gotham_ to make sure justice is being served. Like this isn't all too ironic. Gee, I can't seem to catch a break."

"Look, of course I'd much prefer that you could come with me, but we both know this isn't a viable option. People are already buzzing enough as it is with Batman's sudden comeback. And in Europe of all places, where you, Bruce, were once supposedly spotted. We shut those rumors down. But if you suddenly reappear alive practically at the same time as Batman did, people will quickly connect the dots."

"We'll think of something. If you are really determined to go, then you'll have to make peace with the fact that I'm joining you."

"Okay, can we not talk about this right now? We've just settled, we don't wanna jump from one argument to another."

Bruce was hesitant at first, but then sighed defeated, "Fair enough."

"So that's it? We're done fighting about... yesterday?”

"Yeah, I guess", he mumbled, "I still need some time to process through all of it though."

"Alright," she muttered, barely able to hide the sadness in her voice, "For what it's worth, I'm really sorry I make things so hard for you."

"On the contrary. I'm the one who complicates them. You actually make them very, very easy. You've got me in the palm of your hand, one look from you and all is forgiven. I'm the one who fights against it, cause it shouldn't be so easy. What you should be apologizing for is for making me love you so bad and so blindly it eats all my pride away," he said, seemingly more to himself than to her. His tone wasn't loving or affectionate, just frustrated.

"So you've already forgiven me, but you're not going to let me acknowledge that yet cause you feel like you should've taken longer to do so?", she said inquisitively, trying to keep up with his logic.

"Yes," he replied, feeling a little pathetic after she'd voiced it out loud.

"Okay. I can play along," she said, but he groaned, looking irritated, "What?"

"See, you're making it too easy again."

"I don't understand. What do you want me to do?", she asked confused.

"Nothing," he grunted, "just leave it."

Silence followed.

She wasn't sure what to say, and so she decided to just shut up and give him the time he'd asked for. They both sat quietly looking at the ocean. The breeze was cold and the skies were a darker shade now with the sun almost gone.

There was something eating up inside Selina, and though she didn't think it was perfect timing, she just couldn't stop herself from saying it. The last time she'd almost died without being able to voice it out loud. She'd been scared all that time to do it, like she'd be setting herself up for disappointment by letting her guard down and letting him in completely. That fear seemed ridiculous and almost laughable after what she'd suffered and been through. And in that moment, sitting beside him and feeling the safest she'd ever felt or could ever feel, the words just spilled out of her mouth like an unstoppable stream.

"I love you," she whispered, still not looking at him.

Bruce sat there quietly for some time, trying to ignore the cool sensation that took over his stomach, but it didn't last. Her words had made him feel like his cold hardened heart had melted into a pool of lava that was about to burst. It took his breath away. He'd longed to hear that sentence coming out of her for too long. The first time she'd voiced it to him had inflicted way more fright and fear upon him than joy or relief.

Selina always made it too, too easy to forgive her. 

"Damn it," he moaned.

Before she could ask, he put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her in, pressing her against his chest and holding her head down to him in a caring way. He gave a quick peck to the top of her head and she settled in his embrace, taking a deep breath into his neck, trying to make the most of that moment.

They were going to be fine. She trusted it, though the heavy atmosphere hadn't been lifted yet. That certainty was all she'd allowed herself to consider, because the alternative was unbearably unthinkable. However, she hadn't been able to skew herself around feeling uneasy and unsettled after her eyes caught a glimpse of the markings on her ankle, like a sick joke forever stamped onto her; a reminder of how fragile and thin her once thick-skin was after she'd let someone get under it; of how quickly and easily things could fall apart. Selina shivered as she could've sworn she could hear the Joker's laugh just by looking at that scarred heart, and she was suddenly noticeably shaken up at the imaginary sound.

Bruce made his grip tighter around her, thinking she was probably chilly from the cool winds. His hands rubbed her arms comfortably to warm her up and that simple, loving gesture drove her to the edge of emotion, leaving her teary-eyed. She almost rolled her eyes at herself for feeling so sensitive, but she was more focused on her heart, which was pounding so fast and loud in her chest she knew there was probably a panic attack coming. Her insides were getting jittery with the bad kind of butterflies wandering around in her stomach. The anxiety taking over her got her lightheaded and internally agitated.

She grabbed Bruce's hand unwieldly and pressed it hard against her heart, and he instantly noticed the arrhythmia, accompanied by her heavy breathing. His eyes widened in preoccupation, but before he could say anything, she started moving and massaging her chest in circles with his hand. He quickly picked it up and kept doing it while she tried her best to relax by breathing his intoxicating scent in and out. His lips were in her ear, rustling and shushing her soothingly as the accumulated tears started streaming down from her eyes, spreading across her cheeks by the strong ocean breeze.

Yes, they were going to be fine, but no, it would not be a short road to that.


	17. 17. Restart

Selina got out of the bathtub after almost an hour. She felt tired like she'd just ran a marathon, with her chest going up and down softly with her heavy breathing. If Bruce had walked in on her at any point during her bath, she'd be in trouble; but then again, he usually overreacted over what for her were the silliest things.

The fact is she'd been letting herself sink down to the bathtub floor and then staying there until she felt her lungs imploding in despair. Then she'd sit up and enjoy that inexplicably exciting gasp for air as her heart pounded loudly in her chest, so fast and desperate she could feel it everywhere in her body. Puffing and panting, she would try to listen closely to see if Bruce was near, and if he wasn't, she'd do it again and again until her body was drained physically, and her mind mentally.

Her clothes sat on the counter by the sink and she put them on quickly without even a glance to the mirror. She felt a whole lot better, but it was still a bit hard to look at the healing bruises and her still slightly protuberant ribs. Not because of esthetics matters or anything like that, but because seeing them was triggering and made everything more real, forcing her to acknowledge that it had all happened, and it hadn't been just a very realistic nightmare. And so she put on some leggings and one of Bruce's hoodies so it'd cover her arms and hands completely.

Although the weather had been kind of cold, Bruce had noticed that behavior of hers, because she usually wasn't one to walk around so covered. He'd thought she was in denial, but then reasoned with himself that her reaction was somewhat normal given the torture she'd been put through. He'd been able to see the depths of it, though, when one day, while she leaned over their bedroom balcony, he made one of his first attempts to get closer to her since they'd been back. He simply hugged her from behind from under her sweater, only to appreciate the view with her, but he noticed her slightly flinching, then uncomfortably trying to settle into his touch, as if to try not to hurt his feelings.

He didn't mind it, though, and pulled his hands back from her skin. He also _tried_ not minding that, unlike before, they mostly slept untouching, though still face to face and with at least some skin brushing against the other's. Or that sometimes when he'd walk into a room where she was, she'd curve herself like he was some kind of cold and unwelcome gush of wind sliding through. It was clear she didn't want to be touched too much, and he tried not being offended by—which he wasn't, but once in a while he'd get frustrated for having to walk on eggshells around her, though he didn't blame her. The whole situation sucked.

Bruce was aware that her secret keeping had been hurtful, and even kind of insulting to him—it bothered him that she hadn't trusted him enough to be comfortable telling him. But on the other hand, he understood why she felt like she couldn't, given his many displays over the time they were together that when it came to the Joker, he was his Achilles' heel. He knew, on some level, that he probably would've never heard about their involvement if things hadn't turned out the way they did. And he also knew he would've been okay not knowing about it, if it meant Selina would've never been put through what he did to her.

It's true he wasn't happy about the whole thing, but still, he couldn't help but feel like he'd been too hard on her given the circumstances. She was already in a deeply delicate and fragile state, both physically and psychologically, and he'd shut himself off and closed the one set of arms she could run to. When it came to her, he realized there were many times he'd have to suck it up and swallow his pride for her benefit, and he also realized he was okay with that. Her life had already been troubled enough without him setting more obstacles.

When Selina re-entered the bedroom that day, Bruce was lying in bed using his laptop. Her eyes flickered absentmindedly to the hole he'd punched on the wall weeks before, for some reason he hadn't yet explained, and she wondered if he'd heard anything from her in the bathtub. Probably not, or he would've said something. She walked over to the bed and lay on her side, her back to him and her legs huddled together against her stomach.

Bruce eyed her from the corner of his eye at first, then sighed and stared at her longingly, wishing he could just wrap his arms around her and dive his nose into her lavender-scented hair locks. Instead, he put his laptop away and did the closest thing. He brought his hand and, as gently and softly as necessary it'd be to touch a sleeping baby, caressed the top of her head and ears. She shivered a bit, but didn't flinch nor seemed to mind it. After a while she quit fighting it and gave into the urge to feel his skin too.

She grabbed his hand and he initially thought she was asking him to stop; only she kept it tangled in hers over her shoulder. Bruce eyed her studying her, but he couldn't see her face enough to guess what she was thinking. She brushed his hand with her thumb faintly and then, after a couple minutes, gave it a kiss and turned on her side to face him. He could now see it, and contrary to what it was like when they'd first met, her eyes told him everything. They wore a somewhat wistful, apologetic tone, usually so rare it pained him to realize how constant it had become recently.

"Talk to me," he pleaded quietly.

She closed her eyes and sighed, unsure of what to do. He settled himself down on the bed and turned to her with patient eyes, grappling her hand tighter in his.

"I used to think there wasn't anything that could break me," she mumbled pensively and seemingly more to herself than to him, "but I really think now I'm beyond repair. And I don't wanna waste your time."

A sharp pain struck across his chest in shock as he realized what she was intending to do, but he didn't give it time to settle in. He took a deep breath and looked at her firmly.

"Don't start this, Selina. I know you. When things get too complicated, your first instinct is to make a run for it. I'm not letting you do that. And now that you told me you love me, you're even more scared. I get it. It's pretty terrifying to let your guard down, but it will be even more so if you start isolating yourself because of it," he said, then brought his other hand to her face and continued with a softer, gentler voice, "Now look, I'm not going to pretend I understand what you're going through - I can't even imagine. And I feel shitty all the time knowing I could've avoided a lot of this. Every time I see this pain in your eyes, it _kills_ me. It fucking kills me. But I promise you, you are _not_ irreparably broken. You are a force of nature unlike no one I've ever met. And I'll be here for as long as you need, to help you pick up the pieces, one by one if that's what it takes. But I need you to be here, to work with me here. Just let me in."

She sniffed quietly and looked away from his begging eyes, "I don't know how," she said under her breath.

"You start by talking to me," he said and then continued when he noticed she was about to cut in, "Doesn't have to be about what happened. Doesn't even have to be related to that. Just tell me how you are, what you're feeling. I know you think I can be judgemental and captious, but I promise you I won't be. I'm on your side here, no matter what," he stared at her until she was forced to stare back. "I admit you say some pretty scary things sometimes, but I promise I won't get scared," he smiled at her and got her to chuckle a little, though still sniffing a bit.

"Okay," she compromised, then sighed, "I just...feel... worn down. And numb. And trapped in a body that does nothing but remind me of everything that happened."

"Okay, that's good. At least you can put it into words. Whatever you feel is okay. If you wanna cry, I got shoulders right here. If you feel like punching someone, I'm right here too," they both smiled sadly, "but Selina, your scars are not there to remind you of all the bad things you've been through. They're there to show how much you have survived, and how much you can endure. Most of them will go away anyway. And even if they don't...", he touched the place where her bullet wound stood on her collarbone, "This here, for example. It shows how brave you are and have always been, since you were a kid," then he brought his hand to the knife stab scar on her back, "or this one. It's there because someone loved you, the same way you loved your siblings. None of these were stemmed from good things, but you can give them new meanings, better meanings."

Selina studied his eyes for quite a while, unable to figure out what to say. He had that effect on her, and it could be frustrating for someone who always had something to say on the tip of the tongue. But with him, she didn't mind as much anymore.

"Mr. Wayne, did you major in psychology?", she asked jokingly.

Bruce laughed lightly, glad he could see a little spark from the old Selina in her eyes, and thinking that she had a fire that burned so bright it really was impossible to put out, even in her lowest moments.

"But seriously, though. Don't promise me anything, except that if you ever stop loving me, or feel like quitting me, or decide it's just too much for you, you'll tell me."

"Selina, that's never gonna happen."

"Yeah, but if it does..."

"If it does I'll tell you, okay? And I'm only saying it because if there's one thing I know for sure is that it won't. I would never leave you. I don't know how you still can't see that even if I wanted to, I'd never be able to. So stop being afraid of me and realize how fucking obsessed I am with you," he said holding her face with his two hands and smirking. She laughed and a tear she hadn't realized was there streamed down her cheek. "I'm serious, you should run while you can. I might have a problem."

She giggled, "I love you."

He beamed widely and pulled her in, unable to think twice before reaching for contact like that. But she didn't seem to mind this time, hiding her face on the curve of his neck and hugging him back.

"I love you, too," he mumbled into her hair.

"I don't know why it took me so long to say it. It feels so good," she murmured against his skin and heaved a sigh of relief.

———

"I just talked to Alfred, he's arranged the penthouse in town for us," Bruce said as he grabbed their suitcases from the car trunk.

"Is he meeting us there?", Selina asked.

"Yeah, he'll get there earlier to try to handle the press."

They waited by the airstrip and the captain came down the jet stairs and greeted them both, shaking their hands. Another two men came to take their bags and they boarded the private plane.

A month had passed since they had first discussed a possible trip to Gotham. Harley had been sent back there the week before and awaited trial to finally claim her spot in a cell in her previous workplace. 

Bruce realized he had the option to turn Selina's wish to go back there into a new fighting topic, or he could just take the opportunity to stand by her like he'd promised he would.

But she hadn't been on board with him joining at first. She was too scared to expose him after all the trouble he'd been through to fake his own death. But Bruce was quick to dismiss her concerns by taking care of all the details and helping Alfred come up with the right publicity stunts to cover for them. He also made it clear that it wasn't a problem for Bruce to be alive, as long as that fact couldn't be linked to Batman somehow.

Blake was also in on the plan, obviously. Since the appearance of a second Batman in the Paris incident had not been displayed to the public, this would be an easy fix. Batman would be making "sudden" and punctual appearances throughout the city during and before Bruce's arrival to the city.

The story had also been set. Bruce had been away in a treatment center in Switzerland in a rehabilitation program. He, the doctors and closest friends had decided that it would be better for him to fake his death so there would be no possibility of the press following him and digging into it, which could jeopardize and slow down his recovery process. No one would question the authenticity of the story given the troubled playboy persona impression the media and society usually had of him.

Selina was not completely calm and accepting of the whole thing, but she also didn't want to cause a fight; and, admittedly, she didn't know if she'd be able to make it there without him. She'd also have a part to play in said backstory—the old friend with whom Bruce had reconnected in a time of need. Since there was no track record of Selina Kyle nor Selina Dyer anywhere to be found, that would also be an easy lie to sell. The only problem that could arise would be the people from her past recognizing her, which was why they were planning to be out in public as themselves as rarely as possible.

The flight to Gotham was quite tranquil, though Selina wasn't. She was agitated for the most part and even declined the whiskey and wine the stewardess offered her, which was when Bruce realized actually just how panicky she was. Even though she'd barely slept the night before, she was awake for most of it, and was only able to calm down and at least take a nap when Bruce pulled her to his lap and cuddled her like a baby. If someone had told him a year ago that's what he'd be doing—and most of all, that she'd be _enabling_ it, he would've undoubtedly thought they were either crazy or lying.

By the time the plane landed, she was feeling a bit calmer. It was morning and though the weather was cold, the skies were blue and sunny. Although they had made sure there would be no journalists or paparazzi waiting for them at the airport, she still made sure to put on her sunglasses and hat to try and avoid being recognized. They managed to get out of the airport and get into the car that waited for them safely unnoticed.

However, by the time they turned right on the building street, they could see from afar the crowd that gathered outside the door. Bruce was somewhat used to getting that kind of attention, but Selina hated it. The car made its way through the people and the cameras and Bruce reached for her hand to try to reassure her.

"It'll be fine. Just walk straight through and don't say anything. I'm right here with you."

The doorman opened the door for them and Bruce stepped outside, immediately pressing the button on his light stealer device and hearing groans of complaint as the cameras shut down. He held the door opened, standing protectively over it so Selina could get out too. They practically elbowed their way through the crowd, swerving from voice recorders and ignoring the intrusive questions. By the time they reached the door the security guards were then able to help them through and into the building. Alfred was waiting for them on the lobby, and Bruce went straight to him to happily greet him.

"Alfred."

"Master Bruce. Back from the dead once more," he laughed and they hugged, "Miss Kyle, it's lovely to see you again. You look well."

"Alfred, please, I've already told you to call me Selina," she rolled her eyes and smiled, then held his hands and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.

"Just give up, Selina, he won't listen, he's too English for that," Bruce said as they entered the elevator and Alfred laughed.

They settled themselves in the giant penthouse and then went to take a shower while Alfred prepared everything for lunch. Bruce's suite was completely surrounded by glass walls, but it was so far high up in the sky no other apartment around could see into it. Selina put on her bathrobe to go out to the balcony and stared at the city in front of her as she rubbed healing ointment on her wrists distractedly.

"Hey, how are you doing?", Bruce came out to check on her.

"I'm alright, I think. Just never thought I'd come back here."

"Yeah, me neither. It seems like everything's the same, though."

"I hope not," she chuckled humorlessly.

He then hugged her from behind and casually slid her robe down a bit to press his lips to her neck, sending shivers down her spine.

"God, do you remember the last time we were here together? You were heading to your heroic death," she said sarcastically and he laughed, "They were literally burning bridges. I had just _killed_ Bane. Gee, it was chaos."

"Well... what I remember... was you...", he mumbled in between spreading kisses down to her shoulder and back, "taking your sweet time... to kiss me... in the midst of said chaos... even _though_ there was a bomb about to go off...just a couple few feet away from us."

"I wasn't about to just let you go down without a treat, now was I?"

"Sure hope not," he muttered while bringing his lips to her earlobe, sucking and biting gently on it.

"Bruce...", she moaned, half leaning into it, half fighting it.

"Yes?", he whispered, never separating his mouth from her skin.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," she forced it out of her and tried to catch her breath.

"And why is that?"

"Well, first...", she started saying, and then he hit that sensitive point in her neck he knew was her weak spot. She closed her eyes involuntarily, still trying to uncloud her thoughts and remember whatever point it was she was trying to make, but it was becoming impossible.

"Yes...?", he asked teasingly, and she could sense the implied amusement in his tone.

He then drove his hand to her neck with the softest, almost tinkling touch and held her jaw to turn her head further to the side and make more space for him to kiss. Selina's breathing quickly became rapid and heavy and she couldn't help but lean back to rest her head on his shoulder. Yet, there was still something making her uneasy—his touches, however exhilarating and intoxicating, left her apprehensive and anxious. When he reached for her hand with his other one and his fingers brushed against her wrist, she instinctively and immediately stood up and pulled away from it.

Bruce barely had time to grasp what happened before he saw a silver flat round object flying only a few feet away from them. The camera drone was pointed in their direction.

"What the...", Selina gasped.

"Don't worry," Bruce said.

His calmness confused her, but it only lasted a second, because when she looked again there was a red laser aimed at the lens. The drone wiggled in the air as if it was in distress and then it quickly fell a couple floors down before recovering and flying away.

Selina looked at Bruce at a loss.

"We have these automatic lasers on the windows. They capture signs of movement and signals around and destroy the cameras and hard drives."

"That's... clever," she replied, still a bit puzzled. "Should we go inside anyway? Lunch must be almost ready," she asked and walked in before he could say anything else.

Alfred had arranged for them to have lunch with some of the board members of Wayne Enterprises. Only the closest ones, the ones Bruce actually trusted, or at least respected, enough to believe they wouldn't go out to the press to mention anything too personal about him or Selina. That was something necessary to keep up their cover story and reassure the company that despite Bruce's sudden return, nothing would change and his stay wasn't permanent.

When Bruce and Selina walked down the stairs, dressed up and ready to maintain their facade, they were already waiting for them in the living room, sipping champagne and chatting curiously. Bruce had already put on his extravagant businessman posture as he opened his arms to greet them collectively and then one by one.

"It is so nice to see you again, Mr. Lockwood. May I introduce you to Miss Dyer here? Selina, this is Jeffrey Lockwood, one of our oldest members of the board," he'd say excitedly.

He played his part so naturally only Selina and Alfred were able to see through it. She was also extremely good at pretending to fit into that crowd. Of course, that was due to years of experience infiltrating these kinds of circles, acting as the perfect trophy escort to senators, judges and eccentric rich men so she could steal their wives' jewelry later. From the outside, they looked like the perfect cover couple for Gotham's young elite.

"I must say, it's good to see you've finally found someone to settle down Mr. Wayne," said one of the women in a masked snide tone, looking fascinated at Selina, who was quick to give her a little plastic smile instead of pulling her face off, which was what she actually felt like doing.

"Well, thank you Mrs. Weiss, Selina really is one in a million. She really made me see what an empty life I led before", he talked so theatrically Selina had to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing, "All those women, and drugs, and partying, it just wasn't healthy. I realized what I actually needed was someone to come home to."

Selina choked on her champagne when she couldn't hold a laugh back, but quickly managed to regain her composure.

"Are you okay, honey?", Bruce asked patting her back and looking concerned, but she could see from his pressed lips that he was also having to put an effort to keep it together.

The lunch went accordingly for the most part, and the both of them were able to stay in character through all of it. Bruce asked for a minute of silence for Lucius Fox, and then after they had all eaten, they were all talking in smaller groups around the table. Bruce was telling two men about his newest car acquisitions in Europe and Selina had been cornered by this short old man who kept telling her about his horses and his grandkids, but was never able to hear her when she replied.

At some point, after repeating herself for the fourth time, she just asked to be excused, and then whispered it into Bruce's ear to let him know. She opened the door to the kitchen, where Alfred was coordinating and instructing a few waiters.

"That's dejà vu right here," she joked.

Alfred then saw she had come in and dismissed them telling them to go serve dessert.

"Miss Ky... Selina, do you need anything back here?"

"No, thank you, Alfred. Uh... no, actually, coffee would be nice," she reconsidered and leaned over the kitchen island.

He quickly started preparing it on the coffee machine, "Is everything alright, then?", he asked like he genuinely wanted to know.

"I just haven't slept much," she deflected, "and if I'm gonna hear Mr. Wolowitz blab about his snotty grandchildren one more time I'm gonna need this."

"Yes, that is a current topic with him," Alfred chuckled and gave her the mug, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No... I just came here to get some air, I guess," she answered, though looking like she wasn't ready to go back there yet.

"I understand," he replied, then pulled a high chair and sat down. Selina sighed and copied him. They were quiet for some time while she drank from her coffee. "Are you okay, Miss?", Alfred asked again, in a more serious but soothing tone, "Last time I saw you, you were still... struggling. But you seem better now."

"Yeah...,” she murmured, but added more quietly, “But just because I'm talking doesn't mean I'm better."

"So you're not?"

"No, I am," she sighed, "I'm much better. I just... I don't know."

"I'm listening," he said patiently.

"I'm fine, most of the time. But it's just, sometimes, it hits me, you know? And it's like I can't breathe. Other times, I get these flashbacks out of nowhere, and it's like I'm there again," she exhaled, "I don't get it. I've been through worse. Or at least comparably bad, and it turned out fine."

Alfred studied her for a while, then said, "If you put book after book in a shelf, never picking or taking any off, one day you're going to put one that it just won't accommodate anymore. It doesn't even have to be the largest or heaviest book amongst them to get the shelf to break."

Selina thought about it. "So you're saying I'm a broken shelf?"

"No. I'm saying sometimes something happens that makes us realize there's a lot we haven't dealt with. And then this seemingly small thing turns out to be the last straw, and we think we've broken too easily. In your case, there's nothing small about it. But we accumulate every little and big thing that happens, and eventually if we don't deal with them, they just keep piling up until one day they all collapse and come crashing down on us. It doesn't mean we're weak, it just means we're hoarders."

"Okay... And what are we supposed to do then?"

"We let go. All these books in your shelf, you've already learned from them. You don't need all of them anymore. It's unnecessary baggage."

Selina sighed and lowered her forehead in her hand, "I don't know where to put them down."

"You'll figure it out. But you don't have to do it alone, you know," Alfred searched for her eyes again, "Master Bruce cares deeply about you. Don't you think he could help you?"

"He does. In so many ways. I breathe better with him. And he is so impossibly understanding, and patient, and kind. Honestly, the guy is a saint," she chuckled nervously, "He already puts up with so much for me, _and_ from me. I can't shove more stuff in his plate."

"Of course you can. He's a big boy, he can take it. Especially from you, he's glad to take it. I guarantee you he'd much more rather you dump it in his plate than you hide it under yours. And I think it goes both ways. If Bruce was going through something, wouldn't you prefer he told you and let you help him over having to watch him suffer in silence, or worse, being ignorant to his sufferings?"

Selina smiled softly and reached for Alfred's hand over the counter, "Thank you, Alfred. I'm glad I talked to you. You're incredibly great at giving advice."

"Anytime, Miss," he reached back for her hand too, "You make Bruce extremely happy, all I want is for you to be happy too. You were a gift to this family."

Selina grinned blushing and then awkwardly picked up the mug to finish her coffee.

"Selina, we...", Bruce walked into the kitchen, "What's going on here?"

"Nothing, just going over some things about our plans with Alfred. What's up?"

"They're leaving. We should come and say goodbye."

As soon as their guests left the house, Bruce started taking off his tie and let himself down on the living room couch. He'd really grown unaccustomed to using them. Alfred and the waiters were organizing and collecting the dishes around the room. Selina sat down next to his head and started stroking his hair gently.

"You were a very convincing wolf of Wall Street back there."

"Thanks. You were amazing too, Naomi. Though you did leave me juggling these oldies a while here."

"Sorry. Mr. Wolowitz was boring me to sleep, I needed to grab a cup of coffee."

"Hey, Alfred? Did everything go accordingly in Old Town?"

"Yes, sir. Mr. "Blake" was just spotted stopping a bank robbery there," he answered after checking if there was anyone around.

"Thank you, Alfred. Do you think we have some time to get some sleep? Selina barely slept these last few days and the night flight didn't help us either."

"Absolutely. I'll wake you up if there's any pressing matters."

They both headed to the bedroom and changed their clothes to more comfortable ones. Selina tied her hair in a high bun and splashed her face with cold water in the bathroom sink, the caffeine effects getting her antsy and not at all less drowsy. That would not be a nice combination.

Bruce was already in bed and she could see he was fighting his sleep to wait for her. She snuggled her way into his arms and rested her ear on his chest like she liked to. Feeling unusually affectionate, she looked up to gaze at him and caress his sleepy face. He half smiled at her and fell asleep in less than a minute.

Although she was agitated, she did her best to stay quiet and unmoving, knowing even in his sleep he was always alert, especially about her movements. Looking at him sleeping so peacefully got her feeling incredibly guilty, because she knew she was the reason for all his restless nights. There wasn't one night that she had a nightmare or even just typical insomnia that he wouldn't stay up with her. He'd cuddle her all night long if that's what it took for her to calm down after a bad dream.

He was too good. And she'd never be able to live up to it.

A few hours later, Bruce woke up startled when he realized it was dark outside. He looked around still half asleep and it took him a second to remember where he was. His first reaction was to reach out for Selina, but he found nothing but cold sheets on her side. As he turned on the lights and got up, the first thing he saw was Selina's suitcase opened and some of her clothes scattered across the floor.

"Alfred, have you seen Selina?", Bruce asked as he walked into the kitchen to find the man talking with the cook.

"I'm sorry, Master?"

"She's not here, and I'm worried because she didn't say anything.

"No, I haven't seen her since you two went upstairs," he answered, but then continued talking when he saw the concerned frown on Bruce's face, "I'm sure she's fine, she's probably just taking a walk or something of the sort."

"Yeah, sure," he said as he tried her phone once more. A familiar ringtone started coming from the living room and he puffed as he found it was hers. "Great," he said as he tossed his cellphone angrily on the couch. 

"Calm down, sir. It's not even 9pm, it's still early. We'll give it some time and if she doesn't reappear we'll go look for her."

"No, Alfred, you don't understand," he sat on the cushions and let his face rest on his hands frustrated, "She hasn't been herself lately. She's way more... delicate. I _need_ to know where she is."

"I know you two have been through a lot lately and I can understand your apprehension and need to know her whereabouts. But we have nothing to worry about yet. Give it time. If she's not back by 11, we'll have Blake look for her. Right now we have no reason to believe she's not anything but alright."

"I'm always watching her, Alfred. She's not alright, though she can do one hell of a job pretending she is."

"I understand. But what I meant is that she's safe, and she'll be back in no time."

Bruce didn't know why he was so anxious about the whole situation. Was it weird that she'd leave the apartment and not even leave a message or a note? Yes. But was it _concerning_? Rationally thinking, he didn't think so. However, his protective instincts over her had been infinitely magnified since Paris, and then again since the day she opened up to him about her recent strains and struggles.

He decided he'd wait a while, then. Alfred wentto brew him some relaxing tea, but then he looked at his distressed composure and realized whiskey probably would be a better fit for the moment.

———

Halfway across town, Selina jumped on her heels and grabbed the metal stairs to the fire escape outside a building. Even that early in the night, her former neighborhood was already practically cleared out of people, with the only ones outside at that time being a few drug dealers and prostitutes, their prospective clients, and people definitely up to no good. She fit into neither of those categories anymore, but they didn't even raise an eyebrow to her once familiar face passing through, running over the streets and roofs in her catsuit.

She rushed up the stairs until the third floor and knocked on the window.

"Jen! It's me, Selina."

No answer.

"Jen...? Alright, if you're in there, I'm coming in. Don't shoot."

Selina looked around the tiny loft they used to share. It seemed like a lifetime ago. The lights were off and she couldn't see very clearly, so she took her mask off and was immediately alarmed when she noticed a strand of red hair moving in Jen's bed. She couldn't see a face, but the sounds coming from the woman were pretty self-explanatory.

"Shit," she whispered, unsure if she should announce herself or get out.

Suddenly someone turned on the bedside lamp and she saw Jen's confused and surprised expression staring at her from under the redheaded girl.

"Shit, Jen, I'm sorry, I should've called first..." Selina blabbered rapidly, but was quickly interrupted by the both of them at the same time.

"Selina!"

"Claws?!"

Selina froze on the spot, finally paying attention to Jen's date. She hadn't heard that name in years.

She was exactly like she remembered, only with a thinner, more grown-up looking face. Selina was suddenly extremely tense and her fight-or-flight response halted, deadpanned, leaving her paralyzed. But then the girl smiled widely and quickly wrapped herself in sheets before running in her direction.

"Claws, I can't believe it's you!", she gasped, hugging Selina tightly with one arm while using the other to hold the sheets in place.

Selina lightly held her back automatically, but the shock was evident on her face. Jen was putting on her robe and looking at them confused.

"Pamela, what—what are you doing here?"

"Well, duh!", she said throwing a glance at Jen.

Selina blinked still perplexed, then shook her head, "Jen, hey", she hugged her, "Sorry for dropping by like this."

"No worries, Sel, glad you're back. How do you two know each other again?"

"We were cellmates back in juvie. Remember, I told you about her?", Selina asked.

"Oh! You're _the_ Pamela..."

"Well, I guess I am!", she said excitedly.

"So you're out...", Selina mumbled awkwardly.

"Yeah. Just got out three months ago. I'm still on probation, but they kicked me out for good behavior."

"That's great... awesome... so, how do you two know each other?", she pointed at the both of them.

"We just met a few weeks ago at this new club," Jen replied, smiling at Pam, "and now we're hanging out, I guess."

"Hanging out, Jen?", the redhead asked, pretending to be offended, "You called me your girlfriend this morning! We're dating, she's just too weird to admit it," she said and then kissed her cheek.

Selina laughed a bit uncomfortable, "Congratulations then, you two. I just need to grab something with Jen and I'll be out of your way."

"Wait, you should stay. We can order pizza or something," Pamela said, then looked at Selina from head to toe like she was finally noticing her. "Why are you dressed all dominatrix, by the way?"

Selina and Jen laughed, then the latter said, "It's her catsuit. You know, as in Catwoman."

"Oh my God, that's right! Okay, when you told me you used to be roommates with her I would've never thought I used to be roommates with her too. Well, cellmates, but you know, same thing."

Selina chuckled, "Okay, guys, we can meet and catch up tomorrow, but I really need to go right now. Jen, do you remember those stuff I asked you to guard and keep for me when I left?"

"Ohh, yes. I'll go grab it."

Suddenly Pamela hugged her again when Jen left for the kitchen, "Oh, I missed you so much, Claws. You should've stayed in touch, damn it."

Selina sighed and allowed herself to hug her back in the same intensity, "I know, I'm sorry. I guess I just thought... Nevermind. I'm glad you're out now."

"Yeah, me too. Don't disappear on me again, okay?", she said then gave her a peck on the cheek before letting her go.

Jen came back with a set of keys and handed it to Selina, "It's all there in the storage unit. The box, and the, other thing."

"Thanks, Jen. You're a life savior."

"So, are you gonna tell me what you've been up to for the last year? Or where were you, at least?"

"It's a long story. I'll explain it to you later. I'll text you tomorrow so we can get together," Selina said as she put her mask on again and headed for the window.

"You know, you can exit through the door like a normal person—", Jen yelled, but she was already gone.

Selina jumped from roof to roof crossing streets and neighborhoods. She stopped once when she saw a guy following this teenage girl in a dark street. She pulled her into an alley and signaled for her to keep quiet, then kicked the guy's ass when he came in looking for her. Then she put the girl in a cab and went back to springing her way home.

She used her whip grappling it to the metal grid on the fire escape stairs on their building to jump from the next door roof to it, then climbed the rest of it to the penthouse floor using the stairs. There, even though she was opening the window to get inside as slowly as she could, the wood squeaked high once and gave her away. She made a mental note to rub some oil on it the next day in case she needed to use it again.

It was a little past eleven when Bruce desperately picked up the phone to call Blake, but then was suddenly interrupted by noises coming from the kitchen. He and Alfred exchanged looks and went to check it out cautiously. When he turned on the lights, he saw Selina sliding through the half opened window, then jumping down from the counter. She was in her complete Cat costume and her lips were a little upturned, until she looked up startled by the sudden light and saw them.

"Hey—", she started talking.

"Selina, what the hell? Do you mind telling me where the fuck have you been?", Bruce snapped.

"I'm going to give you two some privacy," Alfred said as he started exiting the room, shooting a warning glance to Bruce he seemed to ignore. "Nice to see you're alright, Miss."

"What... why are you mad?", she asked confused.

"Well, let me see, I wake up and you're nowhere to be found. No one could tell me where you went to. You left your phone and couldn't even bother to leave a note!"

"I couldn't sleep so I went out for a while. Geez, sorry dad. Guess I missed my curfew."

"No, don't mock me," he said angrily, "This is serious. Do you know how worried we were?"

"Bruce, for God's sake, I was gone for a few hours at most," Selina replied annoyed.

She took off her mask and dropped it with her whip on the kitchen island, looking irritated. Then she took off her bladed heel boots and collected all her stuff back, starting to head to the bedroom as he followed her.

"Ugh, I was in such a good mood, now you've ruined it."

Bruce was a little curious, but not enough to dissipate his anger.

"Oh I'm so sorry that my worrying about you has left you grumpy. I'll try to dial it down a bit, okay?", he said sarcastically.

"I left the apartment, Wayne, it's not like I left the country," she clapped back as they entered the suite and Bruce shut the door behind them.

Selina had tried to not provoke him intentionally by using his surname like that, but sometimes it would just come out naturally when she was pissed. And she could see in his eyes it had worked.

She sighed, defeated, dropping her things on the floor, "Bruce, I don't wanna fight. Can we just forget about this?"

"No! No, we can't. Because apparently you can't seem to understand what happened here, or else I have to believe you simply don't care what you've put me through," he yelled exasperated and let himself down on the bed, sitting with his hands covering his face. "I'm trying to help you, Selina. I really am. But sometimes you don't seem to want me to," he said, this time trying to control his tone.

"I want your help, Bruce. I don't even think I deserve it, but I really do want it. But you also need to trust me. How many times are we gonna have this fight?"

"I don't know, Selina!", he cried out, losing his temper again, "But you do remember what happened the last time we had this fight, right? Or the last time you left without telling me where you were going? You're not the only one having to deal with all that crap! You were missing for days, and when I finally found out where you were, I immediately wished I hadn't!", he shouted, then took a deep breath and lowered his voice, "Do you have any idea of what it was like? I'm not comparing scars here, you had it much worse than me. But can you imagine for a second what it was like for me, knowing you were trapped by that clown for weeks while there wasn't much I could do about it? While I had to sit and wait and keep wondering if I'd be too late? While I spent nights on end wondering what he might be doing to you? Wondering if you were even _alive_?", his voice faltered.

Selina's chest ached listening to him, seeing him in that state. Her irritation disappeared completely watching that man break down in front of her. She didn't deserve someone loving her _that_ much.

She approached him and sat down by his side, wrapping her arms around him and pulling his head to rest on her shoulder. He didn't lean into it at first, but she didn't care.

"I'm sorry. You're absolutely right. I should've left a note or something. It was stupid of me to think it wasn't a big deal," she said and tilted her head to force him to look at her, "You deserve better. I'll try to do better. I promise, okay?"

"Cellphones are supposed to be carried with us, you know?", he spoke, not seeming so mad anymore.

"I don't have a pocket in my suit, you know?", she said playfully.

"Guess you'll just have to add one, then," he replied, but then his lips broke into a tight smile.

She felt utterly pathetic, bordering on ridiculous whenever her heart skipped a beat when he smiled. A strange nervousness would take over her, like he suddenly wasn't the man she lived with or spent practically 24 hours a day with anymore; but like they were on a first date, or like she had just fallen in love at first sight. Like she'd just come out of a disgustingly cheesy high school musical romcom.

Fighting every nerve on her body telling her she shouldn't—couldn't do it, she put her lips against his; softly and hesitatingly, as if she had never been there before; touching his hair like she was discovering it for the very first time; listening to every thought in her head, the good and the bad, and pressing her eyelids shut harder when she had to confront an especially nasty one.

Bruce was patient. Compliant. Accommodating. He let her have all control and take her time. He waited for her to bring his hands to her face when she started feeling more comfortable. And so he stroked her cheeks gently, like she might break under his touch. He knew that wasn't true, though—he'd never seen anything tougher than her.

She pushed him down, laying him on the bed slowly, handling him carefully so as to not wake up the sleeping monster inside her. The one who'd remind her of all the ways her body had been handled wrongfully. In Bruce's arms, though, it seemed to be almost just a shadow of what it usually was.

He touched her with such tenderness and reverence her heart filled with overwhelming warmth and emotion. She settled her weight on top of him and let him hold her to him. His hand tangled in her hair smoothly, his arm closed around her waist protectively; his tongue asked to be excused from her mouth, making its way down to her jaw, then her neck—the farthest south it could get with her in that suit.

Her breathing faltered, and her body begged, more, more, now. Her hands found his chest, his waist, his back. Her lips found his eyes, his ears, his neck. Her stomach found something else. More, more, _now_. 

Her mind whispered, slow down. Her fingers found the buttons of his shirt. Her mind warned her, slow down. His fingers found the zipper on her back. Her mind yelled, _slow down_. Her hands found his chest and her back the mattress. His found nothing.

"I can't do this right now," she breathed out.

He gulped and took a deep breath, trying to calm down his heart rate, then turned to the side and grabbed her hand.

"It's alright. We don't have to."

She was quiet, and he waited.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "I really thought I could."

"I understand," he said, "I love you. I only want it when you're ready, and not a second before."

She chuckled quietly and in disbelief. Only he could know the right answer to everything, even when she didn't know it herself.

"I love you too," she never got tired of saying it.

She slid closer to him and stroked his face for a second; then confused him by driving her hand into her suit and reaching for something seemingly in her bra.

"I do have a surprise for you, though," she said as she waved a set of keys in front of his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back in Chapter 7 I introduced Pamela to the story if you guys don't remember. Back there I said I pictured her as Sophie Turner :)


	18. 18. Reunions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a lot of references to Selina's past, so if you ever feel lost you should come back to Chapter 10 (maybe 9 too). Enjoy!

"I can't believe you had never been on the subway before," Selina muttered still in shock as they stepped out of the train.

"Well, if you remember well, I have been here before, I just never used it for transportation."

"That's even worse."

Selina had insisted on them using public transportation so as to not attract any unwanted attention by being dropped at the East End in a Lamborghini by a driver. They were going to get a cab, but when Bruce casually mentioned he'd never taken the train before she just had to put him through it at least once.

"Why couldn't they have gone to our place anyway? Wouldn't it have been easier?"

"No. I just think it's safer for them to keep them out of our bubble. Besides, no one's going to bother us here. The moment you step foot in Old Town you realize everyone here's sketchy and so no one cares what you're up to."

"But what if someone recognizes us?"

"They might. But I think you mean recognize _you_. Everyone around here already knows me, and so they know better than to ask questions."

Bruce smiled amused as they walked up the stairs leading out to the sidewalks. As they paced through the streets and crowds, Bruce noticed eventual stares and chitchat, and at first he got apprehensive thinking people might be finding his presence there odd, until he realized they were actually paying attention to Selina. Well, not actually paying attention, but more like tensing up around her, always stepping out of their way and looking away when she stared back at them.

"Okay... so why is everyone here acting like they're terrified of you?"

She laughed at the same time as this guy opened his door to the street and then shut it immediately after he saw her, looking like he had seen a ghost.

"A lot of people hate me in this city. I had to create a bit of panic around the neighborhood to keep me safe," she said, then continued talking on a more serious tone, "These people here aren't the problem, but they're very easily bought off. Couldn't have someone sniffing around on me for the bigger guys."

They stopped at a bodega and the owner seemed to be the only one inside that didn't flinch when they saw her coming in. He complimented her naturally, warmly even, and even commented that she'd been MIA. She had picked a bottle of red wine that made Bruce raise eyebrows, and even more so as she paid an entire seven dollars for it.

"Are you sure that's drinkable?", he joked as soon as they set foot outside of the store.

"We used to drink this practically every day. If it wasn't I wouldn't be standing here today talki—", a guy bumped into her and she got interrupted for a second.

"Sorry, Miss..."

"Hey, watch wher..."

She turned to look at the man and noticed his face for the first time. His familiar baby-blue eyes caught her off guard and she struggled to make the words come out of her mouth.

"T-Ted?"

"Selina," his eyes widened in surprise, then he eyed her quickly from head to toe like he couldn't believe what he was seeing, "Wow. I haven't seen you since..."

"I sprang out your window, yes," she said embarrassed, "Sorry about that."

They both laughed nervously and Bruce moved on his feet uncomfortably. She'd been so shocked she'd forgotten to introduce him for a moment there.

She cleared her throat, "Uh, Ted, this is...", he finally seemed to notice Bruce standing there and jumped in before she could finish.

"Bruce Wayne!", he said excitedly and put his hand out for him to shake, "Hey, it's an honor to meet you, man."

"Ted... Grant, I'm assuming? The boxer, right?", Bruce glanced at Selina, but she didn't look at him.

"Yeah! You actually sponsored my first fights."

"I did?", he asked surprised.

"Well, your foundation did. With the scholarships for at-risk teens and all that," he explained, "Really appreciate it, man."

"Well, that's nice to hear. Did you win?"

Selina and Ted chuckled lightly at the same time and Bruce didn't mind the way he was looking at her.

"Absolutely, sir," he answered.

She turned to Bruce noticing he seemed at a loss and explained, "Ted never loses."

Bruce blinked. "Never?", he asked curiously, a spark seeming to be lighting up in his eye. “Is that so?”

Selina swiftly changed the subject when she realized where his mind was getting at, "So, how have you been?"

"Can't complain. Just signed a new contract with WBC. And you... are you still... you know?", he touched the chain necklace he was wearing discreetly, then quickly glanced at Bruce, worried he'd let slip something he shouldn't have.

"No," she laughed, "not really my area anymore."

"Good... that's good to hear. You still in the area, though?"

"No, I don't live here anymore, I'm just visiting. Needed a change of air, I guess."

"Yeah, I get it. You do look... different," he muttered, staring at her wistfully. An uncomfortable silence followed before Ted cleared his throat and forced himself to look away, attempting to regain his composure. "Well, anyway, good to see you again."

They hugged kind of awkwardly, "You too, Ted," she replied.

"Don't be a stranger," he said letting her go, "And it was nice to meet you, Mr. Wayne."

Bruce simply nodded and Ted crossed the street, distancing himself. They continued walking towards Selina's old building, which was only a block away. He couldn't help but notice she had an insistent smile on her face.

"You seem happy. Should I be worried?", he asked jokingly, but still there was a slight hint of concern.

"What? No!", she laughed, "It's just nice to see him doing well. And not hating me," she shook her head, "I thought if we ever ran into each other he'd like, tackle me to the ground or something."

"Well, by the way he was looking at you he might as well have."

She shoved him playfully and he smirked, pulling her to him and wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

"Come on, look at you. No one could hate you."

"Yeah, right. He certainly had reasons to. I guess some people really just are that nice," she muttered reflectively, "How do they end up coming across me is a mystery to me... God, I was terrible. Like, legit, awful."

"I'm sure you're exaggerating," Bruce said politely.

"I'm really not. Sure, I cared about him, but really I only stayed with him because it was convenient. And when he told me he loved me it stopped being that. I made his life a living hell on purpose hoping he'd just kick me out, and when he didn't I bolted," she stopped in front of the entrance door and pressed the button on the intercom, raising her eyebrows at him, "Still think I'm exaggerating?"

"Okay, I guess you were kind of an ass. But some people are just more forgiving, I guess."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"What do you mean?"

" _Come on up_ ," a voice spoke coming from the speaker.

"You'll see," she sighed as she opened the door and held it for him.

They walked up three flights of stairs and stopped at a faded scratched red door on the left. Bruce had quick flashbacks of the first time he was there, looking for Selina and just hours before she handed him over on a silver platter to Bane. He giggled softly at the memory and she looked at him confused, but he quickly dismissed it.

"Hey!", a short blond girl opened the door, "Welcome back home. I see you decided to use the door for once."

Selina smiled and gave her a quick hug, "Jen, this is Bruce."

"Wait. You came by last year. Bruce Wayne?", she asked shaking his hand.

"Holly Robinson, right?", he gave her one of his characteristic smiles and Selina held back a laugh, because she could swear her very much, decidedly lesbian friend was blushing.

"Call me Jen."

Bruce looked for Selina, who he could see was now warmly greeting a redheaded girl who'd just walked into the room. She turned and looked at him kind of weird, almost warning.

"Bruce, this is Jen's girlfriend, Pamela Isley. I've told you about her."

He blinked once and exchanged looks between the two, "Pamela, as in... Pamela, from juvie?"

"Am I famous around here or something?", she asked confused.

"Kinda, yeah," Bruce and Jen mumbled at the same time as he shook her hand.

"Bruce Wayne, it's nice to meet you."

"You brought our radioactive grape juice!", Jen yelled excitedly when she noticed Selina's bag.

"Of course I did. Like I'd forget it."

They left their coats on the door hooks and entered further into the small loft. Something smelled good in the oven and Bruce stood there feeling a little out of place after Jen dragged Selina with her to the kitchen.

"Sit down, I'll grab you a beer. The game's about to start," Pamela told him suddenly and pointed him to the couch. She came back with two bottles and spread some cushions on the floor around the coffee table. "Don't mind me, I prefer sitting on the ground."

"Yeah, I think I'll join you," he said.

"I thought _Batman_ was your new boy toy," Jen mumbled softly, only for Selina to hear, as she sorted some appetizers into small bowls.

"What?", Selina asked surprised in a slightly high-pitched voice, "Why would you think that?"

"Well, a little bird told me you were all over town with him during the occupation," she smiled accusingly, "No need to deny it, I saw the footage."

"Yeah, then he kind of _died_ , remember?", Selina replied sarcastically.

"And now he's back."

"Well... yeah. And I'm just as surprised as you are," she paused, "I've heard it's not the same guy though," she mentioned casually.

"Probably not. You didn't know who he was?", she asked unfazed, throwing some peanuts in her mouth.

"Of course not," she said blatantly, then started laughing, "Jen, you actually thought I was bringing _Batman_ to lunch today?"

"No... yes... I don't know."

Selina laughed harder, "Well, you never know, maybe it's Bruce and I just haven't figured it out yet."

"Yeah, right," she replied with a mouthful. "Anyways, what's the deal with Wayne anyway? I know you robbed him and all that, and I thought there was something going on with you two when he came by here last year," she said with sort of a question mark at the end, "but is it like a plot or scam or something?"

"Nope. No plot."

"So what, you just _happened_ to fall in love with a billionaire?"

"I guess. And he's only a millionaire now," she giggled, then raised her eyebrows, "Turns out, buying stuff? Not as fun as stealing it."

"Ugh, facts," Jen rolled her eyes as she nibbled on a cheese cube. "But I guess that's not even the shocking part. The shocking part is you. _In. Love_. Like, actually _tolerating_ someone in that sense."

Selina laughed, "Yeah, tell me about it. I'm in shock too."

They both picked up the bowls and carried them to the living room, setting them on the coffee table. Bruce and Pamela were chitchatting quietly when they came in.

"Claws, sit down here!", Pamela said motioning to a cushion between her and Bruce.

She did and Bruce looked at her at a loss, then curiously.

"Your nickname in juvie was _Claws_?"

"Yeah, what's up with that?", Jen asked too.

"You guys didn't know that? Yeah, cause she used to, you know, scratch other girls' faces off," Pamela explained excitedly.

Bruce's eyes widened a bit and he turned them to her, while she stuffed her mouth with popcorn not to laugh at his surprised expression.

"Why would you do that?", he asked in shock, but she could sense a bit of amusement in his tone.

"I was the youngest one there. I had to keep trouble away somehow. Sue me," she smiled and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, she did that to me once before we became friends. Trust me, it's worse than it sounds," Pamela showed a small scar next to her ear and laughed, then added, "But it doesn't stop there—there was also Banana Split for a while, but that's just cause she kicked guards in the nuts a lot."

" _What_?", Bruce laughed in disbelief and Selina simply shrugged her shoulders, but Pamela continued talking.

"Buuut, _my_ personal favorite was Bam..."

"Oookay, that's enough for today," Selina cut in and shoved popcorn in Pamela's mouth and they all laughed.

They watched a football game on TV and ate Jen's homemade potato pie, then continued drinking beer and the other "liquid" Selina had brought that Bruce insisted couldn't be called wine for the rest of the afternoon. Watching from the outside, they could almost pass as a normal group of friends double-dating and spending Sunday together.

They mostly talked and laughed and joked at Selina's expense. Bruce couldn't help but feel like that afternoon was exactly what she needed. Just a bit of normalcy surrounded by people who loved her.

While she was already wasted enough to forget to drink, Bruce was still going through beers like they were in a college dorm happy hour. Pamela suggested they play poker and, though Selina initially was beating all of them, at some point the cards just started mixing together and getting blurry and she quit. She rested her head on Bruce's shoulder drunkenly and gulped from time to time to avoid feeling sick. Jen laughed at the sight, which she was still getting used to—it was unnatural for her to see Selina so carefree displaying any kind of physical emotional gestures like that.

"So, do you care to explain where were you all this time?", Jen asked at some point during the evening.

"Oh," Selina mumbled, thinking she was either too drunk or not enough drunk for that conversation, "I was just, you know, travelling around," she stuttered.

"Just spill the beans, Kyle," Jen stammed, also kind of drunk.

"Well, as you know I was in Switzerland," Bruce came to the rescue, "and I asked her to come be with me. But you know, that was classified for a while because everyone thought I was dead. Which is why she couldn't tell you."

"Ugh. I mean, I knew you had plans to leave all along, but it sucked that you left so suddenly. And then disappeared off the face of the earth for so long," Jen said, not in an angry tone, but sounding more like she'd been concerned.

"I know, I'm sorry," Selina raised her head from Bruce and huddled her knees against her chest, "but it was all so sudden and I was still worried some of Bane's mercenaries might come looking for me, especially after... anyways, then Bruce asked me to join him, but I would've probably had to leave either way as soon as possible."

Jen sighed, "Yeah, I know. I get it."

"So did anyone come looking for trouble anyway?", she asked half-jokingly, half-seriously.

"Not exactly," Jen replied, then continued gingerly, "Eiko came by a few months ago."

Selina froze for a millisecond and her relaxed posture and expression suddenly slightly crumbled as her eyes dropped to the floor. Bruce eyed her attentively as she hugged her legs closer together, looking disgruntled.

"What did she want?", she asked almost under her breath.

"Uh, I don't know, what does she always want?", Jen answered rhetorically, seeming a bit annoyed.

"What did you say to her?"

"I told her the truth. That I had no idea where you were."

Selina grabbed an empty bottle of beer from the table absentmindedly and started pulling on the sticker with her nails. Bruce touched her arm gently, but she quickly moved and dropped the bottle back looking a bit nervous.

"Her folks died in the occupation," Jen continued hesitating, "Some gangs from the Narrows went there claiming territory during that whole chaos."

"Who's Eiko?", Pamela asked when no one said anything.

"Selina's crazy ex," Jen replied.

"Don't say that," Selina asked tiredly.

"Sorry."

Silence followed for a while. Jen left for the kitchen to grab more beer for them and Pamela silently showed Selina a card trick, trying to distract her and actually getting her to smile, even if it was faintly. Then she showed her how she'd done it, eventually getting her to chuckle a bit when she saw the piece of gum Pamela was previously chewing stuck to the card.

"So what did you do after juvie?", she asked while she opened everyone's bottle, "Or like for at least the first ten years after that."

Selina puffed, "Much. Not much."

"Uh-huh. Did you find your siblings?", she asked casually.

Bruce shot his eyes at Selina, who became pale for a second, but recovered so quickly no one else seemed to notice.

"No. I never tried to."

"I've actually thought about you a lot the past year," Pamela said as she shuffled the cards skillfully, "We were all sent to Arkham for a while there after Blackgate was invaded and all. There was this doctor there that was like, obsessed with you."

Selina sat up straight on a whim.

"Wait, what?", she glanced nervously at Bruce, who also paid close attention to Pamela. "What doctor?"

"Dr. Quinzel... she was nice, I guess. We'd talk for hours. But I guess the clown guy really just made her flip. I heard he did that a lot to people".

"What did she want with me?"

"Nothing," she answered confused, "we just talked about my past and all that and she thought it was interesting for me to talk about you. Cause you know, you were like my little sister there," she smiled.

"Oh, Pam," Selina sighed.

"What?"

Bruce and Selina glanced at each other shortly and communicated in that almost telepathic way they used to.

"It's nothing. Sorry, I guess it's the wine. It's been a while since I drank poison from the bottle like this."

"You're getting weak, Kyle," Jen chuckled.

"Maybe we should call it a day, right, babe?" Bruce smiled and gave her a meaningful look.

"Right. I should really go and take something to avoid dying of hangover tomorrow."

"Okay, then," Jen said.

Bruce helped Jen gather the empty bottles and used dishes around the room and take them to the kitchen, as Selina and Pam were in a worse state than them. They kept sat down on the cushions and leaned their backs down against the couch. Selina closed her eyes for a second to try to stop the world from spinning when Pamela's hand grabbed hers.

"I missed you, Bambi," she murmured.

Selina chuckled quietly and rolled her eyes, "You know I hated that nickname."

"I'm the only one who called you that."

"You're the only one who _gets_ to without getting punched," Pamela laughed and Selina sighed deeply and airily, "Pam... I just, you know... I wanted to say... God, I don't even know what... how to... I suck at this."

"Are you having a seizure? I knew that stuff wasn't just alcohol," she teased her looking confused.

"No," she exhaled, "what I wanted to say is I'm sorry. But that doesn't cover it."

"Sorry for what, Claws?"

"What do you mean, Pam? You went to _jail_ for me."

Pamela's face slowly became more understanding, "No, Bambi, come on. I did, but you don't have to apologize to me for that. It was my choice. I chose to do it. You didn't make me do anything."

"I know, but I shouldn't have accepted it. I should've stopped you."

"Claws, no," she groaned and turned to look her in the eye, "I love you. I did it because I wanted to protect you. I don't wanna hear you say you're sorry for that."

"But I am! I should've protected you too."

"You were the kid. That's not how this works. You were very mature for you age, so much that I think you often forgot it," she said then held her chin up, making Selina feel like a child getting lectured, "I don't wanna hear it, okay?"

"Okay...", she said defeated, "Can I at least thank you? Or apologize for not keeping in touch?"

Pamela beamed, "Yes. You're welcome. And apology accepted."

They leaned back on the couch again and observed Bruce and Jen organizing the kitchen.

"We turned out okay, though, don't you think?", Pamela asked.

"Yeah," Selina smiled, "I didn't think we'd live to see 20."

"Me neither," she chuckled, then frowned more seriously, "One last thing, Claws. You have to stop beating yourself up so much. Not just about this. I've been out here for a second and I already noticed you're still doing this. Since you were little you put on this headstrong untouchable facade and you do whatever you feel like and act like you don't care or like nothing affects you. You know it does. You don't have to be so strong all the time. You're too hard on yourself."

Selina sighed, "It's cause you don't know, Pam. Since then, I've done some bad things. Like, really bad. And I've hurt a lot of people."

"I know you, that's enough. So you've done bad things. Doesn't mean you're a bad person," she said and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her jokingly, "That's what I'm telling you! Let go! Don't just fly, soar, Bambi!"

"That's Dumbo, stupid," Selina said laughing and finally relaxing.

"I'm not even gonna ask how you know that."

"Let's go?", they heard Bruce saying and turned to him.

"Yep," Selina answered, standing up quickly and immediately tumbling down to the couch.

"Alright, then. I can see you've sobered up."

Bruce helped her up and grabbed their things, putting her coat on her and saying their goodbyes. He wanted to carry her down the stairs just to be safe, but she threatened to scream if he did. It took some time, but he finally got a cab to stop for them. It wasn't even 8pm, but the cars didn't usually stop in that neighborhood after dark, so he assured the driver he was a very generous tipper.

Selina fell asleep on his shoulder almost the second they entered the car, so he called Alfred and asked him to open the garage for the car to enter so they wouldn't have to deal with any occasional surprise paparazzi by the door. When they got there and he was about to pick her up, she woke up and insisted on walking, which just turned out to be moving her feet while Bruce supported her weight.

"I told you that thing wasn't drinkable," he teased her when he let her down on their bed.

"Shut up," she slurred, her voice muffled by the mattress.

"Come on, let's get you in the shower. You should try to sober up at least a bit."

She groaned and he started taking his clothes off, keeping only his boxers, to make it easier to help her after. Her eyes involuntarily went to him, gazing, and her grumpiness quickly started to disappear. Bruce noticed her looking, so lazy and sweetly, and smiled, heartfelt and amused, then came to her and helped her sit up.

He squatted down in front of her and hesitated for a second when he grabbed the bottom of her shirt. At first her drunkenness left her confused about it and oblivious to the fact, but then it hit her. He'd be touching her. And he hadn't seen her like that since the day he'd rescued her from the Tower. She thought for a while and, finding no signs of panic, decided that it was okay.

She cupped his hands in hers and moved them up with hers, removing the shirt. He looked at her slightly surprised and she stroked his face shortly finding it a bit funny, then holding his shoulders to stand up. He quickly got up and helped her before she could fall again. She unbuttoned her skirt and it fell off completely, but then her blurry vision warned her she might need help with the stockings, and she groaned; he quickly understood, but waited for her to nod to allow him to go ahead, then started sliding and rolling them down her legs as she used his head for support. She felt shivers on her skin where his fingers brushed and sighed quietly.

He got up and gripped her waist softly to lead her into the bathroom, then turned on the tap to fill in the tub. His initial idea had been to shower with her to help her, because the alcohol in his brain also had made him forget he wasn't still living in a time where that was a natural thing for them. The tub would probably be safer for her to be alone and leave her more comfortable.

Bruce could understand why being naked or touched could be a bit overwhelming to her at the moment. But in that moment he'd realized he hadn't prepared himself for that either. The first time he'd seen her he'd barely had time to grasp it. She was practically passed out in his arms and still hadn't discerned and felt the trauma of it all. This time, he had to think it through, to do it right, and he became terrified that he might inadvertently do something that would set her off somehow.

Selina reached out to her back to take off her bra and held the counter to keep herself steady as she removed her panties. He helped her in the tub but then quickly went back to the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. She was left disconcerted and a bit disappointed, feeling the alcohol high dropping by the second and leaving her with that unsettling sensation of longing and emptiness. Cupping the water in her hands, she splashed her face and then ran her fingers through her hair frustrated. She rested her neck on the edge of the tub and closed her eyes, wishing things could be simpler. Wishing she could let them be simpler.

On the other side of the door, Bruce lay on the bed feeling defeated. Alfred called through the internal intercom and asked if they wanted to have dinner brought up to the room when it was ready, which Bruce appreciated because Selina would definitely need it. He closed his eyes for what seemed like a second, but was suddenly woken up by Alfred knocking on the door.

He came in when Bruce called him and left the tray cart by the bed. Bruce got up and knocked on the bathroom door calling for Selina. When she didn't respond for the second time, he opened it and immediately froze.

At first he saw nothing, but then he noticed only her knees afloat on the water.

"Fuck! Selina!", he ran to her and grabbed her by the shoulders briskly, brushing the hair off her face and fearing the worst.

She emerged alarmed and with her eyes wide-opened, panting and gasping for air. He helped her sit up and rubbed her back as she coughed desperately.

"Selina! What happened? Did you fall asleep?", he asked exasperated.

"I'm fine, I'm fine! What the hell. I was just thinking down there."

Bruce sighed airily and sat down on the edge, nervously pulling his hair back and trying to calm himself down.

"Geez, Selina, you scared the crap out of me. Do you realize how stupid that is?! Especially when you're that drunk?", he puffed, pressing his eyes anxiously, "Damn it. I thought you were better, I thought...", he shook his head.

Selina huddled her legs together, trying to make herself smaller so as to try to control the burning and painful tug inside her chest, urging to outpour as tears through her eyes.

"Never mind," he muttered as he began to stand up.

"Wait," she moaned quietly and grabbed his arm, and the tone in her voice made him turn. "Wait. Just... get in here."

Bruce groaned impatiently pulling his arm, still a bit altered, but his eyes looked battling and uncertain.

"Please?", she pressed, gripping him softly.

Bruce sighed defeatedly and was about to get in when her grip slightly tightened around his arm. He looked at her to see if she was having second thoughts, but her eyes dropped slowly to his boxers and then she shook her head lightly and inconspicuously. He double-checked her expression to make sure that's what she wanted, then took it off when he saw that she'd meant it.

He sat down in front of her and they were both silent for some time, only the light sounds of the water echoing through the air. She avoided his eyes and kept curled up in a tight ball around herself.

After a couple minutes, Bruce splashed his face and wet his hair, then exhaled, "You wanna tell me what happened?", he asked, more calmly this time.

"Nothing happened. Don't make this a big deal," she averted.

"You could've died!"

"I knew what I was doing! I was just about to come out. You're the one who scared me and made me choke."

"So this is my fault now? I walk into whatever the hell that was, and I'm supposed to assume you're drowning for what, fun?"

"I wasn't _drowning_."

"Of course you weren't," he laughed in disbelief, "You've been drinking all day and you think it's okay to pull this kind of crap? What the hell is wrong with you?", he splashed the water motioning with his hands.

Selina flinched at his words and looked down at her feet underwater. Bruce wiped his face nervously and sighed deeply.

"I thought you were getting better," he said more calmly, "and it's okay if you're not, but why do I have to find out like this? One moment you're laughing and joking and even letting me touch you and the next you're drowning yourself in the bathtub?"

"I wasn't dr... nevermind," she said frustrated, "I am better, I truly am. It's just that... sometimes it becomes too much."

"Can't you just tell me when that happens? So I can help? So I can stay with you?"

"I guess."

"That's all I'm asking," he spoke softly, then sighed, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is it right now?"

Selina thought for a second.

"Seven," she murmured.

His eyes then suddenly became kind and apologizing, then he reached for her hand underwater. She looked at it, intertwined her fingers with his, and sighed.

"Six," she changed her answer and he smiled gently.

Alleviating the tension on her muscles and letting go of her legs, she lowered them down as she pulled herself closer to him a bit. She closed her eyes and brought his hand to her mouth, brushing it softly against her lips.

"Five," she whispered. Then she grabbed his other hand and put them both around her scarred wrists. Her eyes were still closed and she flinched a little. "Five," she groaned.

Bruce frowned sadly, but then tried and started caressing her healed fragile skin smoothly with his thumbs. It took a minute, but her hands finally relaxed around his.

"Four," she mumbled. He smiled.

Slowly and hesitatingly, she brought his hands to her legs as he gazed at her patiently. She accommodated them first on her knees; leaving the left one there, but bringing the right one further up calmly; taking two fingers, she made him touch and brush the small scars spread across her thigh. This time, she gingerly opened her eyes, realizing she could fight the few bad thoughts amongst the many good ones running through her mind.

"Three," she smiled, and he followed.

She opened her legs so she could sit around him and closer to him, settling them down on each side of his hips. He touched her face delicately, stroking her cheek, looked down at her lips longingly and began approaching very slowly, giving her time to stop him if she wished to. Their lips brushed together for a few seconds before he felt like he could kiss her, unhurriedly and ever so tenderly.

She deepened the kiss gradually, in need for more of him; and so she wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled his face closer, sliding her tongue inside his mouth and impulsively moaning as she felt his warm breath against her face. He tried and failed to hold back a grunt as he heard her react to him, and they both stopped at the same time. Their foreheads joined together and they didn't move, slowing down their breathing.

"Zero," she moaned almost soundlessly.

Selina dropped her head to his chest and he held her to him, wrapping his arms around her careful as to not over-palp her. She kissed his collarbone once briskly and they stayed like that for some time, until—

"I thought you were so happy today," he murmured pensively.

She leaned back to study him confused, "I was."

"Then why... forget it. Sorry, let's just drop this."

"We got home and it just became too much again," she explained anyway, "I... we were so good and happy and chill. And then, you know. You undressed me and it went fine and then you left and then I don't know."

His eyes widened a bit, "Selina, I didn't mean to... it was never my intention to... upset you. I just thought I'd give you some space and some... I'm sorry if...", he blabbered nervously.

"I know. I know. It's my fault. I just," she sighed airily and frowned uneasy, "I wanna be with you so badly, it just frustrates me that I can't."

"Hey," he grabbed her chin, "we've got all the time in the world. You're not getting rid of me so easily," he smirked, then added, trying to light up the mood, "Although, if I do end up leaving or ever go missing, you can blame your friend for that."

"What?", she asked surprised.

"Jen threatened me." Selina raised her eyebrows in disbelief and amusement. "So yeah. She said, and I quote, "I've never seen Selina so happy, so if you ruin this, I'm gonna hunt your ass down and kill you. Then Imma steal your money and bail my ass out"," Bruce tried imitating her and Selina started laughing out loud, unable to stop, so he followed her.

"That does sound like her," she said when she managed to calm down.

"What about Pamela?"

"What about her?"

"Why didn't you tell me about her?"

Selina thought for a while, "I guess I didn't want to talk about it just yet. You know, maybe a part of me kind of expected her to be faking being fine with me."

"I like her. I really liked her. I can see how much she loves you," he said. Selina smiled.

"Yeah, she's something else, isn't she?"

He nodded softly. "So today I noticed you do that a lot. You know, expect people to resent you or hate you."

Selina frowned confused, then seemed to understand, "You mean Ted?"

"Yeah. I can tell you, he _really_ doesn't hate you, like at all," Bruce said kind of annoyed, "But also, Eiko...? You never told me she still tried to reach out to you after everything. The way you told me kinda made it seem like you never saw her again."

Selina sighed tiredly, "It's complicated... She didn't take it well, how everything went down. She kept following me for some time. She'd come by, stalk me, call me incessantly. That's why I stopped having cellphones," she chuckled humorlessly, then sighed, "Then her parents made her leave Gotham. Jen found out she was in law school in Metropolis, and so it seemed like she'd moved on. So it was kind of a bummer today when I found out she came by recently," she looked down sadly. "I never should've used her like that. She was a perfectly nice girl, and I knew she wasn't always so mentally stable, and I did it anyway. I hate that I ruined her like that."

"The fact that you can admit that already proves how much you've evolved since then. I just wish you could see yourself the way I see you, cause I think you're amazing. You're _great_. You've done some bad things, sure. But most people have and you're still better than most people I know."

She laughed softly, "I seriously doubt that. Although you _are_ the second person to lecture me on that today."

"Then maybe you should listen."

Selina didn't really give much thought when Bruce said those kinds of things to her. It felt like he was biased, due to the blindness caused by whatever curse had befallen upon him that made him fall in love with her, of all people.

Great? Maybe to him. But she was _good_ , at _most_.

But then again, who was she? If she asked that question to all the people in her life, they would each say something different and they would all, somehow, be true. So did that mean what he and Pamela said was too?

Not knowing what to say, she simply leaned on him again, finding comfort in his strong arms and broad shoulders that gave her the impression to be veiled and protected from all things.

Not long after, she started trembling, and they realized the water was already freezing. Her inebriation was long gone, which was giving space to an annoying headache to settle in. Bruce kissed her cheek and lifted her up, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around her.

They called in someone from the kitchen to reheat their dinner and then sat on the bed to eat it. Selina wasn't very hungry, but Bruce made sure she ate anyway, warning her the next day would be too long for her to spend it sick and hungover. She took a pill for the pain downed with almost a whole bottle of water at once.

He was right. She couldn't afford to miss the one reason she was there in the first place puking her guts out on a courtroom toilet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys!  
> The story's heading to its end, we'll probably have only a few more chapters.  
> Note: Here we talked about Ted and Eiko, two of Selina's exes, and as I said before at the end of Chapter 10, I imagined them played by Jesse Williams and Arden Cho, respectively.


	19. 19. Trial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: EXPLICIT CONTENT [+18]

For someone who’d woken up groggy and dehydrated not long before, Selina sure felt energetic stepping into that courtroom.

It would be a closed hearing, but Commissioner Gordon had pulled some strings to allow both her and Bruce to attend it on Bruce’s request. And although it was for parts of interest only, there was a fair amount of people crowded in that room; whom they would come to realize later were all victims and families of victims affected by the Joker’s reign of terror over the city. And although they hadn’t officially made it into that list, they could both attest to his tyranny more than anyone else there. 

They sat down on the far corner of the bench, near the central corridor, but on the last row, trying not to draw too much attention. Selina kept her sunglasses on, to both avoid a blinding hangover headache and keep herself less recognizable. 

Bruce looked around the room for Jim Gordon when the doors behind the judge’s stand were opened and the room fell silent. 

Harley was led in guarded by five cops, even though she was in a wheelchair. She wore an orange jumpsuit over the many bandages on her right leg, and her eyes seemed lost and unfocused, almost unaware of her surroundings. She was even paler than usual, and her colored tips were fading.

Bruce glanced at Selina regardful, and she simply gave him a half-smile, assuring him she was alright. The public was asked to stand up for the judge to walk in as all paid attention to him making his way to the stand.

Except for Selina.

Her eyes immediately went straight to the narrow-backed petite woman standing beside Harley. She couldn’t see her face, but she’d recognize those deep dark straight hair locks anywhere. She’d woken up to them many times.

As soon as they sat down, Selina reached out for Bruce’s hand, gripping it like she needed support. He turned to her concerned, and asked quietly what was the problem. She had to cover her mouth and gulp to hold back the urge to throw up; she physically felt like she’d been punched in the guts.

Bruce patted her back anxiously, at a loss of what was going on. His questions were then immediately answered when they started going over the names and announced who was representing the defendant.

Eiko Hasigawa was Harley’s lawyer.

Bruce stared appalled at the woman as she walked slowly and confidently to approach the judge. As soon as words started coming out of her mouth, Selina had to swallow again to the sound. 

“Do you wanna leave?”, he whispered under his breath to her.

Selina took off her sunglasses and took a deep breath, still covering her mouth. She closed her eyes for a second and gulped again, and when she opened them she looked like she’d regained most of her composure. 

“No, I’m fine,” she mumbled in a strangled voice, then tried to speak steadier, “I’m staying.”

The trial began and for the next four hours, they were obligated to sit through excruciatingly explicit displays of how Harley managed to swoop and snatch the Joker out of prison; then it was about how she helped him conduct the many assaults around the city for the following weeks, including Lucius Fox’s death, and then culminating on the terrorist attack in Paris. 

The prosecutors were sparing no opportunity to flash pictures and videos and police reports on the countless bodies the twisted couple had left behind. Harley was quiet for all of it, keeping her head down and not once looking up, seeming barely responsive. Once in a while, someone in the auditorium would get up on a whim and ask to be excused, rushing out the room weeping. 

Selina held her fort for most of it, because it wasn’t exactly the accusations that were leaving her physically nauseous or borderline distraught. It was the times Eiko would stand up and start proclaiming, giving speeches about how Harley was not to be held accountable for the Joker’s crimes, as she herself was many times victim of his cruel actions. She would go on to make a strong case about how Harley was deeply manipulated and psychologically abused, and should be declared mentally incapable of answering to her crimes, as she’d been tricked and coerced into practicing them.

Halfway through it, as Eiko argued showing “evidences” that Harley was predominantly a spectator during the Paris events, she claimed that the “defendant would even feed and care for the hostages behind the Joker’s back.”

Selina instantly froze as she felt and then quickly located a pair of empty apathetic eyes turning to her, looking at her like she knew she’d been there the whole time. Her look seemed to carry no hidden message and it only lasted a second, but it was enough to leave the whole public uneasy with her sudden reaction.

Bruce stroked Selina’s leg comfortingly, but hadn’t the judge called for recess to deliberate shortly after, she would’ve had to leave or at least get out to get some air. People started standing up but she was the first out the door, with Bruce following her closely by. 

They walked towards a less crowded corridor and further away from prying eyes, and Selina was pacing the floor like a caged animal. Something smelled rotten.

“I don’t know what’s going here but I don’t like it,” she said nervously. 

“I know,” Bruce said as she continued treading agitatedly.

“How the hell is Eiko involved with this?!”

“I’ll call Alfred immediately. He’ll run a recent background check on her and see if he finds anything.”

As soon as Bruce started dialing on his phone, someone called him from behind.

“Mr. Wayne?”, Jim Gordon approached.

“Commissioner Gordon,” he put his phone down surprised and shook his hand, “Nice to see you again. Thank you for the favor, we really appreciate it.”

“Of course,” he said, “we all owe you.”

The atmosphere was a bit heavy with all the unsaid words and meaningful looks. It was the first time they’d seen each other since Gordon found out Bruce was Batman and since he’d discovered he wasn’t dead.

“Miss Kyle,” he greeted her and she simply nodded her head, standing further back, too absorbed and focused on avoiding a meltdown. 

Coming to know all that had gone down with Selina regarding the Joker and Harley Quinn, he could understand why she wouldn’t mind much for social formalities at the moment, and why she was acting so flustered. But then again, she also wasn’t one to exchange much pleasantries with men of the law, though she knew she did have a lot to thank him. As her, he’d only now come to realize he’d probably been the one to lead her to Bruce in the first place after it all went down.

“Mr. Wayne, I was glad to find that you were alive.” 

“So was I,” he chuckled softly.

“May I ask,” he began guardedly, “is it only you… Bruce, who is coming back?”

“Yes, it is.”

“But then who…?”, he started saying, then looked around realizing that wasn’t the most private place to have that conversation.

“Someone else. Someone you can trust, too. Trust me,” he said reassuringly and simpered.

Gordon didn’t seem all too convinced, but seemed to drop that matter for the time being. He glanced over to Selina, who was leaned against the wall deep in thought and appearing nervous and oblivious to their talk. 

“I was sorry to hear about what happened,” he said to Bruce, and he quickly understood what it meant, “You two deserve better after... well, you know.”

“Thank you, Commissioner…”, Bruce said and then promptly had a thought, “Actually, would you mind if I asked you for one more favor? Miss Quinn’s lawyer. Could you have a recent background check done on her? Miss Hasigawa was Selina’s… someone from her past, and we’re just a little wary of how she came to be the attorney on this case.”

Gordon frowned suspicious, “Alright, I will. There’s something else too… I’ve only recently became aware of the specifics of what happened in Paris…”, he said and this time he turned to Selina, “and I realized there’s another related trial being held here today.”

Selina got up from the wall, now looking cautious, but also suddenly interested. Gordon stepped to the side so they could see behind him as he motioned to a few people gathered outside another auditorium door. Surrounded by them, stood a tall man with dark skin wearing an orange jumpsuit with his hands cuffed on his front. As if he’d telepathically heard them talk about him, he met Selina’s eyes as soon as she met his.

“Hey! You remember me, right? Come here!”, he shouted and grinned from across the room. 

They were all startled by his abrupt and unexpected approach. However, not wanting to draw further unnecessary and unwanted attention to them, Selina crossed her arms and started walking calmly towards him, ignoring Bruce’s objections and getting him to follow behind her, then.

Deadshot seemed thrilled about it.

“Hey, still recognize me when I’m not tied to your bedpost? Last time I saw you you had your tongue down my throat,” he reminded her amused and smirked biting his tongue, glancing at Bruce provocatively and attracting a few curious eyes beside them. 

Selina didn’t waver. And Bruce had already heard that story long before, since his curiosity wore her down enough to tell him how she’d managed to capture Deadshot himself.

She continued looking at him unfazed, “The way I remember it, the last time _I_ saw you, you were wailing like a manchild because I’d just hand-delivered you to the cops like a common criminal.”

His teasing expression quickly disappeared, and he whispered under his breath, “Look, I’m just trying to warn you. Something’s up. This isn’t over yet, not anymore.”

“Why should I believe you?”, she eyed him, annoyed and skeptical.

“You shouldn’t. But I don’t like being used, I don't like being played. The Joker played me. I’m just trying to pay back in spades.”

“He’s dead. What else do you want?”

“It doesn’t count, I didn’t get to do it.”

“I know. I did it,” she stated unmoved. She could practically hear Bruce reprimanding her flaunting in his thoughts.

“ _What?_ ”, he laughed quietly in disbelief. “No shit. _You_ killed the Joker?”, he mouthed soundlessly. “Man, she a badass,” he pointed at her now speaking to Bruce, who just gritted his teeth irritated. “Look, I know it’s not _your_ thing, you know, the hero thing, but I know you know who to talk to. Tell him she’s up to something.

“Who is?”

“Who do you think? She would never go down all gracious and free and easy like that.”

Someone started announcing on the speaker that the sessions were about to begin again and some guards came to take Floyd away.

“I have no reason to lie to you at this point. Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he said as he distanced himself.

The rest of the trial ended up being over really quick. Harley was sentenced to three life sentences to be served at Arkham Asylum without parole. No one seemed surprised. Selina had imagined hearing those words would bring her some sort of closure, or at least the sensation of breathing relieved, but she felt neither. Instead, she was only more nervous. She rushed and pulled Bruce out of the room as soon as they were cleared to leave, afraid she might accidentally lock eyes with Eiko.

Outside they ran into Gordon again. Before Selina could fly out the door, Bruce grabbed her hand and stopped to ask to speak to him privately. They gathered in a corner and told him what Deadshot had shared with them, but the commissioner didn’t seem so worried.

“She’ll be in jail by the end of the night. What could she pull off from there?”

“It’s like you don’t remember the last thing she pulled off there. You’re all underestimating her,” Selina chuckled disbelieved, directing at him for the first time that day, “She was dangerous then, and she’s possibly even more dangerous now, when he’s gone. You just can’t see past the doll face and the puppy voice.”

“I can get you a few minutes with her if you think that would help. If you think you can get something out of her.”

“I most certainly can’t. She’s too smart for that... But I guess I need to see and at least try.”

Bruce gripped her hand tighter, “You don’t have to do this. We can figure it out another way.”

“It’s alright. I want to do this.”

“I’ll go talk to the officers in charge of her then,” Gordon said and left. 

“What are you planning to say?”, Bruce asked skeptical. 

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll play the sympathy card. But you can’t go inside with me. She won’t let her guard down with you in there.”

“And what makes you think she might with you?”

“The fact that she’s already done it before.”

Bruce didn’t seem too convinced, but he couldn't find an argument good enough to try to talk her out of it. 

By the time Gordon had set their encounter, they’d put Harley in a small room usually assigned for lawyers to talk with their clients. Selina first peeked at her through the little glass window on the door before coming in, giving Bruce one last reassuring smile. Harley was on her wheelchair and had her back to the entrance. She was cuffed to the table, looking almost inanimate.

“You have five minutes,” a guard whispered before he shut the door.

Selina stepped in closer calmly, reaching for the chair right across from her. She’d expected seeing and being in a room with her in such a direct way would’ve left her triggered somehow, or at least a discomposed. But she felt tranquil in the clutch. 

“I was right,” Harley murmured torpidly without looking up. Selina decided to keep quiet, and after a while she continued, “You’d want to come back here for this.”

Selina just stared at her, mostly just analyzing and studying her better from up close. She had dark circles under her eyes, and her appearance and posture looked apathetic overall. Her voice wasn’t as high-pitched and annoying as usual, and she spoke almost like she wasn’t trying to be a cartoon character. But her eyes still seemed a bit reactive, though not in a good, sane way.

“I’m a psychiatrist, I can read people well. Now that I’m “harlequin” as well it’s even easier, cause they tend to dismiss or underestimate me. They look at me and they just see crazy, which is just a step away from stupid,” she mumbled vacantly.

“I don't think you’re stupid,” Selina replied unmoved.

Was the “Joker effect” wearing off? Selina looked at her, and despite the obvious signs of anguish and despair, she almost looked… normal. Even the way she talked, her choice of words, her no longer flamboyant reactions and expressions…

“What are you up to, Harley?”

The corner of her lips upturned almost imperceptibly, “What do you mean?”

“Why did you want me here for this?”

“Did I say I wanted you here? I said I knew you’d show,” Harley waited for Selina to question her, but when she didn’t she clarified anyway, “You’re a person who seeks closure. Even if you have to come up with one yourself. Isn’t that why you went after your family, the Falcones, years ago?”

“No. I wanted revenge, not closure,” Selina replied firmly and unfazed.

“Sometimes they are the same thing,” Harley smiled, staring at the table.

“So that’s what you want?,” Selina asked sarcastically, then changed to a more serious tone, “You already have your closure, Harley. Take it. Don’t let him drown you along with him.”

“Is that what you would do? If I or he had killed your Bat?”

Selina tried not to flinch at her words and fall into her trap, but she still felt the need to gulp, “That's not the same and you know it.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Harley sighed and sat up straighter. It looked like she had to make a huge effort to do so, and not physically speaking. “It’s actually disappointing that you would think that just cause he died it’s all over and “closed”. As a woman I thought you’d be a little more progressive than that… Many of his plans were actually mine. Of course, living in the world we live in, he’d be the front cover for all of them anyway. I was just the crazy girlfriend sidekick. But I didn’t care. Though, for example, he thought I was stupid and wasting time researching and concentrating on you. I was the one who made him see you were the key to hitting Batman where it hurt.”

“On the contrary. I’ve always known you were more clever than him. In a way most people wouldn’t understand. Which is why you should know better than to be dragged down too. You’re the shrink here, so I’m sure you know there was no other way out for him, but there is for you. You’re not as bad as he was, as much as you tried to convince him that you were, and that’s a good thing. But you’re also more dangerous than him for that, cause it’s like you’re trying to prove a point. He’s not here to see it. Let it go.”

Selina could swear she’d just seen Harley fight off a tear, but out of respect she looked away. Why was she even inclined to such considerate gestures? Was it just cause the girl happened to secretly toss her a sandwich once or twice so she wouldn’t starve? Or cause she’d look the other way too when Selina felt like crying? Well… both, maybe. But it was mostly because Selina could almost relate to the pain in her eyes. 

“You’re not a lost cause yet. In fact, if I’d met you a couple years ago, we probably would’ve been friends. I know that under all that glitter and ink and insanity, you’re not a sweet little girl. You’re all crook too, we’d get along. But in a _normal_ way… you don’t have to be good, Harley. Just be less _him_.”

“Look who’s talking,” Harley puffed humorously, “The fact is we’re both stupid, Selina. We’ve both changed for love and love doesn’t last.”

Selina skipped the philosophical discussion, “I like who I’ve become either way.”

“For now. I thought I liked myself too. But then I realized I only liked me because that was how Puddin’ accepted me. Then he died and I don’t know who I am anymore,” Harley said frustrated. “You’re right. In other circumstances; there’s an alternative universe where you and I could’ve been friends. It’s not this one, though, we’ve driven in different directions. And you’ve killed my reason to live, and now you and I both know I’d very much enjoy killing yours… and if he dies, or leaves you, then what? What are _you_ left with? Who will you _be_ then?”, she asked provokingly, “I guess now you get my answer.”

Selina had barely felt the shiver that rushed down her spine when the guard opened the door demandingly, announcing her time was up. She didn’t respond to anything, simply standing up and leaving without another word. Bruce expected her on the other side looking nervous.

“Is it weird that I feel a little bad for her?”, Selina asked on the way home.

Bruce looked at her like there was a second head growing where hers stood. 

“I can’t imagine losing you,” she explained.

His face slowly became more understanding and he softened his voice to speak, “Yes, it’s weird. But also, it’s not. That’s empathy. Proof of how much you’ve changed.”

“Yeah, so I’ve heard,” Selina mumbled to herself, then continued talking so he wouldn’t ask her about it, “But even seeing her like that; it didn’t make me regret one bit of what I’ve done.”

She finally looked at him. His fingers around the steering wheel tensed up a little bit, turning his knuckles slightly paled. She knew he didn’t care for her stone cold tone when the subject of Joker’s death would arise, which was why she never brought it up.

“Either way, I’m glad you stopped me from killing her. Her, I would’ve probably regretted. He was bad to the bone, but she’s not. She’s just crazier and more impulsive,” Selina muttered pensively, “And I’m fair certain I would’ve died if it wasn’t for her.”

Bruce sat on it for a while and the car became silent as they drove through the heavy Monday traffic. 

“So, what’s the verdict?”, he asked after some time.

“She’s not done. She’s planning something, I can feel it.” She wanted Selina to feel the pain she felt, and Selina picked up on that. Which was why she felt completely justified saying, “I think we should just bolt. I know it’s a little too anti-heroic for your taste, but she can’t hurt us if we’re not here.”

Bruce reached for her hand on her lap, “I’ll do whatever it is you need me to do, Selina. Wherever you wanna go I’ll take you. But you should know that it doesn’t matter where we are, if it’s here or in China, I’ll never let anyone hurt you again.”

She gripped his hand back tighter. He’d gotten it all wrong, that wasn’t what she was afraid of. He’d thought she was scared for herself when her own safety was the last thing in her mind—Harley was right; love _had_ changed her. Harley’s last questions to her echoed in her mind—what would she even look like without it? 

She shivered that thought away. 

“Okay. So am I ever going to find out what that key on my nightstand is for?”, he changed the subject, smiling and interrupting her mental wanderings. She simpered. 

“I told you. We have to be disguised. And it has to be late at night,” she said, but then remembered what they had just discussed and sighed, “I guess we can do it tonight, then, since we’ll be leaving soon. I’ll coordinate with Blake.”

———

Selina would’ve brought her Glock with her hadn’t she seen Bruce’s face when she picked it up. But she decided to compromise and limited herself to just rolling her eyes and putting it away, not wanting a fight. However she did not restrain herself when it came to the white weapons, grabbing two different knives to take with her.

Since her afternoon talk with Harley she’d been more cautious and worried, always feeling like there might be someone else watching or stalking them. But she knew it was her paranoia talking.

They had to run there. Bruce didn’t have many of his Batman equipment with him. They sprang from roof to roof, running from building to building, occasionally using Batman’s grappling hook gun and making their way south. 

The streets were clear and empty in most parts of town. It was late already and their suits in the dark made them look just like shadows or figures moving through the night. 

Selina stopped abruptly on the edge of a building and looked back and around curiously. Bruce followed her eyes confused. 

“Do you remember this roof?”, she asked kind of funny.

It took him a second to realize what she was talking about, but he did. “The first time we fought together… Bane’s mercenaries were chasing after you.”

“Also the first time I saw Batman,” she smiled, then jumped off to a lower roof above her, “We’re almost there,” she called out to him.

They wandered for a few more minutes until Bruce realized they were closer to the margins of the Gotham river. He could see the docks closed at that hour from afar, and was concentrated on making sense of all that when Selina hugged his waist out of nowhere and got him even more confused.

“Get us down from here, Bat,” she demanded and smirked. 

Bruce smiled and shot the hook over to an electrical post across the street. He gripped her back tight as she tangled her legs in his and they jumped off the building. 

She led him to a place by the river surrounded by a tall metal grid wall, which she promptly began to climb. It was a self-storage unit site. When she looked down, she realized he was still standing there on the ground looking hesitant.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to lecture me on trespassing.”

“No…”, he said unconvincingly.

She rolled her eyes, “I’m an owner, so _technically_ I’m in the right to be here. Besides, the entrance is all the way over there and we might not want to wake up the night security guard dressed like this.” 

He puffed, deciding to just go with it and climbed behind her.

They walked all over to a storage unit numbered 65 right in front of the river, and Selina squatted down graciously to reach the lock. The roller gate started slowly going up. Bruce looked at her curiously, but she just ignored him.

Selina stepped in first, bending down to pass through. Once it was completely opened, Bruce was astonished and nonplussed at the sight of her, leaned over his old motorcycle, smirking at him boastfully. Well, not much a motorcycle as it was a two-wheeled war tank. His Batpod stood there unbelievably undamaged and seeming in perfect condition, aside from the dust from lack of use. 

“So, what’d you think?”, she asked.

“I thought this was gone. That they had apprehended it or something,” he said baffled. 

“Like I’d let this baby sit seized in a depressing auto pound. Or worse, be violated by _cops._ Ugh.”

“I can’t believe you did this,” he rushed to her excitedly and smacked a quick kiss to her lips, then going straight to sit on it.

He turned the engine on and pressed the throttle without releasing the brake. The machine roared loudly even with the softest touch and he grinned. Even with his cowl on she could see how thrilled he was and it made her laugh too.

“Now you see why we needed to come disguised and at this time? Or did you think I was leading you into a trap again?”, she teased him.

“It might’ve crossed my mind,” he joked and she slapped his arm playfully, “So… wanna go for a ride?”

“Absolutely,” she smiled, lifting her leg up like a goddamn freaking gymnast and mounting behind Bruce. 

She’d forgotten how inclined the seat was—she was practically lied down on his back as she wrapped her arms around his waist. He didn’t seem to mind one bit. He let go of the brake and in a second they were almost immediately at maximum speed. 

They passed the entrance gates and hit the streets. The cold air hit their faces almost physically bashing them, but the sensation was exhilarating. The speed, the force, the freedom, the way their bodies were inseparably pressed together. 

They drove along the dark empty roads going nowhere specific, simply enjoying the ride. Batman’s cape was being partially restrained by Selina’s body, which produced even more wind on her sides, and she adored it. She closed her eyes and rested her head down on his back, breathing in the cool air and urging to live in that moment indefinitely. 

It didn’t last long, though, because all of a sudden they were surprised by the sound of sirens approaching. Selina’s old instinct initially kicked in and made her tense up. Was it for them? Then she remembered that it didn’t matter, and that they’d never catch up to them anyway.

“That’s one sound I don’t miss coming at me,” she yelled against the wind.

“I don’t think it’s for us,” he shouted back.

She thought for a second, then replied a little hesitantly, “Wanna go check it out then? One last time for old time’s sake?”

Bruce didn’t answer at first, but then shortly after he hit the brakes and turned the handle bar around, performing a brutal and abrupt bootleg turn. The wheels rolled over adjusting and they were quickly back on track, only in the opposite direction. 

“Are you sure you want Batman to be seen with me?”, she yelled, “Wouldn’t wanna ruin his reputation at this point.”

“We’ve been spotted together before. Besides, I don’t care. Like you, I have two lives. I want you to be part of both of them,” he replied and Selina blinked and started questioning if his head was right.

“That’s not _your_ life anymore, Bruce,” she remarked charily. 

When he was about to respond, the scene suddenly entered their visual field. 

An old bistro on the corner was on fire, being swallowed into enormous waves of flames. People were running out the door covering their mouths and coughing loudly, running into cops’ open arms. Bruce furiously pushed the throttle further to its end. 

The police officers looked at sixes and sevens since the firefighters hadn’t arrived yet—they stared at the scene unable to react without having much to do, only helping the victims that made it out; and they became even more perplexed as Bruce and Selina pulled up promptly and unexpectedly next to their cars, treading rapidly and confidently through and past them, going straight into the fire ignoring their objections.

In situations like that, they barely had to communicate to be on the same page. It was as if their minds immediately went into sync, and they just knew what to do. Bruce ripped two shreds of fabric from his cape and handed it over to Selina. They both tied it around their mouths and nose and dove into the chaotic heat. 

There was shouting and screaming and structures crumbling and crashing. Bruce saw Selina suddenly begin running towards immense swallowing flames who threatened two cornered women. It went against his every instinct to watch her doing that and not try to stop it, but his mind needed to be sharp and clear from any and all of his unnecessary and unwelcomed patronizing feelings. 

He grabbed as many as three kids or two persons at a time until the firefighters showed up and started extinguishing the fire. They yelled that the structure wasn’t going to hold up much longer and Selina ran up the stairs against their directives for a quick last sweep to check if there was anyone else. Bruce watched as a stone pillar cracked in half next to one of the fighters and he sprang forward pushing him back violently, making them hit the floor hardly as the ceiling started slowly collapsing over their heads. He screamed at them to get out and promptly stood on his feet ready to sprint upstairs to find Selina. 

He had to bend down to avoid getting hit in the head by the wreckage and rubble falling off, and he desperately started calling for her as the grounds began caving in at a faster pace. It was becoming impossible to breathe and see, and his eyes wandered rapidly around searching for her, but he found nothing. He was about to freak out when she tapped his shoulder hastily from behind and pulled them both running to the door. She carried a bundle of cloths pressed closely to her chest as they stormed out only seconds before the whole building went down. They pulled the improvised masks off their faces and breathed in heavily. He only then realized it was a crying baby in her arms.

This woman came rushing towards her with opened arms to grab him, bawling her eyes out, anxiously sobbing and thanking her. The dad suddenly held her tight and she forced out a smile while trying to hold back the urge to push him and cough her lungs out. Bruce pinched her arm softly and whispered for them to go, and she quickly understood when she saw the numerous police vehicles and ambulances pulling over and crowding the street.

This time she mounted the Batpod first and he smiled, sitting behind her and gently gripping her waist as she sped it up towards the dark night. She’d forgotten how much she’d loved riding that thing, and then remembered how different were the circumstances the last time she’d done it. 

She was driving back to the storage unit and only then she realized how far they’d gotten before. They were both quiet, still catching their breath and absorbing what had just happened. Bruce’s right hand had reposed on her shin over her boots and he was caressing it lazily; and while his thoughts were all over and nowhere in particular, she was having to focus to not let it distract her and get them accidentally killed by being thrown up in the air or smashed by a thousand pounds worth of metal. 

Bruce broke the silence explaining he’d overheard it was a gas explosion that was caused by another explosion in an old metro line that stood just under the restaurant. Selina just nodded along and did her best at pretending she could concentrate in whatever was coming from his mouth when all she could do was pay attention to all other body parts of his that were pressed hermetically tight against her.

By the time they arrived back at her deposit, she was all worked up, and so she quickly got off the Batpod even before he did. He looked confused, but she just marched over to the corner and squatted down going over a box of things. 

“So, that was hot,” he muttered and crossed his arms, leaning idly over the large tire.

“Yeah, I know right?”, she mumbled, distracted, “My lungs are still stinging.”

“No, I meant you.”

She stared at him over her shoulder, looking stunned and slightly amused. 

“I mean it,” he simpered convinced, “Running off to collapsing buildings, saving babies from burning alive. That’s hot... And it suits you too.”

Selina stood up carrying a cardboard box and rolled her eyes, but he could see she was affected. She walked slowly and stopped in front of him, with only the box separating them. 

“Well, you know what they say, birds of a feather flock together,” she murmured, then brought one hand to his chest, “You weren’t so hard on the eyes either. Maybe one day we can put this old suit to good use for… other things,” she purred, softly tracing his mouth with her thumb. 

Bruce smiled a bit tense and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

“What’s that?”, he managed to say, but his voice was throaty and he hadn’t been able to take his eyes off of her.

“Nothing important right now,” she whispered staring at his lips, then put the box away on the tire so she could get closer.

His arms automatically wrapped around her waist and hers around his neck, and she dove in hurriedly urging to feel his mouth on hers. He pulled her in tighter and kissed her passionately, realizing he missed her more than he’d let himself acknowledge. He opened his legs to accommodate her body closer and let out an involuntary moan as, naturally, he felt her stomach press against his bulge with the proximity. 

Her breathing faltered too when she felt his hardness become evident clamped between them. Her heart rate was so accelerated she could swear she was able to hear it. 

Their tongues danced together in their mouths impatiently. It was apparent that only that contact wasn’t enough and it wasn’t doing it for them anymore. Selina embraced Bruce as hard as she could to try and relieve a bit of the aching need she had to feel him entirely, and he did the same, holding her as if he wanted them to merge and become one. 

But she wanted more. The pressing desire between her legs was becoming harder to ignore and it urged for even if the slightest bit of friction—and she wasn’t getting any in that position. She gripped his cape near his neck and pulled him in, turning around and showing him what she wanted as she sat down on the seat and spread her legs. 

He gladly abided and clutched her hips tightly against him; they both moaned in satisfaction as they felt each other’s heat pressing close together. Her reaction only got him hornier, and they both noticed it instantly as the strain in his suit became more prominent and throbbing. Her sounds were the only thing he’d ever heard capable of setting off such desperate and urgent reactions on him. 

Her hands went down to his ass as her hip impulsively started thrusting and rolling against him as if it had a life of its own. She couldn’t hold back any longer, her pulsing desire for him had already taken over her completely. He groaned inside her mouth and pulled her hair back softly in need to release a bit of the tension he felt. She separated them for a second to catch her breath and stared deep into his eyes, panting. Even though he had his cowl on, he couldn’t hide the fire in his eyes. And under her mask, hers were a mirror of his, showing the deepest lust and thirst for him. 

“Selina…,” he puffed, “are you sure…?”

“Shut up,” she moaned, bringing his lips to hers again, “I can’t believe our suits are a one-piece,” she groaned frustrated in between kisses. 

He ignored it and turned her body to the side to lie her down completely on the seat. He mounted it and lay on top of her. She opened her legs and tangled them around his body, careful as to not accidentally stab him with her bladed heels. His lips traveled south to her neck and she exhaled profoundly, her mouth dropping into a silent O. 

Unable to hold himself back, he rubbed and thrusted against her urging for some kind of pressure. A primal grunt came out of his mouth, and Selina could hear a bit of his Bat voice pouring out into his tone, sending her arousal through the roofs. He clenched her waist hardly and they began moving against each other, dry-humping as if they were two desperate teenagers. 

It wasn’t exactly the same, not being able to touch each other’s skin or feel their warmth and sweat as they joined together. But it was doing it for now. They couldn’t bear the thought of separating their bodies even for a split second to take their clothes off. And Selina was scared she might have second thoughts if she did, which he probably subconsciously knew and figured that this might be a good start for her.

However, with his pulsating dick stroking so firmly against her fully covered wetness, that was all she could think about—how she wanted him deep inside her, stretching her out like only he could and having her scream every curse word known to men. Just the thought of it made her thrust back up against him. 

Their mouths devoured each other’s hungrily and Bruce brought his hands up in between them to stroke her boobs over her suit. She moaned surprised and bit her lower lip to keep herself from doing it louder.

“Are we seeing this through?”, she asked out of breath.

“I don’t know,” he muttered short-winded, “what do you think?”

“I think both our suits are impermeable and stain-proof.”

Without another word, she grabbed his head and kissed him harder, but their breathlessness was getting out of hand. They simply rested their foreheads against each other and continued jolting together, pursuing their much needed climax. 

Selina thought how lucky they were that the Batpod was so heavy and steady, or else they might have fallen straight down to the floor long ago with the intensity that they were moving. Bruce gripped her hair from behind and bent her head to the side so he could suck on her neck and rest there.

“Bat,” she cried out, feeling her high beginning to rise.

“God, I want you,” he moaned. 

They continued thrusting against each other not giving a care in the world. They were all there was. Her legs started shaking with the amount of pleasure she was feeling and he gripped her thigh strongly to help her steady as she rode it out. But he was starting to feel it too, his dick was getting harder by the second and there was no way it’d last too long.

Selina held his head over his cowl looking for his hair to pull, but there was nothing for her to sink her nails into. The frustration of it all only sent her even higher up, and all her muscles started trembling as her insides tensed up in the most delightful torture. She gripped the bat ears attached to his cowl, and let the waves wash over her.

“Oh, god,” she cried, puffing and panting.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, the sight and sound of her cumming being too much for him to handle.

She continued rolling her hips against him in a desperate attempt to ride down that inexplicably strong orgasm and it sent him over the edge too, grunting against her neck and grasping her waist hardly for support. 

They lay there quietly for some time, trying to catch their breath and wiping off the sweat from their faces. None of them said anything, but after a while Selina couldn’t hold it back any longer. 

Her laugh started muffled, but then took over the whole room, and Bruce’s followed close behind. He lifted his head to look down at her and their laughing became even more uncontrollable. 

“ _Oh my god_ ,” she giggled, “Did we just…?”

“I honestly can’t believe we did this,” he chuckled getting off of her and sitting up, “And the gate is opened! Can you imagine if a boat passed and saw this?”

“They’d probably just think it was some weird role playing thing,” she smirked, asking for his hand to sit up too. “God, how desperate are we?”

Every time they’d sigh and think they were done, one of them started laughing again. 

“We should go home. You know, take a shower,” Selina said after a while.

“Yeah, definitely.”

“I left a change of clothes for us in an alley near your place.”

“You never told me what’s in this box,” Bruce said picking it up.

“It’s no big deal. I can show you when we get home.”

Almost an hour later, they were walking quietly through the Wayne penthouse front door with the box and two huge bags containing their messily folded and suits shoved in. It was past 3am and they didn’t want to wake up Alfred.

When they got to their suite they went straight to the bathroom and took a quick shower together. They were still shocked and disbelieved at their little episode and how _hungry_ they were, and they’d laugh every time they remembered it. But Bruce was also tremendously happy and relieved things were finally going back to normal and Selina seemed to be more at ease. 

He’d also been impressed with how well she’d dealt with the trial—which he’d initially presumed would’ve set her back a bit by making her relive everything; as well as the conversation with Harley—which he hadn’t heard, but she’d seemed relatively well after; and most of all, the shock of her “encounter” with Eiko, especially in those circumstances. Even with her initial reaction, she handled it better than he would’ve thought she would. At that point, he’d thought they might have had to leave, but she stood her ground firmly and pushed through it. 

“I’m exhausted,” she groaned jumping into bed.

“Well, it was a long day,” Bruce said as he picked the cardboard box from the floor and put it on the bed, “Do you mind? I’m actually really curious.”

Selina sat up and shook her head, “Go for it. But I told you, there’s nothing there. Just some of my old stuff.”

“Exactly. I wanna know what my girlfriend chose to save before fleeing town,” he smiled teasingly.

She chuckled, “Alright, then. But it doesn’t matter anyway. When I opened it today I realized I didn’t care for most of these things anymore.”

“Really?”, he asked ironically, picking up one of the items inside it, “Not even this… I wanna say glass bowl?”

She quickly swiped it from his hands, “No. And it’s a crystal ashtray, jackass. It’s Tiffany’s.”

“Do you even smoke?”, he asked, already going through something else.

“Well… no. On occasion. Anyway, that’s not the point.”

“Okay, so the stolen jewels I was kind of expecting. The shoes are… I don’t know, I wanna say impractical? But I think a better word would be useless. But this… This I did not see coming,” he said, flaunting a first edition of the children’s book “Where The Wild Things Are”.

“First of all, the jewels aren’t stolen. Well, they were stolen, but not by me. My mother stole them from her mother, so it’s technically my mother’s,” she clarified, “And the shoes are not impractical, they’re collectibles, which means expensive. Which means pawning money at any time.”

She picked up the book from Bruce and flipped through the pages, “And _this_ was my favorite childhood book. It’s a first edition,” she mumbled brushing her fingers on the images, then continued unsure and quieter, “Eiko gave it to me.”

Bruce looked at her and sat down on his side of the bed. Studying her expression, he knew she wouldn’t want to get into it at the moment. So he did exactly what she would’ve wanted to do. He deflected.

“Where The Wild Things Are?”, he asked skeptically and amused.

She chuckled, “Yeah, I was a very angry kid.”

“Yeah, I can imagine that. But I can see it, though. A little boy with an absent mom creates a world of his own where he’s ruler of all monsters and wild things? Kinda suits you.”

Her eyes slightly widened in surprise, “You’ve read this?”, she asked amused.

“Of course. It was one of my favorites too. Although, I preferred King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table.”

She rolled her eyes and laughed softly, “Of course you did.”

He raised his eyebrows.

“A little boy sworn to save his country from all the troubles that plagued it? No superpowers, just the right equipment?”, she smiled, “Come on.”

“I never saw it this way,” he chuckled, “It’s weird that you know so much about these things. But also kind of amazing,” he said as he took out the rest of the items.

“It’s a nice escape. Also nice to see how other people are surviving life,” she mumbled distracted looking at some papers. He smiled at her.

“What are these?”

“Birth certificates, death certificates, obituaries, documents in general. They handed most of them to the adoption agencies but I got to keep some of the originals. Though my siblings’ are only copies.”

“Are these them?”, Bruce murmured, focused on the picture he’d just stumbled upon.

A little girl sat on a couch holding a newborn in her arms next to a bigger baby. She smiled tightly and the little boy looked at her. He’d recognize those big almond eyes anywhere. 

“Yes,” she replied a bit appalled when she saw the image in his hands.

“There’s more here,” he mumbled, but then he noticed her hesitant expression, “Or I can put them back and it’s done.”

“No, it’s alright. You can look. I just forgot these existed, I haven’t opened it in years.”

Bruce flipped through the photographs with such curiosity and interest she decided to occupy herself with something else so as to not let it affect her; so she started idly re-reading the children’s book in her hand. 

The second picture in the stack was of Maria Kyle and her baby girl. She was beautiful and had the kindest smile, but aside from her eyes she didn’t look much like Selina. She held her daughter closely and there was a hand on her shoulder, but the corner of the photo had been cut off, leaving someone out. 

The next one was of the whole family. They were all leaned over an opened car trunk, seemingly in a roadtrip, but there were no smiles. Selina and Aiden stood on the corner looking tense and uncomfortable next to Maria, who carried a young Maggie. The father sat on the trunk in the middle of the picture holding a jack. He was the spit image of Selina, though way less pretty.

It was one of the only pictures his face hadn’t been cut out. The only other was one of only him and Maria in their teen years. He held her from behind and they laughed, looking very comfortable around each other. The rest were mostly of Maria alone or with the kids. 

The last one, though, caught Bruce’s attention. There was an unforeseen couple in the snow, beaming widely while holding Aiden and Maggie, now older. On the back, there was an almost faded inscription that read “Nielsen Family Christmas”.

Bruce didn’t know how to explain or put into words, but in that moment his heart ached sorely for Selina. She could’ve had that life. A simple, white-picket-fence, cheesy-Christmas-sweater, safely boring suburban life; instead, she spent her childhood switching between living in prison and the streets, being anything but a kid, while the siblings she’d protected her whole life got to live sheltered and cared for in a loving home.

He put the photos away and looked at her; she read her book and touched the images, seeming distant and distrait. When she lifted her eyes back to him, she smiled faintly, and the pain in his chest hit even harder. He put the book back in the box, along with everything else, and lay down next to her, hugging her from behind and pulling her into his chest, resting his chin on her shoulder. She tangled her fingers in his and kissed his hand.

In that moment, he swore to himself he’d always, above all, take care of her, no matter what. He’d give her the life she had always deserved. Even if they had to flee the country, leaving it to deal with its problems on its own. _She_ was his only problem from now on.

The only step left to take was to make it permanent and official.


	20. 20. Nightmare

Around noon, chaos had already been installed.

Every local channel was reporting it. 

Bruce had been woken to the sound of Alfred knocking anxiously on the door calling for him. His phone record showed six missed calls, five being from Blake and one from Gordon.

They’d fallen asleep very late and Selina had been agitated all night, so it was no surprise when they missed the eight o’clock alarm. 

That night she’d opened her eyes to Harley’s wicked ones, staring at her and Bruce sleeping peacefully on the bed from the corner of the bedroom. Selina had been laid on his chest like she’d usually do, and her entire body froze. She couldn’t understand why Harley laughed so provocatively, like she was in on a joke Selina couldn’t quite grasp yet. 

Until she felt it. Or, better to say, she felt the lack of it. Bruce’s usually strong and steady heartbeat was no more. There was only silence and the strangest stiffness. She cautiously looked up at him, suddenly horrified by the image of his eyes opened blank and deadly to the ceiling. 

She screamed, so hard it made her vocal cords sting. And she sat straight up in one fell swoop on the bed. 

Bruce woke up startled, quickly sitting up as well to check on her. Her eyes were involuntarily filled with unsolicited tears and her heart burned as if it might burst. As soon as Bruce reached out to her, patting her back and asking if she was okay, her first instinct was to immediately grab his collar and put her hands in his chest. His heart was pounding fast under his rib cage and she sighed, though still unable to relax and let herself feel relieved. When he asked how bad was it at that moment, she replied ten; and so he spent the rest of the night stroking her hair and cuddling her as she obsessively listened to his heartbeat.

Harley had gotten to her, as much as she’d tried to fight it and ignore it. But the moment they turned on the TV screen, she knew she’d been in the right to worry. She didn’t know how, but Harley was involved in it. 

The day before she had already talked to the Commissioner and filled him in on her suspicions. He couldn’t do much about it though, except look into it and make sure Harley’s transfer to Arkham was as guarded and strategically planned as possible. Everything had gone accordingly. So how was she doing it? Who was her scapegoat?

Around 11am, the first bomb went off, followed by another 5 minutes later across town. They were low-level bombing explosives and were placed in mostly unused metro stations, deep underground, but the second one managed to go off just as an empty non-automated train passed by, and the driver had been severely injured.

The TV screen now showed twelve other possible locations for other explosions, all connected to a main bomb that was supposedly at the Central Station. Efforts were being pulled to find out where the commands had been coming from, but so far they hadn’t even been able to connect it to an IP address.

Gordon was at Arkham pointlessly trying to persuade Harley into confessing something, anything. Blake was scoping around town as Batman to see what was he able to find out; but Bruce was also already on full hero mode, pacing around the living room deep in thought and even absentmindedly letting out a bit of Batman’s hoarse voice tone pour out at times when he spoke. 

As Selina headed back to their bedroom to change into her catsuit to be ready for anything that could happen, she froze on the spot after having taken a few steps in. On the window, she saw her own reflection, only with a little red dot marked on her forehead. Outside, a white drone stood flying over the balcony. She knew the sensor would detect it in just a couple seconds and destroy its content, but she yelled for Bruce anyway.

However, she regretted it the second his name came out of her mouth. She shouted at him not to get inside and not make any sudden movements, and then just simply asked him if the drone detector was working. He could hear the composed tension in her voice but tried to stay put and calm. She wouldn’t answer what was going on and he was about to storm in when she suddenly opened the door. 

“What happened?!”, he asked urgently.

“There was this drone outside with a laser machine gun pointed at me…”

“What?!”, he cut in, but she ignored him and continued.

“It just left. It’s like someone sent it here just to draw our attention.”

Bruce promptly ran to the security room and Selina followed confused, with Alfred showing up right after. He typed in some codes in this monster of a computer and logged into the motion detector camera outside the apartment. With just a few clicks, he got the exact current location of the drone, which continued to move towards the East End. 

When it stopped moving on the map, having seemingly landed somewhere, Bruce turned to Selina, “Do you recognize this place?”

She thought for a second, “I _think_ it’s an abandoned warehouse where they used to cook drugs a while back.”

“Who is they?”

“Depends on who or what mob was running the local drug trading, it changed often.”

“I’m going there,” he said rushing out of the room.

“What? No way! You do know this is _her_ , right? Which means this is obviously a trap,” she snapped as she ran after him.

“I’ll be careful. And I’ll tell Blake on the way there. This is probably where they’re controlling the bombs from.”

“I’m going, then,” she said starting to change into her suit, “Whoever this is clearly didn’t want me dead, which means it’s you they want.”

“You mean didn’t want you dead _yet_.”

“Bruce, let’s not start thi…”

“Master Bruce?”, Alfred called out from the other side of the door, “Another bomb went off. This time here at West End... 18 people.”

They instantly locked eyes warning to each other. Bruce was putting on a black ski mask that covered his whole head and face, except for his eyes and mouth. Selina grabbed her gun and tied it hurriedly to the gun holster on her suit, this time not checking if Bruce was giving her reprimanding looks or not; which he wasn’t, being too focused on his own equipment, and honestly too concerned to mind her bringing it.

He obviously couldn’t be the Batman again, not when it’d jeopardize all their plans to hide the existence of two Batmans. And Blake was already in action. 

They took the private elevator to the underground garage and mounted one of Bruce’s bikes. It was no Batpod, but it’d do the job. Blake called them on the bluetooth screen the second they sprinted out through the gates and into the streets.

“Blake? I think I know where the commands are coming from.”

“ _Great!_ ”, he seemed in a hurry, almost desperate. “ _Though, I might need an extra hand here! I’m at the Central Station where I just located this huge bomb which seems to be linked to set off all others if it eventually goes off..._ ”

“Drop me off there,” Selina muttered and demanded seriously to Bruce.

“ _What?_ No way!”

“ _Actually, Miss Kyle might be of great help here—_ ”, Blake mumbled out of breath, seeming to be running.

Bruce ignored him, “There’s a bomb there, Selina!”

“There are bombs all over town. You go and try to shut their commands off and I’ll go and try to help him defuse it.”

“ _Can_ you defuse a bomb?”

“You’d be surprised how many safes automatically set off bombs once opened. I’ll meet you there at the East End right after.”

“This way you’re gonna burn your candle from both ends…”, he mumbled, but before he could finish, the window glass on the car just on their right blew up in pieces. 

Selina looked back behind her shoulder and puffed and cursed angrily. Bruce sped up and changed the course as she quickly spun on her butt so she was back to back with Bruce, leaning over him and reaching for her Glock. There were two other motorcycles following them, but their faces were unrecognizable inside the helmets.

“I know you’re not a fan of guns, but...”, Selina shouted just before he heard deafening gunshot sounds. 

Bruce didn’t have the time to try to be morally correct. They were shooting at them and she was the first in sight to be held at their gunpoint. But then suddenly the bullets stopped coming at them. He peeked at the rear-view mirror and saw nothing.

“Did you _kill_ them?”

“Relax, I don’t think so,” she said turning around to his back again, “I shot their tires, they fell off.”

“ _Are you guys okay?!_ ”, yelled Blake from the other side of the line, who had been doing so for the last minutes, but they kept ignoring focused on trying not to get killed.

“We’re fine,” Bruce replied, “we’re almost there.”

Blake hung up and Selina widened her eyes a bit, surprised.

“Just be careful, okay? I trust you, but if things get bad you just get out of there, you hear me? Don’t try and play the hero,” he was stressed, but managed to smile lightly.

“I never do,” she smirked and kissed his cheek quickly as he parked in front of the Central Station main entrance. 

She got off the bike in one fell swoop and sprung through the dozens of police cars parked outside. They all tried to stop or restrain her, but none were successful and she was able to sneak through and swoop inside in a second. Bruce looked at her one last time before hitting the throttle hardly and riding off to the location warehouse. 

He immediately called her to leave their line in contact so they could communicate. She fixed the dot in her ear and answered the call.

“Miss me already?”, she teased him as she jumped off a balcony to get down to a lower level.

“ _Absolutely. What are you doing?_ ”

“Trying to find Blake. Let me know when you get there, okay?”

“ _Okay_.”

The station was practically emptied out. The few people who were still there were running to the opposite direction as the one Selina was heading, rushing desperately to get out. She suddenly saw a black cape wiggling behind a pilaster and stopped on her tracks.

“Batman!”, she yelled, finding it a bit weird to call that someone who wasn’t Bruce. On the other side of the line, he, too, almost answered.

Blake quickly spun on his feet and nodded at her, helping a homeless man up from the floor and telling him to get out.

“Cat.”

“Tell me where it is.”

They ran all the way down to the last floor down and Blake took a leap to the train tracks, and she followed. There was a train parked in the middle of the line, right under a dark tunnel. Something about it sent a chill up her spine.

“Where is it?”

“There it is. It’s the whole train. So, in a way, it’s a movable bomb. They could take it anywhere.”

She exhaled worriedly, “Great.”

“ _Are you alright in there?_ ”, she heard Bruce’s voice through the dot. 

“Yeah,” she sighed, “might take longer than I imagined, though.”

“ _I just pulled up in here_.”

“Okay. Be careful.”

“ _Always am._ ”

Blake had already removed the metal floor tiles on the train and exposed a bundle of wires connected to a reset timer. That did not look good. Usually, a bomb had two or three main lines. Which meant those were put there on purpose to confound whoever tried to deactivate it. Which also meant they expected her to show up in that train. 

“Batman,” she muttered tensely, turning her head slowly to look at him as if any sudden movements could set it off.

Behind him came three men in panda masks, and before she could warn him, he followed her eyes. He began fighting all three as she stared desperately and at a loss at the mess of wires in front of her.

“Babe! If you have anything in there to guide me here, now would be a great time to let me know,” she mumbled rapidly to the dot.

“ _What’s wrong?! I just walked in. No security, nothing. There’s no one in here._ ” 

“I guess we’ve both walked into traps, then,” she scoffed a nervous laugh as she desperately tried to untangle the wires to see what was connected to what.

“ _What are you saying?_ ”, Bruce asked tensely, hearing the sounds of Blake’s fight in the background, “ _Are you alright?!_ ”

“Yeah! It’s two against three, we can easily manage. Just try to find the controls in there and let me know,” she spoke as she stood up to help Blake out as there was nothing else for her to do at the moment. 

There were punches, knocks, kicks and thumps and broken glass and cracked seats everywhere. Selina’s nose started bleeding after she took a pretty bad hit and it spread even more through her face as she tried to wipe it. She used the pole to lift herself up and spin, being able to kick them all at once with her bladed heels and cutting deep scratches. Blake took the opportunity to knock them off to the ground.

They took their masks off to see if they recognized any of them, but they didn’t really seem familiar. Probably just hired henchmen. One of them smiled at Selina provoking.

“I thought we’d requested your boyfriend’s presence elsewhere. What’s up? Can’t fend for yourself?”

Her mind spun trying to understand his words. They thought this Batman was her boyfriend. And if this wasn’t where he was supposed to be according to their plan…

“Hey, are you there?”, she asked Bruce anxiously. 

“ _Yes. I found something. Do you see a yellow wire?_ ”

“Yeah, many,” she said returning to the place where the bomb stood.

“ _Oh, shit. Okay. Are any of them connected to the third or fourth hole?_ ”

“Hmm… yeah. Both holes.”

“ _When you cut them, it will trigger the bomb. After that, you’ll have about 15 seconds to find the red wire corresponding to the bleeping light that will flash in one of the ports. You have to connect it._ ”

”Alright…”, she said picking up the knife hidden in her boot. 

“ _Just relax, you got this._ ”

“Okay, and… babe. Listen to me and get out of there right now, okay? I can’t explain it, just—”

His voice was cut out suddenly, muffled and buzzed, and the connection was lost. She tried to reach out several times saying “hello”, but there was no response. She could freak out in about 20 seconds, she decided. At the moment, she needed to focus.

Her hands were steadier than she would’ve guessed given her current mental state, and Batman squatted down next to her to help her in case she needed. She cut the first two ones off and the clock started, going much faster than standard chronometers. The red light turned on immediately, but there were so many unattached red wires it was impossible to see which was the right one. The adrenaline kept her from freezing at the spot and she took a deep but quick breath, letting her fingers instinctively run through the cords to find the right one. By the time there were only two seconds left, she took her first guess to the port and seriously hoped it was the right one, or else her and Blake would become barbecue before they could even say barbecue. 

The timer stopped and both of them sighed heavily. 

“It’s not over,” she warned him, “He’s in danger, I can feel it,” she said trying and failing to mask her anxiousness. 

“Let’s go, then.”

Blake had the Batmobile parked in an alley outside. They drove through the streets almost at maximum speed but it still wasn’t enough to calm Selina’s nerves. All she could think about was the dream she’d had the night before and if she had had anything in her stomach, she might’ve felt the urge to puke. Her hands were fidgety on her lap and Blake grabbed them momentarily, keeping them in place and then returning them to the steering wheel.

“He’ll be alright. That was once him in your position, and you were in a way worse situation, and it turned out fine,” he said firmly but trying to be reassuring.

“I knew it was a trap and I let him go alone anyway,” she muttered apprehensively.

“Because you know he can handle himself, and you’re right,” he said, “Besides, he’s been through way worse, and also, we’ll be there in no time.”

Blake parked the car in a rush over the sidewalk, scaring off a few pedestrians. They’d decided to split and go inside through different entries so they’d cover more ground. She’d take the front and he’d take the back. 

The main entrance was just a big deposit filled with empty metal shelves and dusted equipment. Her steps were quiet and inaudible, even in those 5 inch heels. She kept her Glock closely by with her finger on the trigger ready to be used, but walked carefully towards the central dome of light created by the glass ceiling.

There on the floor, right in the middle of the round circle of sunlight, lied Bruce’s ski mask. Her heart stopped as she stared at it. Forcing herself to snap out of the paralyzed state she was in, she went to it and picked it up. There was something damp on the back of it, and her breathing faltered as she saw the blood stains transferred to her hand. She dropped the mask in shock and looked around, suddenly feeling more exposed and self-conscious.

She noticed a long corridor behind the shelves on her right and walked towards it. The lights there were turned on, differently from every other one around. At the end of it, she could see there was a large room filled with computers. She charged her gun as silently as she could and cautiously stepped inside. 

At first, when she saw her, she was confused; but sort of relieved—that wasn’t who she was expecting and fearing to find. It only lasted a second, though, because then the whole picture became way clearer—and twice more concerning.

“Eiko,” she mumbled in a strangled voice, as her hand almost involuntarily became looser around the gun.

The woman looked at her from over her shoulder slightly surprised, and her composed and firm expression visibly faltered when they first locked eyes. But then she smiled in a way Selina didn’t recognize, almost wickedly. 

“You came,” she said, sounding both impressed and disappointed.

Selina couldn’t understand her actions or behaviors, but at that point she had no energy to try to. She still had blood on her hands that probably belonged to Bruce and all her mind could focus on was that as her eyes scanned the room looking for him. 

“I see you found what I left for you,” Eiko said looking down at the red dripping from Selina’s sewn-in gloves. 

Selina could practically taste the rage spouting out of her mouth as she replied, “Where is he?”

She could’ve sworn she’d seen a splash of sadness in Eiko’s eyes. But then she smiled, “Bring him in, please.”

Two men came inside through a door on the other side of the room. The first one was Bruce, and he seemed fine, only bruised on the back of his head, which got Selina to sigh a bit in relief. But then she noticed the second man, a guy in a mask right behind him who pointed his gun to Bruce’s head.

“Miss Hasigawa,” the man muttered, “there’s reported movements detected near the back entrance.”

Eiko eyed Selina speculating for a second, but then picked up her own gun and loaded it, pointing it at Bruce too.

“Go,” she told him, and the guy bolted out.

Bruce looked at Selina calmly, but she thought her expression might’ve not been so confident. Her mind wandered through all the possibilities and scenarios of how it all could play out from that moment on, and none seemed to include both of them getting out of there alive. So she decided to play the odds by shifting Eiko’s attention to her, at least until Blake came along and helped them disarm her.

But she was still troubled by the sight of her so cold and villainy. That was not the Eiko she knew. The Eiko she knew was a sweet, innocent girl, sometimes even too much considering the environment she’d been raised in. Selina remembered she once fainted when her father shot a man on the shoulder in front of her. At the time, Selina had to carry her home and pretend to be warm and soothing, when in reality she was rolling her eyes on the inside. Eiko was just a thorn in her side as she managed to infiltrate her family business—thinking about it after all those years, though, left her disgusted with herself. Eiko could have a short temper and be mentally unstable and fragile at times, but unlike her family, she didn’t have a single bad bone in her body.

“Eiko,” she started, using the softest and most reassuring tone she could, “Come on, I know you, and this isn’t you. Put the gun down so we can talk.”

“Now you wanna talk?”, Eiko scoffed a laugh, “I spent years chasing you down, begging for five minutes of your time, and _now_ you wanna talk? How convenient.”

“I know. I have a lot to apologize for, I know that. But just listen to me. You don’t wanna throw your life away over this, trust me. Just drop the gun and we can figure this out.”

“ _We?_ ”, she laughed sarcastically, “You left me! You used me and took advantage of my love for you and then just bolted! There’s no _we_ ,” she replied, and Selina noticed she was slowly losing her composure. That was good. That, she’d learned how to handle with her. She’d have to play her again, but she couldn’t afford not to at that point. She just had to apply a little more pressure. She took a deep breath and dropped the understanding act, looking for something a little harsher. 

“You’re right. There never was. _You_ were the one who killed all those people. And for what? Revenge because you got dumped _years_ ago? Get fucking over it. Your father was right, you’re just a spoiled brat who can’t take life as it is. Grow the fuck up, Eiko.”

“I… I didn’t mean to kill anyone,” she answered on a lower tone, and the gun shivered slightly on her hand, “That was an accident. Harley said there would be no one at the West End station.”

“And you _believed_ her? God, you really are naive. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. After all...”, Selina trailed off, shaking her head and laughing.

“Like you can talk! You’ve killed people too!””

“Not innocent people. What about that restaurant, huh? Did you think there would be no one there too?”

“We were just testing the bomb, it wasn’t supposed to reach the surface!”

“Oh, my mistake then," she sniggered, putting her hands up as if in defeat, "But then again, of course Harley got to you. You always were an easy thing to manipulate.”

From the corner of her eye, she could see how Bruce had no idea what was going on and what she was up to. If breaking her wouldn’t work, she at least needed to stall her long enough for Blake to show up.

But this time Selina’s words had gotten under her skin, and it was visible. She was staring at the ground without blinking, despair filling her eyes. 

“Harley approached me when she saw me leaving your apartment a couple months ago. I was so mad, but I would never hurt you,” she mumbled quietly, but then she looked at Bruce and her eyes grew colder, “But then she told me about _him_. How you’d moved from Gotham and left everything behind with him. How you’d been living with him in some small town in Europe like you were starting over and living the dream… I thought that wasn’t you, remember? I wanted to get away from here with you, and you said that. I almost flipped when you did, because you had once already been with that guy Ted for so long; but then I realized that you had been the same with him as you were with me. But then _he_ comes along, and suddenly you’re not so against settling down anymore?”

Bingo. She’d found the weak link.

“Oh, I see what you’ve been thinking now. See, it’s not like that, Eiko. I’m not settling down. I just had to leave town because of Bane’s mercenaries. I thought you’d be smarter than that. The guy is filthy rich, of course I’d take advantage of him.”

She wouldn't be able to relax until Eiko dropped the gun or aimed it anywhere else but at Bruce, specially with her shaking hands so unsteady. Eiko’s eyes seemed battling and slightly watery, and her lips started trembling softly. Looking at her like that, Selina could almost believe she was much younger and could probably pass as a teenager. She appeared so fragile and misunderstood. It was time to attack.

“I’ll leave town with you. Just let him go. You don’t want one more body on your count. If we leave right now, there’s no reason why the police would suspect you. And by the time they do, we’ll be far away,” her teary eyes shone with Selina’s words, but they were still hesitating, so she pressed, “I could do it, you know? Settle down with you. I really could.”

 _Where the hell is Blake?_ , Selina thought, quickly scanning the room for any signs of him... 

“Your friend isn’t coming,” Eiko responded as if she’d heard her thoughts. Her voice was more stable now, and she wiped the tears that had streamed down her cheek, now staring angrily at Selina through them, “You almost had me.”

And then a shot was fired. 


	21. 21. Scare

How could she not have seen this coming? The last mob to have taken over the drug trading operations in the neighborhood had been Eiko’s family. They had been killed over gang disputes during the occupation, but she could’ve connected the dots. If she had done so, they wouldn’t have gone there so clueless and unprepared. She wouldn’t have let Bruce go alone. 

“I am not joking, Selina!”, Eiko yelled exasperated after having shot the ceiling. 

The bullet had rebounded and hit some computer screens and both Bruce and Selina crouched down to protect themselves. Eiko was very close to losing it and Selina took the opportunity to get closer to her.

“Selina,” Bruce warned her quietly.

She ignored him and lifted her hands up in front of her, as if she was trying to approach a wild animal.

“Eiko, listen to me…”

“No! Put your gun down or I’ll shoot him right now! Stop messing with me!”, she cried out, “Oh my god… I killed those people. I killed them… all those people… look what you’ve done to me!”, she yelled, momentarily retracting the gun from aiming at Bruce to smack her head a couple times with it.

Selina flinched, noticing the safety lock wasn’t activated. She’d put her own gun down on the floor as requested and was feeling even more vulnerable. 

“Eiko, please,” she begged when the woman put him at gunpoint again, “Give me the gun and we can talk this through, okay? I’ll do whatever you want, just hand it over, please.”

“Don’t you see, Selina? There’s nothing you _can_ do anymore. I screwed up everything now,” she wailed.

“I can help you. We’ll fix things together, I promise,” Selina said calmly, carefully taking one more step towards her but stopping when her trigger finger tensed up. 

“You keep saying that, but we were together for almost a year and never once I caught you on a lie. You’re _that_ good, I bet that hasn’t changed,” she snapped.

Selina was starting to get desperate as she realized there wasn’t much more she could do, especially when they were unarmed and being held at gunpoint by someone having a mental breakdown. She hadn’t been able to change Eiko’s focus to her and seeing Bruce in the direction of the barrel of that gun was wearing her composure and rationality down. 

“Why do you keep glancing over to him?”, Eiko shouted madly, “Huh? I thought you said he was just a tool, so why do you look so concerned?”

“I’m not, Eiko…”

“He’ll never love you like I do! Like I did! I would’ve done anything for you... I’ve _killed_ for you! So _why_?! Why is he different?”, she yelled wiggling the gun at him. 

Selina knew she had stopped being any kind of convincing for a while now, and so she let her fear take over her completely and she yelled back, desperately and with tears accumulating in her eyes, “He’s not, Eiko! He’s not! I promise, he…”

“Then you won’t mind me doing this,” she said coldly as she pulled the trigger.

Selina only had time to process her reaction after the word came screaming deafeningly out of her mouth, “ _NO!_ ”

Bruce hit the floor flopping and grunted in pain. She couldn’t see where the bullet had hit him from where she stood, and she was already promptly on her way to run to him when she heard Eiko recharging the gun. She only glanced at her out of instinct, but stopped unwillingly when she saw it was pointed at her. She quickly considered her options. She could run to Bruce and be killed midway and have him bleed out there with nothing to do, or she could try once more to get to her.

“Eiko, please, please, I’ll go with you. I swear to you, on my life. They _will_ arrest you if you stay here, but if you just let me go to him and get him help I’ll run away with you, just like you wanted, okay? I’ll do whatever you want, we’ll go wherever you’d like and we’ll never go back, you hear me? Just please, let me help him,” she rattled off, begging. 

“You never loved me, Selina. You said so yourself. You told me I was just a means to an end, and you’re doing that again. And then you’re going to discard me like I’m nothing, again.”

“I won’t. I’ll be on my knees asking for your forgiveness for as long as it takes. I’ll go with you wherever you wanna go. I’ll help you. Just let me help him first. Please”, she cried out.

Eiko’s face frowned weirdly and she shrieked as the unending tears started pouring out of her. She dropped the gun down and crumbled to the ground, crying loudly and hysterically. Selina barely paid any attention to it after being released of her aim, having immediately hurried to Bruce’s side.

He was conscious, just looking out of breath and in a lot of pain. The bullet had apparently gone right through his shoulder, so there was a lot of blood coming out of both sides. 

“Hang on, okay?”, she mumbled nervously as she tried to apply pressure where the bullet had entered, “Don’t you dare die on me, Wayne.”

“Selina, I…”, he tried to speak, but his voice was coming out strangled and throaty. His eyelids started weighing down and she gave him quick soft slaps on his face to keep him awake.

“Hey, stay with me. Don’t talk. I’ll get you help, okay? Just hold on.”

Suddenly a loud exploding noise echoed through the air and Selina looked up to see the Gotham police squad blowing up the backdoor and invading the room through the main one. She saw Eiko pick up the gun and she quickly jumped over Bruce’s body, but the woman was shooting aimlessly in all directions.

However, she ran out of bullets shortly after, and was tackled by the police over high-pitched whines and wails. Selina barely heard it, being much more focused on calling out to the paramedics who had just stormed in.

———

It was almost night outside. Selina watched Alfred practically jumping off a car on the other side of the street. She couldn’t hold back the tears she’d been holding in front of everyone else as she saw him. His expression quickly crumbled into a worried, alarmed one when he saw her face. 

“Miss?”, he asked concerned as she dove into his arms and cried on his chest.

“He’s alright,” she sobbed. 

He let out a deep and relieved breath and held her trembling body. She couldn’t care less about the people around her anymore, or if they’d recognize her or not. Her worst nightmare had almost come true, and she wasn’t about to start caring about they thought. 

She led Alfred behind the ambulance where Bruce was laid on a gurney outside, waiting to be transported to the hospital. They had been able to stabilize him and the wound, and they’d given him morphine and put him on a ventilator to help him breathe. Selina had stayed by his side the whole time, stroking his hair and face and holding his hand trying to comfort him, especially before the drugs had started to kick in and he was writhing in pain.

Alfred grabbed Bruce’s hand, “Oh, Master Bruce. I am so glad you’re alright. Please tell me _now_ you’re done with these shenanigans.”

Bruce simply chuckled drowsily and gripped his mentor’s hand back. Selina’s tears continued to stream down her cheeks, soaking her mask, but she was able to crack a smile too when she saw him do so. He brought his hand up to her and wiped the tears off her face, mouthing soundlessly “I’m fine”. She nodded and sniffed, trying to get her emotions under control again.

A paramedic came and began informing them that they’d be taking him to Gotham General, but he soon stopped talking when he got interrupted by horrifying howls as the cops tried to drag Eiko out of the building. She was being particularly difficult, wiggling around and throwing herself down to the floor at times. But her eyes focused and she quit fighting them momentarily the minute she saw Selina outside. And then she began whining even louder.

“You monster! I did _everything_ for you!”, she yelled as they hauled her towards the police car, “I loved you and you threw me away like garbage!”

Selina looked over to Bruce, who watched the scene seemingly confused as if it was real or not. She clutched his hand and kissed its palm, “Just give me a sec, okay?”

She eyed Alfred as if asking him to watch him for a minute and started walking towards Eiko, who suddenly became paralyzed. She stopped moving or making any sounds as she watched Selina approaching. Jim Gordon stood beside her and mumbled something affirmative to the cops who restrained her, who promptly stood down and waited.

Selina stopped right in front of her and studied her—her puffy eyes, scratched cheeks and smeared makeup—, and she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t yell, or scream, or even get mad long enough to waste any energy on it. She took a deep breath and exhaled. 

Tucking her messy, tangled hair behind her ears, Selina stroked it softly for a while before she mumbled, “I’m really sorry for what I did to you back then. You didn’t deserve it. In fact, you deserved so much more and better,” she sighed, “But it’s no excuse for what you did… Life’s unfair. People suck. Take it from me, you can’t go on revenge or killing sprees every time someone’s an asshole to you,” she wiped Eiko’s tears, “Try to get better. Try to _do_ better.”

Selina pressed a soft, quick kiss to her forehead and let the guards take her. 

———

The Wayne name could really work wonders when it came to overlooking bureaucracies and undermining rules. They fixed him up with the VIP suite as soon as he stepped foot in the hospital without even asking for ID or insurance cards. They also managed to provide as much privacy as possible considering his “celebrity” status.

Selina had changed into the clothes Alfred had brought her before going in. The nurses had reassured them both that they’d take him straight to the room after he woke up from surgery, which took less time than expected. His wound was clean and easily fixed, but they’d also brought in the best surgeons in the hospital to operate on him, because apparently having money insured you got these things without even asking for them. 

Selina, who had been stress-napping on Alfred’s shoulder on the bedroom couch, stood up the second she heard the gurney wheels passing through the door. 

Bruce appeared fine overall, just looking a little pale and tired, but he smiled lightly as soon as he saw her. The anesthesia was still wearing off, and so he wasn’t yet fully aware of what was going on, but being surrounded by his family made him feel tranquil and safe enough not to mind it. He couldn’t really process what they were saying, but he’d nod quietly and smile from time to time. He also didn’t know when had he fallen back asleep, but when he woke up it was already morning, and Selina’s head lay on the mattress near his hand. She’d slept all night sat down on a chair by his side, and when he looked around he also noticed Alfred, asleep sitting on the couch.

He tried to move quietly to stretch his stiffened muscles a bit, but a sharp pain hit him across his shoulder and he couldn’t help but groan. Selina sat straight up, startled and alarmed, which made Alfred wake up too. She reached out to him worriedly, but Bruce quickly reassured her he was fine.

The dark circles under her eyes and the general exhaustion printed on her face indicated she hadn’t yet calmed down enough to sleep through the night. She could still feel the last remnants of adrenaline in her veins and they were taking their sweet time wearing off. 

Over the next days, though, she seemed to get better and even looked like she was in a good mood. She’d smile and joke around and hop into the hospital bed with him to watch movies on her laptop. And she never even left the building as Bruce was being kept over for observation for a few more days; which to him sort of appeared to be unnecessary and overly thorough. Selina would’ve agreed, because the doctors did seem to be checking up on him every five seconds, and honestly being downright toady; but since it was Bruce, she didn’t mind much the extra bootlicking if it meant he was well taken care of.

Alfred had returned to the penthouse and would come by twice a day to see him and bring Selina food and extra clothes and toiletries. Bruce insisted that she could go home, even if just for a quick bath—since he knew she hated showering in strange bathrooms; but she made it clear she wasn’t leaving, and even joked he was just looking for an excuse to be alone with the female doctors and nurses.

Bruce didn’t pressure her after that. Honestly, he was just concerned she might’ve been pretending to hold down the fort so well that she might just crack at some point. So he kept watching her, waiting for her to show any signs that she might break or flip or crumble. They never came. 

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?”, she asked one day as she dried her recently washed hair with a towel. 

“Like what?”, he asked, feeling a bit caught.

“Like I’m about to trip over something and you’re about to run over and catch me.”

“That’s… oddly specific.”

“But is it accurate?”

Bruce sighed, “A bit. I guess I’m just wondering if you’re suffering in silence and putting up a good front for me. Cause I don’t want you to feel like you need to do that. I can take it.”

“I’m not doing that. And I know you can.”

“So you’re not just trying to keep a strong facade? You’re not gonna wake up one day and snap and fall into a guilt spiral, are you?”

“No… Do you think I should?”

“No! Absolutely not,” he affirmed, worried he might’ve been misunderstood, “I’m just saying it cause it’s just your usual mechanism. You definitely shouldn’t.”

Selina sighed and stepped closer to sit on his bed, “I’m following your advice from before. Cause you were right. This isn’t on me. I’m terribly sorry, and I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to her. But how she handled it, what she did after… that is not on me. There’s no excuse. If I could go back and do it differently I would, but I can’t. I already carry enough guilt on my own without absorbing hers.”

Bruce smiled, satisfied. 

“ _But_ , with that being said, I do feel like I could’ve done better in there. Like I should’ve kept or at least faked my cool better. But I just couldn’t go on being so cruel to her, and seeing you at gunpoint like that just sent me…,” she shivered and shook her head trying to brush the thought aside, “I never used to mix my personal life with my “Cat life”, and that’s why. I’m sorry you paid the price.”

“No, Selina,” he touched her arm with his free uninjured one, “I would’ve taken a hundred of those bullets to get you out of there safely. Well, not hundreds, you know, cause that thing hurts like a bitch,” he joked, “but I honestly wouldn’t care, as long as you were well.”

She brought her hand to his face and stroked it lightly, looking into his eyes, “For a second there I really thought I’d lost you. I don’t know what I would do if that ever happened, I don’t think I’d be able to... _breathe_ ,” she sighed, “You really shouldn’t have brought me into your life, Mr. Wayne. Cause now it’s like you’re as vital to me as air or water or food.”

“Well, the feeling’s mutual,” he smiled briefly, “I can’t even _imagine_ having to live without you. Honestly, on some level, I can probably relate to Eiko…”, he mumbled slightly amused, but Selina frowned and he cut it off, “Too soon? Sorry.”

But then she chuckled a bit and he relaxed. 

“I need to talk to you. But first of all, I need to ask you something,” she said and he nodded curious, but patiently, “Are we still leaving? Cause I know you said we could go anywhere. But I’ve noticed for the past days that you’ve missed here and, well, you’ve missed _him._ ” Bruce furrowed his brow, thinking. “Whether you want it or not, Batman _is_ you. Even when you’re not him.”

Selina studied his expression carefully. He seemed in deep thought and not wanting to speak yet. 

“I’ve talked to Blake. He agrees with me. He’s well-trained, he’s more than capable than handling the city on his own, but it only took one puff of that cheap out-of-date drug sprayed on his face for him to get knocked out. That’s not supposed to happen, and it does because he doesn’t feel comfortable doing this. He’s not at ease being the Batman—because that’s you, not him.” 

Selina sighed and looked down at her hands as she continued, “I would never make you choose. Between me and him. I won’t. It’s okay if you miss that life. I miss my old one too sometimes, although you and I both know you’d never be on board with me returning to it,” she chuckled lightly, “Which is okay, because I’d never miss it enough to want it back or to change from what we have. But it’s okay if you do. I get it. But if I may also say—I’d prefer if you didn’t. I don’t know how I’d learn to live every day in fear every time you stepped out the door. But I understand the rush, and the confidence and the excitement that comes with it; so I can figure it out if that’s what you need. Though, if you were to do this only for the people and for the _message_ , you should know you’ve created a shapeshifter symbol. And the city already has someone else to fill in the gap for that. It doesn’t need to drain the life out of you anymore—leave that to me,” she smiled softly, joking, “But, as I said, I can't and I won’t make you choose.”

“No, you can. But you won’t,” he simpered, having snapped out of his thoughts, “I love you so much for offering me that... It’s true. I miss it, I really do. I don’t miss it more than I miss our life back home, though,” she looked up at him and he grabbed her hand, “I’d already chosen to let go of this a long time ago, and now more than ever I want to stick by my choice. A life with you is all the excitement I need.”

Selina beamed coyly and cuddled in on his chest on the side of his healthy shoulder. He kissed the top of her head.

“Good. Cause I know I played it cool but I was dead scared of what you were going to answer,” she said, and he scoffed a laugh.

“Why did you ask me, then?”, he asked, genuinely interested.

“Cause I didn’t want you to feel like you had to suppress this part of yourself for me... I didn’t want history repeating itself,” she mumbled, looking a bit disconcerted and even slightly embarrassed for saying it. It took Bruce a second to grasp why, but he eventually understood—she was talking about Rachel.

“Selina…”, he shook his head and lifted her chin up so she would look at him, “There’s nothing here to repeat. You’re the one person I’ve loved most in this life. You’re so strong, and genuine, and beautiful—you’re my miracle. Of all the people in my heart, none can hold a single candle to you.”

Selina blushed and he had to hold back his giggle at the sweet sight of it. She lay on his chest again, feeling flustered—would he ever stop having that effect on her?

“Either way…,” she continued, trying to regain her composure, which Bruce was finding infinitely amusing, “I just wanted you to know I love you both. Bruce _and_ the Bat. And I wouldn’t ever want you to give up any of them for me.”

“Yeah… I wish I could say the same about you,” he said on a serious tone and sighed, but Selina slapped his arm playfully and his mask easily fell off, giving space to a light-hearted chuckle. 

“I’m obviously joking. You of all people should know how much the Cat has grown on me, how she holds a special place in my heart—especially after she introduced me to that little whip of hers.” 

Selina laughed and he smirked, leaning in for a calm, warm and devout kiss.


	22. 22. Nostalgia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Explicit content.

Nightwing came out to play for the first time one night a couple days after the incident. Blake had decided to share his identity with the Commissioner, who took it upon himself to introduce the blue-masked man to the population. 

“As many had suspected, the Batman who had returned a few months ago was _not_ the _original_ Batman. As we know, the original Batman died heroically saving this city from Bane’s short lived reign of terror a year ago. Our new, mentored by Batman himself, friendly neighbor, is Nightwing. He had initially taken the dark knight form so people could be comfortable with a familiar face, and eventually realize they could trust him. We in the GCPD welcome this new hero, in hopes that one day this city can be what Batman had envisioned for it, and in that way we can honor his memory.”

“How do you feel?”, Selina asked, turning off the TV just after Jim Gordon’s speech at the press conference was over.

“Nostalgic,” Bruce answered looking absentminded, staring blankly at the darkened screen.

“Bruce,” she muttered, scooching closer to him on the couch, “you don’t have to do this. I know what Alfred thinks, but I’ll support you and be on your side no matter what.”

“No,” he replied, finally snapping out of it and looking at her, “nostalgia is good. Means I had something good there for a while, something that’ll be missed. But I have something even better right here now, something I wouldn’t trade for the world. I have a whole future with you,” he stroked her cheek shortly, “ _Nightwing_ can look after Gotham… I only want to look after you. By the way — what kind of name is that?”, he asked, wrinkling his nose.

“Yeah, I don’t know. But no offense, what kind of name is _Batman_ anyway?”, she said jokingly. 

He chuckled softly and rested his hand on her leg, looking deep in thought. 

They were sitting in the office couch near the fireplace to fight the cold. Winter had arrived in Gotham and the first snow shower had hit the night before, coincidentally the day Bruce was leaving the hospital. They sat there quietly under the blankets and remained silent for a while, just distractedly observing the flames.

“I don’t know if this is the best time to bring this up… but something Pamela said back at Holly’s apartment that other day was stuck in my head for days,” Bruce started talking, looking slightly nervous, as Selina waited patiently, but curiously, “okay, now that you’re here and I’m saying it, I suddenly feel like this was a horrible idea. I feel like I should just drop it.”

“Are you serious?”, she asked and rolled her eyes annoyed, “You can’t do that, you can’t start something like this and not finish it.”

Bruce stared at her, unsure and unsettled. He eventually caved in and stood up, walking towards a heavy bookshelf and grabbing a thick black folder from in between books. 

“Perhaps I made the wrong call by doing this without talking to you first. Please, forgive me if I’ve overstepped here,” he said and sat down next to her again, handing her the package.

“What is this?”, she asked reluctantly, analyzing the unlabeled plastic cover.

“This…”, he hesitated, “is everything Alfred could find on your siblings… Pamela mentioned you were looking for them back then, and I thought maybe… I don’t know.”

Selina’s eyes widened in surprise as her head spun. She gulped and looked down to the folder again, brushing her fingers softly through pages on the side, scared to actually open and see them. Curiosity was almost taking over her, when fear began talking louder. 

“Did you open them?”, she asked; her voice came out scratchy and uncertain.

“No, not at all,” he promptly answered, “I didn’t want to… you know… not before you…”

She kept quiet for so long, just looking at the plain cover, Bruce started to get nervous again. Maybe this had all been an awful mistake. He should’ve known better. She never asked for this. Hell, she was a great detective, if she’d wanted this, she could’ve probably found it way before, but she never did. He didn’t even know the content of those pages, he had no idea how this could affect her — and her still recovering emotional stability. He’d just assumed because he would never get a chance to know his own family, and she could, maybe she’d want one with hers. 

Seconds before he started agitatedly mumbling and blabbering all kinds of apologies for his intrusion, she spoke.

“I don’t need to open these.”

“Okay… so you _had_ found them before?”, he asked confused.

“No,” she said firmly, then sighed, “but I _know…_ I know Aiden is tall, really tall now. He played basketball in high school; now he lives with his high school sweetheart. He still has dimples. He went to Med school, he’s in a surgical residency program now on the East Coast. He was always fascinated by all things “doctorly”, and he liked taking care of people, so I guess that makes sense.”

Selina smiled faintly and Bruce kept staring attentively.

“Maggie… is an artist. She’s like those hipsters with their berets and nose piercings. She likes modern art — mostly abstract paintings and sculptures and these sorts of things. But she also likes painting people; but only when they’re distracted, and just the ones she cares about. She’s amazing at it, though, she could paint you a perfect portrait in an hour if she put her mind to it. And she usually uses only warm colors, though her favorite is green.”

“How do you know all of this?”, Bruce asked confounded.

She sighed, “I don’t. That’s the story I tell myself, based on what I knew about them back then… And I’m happy with it.”

“You don’t wanna know if it’s real or not?”

“No,” she replied promptly, but then sighed and looked at the folder, seeming no longer sure, “I don’t know. I don’t think so. Can you keep those, though?”, she asked, handing Bruce the papers back, “Just in case someday I might.”

“Of course.”

“I love you for doing this, though,” she relaxed and kissed his cheek slowly, “I’m sorry you went through all this trouble for nothing.”

“No, _I’m_ sorry I didn’t talk to you before I did.”

Selina chuckled lightly, “I admit, if you had done this when we first met or when we were still getting to know each other, I would’ve flipped. But you know me better than anyone else in the world now, and we’re partners, so I don’t mind. I actually think it’s sweet that you’d be curious to know about my family like this. But the thing is, _you_ are my family now. You’re all I got and you’re also all I need.”

Bruce smiled and went for her lips, kissing her tenderly and softly, trying to alleviate and let out at least a bit of the warmth that had taken over his chest because of her words. As soon as she wrapped her arms around his neck to deepen the kiss, they heard a knock on the door and then the sound of someone clearing their throat.

“Master, Miss, uh, I’m sorry to interrupt, but dinner’s ready,” Alfred announced, seeming embarrassed; but Selina could’ve sworn she’d seen his lips upturning the slightest bit. 

“Well, you and Alfred, of course”, she mumbled to Bruce, grinning.

———

Bruce and Selina left Holly’s building embracing themselves against the cool howling winds. She had wanted to say goodbye to her and Pam in person since they’d be flying out of Gotham again that night, and although she was feeling a bit blue, she left there certain that leaving was the right choice.

Bruce had invited them over for a visit someday, and Pam was visibly excited about the idea, specially when he mentioned they could take the Wayne jet. Jen, on the other hand, though also flattered, tried to keep a more restrained reaction. To him, she could be intimidatingly protective of Selina, but that was actually one of the reasons why he liked her, even if the feeling wasn’t apparently mutual. Aside from her criminal life, he really believed her to be a good and loyal friend to Selina, specially amongst all the crappy people she’d met throughout her life. 

Selina had insisted on them taking the subway again, saying she wanted to take the opportunity to be a commoner one last time before returning to their “bourgeois life”. As they silently walked down the street to the station and passed a dark alley, Selina smiled amused at the floor, and Bruce eyed her curiously. Only a second later, she’d grabbed the little girl’s hand on the act and turned her body around, pressing her face against the concrete wall.

“ _Ouch_ ,” the girl groaned.

“Well, knock me over with a feather,” Selina said.

Bruce stared deadpanned at Selina, grappling an 11-year-old, holding her hands back with her arm tackling the nape of her neck to keep her in place.

“Selina!”, he exclaimed in shock, ready to intervene, “What the hell ar…”

“Bruce, meet Cassandra Cain.”

“What?”

“Selina?”, the girl called out, surprised and suddenly more relaxed. 

Selina let go of her and the kid turned to look at them.

“I see you still don’t know how to choose your targets.”

“Well, I saw the fancy logo on your bag…”, she mumbled, still a bit out of breath and dumbfounded.

“Still kinda important to check faces.”

“Sorry.”

“No worries, kid,” Selina reached inside her bag and pulled a couple of dollar bills, “Here… this should cover you for some time.”

Cassandra glanced at Bruce rapidly, then grabbed the money from Selina.

“Thanks, Cat,” she said and began treading quickly away from them.

“Be careful,” Selina exclaimed before she was too far. 

“What was that?”, Bruce asked perplexed as they started walking again.

Selina chuckled, “That’s Cassandra. One of the neighborhood orphans... I... _taught_ her a few things.”

“Oh… okay... I’m sure you _meant_ well. Are you some kind of twisted hero in this part of town that I don’t know about?”, he joked.

“Far from it,” she laughed, “but no one hurts kids and women in my neighborhood without my consent.”

“ _Without your consent?_ ”

“Women can be assholes too. Duh.”

He laughed, “Alright... but now, since we’re going where we’re going, wouldn’t it have been better to get the girl to come along, instead of just giving her money?”

“Yeah, no,” she replied and Bruce raised his eyebrows inquisitively. Selina sighed, “She’d never accept it. She’s been on streets since she was 8, that’s all she knows. She kinda reminds me of me… so trust me, she’s not going anywhere. I even tried and offered to take her in once or twice,” she muttered, and Bruce looked slightly surprised about that last part. “Some kids just don’t fit in anywhere else.”

“It was nice of you to offer, anyway.”

“Well… I mean, after she refused I had to at least teach her to fend for herself,” she said, and Bruce nodded, “Do you think you can ask Blake to keep an eye on her, though? Just check in on her once in a while, make sure she doesn’t get into too much trouble. I'm the one who used to do that, and since I’m not here...”

“Of course,” he smiled, a bit in a daze at that unforeseen side of her. After everything, she could still surprise him with her unpredictability.

By the time they got to the entrance of their building, Alfred was already there with the car parked waiting for them. There were some journalists and paparazzi at the door, but nothing too crowded; they managed to slip in without much difficulty, ignoring their questions and requests for comments. 

The drive to the former Wayne Manor was very quiet for both of them, for entirely different reasons. Bruce had all of his memories of the place as a kid, and then as an adult, for which most was his recluse phase. Selina had in mind the last time she’d been there, when she still thought Batman was dead and she was instructed by him to crack his safe, only a year earlier. If someone had told her that’s where she’d be again after all this time, and with whom, she would’ve thought they’d lost their mind.

Alfred parked the car at the entrance, in front of the stairs leading to the enormous mansion. There were a few young kids playing in the snow in the front yard, while some were running to get inside and get away from the cold. Selina noticed when Bruce took a deep breath as he longingly stared at the plaque, “Martha and Thomas Wayne Home for Children”, still unmoving. She grabbed his hand and gave him a reassuring smile, and that was all the encouragement he needed. 

As they walked towards the house, the children started noticing them, and Bruce smiled discreetly as he heard them whispering shocked about him. Alfred followed them close behind and eventually complimented the kids, whom he seemed to be weirdly familiar with, remembering each of their names.

“I come here often,” he explained when Bruce eyed him confused, “I believe you could say I have a soft spot for orphans.”

The three of them chuckled lightly and continued walking when a snowball hit Bruce on the arm.

“Oh my god, Damian! I told you to be careful,” a little girl yelled at a little boy, who appeared to be around five and stared at them with widened eyes, looking terrified.

“I-I’m so-sorry, Mr… Wayne, I-I…”, he stuttered.

“It’s no problem, kid. Damian, is that right?”

“Ye-yes.”

“Damian here is quite the pitcher,” Alfred said.

“Oh, yeah? Selina here is quite the batter too,” Bruce said as he winked at her, referring to the time when she used Harley’s bat to get rid of a bomb. 

She laughed, “Yeah, maybe you can pitch me some time.”

Damian looked even more petrified then, but he managed to speak, “Is… is it true you came back from the dead?”

Bruce chuckled, “Metaphorically speaking.”

The boy was even more confused, but replied, “Oh.”

“You wanna show us around, Damian?”, Selina asked.

“Ahm… sure,” he replied and ran to them, and she was a bit startled when he grabbed her hand and started leading her inside. She looked back at Bruce and saw that he smiled too. 

The first room at the entrance had been turned into a common room; lots of kids hung around playing cards and board games, spread across the tables or splattered over beanbags. Many looked at them curious, whispering and gossiping, but continued with their business after a while.

The first thing Bruce saw, though, was the big picture hung up over the fireplace. His heart clenched tightly in his chest as he observed the image of his parents, smiling with their arms around a miniature version of him. He noticed Selina stared at it too, seeming almost oblivious to everything else. Their eyes met and he saw that she was touching her pearls from under her coat, noticing his mother wore them in the picture.

Alfred had gone somewhere and shortly after returned with a woman, interrupting their thoughts. She had kind eyes and looked a bit older, maybe in her 60s, and came up to them with a huge beam.

“Mr. and Mrs. Wayne, we’re so happy to finally have you here!”, she exclaimed.

They both laughed softly glancing at each other, though seeing no point in correcting her. Alfred smiled.

“And, of course, to also to find out you’re alive and well, Mr. Wayne. My name is Leslie Thompkins, I’m the head coordinator here at the orphanage. It basically means I’m in charge of all these kids and that I haven’t slept in a year,” she joked, shaking their hands.

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Bruce said, “I’m so grateful to you for taking care of the kids and my parents’ legacy so well.”

“Thank you, Mr. Wayne, I do what I can… I see you’ve met Damian already,” she noticed the boy, who was still holding onto Selina’s hand, “He’s not usually so… uninhibited.”

“I’m showing them the house,” he explained, appearing vaguely blushed.

“I see… well, lead the way, then,” she said.

“I don’t think the orphans are the only reason you’re here so much,” Bruce whispered quietly to Alfred, though Selina was able to hear and giggled softly.

Miss Thompkins took and hung their coats, and then her and Damian led them through the house, showing them the bedrooms and canteens and study rooms. It was still odd for Bruce to be shown around his former house, even though it looked different. The woman explained to them the kids’ routine and their activities and how they were trying to facilitate the adoption process so they could find permanent families. 

She also presented a project of her own to help kids who were growing out of the system and had nowhere to go; the idea was to raise funding to help them go to college or give them job opportunities and something to start with. Bruce was quick to offer her financial help, and support to hold a fundraiser in town — his old contacts had a lot to spare. 

As they found their way through the many corridors, they stopped in front of a particular door. Miss Thompkins unlocked it and stepped out of their way.

“We kept this room as it was,” she gave Bruce a meaningful look, “No one’s allowed here, of course. Come, Damian, let’s give them some privacy.”

“Does she know anything?”, Bruce asked Alfred after they left.

“No. I only asked her to keep the room saying it was important to you.”

“Okay, what am I missing here?”, Selina asked.

Bruce led her inside and she looked around, finding nothing particularly remarkable or conspicuous. It was just a large office with a set of leather couches, full of bookshelves and a grand piano. 

“I have to have a conversation with Miss Thompkins, Master Wayne, I’ll meet you two outside after,” Alfred said and shut the door behind him. 

“What am I looking at here?”, she whispered, so quietly Bruce didn’t hear.

Selina treaded calmly around, studying the bookshelf and its titles; they were mostly classics and medical books. Everything was slightly dusty; not like the room had been abandoned, but as if it was barely used or cleaned. A picture frame on the corner caught her eye and she picked it up, wiping the dust off of it. She’d seen that photo before, though not in that room. It was the night she met Bruce.

Bruce’s attention was somewhere else, touching the keyboard on the piano and remembering when his mother’s playing would echo through the rooms. He closed his eyes and for a second it was like he could hear it again. He opened them again, searching for the comforting sight of Selina wearing her pearls, when he saw what she was looking at. A note came flying out of the soundboard as his hand faltered on the keys.

She turned his eyes to him, slightly startled, and he walked over to her, gently taking the frame from her hands without looking at it. He returned it back to the shelf with Rachel’s face put down, and touched her cheek softly. Her expression was unreadable.

But he could see she was struggling to find words, and so he waited patiently, even though he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear them.

“You’re the only person I’ve ever loved that makes me understand shutting down from the whole world for years because you couldn’t be with them.”

Bruce sighed, “Selina... that’s not… you don’t get it…”, he began talking.

“No, Bruce, I do _get_ it,” she cupped his cheek, “what I’m saying is you should keep it. If I’d ever also felt that way about anyone else, I wouldn’t have wanted you to stripe it away from me.”

“Selina,” he stroked her face delicately, “my love for you is so much bigger than anything else I’ve ever felt. And our love is much more real than mine and hers ever was... I loved Rachel once, I did. I still do. Which is why I know this is where she should be. I will never forget _her_ or scrape her out of my life. But this is where she belongs, in the room that represents my old life.”

Selina smiled faintly and let her hand down, grabbing the photo frame and setting it straight again. Bruce smiled too.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna take this with you?”

He ignored it, “Come on, let me show you something.”

He grabbed her hand and took her to the piano, where he pressed a few keys before a shelf slid to the side, opening way to an elevator. Selina looked at him astonished, unsure what she was about to witness. They came in and there was only one button, and they started going down as soon as he pressed it. 

The doors opened shortly after, revealing a giant space, with cool air and strong sounds of water. The place was dark, but it had natural light coming through from a large and heavy curtain of water. The ground and the walls were mostly made of dark rocks and concrete, but there were metallic walkways taking them to different parts of the cave.

“Is this…”

“Yeah. The Batcave.”

Selina crossed her arms and walked around, gazing and taking everything in.

“Amazing,” she murmured. 

He showed her around, demonstrating his equipment and letting her scope around and check his control panel, the computers and security devices. She acted like a kid on Christmas morning.

“Can you imagine if you had used all this firepower for evil? We’d all be screwed.”

“Yeah… but maybe we would’ve met sooner,” he joked. 

“Yeah, we’d have probably stumbled across each other earlier in life,” she laughed. “God, can you imagine the power couple we’d be? Me, pulling the greatest and biggest heists while you… well, I don’t know what your _thing_ would be… scaring children into eating vegetables? Maybe terrorizing the elderly? Or something meaner, like beating up privileged private school playboys?”, she teased him pretending to be daydreaming about it all. 

“Ha-ha. Maybe I’d be more into capturing and abducting the neighborhood cat.”

“Oh, I think you’d find she was very aloof and not that easy to catch,” Selina wrapped her arms around his waist, “but maybe a _purr-ty_ face like yourself she’d let scratch her belly and take her home.”

“Oh, yeah?”, he smiled and held her back.

“Yeah. Then she’d be rubbing her paws with glee that you’d fall so eagerly into her trap.”

“Well, that’s one trap I wouldn’t mind being caught on.”

Bruce muffled her giggling with his lips, kissing her urgently but slowly, stealing the air from her mouth and leaving her panting. She pulled his face closer to her, ignoring her own breathlessness. They could ignite fires inside each other as quickly as lighting a match, but much stronger and lasting. 

He paused it so Selina could catch her breath and not burn herself out, and they rested their foreheads together. Her lusty fiery almond eyes found his and his stomach dropped. Every time she looked at him like that he felt like falling in love again for the very first time.

The words were about to pour out his lips, unstoppable and uncontainable. But something stronger pulled him back, as if it was physically sucking the air out of his lungs so he couldn’t speak. 

She backed off a bit, eyeing him curiously.

“What is it? Are you having a stroke?”, she asked amused.

“Uh, no… we just… shouldn’t keep Alfred waiting too long. We still have a plane to catch.”

“Okay…”, she compromised, though a bit confused.

They went up back to the Manor and met up with Alfred on the front stairs, where he and Thompkins discussed some kids. 

“Alfred…”, Bruce called out, “Miss Thompkins, you’re really doing an amazing work here. My parents would’ve been thrilled to see this. Please, if you’re ever in need of anything…”

“Oh, you’re so kind, Mr. Wayne. Your help with the fundraiser will be very much appreciated. Money is tight here, but we manage.” 

“Yes,” Alfred agreed, “unfortunately, children don’t just need money. They need families.”

“Well, if anyone knows that, it’s me,” Bruce said and tapped Alfred on his back, “ _Fortunately_ , I had you.”

They both smiled and Selina and Thompkins shared a look, which got interrupted by the sound of little Damian running to them. He was short of breath from playing snowball dodgeball with the other kids. 

“Are you guys leaving?”, he asked. 

“We are, kiddo,” Bruce replied.

“Are you ever coming back?”

“I sure hope so,” Selina answered.

“Absolutely,” Bruce replied at the same time as her. 

The four adults stared down at him, waiting for him to speak out like he clearly wanted, but all the attention suddenly left him nervous; he gulped and rapidly hugged Selina and then Bruce, running away from them right after, avoiding their looks and surprised expressions.

The coordinator seemed a bit in shock, “Well, I guess that’s… progress, for him. When he first got here he wouldn’t even speak to anyone else beside his brother.”

“Where is his brother?”, Selina asked interested. 

“Ah, you know how it is. He was younger, so he was adopted faster. It’s a shame the state allows separating siblings like that.” 

The atmosphere took on a heavier weight around them as Selina stared at little Damian playing in the snow by himself. Bruce tried to alleviate the air, but his own tension made the words betray him, refusing to come out of his mouth. Alfred then cleared his throat and was the first to speak.

“Leslie, as usual, this was a pleasure. We’ll be in touch, and please feel free to contact me if you ever need anything.”

“Thank you, Alfred,” she smiled, “and you two, come back to visit us whenever you’d like. You’re always welcome, of course.”

The drive back to town was also quiet, and Bruce felt like he needed to give Selina some time and space, as she was unusually silent as she looked out the window. She couldn’t take her mind off the lonely little boy, and how his eyes reminded her of Bruce’s, specially as they appeared scared and brave at the same. 

“So, you two are on a first name basis, then?”, Bruce teased Alfred.

“She’s a friend, that’s what you’re supposed to call friends.”

“I’ve known you my whole life and never once you’ve called me Bruce.”

“I most definitely have, Master Bruce.”

Bruce puffed and noticed that had made Selina smile a bit.

They made it back home just in time for a little afternoon snack — Alfred’s infamous cucumber sandwiches —, and to prepare their bags and belongings for the trip. 

On the way to the airport, Bruce was going through names and instructions with Alfred to organize the fundraiser for the orphanage. Selina appeared to have forgotten or let go of the evening events and was gleefully arranging her guns and knives in X-ray proof bags inside her handbag in the car. It was midnight and the private jet already waited for them by the airstrips.

They said their goodbyes and made promises to call and visit each other. Selina hugged Alfred for a little longer than usual for her and thanked him for everything. He gladly embraced her back and affirmed that it was a pleasure and he’d always look after the both of them.

Selina had been exhausted from their long day. She tucked herself in under a heavy blanket on the giant leather seat and reclined it, then accepted a single glass of wine the stewardess offered her. Bruce sat in front of her and looked concentrated on whatever on his phone. 

The wine made its way into her bloodstream and soon enough her eyelids were as heavy as they could. She blinked drowsily, and just as she was about to give into it, she felt something touch her lips. She opened her eyes to him, looking down at her with his finger on her mouth tracing it. 

She was about to ask him what that was about, but suddenly her mouth was invaded by his thumb and, even surprised as she was, she found it extremely erotic. Her lips automatically closed around it and she sucked on it, watching Bruce from under her eyes react to her.

He rested his knee on her seat and kissed her neck ardently, forcing involuntary moans out of her and making her bite his finger softly in exhilaration. Then he kneeled in front of her, smiled, and stroked her face removing his finger from her mouth. 

His hands reached her ankles from under the blanket, moving slowly up her legs as her breathing accelerated. She looked at him expectantly and in a daze, still confused about what had suddenly motivated him to start that. The aircrew was nowhere to be seen, probably in their cabin. 

His warm big hands caused shivers under her pantyhose, and even more so as he began caressing her inner thighs. His eyes were a shade darker and penetrating, never leaving hers. His fingers reached her stomach under her dress and the bottom of the thin tights, which he pulled slightly down, giving it just enough space to slip through. He pressed her pulsating spot from over her panties first before diving inside them, and Selina breathed anxiously from her mouth.

She was aching and burning for him, needing him to touch her rougher, faster, to fill her completely, and not just torture her with his teasing fingers. She groaned, edgy and frustrated, and he smirked at her as if he understood what she wanted.

Bruce lifted the blanket up and slid down under it as she eyed him in shock, but desperate to feel him on her. He spread kisses over her legs, tormenting her in the most delicious ways. His fingers left her hot spot to slide down her panties and she closed her eyes in expectation, biting her lip. He pressed one single short and gentle kiss to her exposed clit, but it was enough to set her insides on fire. 

“Selina,” he whispered.

She clenched her lower lip tighter with her teeth to stop herself from moaning from hearing her name falling off his lips like that. He kissed her one more time and she sighed.

“Selina,” he said again, more urgently this time. 

Then strong hands cupped her shoulders and she was shaken up delicately, opening her eyes at a loss of what was going on. Bruce was standing in front of her, a worried look on his face. 

“Are you okay? Were you having a nightmare?”

She realized she was still biting her lip and she had to unclench her jaw and clear her throat to speak.

“No,” she muttered confused.

“No?”

“I mean yes… it’s fine, though,” she said as she felt her face starting to blush. She quickly covered it pretending to be rubbing her eyes drowsily.

He tucked her hair behind her ears and stroked it gently, still seeming a bit concerned.

“We’re almost there,” he murmured, “just an hour or so.”

“Alright,” she said, her voice still a bit scratchy and uneasy, “Can you get me some water, please?”

He went to the back of the plane and she took the opportunity to set her seat straight and try to regain some composure. She’d gone too long without Bruce and now her own body was punishing and betraying her. 

The sun was rising outside the window and the plane was slowly losing altitude as she made plans for when they finally got home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra Cain is portrayed by Ella Jay Basco in the Birds of Prey movie. The actor I'd imagine for Damian is Jacob Tremblay.


	23. 23. Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: EXPLICIT CONTENT [+18]
> 
> NOTES:Hi, everyone! This is our last chapter before the Epilogue. Thank you so much for reading and following this story with me!  
> So, since it's almost the end, this chapter has lots of smut (warning!!!) and fluff. Enjoy!

The hired driver dropped them off at the house entrance gate and Bruce picked up their bags from the trunk. It was the middle of the day, but the clouds covered the sky almost completely, making it look like an early winter morning.

“Thanks, handsome, but I think I can carry my own stuff,” Selina smirked.

“I know. So?”

She chuckled and went ahead, opening the doors for him. They entered the house and walked up the stairs, heading to their room, when Selina suddenly stopped midway on the corridor, forcing him to do the same. She turned on her feet and touched his hands, brushing his tensed finger knuckles from the weight of the bags. 

“Bruce…”

“What’s up?”, he asked, confused by her sudden interruption.

“I know we’re drained and exhausted and jet-lagged… but I kinda need you right now.”

He was promptly about to reach out to her, thinking she needed comfort or some sort of consolation, when she took his lips onto hers eagerly. It took him a second to catch up and understand what she meant, but his body lit up instantly as soon as he did, and he dropped their bags on the ground.

His arms wrapped around her waist urgently, pulling her body against his as she dug her fingers in his hair. His hands slipped down to her ass for a while, then dropped to her legs, grappling them and lifting her up so she could tangle them around him. He clamped her thighs pressing her tightly against him, making the skirt of her dress ride up to bare the tops of her pantyhose.

“God, I miss you so much,” she mumbled in between kisses.

He groaned in agreement and began treading hurriedly towards the bedroom. She balanced her weight against him to take her coat and scarf off - there was too much fabric between them, and it was driving her crazy. She needed to feel his warmth and skin and the sensation of their sweats mixing together.

They reached the end of the bed and he put her down so he could take his own clothes and shoes off and help her get rid of hers. He tried being gentle at first, but only her dress survived his urgency - her pantyhose had become strips of rag on the floor. She reached down to his pants and opened his button with haste, working the zipper clumsily so as to not have to separate from his kiss not even for a second. 

Her back hit the mattress and she promptly opened her legs to accommodate his body. His large hands clutched hers, pinning her down on the bed. His lips fell to her jaw, tracing their way to her neck and collarbone, biting her bra strap, making the elastic snap against her shoulder. She grunted lustfully and he backed away for a second to gaze at her. Her eyes were shut and she bit her lower lip in agony.

“The plane,” it suddenly clicked in his mind, and she opened her eyes to him, “I knew I’d seen you bite your lip like that before.”

She smiled and quickly clutched _his_ lip between her teeth, staring him down teasingly. He scoffed a short laugh and dove into her mouth again, his tongue dancing with hers erotically, sucking each other’s breath out. 

She freed her hands from his grip to feel his broad chest and dig her nails on his back whenever a pressing impulse threatened to take over her. He clutched her waist softly and sucked on her earlobe slowly, sending shivers down her spine. Her need was becoming more and more urgent by the second as he only seemed to be progressively restraining himself more. She could tell that now that they were stripped off their clothes and lay on the bed, he’d become hesitant - his hands were uncharacteristically still on her body. 

“You can touch me,” she whispered in his ear.

He groaned and his fingers tensed around her skin.

“Are you sure?”, he asked, trying to seem contained. 

She paused and cupped his face between her hands, making him look at her.

“No touch from you could ever hurt me,” she murmured, and it felt like something that, on some level, she was saying to herself as well. His love could never harm her. 

And so he kissed her again, slid his strong arms under her and clasped her whole body against his. Her breasts pressed on his chest, threatening to expand out of her bra, shoved up high and begging to be released. As if he’d read her mind, his fingers found the hook on her back and got rid of it in a hurry, urging to feel her completely, with nothing on their way. 

His lips worked their way down to her perky nipples, and she threaded her fingers through his hair as he lifted her up high with his swirling tongue and hot breath. An unsolicited shuddering, airy diminuendo poured out of her mouth as he bit her little button gently, pulling it to him.

He started traveling south and making his way to her belly button, leaving a wet pinkish trace of blows on her skin. A sudden calmness took over him, and he realized he wanted to appreciate and be as tender and loving as that moment deserved after so long.

He began spreading kisses all over her, slowly taking her panties off and adoring and worshipping every square inch of her body; from her stomach to her ankles; from the scars on her legs to the ones on her wrists; from the tip of her fingers to the soft skin of her inner thighs; all the while always whispering “perfect”.

She recognized the reverence in his voice as the same one she felt burning for him inside her; and when the moment finally came that his tongue reached her aching spot, nothing else mattered, and nothing else felt more real than that veneration. 

She pressed her eyelids hardly with the palm of her hands in agony as he started out slowly, gradually building her up. Her moans became more and more uncontainable with time, and they’d assume a high-pitched soundless tone anytime his tongue tried penetrating her. Those simple vague and innocent thrusts would make her see butterflies. And when he clutched her thighs fiercely, opening her legs wider to expose her more and dove his face on her wet folds, she almost lost it. 

He kissed her eagerly and urgently, sucking that sweet spot and leaving her breathless. She was sweating and wiggling underneath him, unable to control herself, and everything inside her obeyed and responded only to the overwhelming instinct to let go and outpour herself in his mouth. 

“Bruce,” she moaned breathlessly, “I-I’m almost there.”

He groaned as his desire for her and to her watch her climax became overbearing, as the catch inside his boxers would make obvious. His tongue began working faster and rougher on her clit, and he decided to add a little more pressure on her body as he plunged two fingers inside her, making her jerk in spasms and cry out in ecstasy. 

Her legs began shaking uncontrollably and she dug her toes on the mattress as furious waves of pleasure washed over her, forcing her back into an arc and having all her muscles tremble and clench in pure euphoria. 

“Oh my god,” she gasped.

Bruce smirked and crawled up back to her, digging his nose on her neck and taking her scent in in a deep breath.

“God, I love seeing you like that,” he chuckled throaty, “I could watch and do this all day.”

“You… are mind-blowingly good at this,” she panted and gulped, “now… let _me_ repay you.”

Selina shoved him to the side and climbed over him on all fours, smiling mischievously. She lowered herself down on him, biting and sucking on his neck teasingly, pulling on his hair and finding just the exact balance between pleasure and pain. Her nails scratched his chest down to his abdomen, proudly stamping his skin with her mark. He shivered under her touch and got harder anytime she pushed the boundaries a bit further. 

She started kissing his broad chest, sucking wherever his skin was pinker and more sensitive, trailing her way down with her tongue, licking him all over. 

“Are you marking your territory down there?”, he murmured and chuckled softly and out of breath.

“Well, I could just set up a flag, but I think that would be redundant,” she said as she slid his boxers out of him and his cock jumped up. She smirked triumphantly, “Besides, cats are territorial creatures.”

“I can tell,” he muttered.

“Can you?”, she purred as she grabbed him and took him inside her mouth.

Bruce rasped a scratchy grunt and gripped the sheets as she began moving rapidly on him. She repeatedly made him reach the back of her throat and removed it almost completely, as her hand worked on his base and balls as she couldn’t fit him entirely. She would swing her head to the side, suck him, roll her tongue around him and make him grit his teeth through the pleasure. It was almost like he’d entered a state of frenzy.

He struggled to breathe, but then again so did she. Her lungs stung from the lack of air but she didn’t care. She couldn’t and wouldn’t stop. She wanted to see him just about to tumble over the edge for her.

And he almost did. It took everything inside him to stop it from happening as he begged her to stop just before he exploded. 

“I wanna be inside you,” he moaned. 

“Your wish is my command,” she smiled. 

Selina sat up on his lap and took his dick in her hand, lifting herself up enough to put him at her entrance and let him sink inside her as she sat down. They both gasped at the feeling; her muscles were still clenched and tense from her orgasm, and she had to force herself to relax to accommodate his big bulge. It only made the sensation more intense, though, as if he was stretching her from the inside out. 

She began moving slow and then gradually speeding up the pace. He clutched her ass and made her moan, then gripped her waist hardly to help her keep up the pace and thrust harder back up against her. She rode him as she pleased and it was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen; her eyes were semi-closed and her mouth had dropped into an O, which she quickly covered with her hand to stop herself from moaning loudly when he jammed rougher inside her.

He flipped her quickly and lay on top of her, then pinned her down by her wrists and continued thrusting. But then he let go of her remembering her bruises, chasing his climax more patiently this time. His fingers went to her swollen lips and he traced them longingly. Out of a sudden, he was being gentle.

Too gentle.

“Bruce, stop holding back,” she lashed out, “I can take it. You’re not gonna hurt me.”

Her voice had lost almost all of its teasing tone; it was only raw and desperate, and the honesty and impatience in it took her aback.

She pulled his face to her and kissed him with such urgency and desire that he forgot everything else. The woman he loved was there, asking him to love her in the intensity his body begged him to, and he’d been stupid enough to try and fight it. 

Giving in, his body took a life of its own, leaving behind any trace of fear or concern and just acting on its most primal need - to bury himself deep and hard inside her until they were both dripping and exhausted. He didn’t hold back anything. Selina took it out on his back, digging her nails as he fucked her to her end and back, making her bang her head on the headboard repeatedly and mercilessly.

Passion couldn’t describe it. It was a visceral, raw, brutal need to fill every space that threatened to separate them. Her touch burned his flesh and she clutched her legs tightly around him as they both moaned jarring in sync. He fucked all her tension away, and the pain she felt was nothing compared to the feeling of completion and utter bliss that surrounded her. How could it feel so natural? How could it be that _good_?

She bit his shoulder to take it out on him a bit of the growing contraction in her abdomen. But the image she faced of their bodies violently merging and slamming together reflected on the glass wall was so intense that she had to look away before it sent her over the edge. She wanted to wait for him and he didn’t seem that far behind.

Under all the layers of carnal lust and desperation, something soft and unexpected sparked inside her; like a flicker of warmth or a flare of deep longing.

“Don’t ever leave me,” she moaned under her breath, having no idea where that had come from. Her voice was so shaky she barely recognized it.

He turned to look at her, a bit startled by her sudden change of tone. Studying her expression, he saw in her eyes that same anguish he’d seen when she urged him to leave Gotham with her over a year before. 

“I’d be crazy to,” he pressed a kiss to her neck.

They continued frenziedly moving and reaching for their so coveted and necessary release.

“Hold me, tight, Selina,” he puffed.

She hugged and pulled his back and head clinging to her and the sound he let out next was so guttural and erotic her pussy throbbed to it. His body was starting to cave in and she could hear it in his voice. But more than that, she could feel it all around. His ripped abdomen was tense, his breathing was heavy, and he was shaking all over as he rested his sweaty forehead on her neck. 

Selina felt her insides clenching as he took her high, so high it felt like her body was slowly entering a pool of pure zest. At that point, she was shamelessly begging to finish. Bruce thrusted a few more times and a long animalistic grunt came out of him as he came undone. She followed him right after, holding him even tighter in need for support as her limbs went numb under him.

“Fuck,” they both muttered together as he let himself down on her. Shortly after he dropped to the side so as to not smash her under his weight. 

“That was…”, she started.

“Yeah…”, he gulped, then called her after a while, “come here.”

Her body was so relaxed she had to really put in an effort to get it to move. Is it possible to be _too_ relaxed? So much that you just completely stop functioning? Apparently, it was. 

The best she managed to pull without being able to move her legs was to sprawl all over his chest. Her dark strands of hair stuck to his sweat and tickled him.

“My legs don’t work,” she whined.

He laughed, “We’ll manage without them.”

“Worth it.”

“Totally,” he replied and tucked her hair behind her ear to see her better, “So… is this what you had in mind before?”

She blushed feeling a bit sheepish, though it’d be impossible to notice with all the general redness and exhaustion showing on her face.

“Nah, my subconscious couldn’t possibly be this creative.”

“Highly doubt it,” he chuckled, then sighed heavily, “I missed you.”

“So much,” she added, kissing his chest softly, “let’s never go this long without it again, okay?”

“You don’t have to tell me,” he smiled.

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

They lay there for a long time, just enjoying each other’s company and catching their breath. Rain began pouring outside and Selina started getting chilly as her body stabilized and she regained some composure. She grabbed them some blankets and slid under them, resting her head on his shoulder and having him wrap his arms around her. He kissed her forehead and she giggled.

“What?”, he asked curiously.

“We really are staying in bed all day today, aren’t we?”

“Do you have a better idea?”

“Not a single one.”

He chuckled, “Alright, then.”

“Just for the record, for next time, now you know I’m not so fragile,” she said smugly.

“Are you kidding me? I always knew you were an indestructible little thing.”

“Come on, in the beginning you were touching me like I was a porcelain doll,” she stood on her elbows to look at him and smirked.

“I just wanted to make sure it’s what you wanted, that’s all.”

“I know, I get it,” she rolled her eyes, but she was being honest, “it did take me a while there to catch up, I don’t know why. But it wasn’t with you, it was with me.”

“You needed some time, period. I get it, no need for you to dwell on it.”

She chuckled humorlessly, “Either you’re impossibly understanding or you must really love me.”

“No, Selina, I absolutely _adore_ you.”

She smiled sheepishly and went for his welcoming lips. Kissing him calmly, sliding her tongue gracefully inside his mouth to explore his, threading her fingers through his hair passionately. He entwined his arms around her waist and pulled her on top of him, knowing no better feeling than having her warm body fitting so perfectly over his. 

His strong arms and big hands were made to embrace her small back, the same way her narrow shoulders were the exact fit for his head to rest on her neck. And nothing else in the world really mattered when she had her long smooth legs wrapped around him. 

As they kissed, she inhaled deeply the inebriating smell of heat, sex, and Bruce. Everything about him intoxicated her, and she soon realized the feeling was mutual. 

She paused and scoffed a disbelieved laugh when she felt how hard he’d suddenly become under her. 

“Already?”, she teased him.

He chuckled airily, pulling her mouth to his again, unwilling to stay an inch apart from her.

“That’s what you do to me. I can’t get enough,” he mumbled husky.

She grinned widely and let him take her for a second round. And a third, and fourth, and as many as they were able to pull. She’d come back to him; he wasn’t sparing her and she loved it.

——— A few weeks later ———

“You’ve got Batman wrapped around your finger, what else do you need?”, he joked.

“That doesn’t count. I’m a cat. Bats are just mice with wings.”

He chuckled, “Alright, what is it?”

She handed him a pamphlet. It read “Extreme Vacations”.

“I think we should do something like this before we move. I’ll even pay,” she said, and he raised his eyebrows, “okay, you pay.”

“Okay… where do you wanna go?”

“Well, there’s this company in Indonesia that organizes travels with like, rock climbing, waterfall rafting, highlining, cliff diving, all things easy-peasy for us. But there’s also this thing called “bush craft skills”; which is apparently a fancy term for the overcharged option of leaving you high and dry in the middle of nowhere to see if you can make it out.”

“Hmm. Sounds tempting. Nothing says romance like wandering lost in the woods starving then dying together of mosquito bites.”

“Come on. You’re no longer the Bat, so you gotta redirect all that energy and not waste all those years of training by putting them into something productive. Like taking your girlfriend to have a near-death experience.”

“Haven’t we had enough of those?”

She sat on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, demanding his full attention.

“You don’t fool me, Mr. Wayne. I know you’re dying to have another one.”

“Pun intended?”, he smiled, then sighed defeatedly, “Alright... When do we leave?”

“Two days,” she replied and jumped off of his lap excitedly. He eyed her confused as she smirked at him, “I knew I could convince you, so I’d already arranged everything.”

“Of course you had.”

It had been a few days since Bruce and Selina had officially decided to take a break from their retreat and self-isolation and try to rejoin society, now that they didn’t have to hide Bruce’s “aliveness” anymore. The idea to move to Paris had come from her, after Jacqueline Dupont contacted her shortly after they arrived home, asking her if she was still willing to work some jobs for them after everything. 

She’d been hesitant at first, but then realized there was no point in doing so. If there was any way to keep at least part of the Cat in her life, that was it. She’d never return to the illegality of it all - nor did she wish to -, but this way she felt like at least she wasn’t leading an all-legitimate life. The anti-hero title suited her better than the other two extremes.

Moving to Paris meant she was closer to the main office and to most of the cases; which meant less time spent on traveling and, consequently, less time away from Bruce. He was reluctant to the idea of moving at first, mainly because Paris had a different meaning to them than it did to most people. It was where they had spent the most terrifying and stressful days of their lives. But Selina had an answer for that on the tip of her tongue.

“I can’t keep running from the past, Bruce,” she’d argued. 

“You don’t have to run towards it either.”

“I’m not. I’m just letting it go.”

After that, and after he made sure she’d meant it when she said she was well enough to go through with it, he compromised. He only wanted the best for her, and if moving to France was what she wanted, he saw no reason why they shouldn’t do it. 

She was great, overall. There were a few bad days, when she’d feel more victim than survivor, but Bruce was always there to carry her through them. She’d also recently started taking medication for PTSD after Alfred insisted she tried seeing a government accredited psychiatrist. The doctor called and explained he was familiarized with her unusual situation, as he was the one who usually dealt with those kinds of secretive patients with out-of-the-ordinary life experiences. She only did it though to please Alfred and Bruce, but ended up following his protocol, because she didn’t see how it could do any harm anyway.

Bruce began actively participating and working with the Wayne Foundation from afar. It was the way he’d found to keep an eye on his parents’ company without meddling into the business and irritating the board. Besides, it was also a way to take care of their legacy and make sure the charities were being well-handled and funded. It also gave him a chance to see Alfred more often, as he’d need to fly to Gotham once in a while. 

The morning before they left to Indonesia, Selina woke up early, even though they’d had a pretty busy night. The ropes tangled loosely around the bedposts were there to prove it. Their bags were packed and ready to go on the corner of the room, and Paula would soon arrive to prepare them a breakfast of champions because of the long flight. Bruce groaned into his pillow as he noticed her first movements on the bed, indicating she was getting up.

“I can’t believe you’re running this early after the night we had,” he whined, his voice muffled by the mattress, “and also just before heading for more of that halfway across the world.”

“I just like to begin my day like this, that’s all,” she mumbled as she began getting into her workout clothes.

“I know,” he moaned.

He did. And he was counting on it. 

As soon as she left the house, he became nervous. His stomach dropped and he started getting jittery, so he went for a quick shower to try to relax. If things didn’t work out, then the 20-hour flight would feel even longer, and it’d start getting really awkward really fast. 

By the time he got ready and was heading towards the beach, though, he’d become calmer. It was just another morning, just like any other they’d spent together in that routine over the last year, he convinced himself. 

He’d grown used to a normal life surprisingly easily. Over the last decade, and even more, he never once imagined he’d ever get a chance, or even come close to having an ordinary, blissful life, let alone beside someone he loved.

Gotham no longer needed the Batman, and neither did he. Since longer than he’d thought, Bruce hadn’t needed him. _Other_ people did. What he actually needed was hope. Hope that someone could take on what he’d started. Hope that he could live fully and peacefully with that part of him forever silenced and dormant. Hope that he could find someone who accepted and understood it regardless. 

And then, against all odds, he found more than that. Because Selina knew him wholly, completely. She loved and accepted both parts of him, and even more so, related to them on a deep personal level. They had both had difficult starts in life, and they had both chosen even more burdensome and grueling paths to follow. They’d both committed mistakes, suffered immeasurable losses, taken more hits than anyone would care to keep count, and they both came out the other way, because now they had found each other.

They were both stubborn, strong-minded individuals who would’ve never seen it coming for them. But something happened when they came together. They connected and let each other in, and that single act had tied them together into an inviolable bond. 

And so when she entered his field of vision, running towards him in her tiny shorts and his old baggy Princeton hoodie, he’d never been so sure of anything else before in his life. 

———

Selina had cut her morning run short that day, because they still had much to do and prepare. Bruce awaited her by the beach like he’d usually do, but the simple sight of him could still awaken some jiggling butterflies on her stomach. 

She chuckled to herself, feeling a bit pathetic.

He got up on his feet as he hadn’t brought her her usual snack - since Paula was already doing it for them that day - and she only stopped running after she smashed against him, kissing his cheek. 

“Hey,” she said gleefully. 

“Hey back,” he replied, “how was your run?”

“Uneventful… shall we see if breakfast is ready?”, she asked, beginning to walk away.

He grabbed her arm, “No, I… I gave Paula the day off. I’ll make us breakfast in a sec.”

She looked at him disoriented, “Okay… what’s up then?”

“I need to talk to you.”

Her smile dimmed down a bit, but she managed to keep it, though a bit tensed. 

“Oh-oh. Are you breaking up with me? Cause that would be a really sucky thing to do after last night,” she joked.

“No,” he chuckled, seeming a bit nervous, “I’m not breaking up with you.”

“So…?”, she asked, but he kept quiet, avoiding her inquisitive look and turning to the ocean, “Okay, if you don’t start talking you’re really gonna start freaking me out here.”

Bruce took a deep breath.

“You once told me that our first kiss here on this beach was the first time you felt like you could hope again. Like you could finally feel something… or like for a second there you’d let me in somehow*,” he began talking, then turned to look at her confused expression. “That’s what every second with you feels like to me.”

“I feel like my whole life I shut down from any kind of commitment, because no one could fully understand and accept me - hell, _I_ didn’t accept me. Until you showed up,” Bruce said and grabbed her hand. 

She had no idea what was going on, but her heart was suddenly pounding so loud and strong in her chest it was almost painful. His other hand reached for his pocket; and he got down on one knee.

“Bruce,” she said in a shaky, guarded tone, but the little velvet box was already out and popped open before she could pull another warning shot.

“Selina… when I was a kid, I wanted to conquer fear. I would hold my hand over a lit candle and I would try to resist the urge to pull it away. If I knew what the pain felt like, I would know what to expect and I wouldn’t have to fear it… I thought I’d conquered it, until I fell in love with you.”

“Now I realize that I barely knew you then. But it still didn’t matter, because you sparked a light in me from the moment I first saw you, and when I fell for you I got scared again. Then there were the first few months with you, when I was scared because it felt like you were constantly a flight risk. And then there was the worst fear, when I spent days thinking I’d lost you forever. And then every day after that, knowing it could’ve happened. Now I won’t have a day in my life where I’m not scared, and I’m okay with that.”

“Because now I know I can be more than that boy with the candle. I can be the man who chooses to have you and love you in spite of the fear and the pain. I can be the man who loves you, and will always try to love you better. You are the only one who knows me and understands who I am, so you’ll believe me when I promise you this; I promise to be by your side every step of the way; to stand with you through the best and the worst; to always be there to catch you when you fall; to love you through every obstacle, hurt, and fight, and to always love you a bit more than the last day.”

“Selina Kyle… you are the one thing I’ve been missing my whole life and never even knew. Will you do me the extraordinary honor of marrying me?”

Selina blinked away the tears she hadn’t noticed were there, but they couldn’t seem to stop coming. Her hands were shaking and her knees had turned into jelly. Finally, her tensely compressed lips parted and broke into the happiest grin as the teardrops streamed down her cheeks. 

In an instant, she had him back against the yielding sand, hugging him impossibly tightly and kissing the air out of him as the wetness on her face transferred to his. He tasted her salty tears and smiled widely, having never felt such intense joy and overwhelming peace. 

She parted from him and dropped to the side giggling, diving her hair in the sand and not giving a care in the world. 

“Oh, you poor rich boy. You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.”

Bruce grinned, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

He sat up and pulled her up with him. He took the ring from the small cushioned box and placed it gently on her finger. The platinum band had tiny little pearls surrounding the biggest princess cut diamond she’d ever seen — and she’d seen plenty. She stared at it, stunned and dumbfounded. It shouldn’t have come as a shock, but Bruce had really gone above and beyond. 

“Bruce… Jesus Christ,” she muttered.

“You’re the expert… what do you think?”, he asked, genuinely concerned.

She looked up at him in disbelief, “I wouldn’t have pawned this for the world.”

He smiled more relaxed and she kissed him once more, unable to stop herself.

“But honestly, you’ve just made me so happy, I wouldn’t have cared if it was made of candy,” she said, and he laughed as she turned to study her ring again, mesmerized, “when did you _get_ this?”

Bruce stuttered, a bit unsure if answering that question would be for the best, “Uh, you know… it was… well… it was on your birthday.”

“What? But that was like ages ag… _Oh_.”

“Yeah…”

“Wha… how… _why_?”, she asked, perplexed. 

“Honestly, it was on the spur of the moment. I stumbled upon it just as I was heading to the restaurant to meet you. I saw it and I just knew I’d need it one day. I hadn’t even thought further than that…”, he spoke and she paid attention, gazing at him, “not until… that day in Gotham that you took us to the Batpod and then there was that fire. Later that night we were in bed and going through your old stuff, and it just clicked, like an epiphany. It was just this big elephant in the room of my mind that I didn’t see until it was staring down at me.”

“Alfred had been bugging me about it all year, but I’d always brush it aside or tell him to cut it out cause I never thought it was the right time. When we met in Florence, the first thing he asked me as soon as you left the room was how I was proposing. I’d never even told him I had a ring! - but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, the man raised me, he knows me.”

“Then I almost did it the other day, when we were on the Batcave. It wasn’t exactly planned, but for some reason I’d brought the ring with me. But I froze,” he chuckled, remembering the moment, “I guess it was for the best. That place doesn’t represent my life anymore - or at least, not the one we share. It needed to be in a place of our own. And I knew you’d hate something big and fussy, so…”, he opened his arms, as if showing her the beach.

Selina stared at him with a stupid shocked smile on her face.

“I have so many questions,” she shook her head. 

“Well, lucky for you we’ve got our whole lives,” Bruce mumbled, hugging her from behind and pulling her to settle her down between his legs.

“We’re engaged,” she said in incredulity. “ _Engaged_ … like, to be _married_.”

His laughter came out muffled in her hair, “That’s usually the point, yes.”

She slapped his arm that was around her playfully, “Don’t condescend, Wayne. Apparently you’ve had a year to process this as I’m just now hearing about it.”

“I thought cats were supposed to be quick on their feet,” he teased.

“Wow, I can’t wait for a whole lifetime of cheap comebacks,” she joked ironically.

Bruce pulled her head back and kissed her softly, “I can’t wait either.”

Her sarcastic mask fell off and she smiled.

“I love you, Bat.”

“I love you too, Cat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *See Chapter 16
> 
> Selina's birthday was chapter 8 if anyone's feeling a bit lost lol :)
> 
> PS: I was asked in the comments section if I had any ring in mind for the proposal. I actually did not, but I pictured something like this: https://www.tiffany.com/engagement/engagement-rings/tiffany-soleste-princess-cut-halo-engagement-ring-with-a-diamond-platinum-band-GRP10889/ only with tiny seed pearls around instead of the usual diamonds (to match with her pearl necklace lol).


	24. EPILOGUE: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: EXPLICIT CONTENT [+18]
> 
> NOTES: So, I decided to break the epilogue into two parts because I got inspired and it became huge lol.

——— **1 year later** ———

“Bride. I’m a _bride_. I’m _someone’s_ bride.”

No matter how many times Selina said it out loud, it still didn’t feel real. 

“Yes, I heard you the first fifty times,” Jen rolled her eyes as she fought to rip the tags off her dress.

“How are you not freaking out about this?”

“Well, for starters, I _was_ when you first told me. Then I had to hear you keep repeating the word _bride_ like a moron for the last two days, and I kinda got over it. Also, I’m not the one getting married, so I figured what’s the point.”

“Thanks.”

“What she _meant_ is we’re really happy for you and even more so that you invited us!”, Pam stormed in the room, trying to justify her girlfriend’s attitude.

“That’s not what I meant,” Jen murmured.

“My little sister is getting married!”, Pam exclaimed excitedly, hugging Selina from behind as she did her makeup in front of the mirror.

Selina held her arms and smiled at her through the reflection. 

“Tell me again how you two are still together?”, Selina joked.

“Well, she’s too grumpy and I’m too peppy. We even each other out,” Pam said and let go of her, starting to prep her own makeup.

“You’re one to talk,” Jen commented.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, have you seen your fiancé? He’s too… _happy_ for you.” Selina scoffed a laugh and Jen sighed and continued sarcastically, “Okay, okay, I get it, you're a _laugher_ now, you’re not _dark_ anymore.”

“No, that’s not it,” Selina chuckled, “it’s just the first time anyone’s ever called Bruce Wayne ‘too happy’.”

“I mean, when we first met he was a little uptight,” Pam reasoned, “but he did look jolly these last days.”

“He did, didn’t he?”, Selina muttered, smiling to herself.

“We’ve got a _blushing_ bride,” Pam teased. 

“You two are really making me regret inviting you to stay in the room with me.”

“It would’ve been selfish to have this gigantic bridal suite only to yourself,” Jen said.

“And when have you known me to be selfless?”, Selina raised her eyebrows. 

“Good point. Though this bad girl case’s not really cutting it these days.”

Before Selina could answer, there was a knock on the door. It was so “orderly” and polite that she never even had to guess twice.

“Come on in, Alfred,” she exclaimed.

The door opened and Alfred and Leslie Thompkins stepped forward, checking around the room if everybody was decent first before walking in.

“How are you this evening, Miss?”

At that point, Selina had already given up on asking him to call her by her name.

“All good. Honestly, I just wanna get this over with.”

“That’s the spirit,” Jen said distractedly as she went through her bags. Selina ignored her.

“Yes, well, I understand the urge to fast forward this part. But unfortunately, it’s necessary,” Alfred said. 

“Still, you look lovely, Selina,” the woman holding onto Alfred’s arm said.

“Thank you, Leslie, so do you. How was your trip?”

“It was fine, overall. I don’t do well with planes, though.”

“I’m sorry to hear that…”, Selina paused, unsure if she should ask again, but unable to stop herself, “I think I already know the answer, but any last minute news?”

“No, Selina. I’m sorry. Even with Bruce’s contacts, it’s really difficult to get a permit like that. I’m sure you can understand why it’s so complex to fly a guardianless child abroad like that.”

“Yeah… I get it. Thank you for trying anyway, Leslie.”

“Of course,” she answered and glanced at Alfred, “I’ll give you two some privacy.”

Pamela and Holly looked at them and quickly got the memo, excusing themselves to the adjoining room and closing the door. Selina sat down at the dressing table and started putting on her jewelry as Alfred sat down on the bed behind her.

“Don’t tell me he’s getting cold feet now,” Selina joked.

Alfred chuckled softly, “Far from it. But much like you, he’s not too excited about this particular part.”

Selina sighed, “Remind me again why we had to invite all these people.”

“Oh, you know, Miss. Regrettably, the board feels they need to keep some tabs on Master Bruce’s life. With him working directly there or not, he is the face of the company. Them seeing him get married and lead a healthy, low-profile life will be good for you two in the future. Hopefully, then, they’ll leave you alone. Besides, it is only the rehearsal dinner, it will end early in the evening and they’ll be gone by morning.”

“Okay,” she sighed, “I _think_ I can manage one dinner without killing anyone.”

“Yes, well, here’s to hoping that you do.”

“Besides the horror movie that awaits me in the ballroom, is there anything else I should be worried about?”, she asked, suspicious as to why Alfred had paid her a visit only to act so vague. It wasn’t like him to be so evasive. 

“Absolutely not, Miss,” he said, then seemed to think twice about it, “but perhaps I do.”

Selina turned on the ottoman to face him directly, a concerned look taking over her face. 

“I come bearing gifts,” he finally announced, then grabbed a small box from his pocket and handed it to her. “Though, before you open it, Miss, please hear what I have to say.”

“Last year, when Master Wayne asked me to track down your siblings, I found many possible matches. I contacted a few before I was certain of who they were,” he began. Selina gulped and kept waiting patiently for him to continue. “When he told me you didn’t wish to reach out them, I took it upon myself to do so again so I could explain. I told them you hadn’t always had an easy life, and that although you didn’t know I had already talked to them, you were a bit reluctant to attempt at any communication. I told them I thought perhaps you were scared to find out they’ve also had it rough. They respected it.”

“Your sister reached out to me again a couple months ago, though, when news came out about Master Bruce’s engagement. She recognized you in a picture, and I didn’t see any other way but to confirm that it was you. I told her I thought it might be a lot to you if they showed up here on your wedding day, so they sent this. Well, your sister did. Your brother sent a muffin baking machine, which was something you apparently liked growing up.”

Selina’s stomach dropped, and suddenly the little box in her hand weighed a hundred pounds. She choked back the urge to throw it out the window and pretend she’d never seen it. 

“I apologize for my intrusion in your matters, Miss. I wouldn’t have given it to you or commented anything about it hadn’t I promised her I’d deliver this before the ceremony.”

Selina felt a bit irritated, but she knew it wasn’t towards Alfred. It was because of the whole situation, on top of the already stressful evening that awaited her. 

“It’s alright, Alfred. I’ve heard families have the habit of meddling,” she joked faintly. 

“I will leave you to it, then,” he stood up, “unless… do you wish me to stay?”

“I’ll be fine. I think it’s best to do this alone.”

“Alright. If you need anything…”

“I’ll let you know.”

As soon as Alfred left the room, she carefully opened the little lilac wooden box. 

At first, she didn’t get it, but then she read the note and it all made sense.

Bruce’s mother’s pearls were her something old. She had a new set of earrings to pair up with them. Her bridal garter belt had small blue amethysts embroidered. And a simple single hairpin lay on the cushion under the note that read “ _Dear_ _Selina, This is the one thing I have from Maria. Congratulations on your wedding day! Love, your sister Maggie. PS: I’m gonna need this back_.” 

Selina never cared much for traditions, specially ones carrying superstitious meanings. She hadn’t thought any of it through, and Pam was the one who insisted she added the blue stones “just in case”. But now that she had her something borrowed, everything suddenly became very real. 

Her eyes blinked back tears as she tried wiping them before they ruined her makeup. Her chest clenched painfully and her mouth became dry. The feeling she’d brushed aside and forced herself to ignore all those years had stormed in like a tidal wave — she missed them terribly, even though the last image she had was of them as little kids. And despite the fact that she didn’t actually _know_ them anymore. She suddenly became nervous about Maggie’s note. It had been carefully thought out so they’d have to get in touch at some point. 

But her reaction was mostly positive. The sadness and apprehension were compensated by the thought of her siblings, somewhere in the world, thinking about her the next day. She’d be thinking about them too.

Selina sniffed once more and forced herself to regain her composure, clearing out from her face any signs that she might’ve cried. Then she stood up and stared at herself in the mirror. Her dress* was longer on the back and shorter on the front, and only the bottom inside out was white. The blackness in it wasn’t the most usual pick for a bride to wear at her rehearsal dinner, but then again, what part of Selina Kyle screamed conventional? 

Also, that way the Cat would partly accompany her through the evening and help her survive it. So she’d also chosen it because it was just the right amount of light provocation against the conservative board members. She almost felt gleeful imagining the old ladies whispering in shock on the corners, knowing their discomfort would be entertaining enough to get her through the night.

Well, that, and the strong arms of the man who had just knocked on her door, making her smile. She could recognize the contained strength he had put into it as to not bust the door. Before she could open it, though, she checked the adjoining room for her friends, but they’d apparently already left for the reception. _Traitors_ , she thought, then sighed and opened the door.

“Hey, handsome. Are you lost?”, she smirked.

“Selina. You look... stunning,” Bruce muttered, gazing at her like he’d just won the lottery and she was the prize.

“Keep saying stuff like that and you might just get lucky tonight,” she kissed his cheek and grabbed his arm, “Shall we?”

The venue they had picked was a classic medieval chateau in the countryside built during the French renaissance, and it contained about 20 bedrooms for the guests to stay in. A good number, enough to keep only the wanted guests around. The wedding ceremony either way would be limited to only the closest ones.

Contrary to what they were about to walk into. As soon as the doors to the ballroom opened on them, camera flashes attacked their eyes from all sides. People from all over came to greet them and congratulate them. They put on their best act trying to sound flattered and delighted by their presence. Although Selina had to really make an effort not to roll her eyes anytime the ass-kissing became too much. 

However, her looks indeed had caused some reaction on parts of the crowd, for her amusement, and she could see some of the older guests baffled by her “audacity”.

She located her friends on the far corner of the room, stuffing themselves with finger food and laughing mockingly at her visible boredom listening to this old man talking about the stock market. At least her and Bruce had years of practice entertaining those kinds of people.

But Bruce did have some friends amongst the crowd of bootlickers, mostly from college and his phases of being a party playboy. All of them seemed to be appalled to be attending his wedding, still seeing through the lenses of their college years, when Bruce was probably the least likely to settle down. In a way, he still was. But it all made sense to them when he’d introduce them to Selina. Few jaws remained undropped amongst them.

At some point, Bruce had left her fending for herself for a while to greet an old pal, Thomas Elliot, who also spared no effort to compliment him on his fiancée. 

“She sounds great, man. But, you know… Bruce Wayne is going suburban. Never thought I’d live to see this day.”

“Yeah, well… people change. Besides, there’s nothing suburban about her, trust me.”

“I can see the appeal, though,” Elliot said, glancing over at Selina, “I’d choose to change too. What’s that like?”

Bruce followed his eye. He could see she had a convincing fake smile on while talking to an old couple. She had her arms crossed and played with his mother’s pearls absentmindedly. Her finger shone with the big rock attached to it. He smiled.

“Have you ever walked into a museum, and like, this one piece calls out to you and then it’s all you can see? That’s what it feels like. Just this one painting that makes all around look dull.”

She caught his eye and gave him a crooked genuine smile, then excused herself, walking over to him. Thomas mumbled something about needing to go somewhere but Bruce had already stopped paying attention to him. She tangled her arm in his and started leading him to a corner as she kept smiling and facing forward to everyone.

“You leave me alone with these people again and I swear I’m going to rob everyone blind,” she said through her teeth as she waved politely at someone else. He laughed.

Shortly after the evening was over, her friends kidnapped her, as some of Bruce’s closest acquaintances did to him. All very well planned, apparently, because it happened during the only second of the night they were separated. Pamela and Holly took her to a barn outside, where they’d gathered some of the most expensive wine bottles and lots of bonbons and sugarplums. Bruce’s friends led him to a study room for whiskey and cigars. 

Selina enjoyed it far better than he did, though it was probably just her finally being able to let go and be surrounded only by people she actually tolerated. However, as soon as her friends got drunk enough to stop hovering her — being seemingly too interested in each other’s tonsils —, she sneaked out to knock on Bruce’s door.

“Alfred, I told you I don’t need… Selina,” he said surprised.

“You don’t need me?”, she pouted, “But I come bearing gifts…”

She slipped in as he kept staring at her confused. 

“I thought we weren’t supposed to see each other until the wedding.”

“It’s not midnight yet. Besides, when have you known me to play by the rules?”, she smirked as she pulled down her zipper and her dress fell off completely.

Bruce widened his eyes astonished and quickly shut the door behind him before anyone could see her. Her garter belt had her whip attached to it on one side, and cuffs on the other. He grinned.

That would probably be the best wedding gift he’d get. They were both overwhelmingly excited and it showed. Bruce couldn’t stop smiling. The next day, that woman, who was driving him crazy doing things to him he’d never even imagined possible, would be his forever. 

She’d tied him up and begun teasing him. He’d beg to touch her and she’d laugh in pure joy, never missing her usual mischievous tone. The sound would only make him smile wider. She’d touch herself instead, eyeing him teasingly knowing how tortured he felt knowing he couldn’t do the same. 

Then she kept him at it for quite a while, making him edge repeatedly and then pulling back. She kissed every square inch of him and enjoyed watching his reactions, which left her uncomfortably worked up as well. But she wanted that night to be only for him — her soon-to-be _husband._ To express physically her love for him and appreciation for everything he meant to her. To try to give back at least an inch of the happiness he’d brought into her life.

But Bruce wasn’t one to feel satisfied until she did, and he’d never leave her to go back to her room high and dry after she’d taken him to heaven and back. Before she could let him go, he begged her to at least let him finish her, and when she exhaled heavily he knew he had her. She carried out his plea when he asked her to come close and sit on his face, and she saw butterflies as he took her higher than ever. By the time she came undone gripping his hair, they both felt amazingly and utterly complete. She only took time to chuckle and catch her breath before she stood up and started putting her clothes back on.

“I’ll see you at the altar,” she smiled as she finished untying him. 

She kissed him quickly and scampered out of the room, shoes in hand, and he was left chuckling, still a bit short of breath. He couldn’t wait for their life together.

The ceremony took place in a very small chapel on the grounds of the chateau at sundown. It wasn’t exactly what they or anyone else would figure to be like them. Perhaps it was the amount of flowery bindweeds on the stone walls, or the fact that it was too sweetly romantic and fairytale-like — the opposite of their lives. So they probably wouldn’t have had it done there if it wasn’t for its meaning to Bruce — they’d discovered that his parents had once renewed their vows there during a weekend trip to Paris. As for Selina, she’d never wanted and would honestly dread having a big fancy wedding anyway, so as long as he was happy, she was happy.

They made it simple. Pam did Selina’s makeup basic and her hair loose and a little wavy, only tied back enough to hold her veil. Nothing too much. She wanted something more natural after the previous night’s fussy celebration. Her dress* was nothing tackily extravagant, but it was florid in its own way, having delicate intricate embroideries covering the semi-illusion mermaid gown. The tail emerged from the back and terminated on the ground, forming a halo around her. She carried a bouquet of catnip, having the lilac flowers popping up and out of the green in a graceful contrast.

Selina walked down the aisle to the happiest Bruce she’d ever met. In his own way, which only a few people in the world would be able to spot the difference. He wasn’t smiling widely or shedding tears like one would picture a happy groom. Instead, his lips were contained, only lightly upturned, and for the rest of the ceremony his shining eyes ignored everything else that wasn’t her, just the way she did with him.

Alfred officiated it. They chose to do the conventional vows and keep their own personal ones only to each other. They said their “I do's”. They kissed softly, but as if no one else was watching. They were applauded by the guests. They laughed together. And as they walked away from the altar, hand in hand, they both thought of their families. Bruce imagined his parents getting married and leaving that chapel just like he did. Selina imagined her mom watching her from the benches, and then her siblings, thinking of her in that moment somewhere across the world. 

And then they looked at each other, and appreciated the fact that from that day on, _they_ were both each other’s family.

  
  


——— **A year later** ———

  
  


Selina climbed up the wall as easily as very few could, yet in heels. She grabbed the balcony handrail and quickly pulled herself up, then picked the lock on the glass door in a second with no difficulty.

Though the sun was almost about to rise, the room inside was dark and silent, but she had no problem moving around in it. She stopped by the foot of the bed and looked at the man sleeping peacefully in it, wearing only white boxers and laying on his stomach, making the scars on his back much more apparent under the dim moonlight. 

“I installed all new security,” he mumbled, the sound muffled by the pillow, “so you know how many alarms should’ve been going off right now?”

“All of them.”

“Come here,” he muttered drowsily, lifting up the blanket for her to slip in.

“Give me a sec. I have to wash the blood off my hands.”

That had seemed to grab his attention, and his voice came out way less sleepy, “Yours or someone else’s?”

“Both,” she answered from the bathroom as she scrubbed her fingers with soap. She came out and got off her catsuit, grabbing a bathrobe to lie down next to him. “I punched this guy on his jaw, and he kinda accidentally bit me. Well, his _teeth_ hit my hand pretty harshly, but that was it.”

Bruce held her against him and she lay on his chest. He grabbed her recently injured hand and kissed the small new bruises on it, then the top of her head.

“I missed you,” he whispered.

“I was only out for two days.”

“I missed you.”

She smiled and cozied up on his warm body, “I missed you, too.”

“Get some sleep now,” he told her sweetly.

“You sleep. I’m sorry I woke you up. I have to be up in no time.”

“You gotta be exhausted, Selina, can’t you do this another time?”

“I’ve postponed it enough. And I have to have a doctor’s appointment first. I told you.”

“I know…”, he mumbled, seeming a bit frustrated. 

The tone in his voice made her stand on her elbows to look at him.

“Bruce. I know you. Is there something bothering you? Something you wanna tell me?”

“No,” he muttered, but then sighed. She could see right through him. “Yes… can we talk about this?”

“About what?”

“About you… the appointment… replacing it.”

She got confused, wondering why would that silly thing even be in his mind, and her expression showed.

“Okay… what do you mean?”

“Why don’t you… _not_?”

She furrowed her brow, “I mean, it’s expired, but I guess I could still live for a few years with it before it killed me,” she said ironically.

He puffed, “That’s not what I meant.”

It took her a second, but her heart instantly skipped a beat when she got his point, and not in a good way. She suddenly felt an anxiety nausea and her eyes slightly widened in shock.

“Bruce, I…”

When she was younger she’d go on the pill and use the condom, for obvious reasons. Then when she started dating Ted, she had the IUD implanted so they wouldn’t have to. With Eiko, she didn’t need to worry about these things, but she kept it anyway, because it wasn’t as if she took the relationship seriously enough to not “slip” once in a while. 

Time had come for her to see a doctor to remove the IUD and replace it with another one. It was just a routine thing, so she’d never thought to bring it to the table. 

“I can’t,” she choked out.

Bruce tucked her hair behind her ear, “Why not?”

“I-I just can’t.”

“Look, I know we’ve never talked about this. I think we both never felt the need to, or even considered it, given the circumstances and how our lives usually play out. But now… I just have so much I never thought I’d ever get in this life. _You_ gave me all that. I guess recently I’ve started seeing more possibilities. For me, for the future… for us.”

Selina gulped, “Bruce… I… I’m not cut out for this. This isn’t something that’s ever even crossed my mind.”

Bruce raised his eyebrows skeptically, “You and I both know that’s not true.”

She sighed, “Okay, maybe. But that’s different. He’s here already. It’s not like I’m… like we’d… it’s a bad idea either way.”

“Just think about it.”

“I can’t… Bruce, I’ve been a screw-up, a _crook_ , most of my life. I’ve been more bad than good. I’m not naturally selfless. I’ve chased vengeance, and payback, and I’ve spent most of my life forcefully snatching and grabbing what had been denied me. I have the worst parenting examples possible. I barely rise above my own baggage, I can’t expect someone else to have to. I’m not a _mother_ … I’m a thief.”

Bruce sighed, “I just wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You’d see how amazing you’d be at it, in spite of _and_ because of all the things you just said,” he stroked her cheek softly, “I’m not asking you for anything. I’m only… can you at least think about it? For me. Please. Just… just _think_ about it.”

“I…”, Selina stuttered. Her mind screamed a thousand times no, but she always found it extremely difficult to deny him when he asked her for anything like that. “I can… I will,” she said, though she already knew what would be her answer at the end of said thinking. 

“Thank you,” he said, also knowing she’d said it only to please him, and not to actually consider it. But he hoped it could at least plant even if the smallest seed of doubt in her mind.

“I’ll just text Dr. Thibault’s secretary, then,” she said, sitting up and grabbing her phone from the bedside table. Bruce widened his eyes. “Relax, I’m just rescheduling it, I have to go either way. You just kinda threw me off the edge here right now,” she said, putting one hand on her chest and laying on her back. 

Her breathing was a bit accelerated and she swallowed dry. Bruce immediately felt bad. She hadn’t had not even the smallest panic attack in a long time, but it seemed like he’d just triggered one. His hand reached for hers and he felt her heart racing under it, and the guilt washed over him. He pulled her to him and hugged her cold body against his, resting his head on hers. 

“I’m sorry, my love. I’m sorry. I never wanted to cause you any distress. I didn’t mean to pressure you into anything, I swear, I was just…”

“I know. It’s alright,” she said, but her voice was a bit shaky and weak.

He kissed her forehead and rocked her lightly in his arms, “Get some sleep. You’ve been working for two days straight. I’ll be here with you.”

———

A week later, Selina stormed into the garage, where Bruce was focused fixing something underneath her car. 

“I’ve thought about it. Bruce… I’m so sorry, but I can’t give you this. And honestly, I wish I could.”

He slid out from under the car and stood up. “What do you mean?”

“Aren’t you _scared_? Beyond the fear of screwing up the kid, aren’t you terrified? I mean, will we ever be truly _safe_? Is it fair bringing a child into all of this? I don’t know… the point is I’d be a terrible mother anyway. I’m not a caretaker. I took a bullet for my father, whom I hated, just so I wouldn’t be put in that position. And look how brilliantly that turned out for everyone.”

Despite the things she’d said, Bruce smiled a bit. The way she’d walked in and how she talked about it so intensely made him realize she’d actually come to consider it.

“Of course I’m scared. But we’re Batman and Catwoman, who else would be better to protect them? And regarding what you said about your siblings… You were a kid, Selina, you were never _supposed_ to be put in that position. Besides, Aiden and Maggie turned out incredibly fine because _you_ took care of them. And then you let them go so they’d have a chance of a better life and a new family of their own, even if it meant you’d be alone, how is that not motherly of you?”

“I… it doesn’t matter. I’d suck at it. I can’t do it, and I don’t want to,” she said harshly, and Bruce’s face crumbled a bit. She shook her head, having immediately regretted her tone, and grabbed his face, speaking softer, “I… I’m sorry, Bruce. I know that’s not what you wanted to hear. I wish I could give you everything you want, cause you deserve it, and cause you make me so unbearably happy, in a way I never thought I could be. And it kills me to have to deny you this, but…”

“But you have to,” he finished her sentence, then sighed. His voice was sad, but calm. He grabbed her neck and pulled her to his chest, kissing the top of her head. “It’s alright. I’m not thrilled about it, but I’ll get over it. You’re all I need; as long as I have you I can deal with everything else. So if you don’t want it, I’m okay with that.”

She hugged him tighter, feeling even worse than before. She’d never deserve how understanding and loving he was towards her.

“Although… now I’m not sure what I’m going to do with this,” he said, letting go of her and heading to the corner of the room. He picked up a cardboard box from the floor and showed her the content. 

At first she looked at him confused, but then she noticed the little thing inside it. Over the layers of towels and flannel cloths, rested a tiny black kitten, sleeping wrapped up in the prettiest red bow. 

“Bruce! Oh my god, what is this?”, she exclaimed, picking it up and pressing the furry thing to her face.

“I thought you'd be familiar with it. It’s a cat,” he smirked.

“This is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen! Where did you find him… her…?”

“Her name is Iris. At the local adoption fair. I thought, you know, you wouldn’t be so freaked out if you realized you could… if you had… doesn’t matter, she’s yours now anyway if you want her.”

Selina looked at him sadly and he smiled at her comfortingly, as if to reassure her he was fine. Little Iris meowed demanding Selina’s attention back, and her heart melted.

“Of course I want her. How could I not?”, she babytalked to the purring ball of fur in her arms, “You’re the fluffiest little thing on the planet.”

“You mean after me,” Bruce joked.

“Yes, after your da…”, Selina halted awkwardly and avoided his look. She put Iris back in the box for a second and grabbed his hands. “Thank you. This was the sweetest thing… I-I love you. I wish I could...”, her voice faltered, screeching at the end, so she stopped talking and covered her face as soon as she felt tears forming in her eyes.

“Shhh, come on,” he hugged her for a while as she cried, but then gripped her arms and pushed her back gently to look at her, “Selina, listen to me. My life is amazing. I have _so much_ joy. I have the most beautiful, incredible wife. I have Alfred. I have everything I’ve ever wanted. I have a whole future with you. I even have little Iris now,” he smiled lightly, “I don’t need anything else.” 

“Promise?”, she sniffed.

“Promise.”

  
  


——— A month later ———

  
  


Bruce heard the tires screeching on the garage tile and chuckled a bit. Selina was a damn good fast driver, so much that an unsuspecting spectator might think she was being chased down or racing to a life or death situation, when in reality she’d be just going grocery shopping. 

Iris meowed weeping at the front door, and shortly after, Selina walked in through it. 

“Hey,” Bruce put his laptop down, “how are you feeling?”

“Alright,” she replied as she hung her coat by the door and began walking to where he was.

“Really? The doctor said you might be in pain for a while…”

“I’m fine,” she sat down next to him on the leather couch and Iris jumped straight to her lap. She reached over to pet her little shadow and the kitty purred noisily. “I… I didn’t do it.”

Bruce turned to face her more directly. He was a bit startled, but tried to keep his reactions at a minimum, though she could see right through it. 

“What? Why?”, he asked.

She sighed, “I don’t know… they removed it, and just as they were about to put in the new one I called it off… I-I’m going on the pill. I haven’t changed my mind. I still think this would be a terrible idea. But I thought… maybe I could give you an inch and not make it so permanent. Or at least so inconvenient to reverse.”

Bruce smiled contented, but then took it down a notch and grabbed her hand, “Look, don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled to hear this. But I don’t want you to and you can’t do this if it’s just for me.”

Selina sighed and picked up his glass of whiskey that lied on the coffee table. He’d taken on a bit of her habits. She took a sip and then gave it back to him.

“I knew you’d say that. But the thing is, I can. I can do this one thing for you. And then, who knows, maybe one day it will be for myself too.”

She sighed heavily and forced out a smile, which became more genuine and natural as she saw through the happiness he was trying so hard to not let show. After a while, she couldn’t help but chuckle a bit thinking how cute he looked doing so.

Bruce grinned and went for her lips, pressing his mouth against hers excitedly and hearing complaints from Iris on her lap. Selina gladly abided and threaded her fingers on his hair, pulling him closer to her and naturally forcing the kitten to leap away from them to avoid getting smashed. She began lying down so Bruce could rest on top of her, then tangled her legs around him to feel his body against her. His lips slipped down to her neck, sending shivers down her spine.

She chuckled lightly, then mumbled airily, “You know… I don’t know if we’re ever gonna try to make a baby. But we can sure as hell practice it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTES:
> 
> *Rehearsal dinner: https://www.etsy.com/listing/723970777/wedding-dress-in-embroidered-tulle-with?ref=landingpage_similar_listing_top-2&pro=1&frs=1
> 
> *Wedding gown: https://pin.it/3ikSvMi


	25. EPILOGUE: Part 2

——— **A year later** ———

“You’re restless these days, Mrs. Wayne,” Bruce panted, dropping to the side.

“More like energetic. Good for me you can keep up,” she said out of breath, “wanna go for a round number three?”

He laughed, “I’d love to, but I gotta check on the boom and update the coordinates. And I have a feeling that if I stay here you’re gonna keep me in this bed all day long.”

“That was the plan.”

“You know, the first step to overcoming an addiction is admitting you have a problem,” he smirked.

“Okay. I have a problem. Now get over here.”

Bruce laughed and reached for her lips, gave her a quick kiss, then promptly jumped out of bed.

“Come on,” he said, “you gotta eat something. Rehydrate, at least.”

“Ugh,” she complained, then turned to the side and decided to try to fall back asleep. He chuckled and closed the door behind him.

They had gone back to Spain to spend the first weeks of summer on the beach. But when they got there, they decided on a whim to take a longer break and take the boat out again. Contrary to the time before, they had chosen to go south through Portugal and go around the bottom of the continent, finishing in France in time to go back straight home. Directly into the Atlantic, the seas weren’t as calm as on their last trip, and Bruce had to constantly check the coordinates board to see if they hadn’t lost direction. 

They were just on the southwest coast of Portugal, heading north, and would stop from time to time to check out some towns and islands. It was their first morning back on the boat after making a four-day pause in Lagos, where they mostly spent their time eating _pastel_ and laying by the beach. 

Selina rolled around on the bed unquiet for about an hour, occasionally drifting off to vivid and semiconscious dreams. It was too hot to sleep, even wearing nothing at all. The smell of freshly scrambled eggs invaded the room and her stomach roared. It was past midday and she hadn’t eaten since the night before. So she forced herself out of bed and grabbed one of Bruce’s shirts from the floor to put on. 

“I knew you’d show if I made these,” Bruce smiled, already having prepared a plate for her. 

She groaned in agreement, unwilling to talk yet. She wasn’t sure if her “morning” moodiness was due to the hunger or the inability to sleep. 

“Are you alright?”, he asked, and she simply nodded, driving a spoonful of eggs into her mouth, “We’re going to have to make another stop soon to check the oil. I think it might be leaking.”

She muttered whatever unintelligibly and continued eating in silence. At first, she’d seemed to be starving, but then she just left half the food untouched and went to lay on the sunlounger. 

Bruce went back to the control room to finish checking up on everything, then came back to lie with her under the sun for a while. When he got closer to her, he first thought she was asleep. But then he noticed her face was frowned oddly and she was moaning discontented. 

“Selina? Are you alright?”, he asked worriedly.

She groaned in response and stroked her neck anxiously, keeping her eyes shut tight.

“Talk to me, what’s going on?”, he squatted down next to her, and his voice had become urgent, “Look at me. Tell me, Selina.”

Her agonized eyes found his only for a second before she darted out, running to the edge of the boat and kneeling down to throw up all her breakfast and a little bit more in the ocean. He moved quickly to help her, holding her hair back and stroking her back comfortingly, trying to stay calm and unconcerned. The sea really was abnormally agitated that day, and it was only natural that she felt sick after being on an empty stomach for so long.

“Better?” he asked when she sat down, seemingly done.

“Not really,” she moaned, “I’m sorry you had to see this.”

He puffed and tied her hair into a knot, “Please, bloods and guts don’t affect me. Besides, in sickness and in health remember?”

Selina smiled faintly and gulped, still looking a bit nauseous and sick. Her face was so pale it looked like she might disappear into thin air, and her hands were shaking. _Everything’s fine_ , Bruce thought, trying to reassure himself, _she’s fine_.

“Come on, let’s get you up,” he said and put his arms on her back and behind her knees, effortlessly lifting her up and carrying her to the couch, away from the sun. 

He gave her a glass of water and her toothbrush with a small bucket, then pressed a cool wet towel to her forehead, and she slowly seemed to get better and regain some color. 

“So… what was it? Sniffed too much catnip?”

“Ha-ha. No. I think it’s just seasickness. I was feeling fine downstairs.”

“Wanna stay there?”

“No. I’m better now. I think the cold water in the pool might help, though,” she smiled and he quickly picked her up again.

He sat her down on the edge and jumped inside to help her.

“I’m alright now, Bruce. No need to hover. I can swim,” she said as she took his shirt off of her. 

“I’m not here to hover,” he justified smirking, “I’m here to enjoy the view.”

“You’re a terrible liar,” she said as she entered the pool.

“Well, one thing doesn’t exclude the other.”

She chuckled and wrapped her legs around him, hugging him and pressing kisses to his neck. One of her hands followed down the path from his chest and abdomen to his groin, and she teased him jokingly by giving it a soft grip from over his shorts.

He laughed amused, “You’re impossible.” 

“Thank you.”

“I guess that means you’re all better?”

“Like I said, yes,” she rolled her eyes then smiled, “you’re cute when you’re all worried.”

“Yeah, don’t make it a habit, though.”

“Understood, husband,” she joked.

He chuckled, “I’ll never get tired of hearing that.”

“And I’ll never get tired of saying it,” she replied cheeky, “although it’s still weird.”

“ _So_ weird,” he added, then pressed his mouth against hers.

———

“I thought you said you wouldn’t make a habit of this. This is the third day now,” Bruce said nervously. He was leaning tensely on the door with his arms crossed as Selina brushed her teeth and then washed her face and neck in the sink.

“I’m not. You don’t need to worry. It was the same thing as last time.”

“That’s not very reassuring… You’re shaking, Selina.”

“I’m fine, don’t make this a big deal.” 

“I’m stopping at the first town I see and we’re getting you a doctor.”

“Bruce, stop. I told you, it goes away as quick as it comes. I’m okay.”

“You’re not keeping anything down!”

She sighed and wiped her face with a towel, sneaking past him, “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m fine.”

Selina was stubborn, but she couldn’t stop him from going to land. A few hours later as the sun was setting, she was lying down and reading on the upper deck when she saw little dots of light from afar. She puffed angrily and stormed into the control room.

“What are you doing?”, she demanded.

“I’m stopping by. Like I said I would.”

“Ugh, you’re unbelievable. Why can’t you listen to me?”

“I do listen to you. But I promised I’d take care of you, and I’d protect you from anyone who’d mean to cause you harm — and that includes you sometimes.”

“God, you are so _frustrating_.”

“I can live with that. Besides, I told you before, we needed to make a stop anyway. If you don’t wanna see a doctor, we’ll at least get a hotel room so you can stay far from the sea for a while.”

Selina grunted madly and bolted out, slamming the door behind her. She felt a ridiculous urge to cry, or at least to punch something.

Bruce parked the boat on the docks and went to find a hotel as Selina packed her bags, upset and angry. He went back for her and they headed to the resort just across the street, where he’d gotten them the presidential suite. Selina rolled her eyes in the elevator and he noticed.

“You need comfort right now.”

“Don't tell me what I need,” she groaned.

When they got to the room, Bruce went straight to the shower, trying to avoid any further confrontation and give her some time to cool off. She grabbed a granola bar and a can of peach iced tea in the minibar and let herself down on the bed, turning on the TV on the local news. Halfway through the snack, everything started tasting like garbage. She could feel a drop of sweat streaming down her forehead, so she gulped and took a deep breath. She would not give Bruce any more reasons to hover around. 

Selina stormed out of the room and prayed she could hold it down until she reached the lobby. By the time Bruce got out of the shower, she was nowhere to be seen, and the only evidence she’d left was the crumbs of her snack and the half-eaten bar on the bed. 

The cleaning lady asked her if she needed help as soon as she got out of the bathroom stall. She only asked for directions to a drugstore, and the woman told her there was one inside the hotel.

After she explained her symptoms, the pharmacist started asking her a couple questions; she told him she was only looking for something to soothe her stomach, which he ignored and continued to ask away, going through a procedure chart. 

“Okay, now… when was your last period?”

“I don’t know,” she replied impatiently.

“Can you try to remember?”

She sighed, annoyed. She was a bit fidgety, still not feeling a 100% well, and those questions were really starting to piss her off. Her stomach had been empty for days and her thinking was impaired from it. This was one of the times that if she had her catsuit on, she would probably be sprinting out to find someone to fight with, or someone _s._ She didn’t, so she tried to push through it. 

“Sir, I really don’t know,” she answered, rubbing her eyes anxiously.

“Okay. Well. Then let’s start with this,” the man said, handing her a little box.

“What’s this fo…”, she began saying, then stopped on her tracks when she read the label, “No. No, this isn’t… it’s not a possibility.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she said, though she didn’t seem to be. 

He studied her expressions, then continued politely, “Okay. It’s probably just a stomach bug, then. Take it, just in case. And this is for the nausea, it will help with the upset stomach,” he said kindly, giving her a medicine pack.

When she came back to the room, she took one pill before entering and hid the rest with her other recent purchase on her back pocket. Bruce was about to call her, so he dropped the phone.

“Where were you?”, he asked in a contained tone.

“I was just checking the pool area.”

“I thought you’d gotten sick or something, you left the bed with the…”

“Oh, sorry,” she quickly went to remove the remains of her last vomit trigger, “I forgot to clean it up.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yep, just fine. I’m just gonna take a shower,” she said and left to the bathroom, locking the door behind her. 

After a few seconds, she turned on the shower and sat down on the toilet. She felt an entirely different kind of urge to throw up looking at the little stick in her hand. She managed it as she could with the instructions and her only fair Portuguese skills. But this was just her playing on the safe side, she told herself. Just to be sure. She’d been on the pill and she’d never even missed a day. So there was no way…

“No. Nonononono,” she moaned in despair, looking at the little blue positive sign. It might’ve as well come with a little message afterwards, “ _Congratulations! Your life is over now._ ”

She squatted down to the floor and started silently panicking. She pulled on her hair and rubbed her eyes nervously, trying to come up with an excuse as to why that pregnancy test showed her a positive, when she was so clearly, certainly, obviously, not pregnant. There had to be another explanation for that.

She stood up quickly, starting to feel suffocated and claustrophobic, specially with the hot steam filling up the room. She grabbed her phone in her pocket and searched Pamela on her contacts list. 

“Pam?”, she murmured tense, “Pam, can you hear me?”

“ _Yeah… why are you whispering?_ ”, she asked, and the background noises around her indicated she was in a bar, “ _Wait, are you in trouble? Wait a sec,_ ” she seemed to go someplace else quieter, “ _What’s going on?_ ”

“Pam, I-I think… tell me there’s a very reasonable explanation as to why I’m throwing up and holding a positive pregnancy test in my hands when I’m on the pill.”

“ _What_ _?! Claws! That’s wonderf…_ ”

“No, no, it’s not, Pam! I don’t want this, I can’t… please, tell me there’s another reason for this.”

“ _Well... you could have cervical cancer, but that’s kinda rare, and I don’t think it’d…_ ”

“Okay. Maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s what I have.”

“ _No, Claws, listen… weren’t you taking those PTSD meds?_ ”

“Yeah, what’s that do with anything?”

“ _Oh, honey… they can screw up with the birth control effectiveness. Are you late?_ ”

Selina froze. 

“ _What?!_ ”, she exclaimed, then quickly lowered her voice, afraid Bruce might’ve listened, “Yes, yes, I’m late, but why didn't anybody tell me that?!”

“ _I-I don’t know, sweetie. Look, this isn’t the end of the world_.”

“Yes, it is, Pam,” Selina cried, “I can’t do this, I can’t. I don’t want to.”

“ _Oh, Bambi… did that sound as bullshit to you as it did to me?_ ”, Pam asked, “ _Yes, you’re scared, I can see that, but I think it’s just cause you want it so bad._ ”

“No, I don’t,” she said, trying to sound more fierce, but her voice was shaking to the core and her runny nose wasn’t helping her case. 

Her eyes widened as she heard Bruce calling for her on the other side of the door, asking if she was okay. 

“I’m fine!”, she yelled, then muttered quietly to Pam, “Listen, I gotta go. Thanks for the… well, thanks. I’ll call you later.” 

“ _Selina! Keep me updated!_ ”, she shouted, but she’d already hung up. 

Selina got into the shower just for a minute so she could keep up the act, then cleaned her nose as best as she could so her puffy eyes wouldn’t be too much of a given. She put on the hotel bathrobe and flushed the terrifying white stick down the toilet; then stepped out of the bathroom avoiding his look and slipped under the blankets.

Bruce had waited for her to say something as he watched her get into bed without saying a word. He sighed, thinking she might still be mad at him. So he stood up from the couch and went to lie down next to her, but she was facing the other way and didn’t seem like she might change that. 

He put one hand on her arm, “I’m sorry you’re upset, Selina, but I did this so you could be safe. What if something happened to you and we were far at sea?”

She didn’t answer, staring straight ahead at the wall. No matter how angry she got, she’d usually waver and grab his hand back, but this time she didn’t, and so he reluctantly retrieved it.

“I’m not going to apologize for doing what was best for you.”

“Bruce,” she muttered quietly, “just… please, just leave me be tonight, okay?”

He was taken aback by her sudden cold tone, and it felt like being punched in the guts, but he didn’t fight her on it.

“Alright…”, he said, standing up from the bed and heading to the living room to go through his laptop, “as you wish.”

Her chest clenched tightly around her and she held back the urge to shriek, though was unable to stop the silent tears from streaming down her face. She fell asleep while they were still coming, and woke up only the next day, in the same position, tensed and feeling as if an elephant had slept on top of her. She wasn’t used to sleeping alone anymore, and the lack of Bruce’s strong warm embrace was unsettling, specially under those cold sheets. 

She sat up and saw him sleeping weirdly on the couch with his laptop on his lap, like he’d done so while in the middle of something. Initially, she felt like laughing, but then she remembered the day before and it all came crashing down around her again. She got up from the bed and headed towards him, pinching his shin gently.

“Bruce, hun, wake up... go to bed, your back must be killing you here,” she murmured. 

“Uhm,” was all he could say. And so she took his laptop away from him and put it down on the coffee table.

Selina ordered room service — a breakfast buffet with everything Bruce liked. She knew she’d hurt him the night before, but she had no idea what she was doing, or how she’d deal with everything else, so in that moment that was all she could try to fix. Before the food could arrive, she took one pill to settle down her stomach, because lately even the smell of it could set her off.

The first thing the chamberlain noticed when he stepped into the room was Bruce asleep on the couch, while the bed was only unmade on one side. He’d seemed a bit amused with that and Selina got annoyed, cutting his tip in half. It was still the biggest tip he’d get all day anyway. 

Bruce woke up with the smell and Selina had already set the table for them. They had breakfast together, though in silence. She could still feel a bit of a gag reflex once in a while, but it felt more manageable with the medicine. That meal turned out to be the first thing she’d been able to eat in days, and it almost gave her the same feeling as drinking coffee when you’re sleepy — suddenly her body and mind started to feel functional again, and she regained some color. 

“You seem better,” he mumbled.

“I am,” she replied. 

“Good.”

Good. That was the best conversation they’d been able to pull. 

They were back on the boat by sundown, when the mechanics finished their job, and they’d kept quiet the entire day. Bruce set up the coordinates so they could leave in the morning and Selina went to sit on the upper deck, watching the town as the night settled in. 

She felt numb. As if everything going on around her wasn’t real or as if it was only a dream — though it was one she really wished to wake up from. She felt uneasy inside her own body.

That wasn’t supposed to happen. That had never been part of the plan; not even a possible Plan B, or C, or D. As much as she’d tried to make peace with the idea for Bruce, part of her had already accepted that that was something that would never happen for her, and she was fine with that. Though “fine” wasn’t exactly the right word. “Relieved” described it better.

A single tear ran down her cheek, but she quickly brushed it away when she heard Bruce’s footsteps on the stairs. 

“Hey,” he muttered.

“Hey,” she whispered back.

“So…”, he sat down beside her, “at the risk of getting my balls kicked here… is there something upsetting you lately?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been sort of… unpredictable,” he spoke cautiously.

“Oh. You mean the raging bitch act.”

“No, that’s not what I said.”

“I know, that’s what I said.”

They both smiled a bit, but the atmosphere was still heavy around them.

“Is there something I can do?”

“Trust me, you’ve done enough,” she mumbled, but her tone was light and not at all intended to offend or provoke him. 

He was confused. “Look, I understand you’re angry, but…”

She scoffed a humorless laugh, “I’m not angry, I’m…”

Selina felt her face crumbling so rapidly she didn’t even have the time to try to control her reaction. Bruce watched in shock as endless tears started pouring out of her eyes and she wailed uncontrollably out of the blue. Selina wasn’t usually a crier, especially like that, so he quickly became apprehensive, knowing something was definitely wrong for her to act that way. He rushed to her side and tried to calm her down, shushing and pointlessly wiping away her tears. 

“Selina, what happened? Are you feeling sick again? Why are you crying?”, he asked urgently and concerned, pulling her to him, “What can I do?”

“I… I don’t know how to… I can’t…”, she mumbled randomly, sobbing and sniffing. 

Selina had read once about pregnancy hormones and how they could make a person’s mood a bit unstable, but now she actually thought that was the understatement of the year. Her emotions were all over the place, and not being able to control them made her even more frustrated. 

“Tell me,” he begged her.

“Bruce…”, she sobbed. 

“What is it, my love? Tell me so I can fix it,” he asked desperately. 

She shook her head and covered her face; then she mumbled something, but her voice came out too muffled and unclear. 

“Selina, I can’t understand you…”

“I…”, she began, then took her hands off her face and raised her soaked teary-eyed face to him, “I-I’m pregnant,” she finally said, and her face crumbled again as if she’d just admitted a horrible lie.

Bruce froze on the spot. In that moment, he felt like the world was spinning way slower than it should. He could still hear Selina’s cries and feel her entire body shaking next to his, but his brain couldn’t process it. She’d been constantly aroused and moody and then she’d suddenly started throwing up… she was pregnant. Some detective he was. 

“Bruce… I’m scared,” her despairing tone pulled him back to earth and called his attention back to her, “I’m a coward, I am. That’s my secret. Almost everything I do, I do out of fear. But this… I can’t do this through fear. I know you’re probably thrilled about this, but I’m not, I’m _terrified_.”

Bruce shook his head, snapping out of it, “Selina, I’m not _thrilled_. Do you know how much it pains me to see you like this?”, he said, pulling her chin up so she’d look at him, “Look, that’s _not_ your secret. That’s a lie you tell yourself so you don’t acknowledge how impossibly strong you actually are. I… I can’t tell you there’s no reason at all to be scared. I’m scared myself. All I can say is… I’m here. I love you, and I promised to be by your side no matter what, and I always will. You are the bravest, fiercest person I’ve ever met, and you’re not alone in this, you’ll never be, not ever. We can do this together… and whenever you feel like you can’t, I’ll carry you through. Okay?”

She scooched in his lap and held him tightly, letting her cries run free. He stroked her hair and back and tried to soothe her, but it took a while for her to calm down even the slightest bit. When her body stopped shaking and her wails became softer and quieter, he pulled back a bit to look at her. She looked so fragile and so strong at the same time. Her swollen lips trembled slightly and her eyes were red, but her tears had dried up. He leaned in to swallow her sobs with his mouth, feeling his own eyes getting watery.

“I love you,” he said, “we’ll be fine, alright? We’ll be good.”

  
  


——— A month later ———

“I’m fine,” she said, closing the car door as Bruce picked up their bags in the trunk.

“I didn’t ask,” he said, following right behind her.

“You were about to ask.”

“I wasn’t.”

“You wanted to ask.”

“Yes, I wanted to ask.”

“I’m fine.”

Selina opened the door to their house at the Villa Montmorency, a private villa inside the 16th arrondissement, in the heart of Paris. It was so quiet and peaceful it was easy to forget they were right in the middle of one of the busiest capitals in the world. 

They had cut their trip short and returned home after the “big news” and the realization that the boat wasn’t really helping with Selina’s morning sickness. There was also the unavoidable reality that they had to find doctors and get ultrasounds and all those things that Selina couldn’t even talk or think about yet. 

She took off her shoes and hung her coat by the door, then suddenly closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Bruce put the bags down, already having learned what that face expression meant.

“I’m gonna throw up.”

“What do you need?”, he asked, but she’d ran and was already halfway into the bathroom. He followed her and tied her hair in a bun, stroking her back calmly to soothe her. 

“Ugh,” she moaned after flushing the toilet, “What do you want from me?!”, she yelled at her stomach.

Bruce sighed, “I think you just need something warm. I’ll have Danielle make you some chamomile tea.” 

A whiny mewing sound entered the room and Iris came rushing in after she noticed Selina inside, sitting on the floor. The little kitten purred and stroked her furry face against Selina’s, as if welcoming her back.

“Hi, kitty,” Selina said weakly, petting her head, “I missed you. I’m sorry we couldn’t take you with us. Trust me, you would _not_ have gotten along nicely with that much water surrounding you. I didn’t.”

“Let me help you up,” Bruce grabbed her hand and pulled her up so carefully she barely had to make an effort.

“I’m fine,” she repeated.

———

“You don’t need to come.”

“I want to come,” he replied, getting in the passenger seat.

She sighed and turned the engine on, leaving the driveway making the tires squeal loudly.

Selina drove rapidly through the narrow streets until the main avenue, where she had to keep at a reasonable speed. They arrived at the doctor’s office in way less time than it would’ve taken had a normal person driven them there. Dr. Thibault was waiting for them already, having anticipated her earliness. He was always on time with her, always giving her the special treatment the Wayne name would usually provide, even if unsolicited.

“So, let’s start with the basics. You are now 15 weeks pregnant, as in 3 months and 3 weeks,” the doctor said in a heavy French accent.

“Wait. _What_?”, she asked. Bruce also seemed a bit startled.

“Yes, I realize you’ve only recently discovered the pregnancy, but your blood tests show that it has already been that long. Which leads me to the one concern we are looking at right now,” the doctor said, showing them her test results on the computer screen, “The baby is developing accordingly, your heart rate is fine, bloodwork is fine, though it shows you’re a bit anemic, _and_ , at this stage of the pregnancy you should’ve gained _at least_ 3 pounds. You’ve lost 4.”

Bruce’s hand tensed around her knee, but he didn’t say anything.

“Yeah, well… I haven’t been able to keep anything down,” she said unaffected, staring down at her own hands.

“Nothing?”

“Well, water and tea will go down just fine,” she joked humorlessly.

“Okay, we’ll need to work on that. And we’ll start you on some prenatal vitamins as soon as possible. Now, let’s take a look at this baby, shall we?”

Selina lay on the gurney and the doctor excused himself, pulling her shirt up to spread the gel on her yet flat stomach. Bruce sat down next to her head and caressed her hair comfortingly, then grabbed her hand in his and kissed it. He was trying so hard to get her more comfortable and at ease, she felt the guilt starting to wash over her all over again. 

That had become routine for her. She’d be irritated and moody and downright awful towards him and he’d always respond with love and patience. And then she’d get annoyed at how understanding he was and how he’d never get mad at her. And _then_ , she would be filled with guilt and remorse for ruining this moment for him. She could see how much he wished he could be excited and reveling in the news, but how he’d always turn it down for her.

Truth is, beyond the constant fear and anxiety, she was also jealous. Jealous of how accepting and content Bruce was with the pregnancy, even though he wouldn’t let it show. She was jealous of how he seemed to handle it so well and maturely, while she’d shut down and pushed everyone away — they were all so hesitantly happy around her, and she hated herself for not being able to feel the same. And she was jealous about how Bruce already seemed to love that baby, while she still could only see it as a little parasite sucking away all her energy. And so on top of all the jealousy, she also felt like the most horrible person on the planet.

She couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t fair. She’d told and warned the universe time and time again how awful of a mother she would’ve been, and it wouldn’t listen. Fate was either punishing her over her bad karma or just straight up cruelly playing her. 

While she was too absorbed in her own mind, Bruce had been talking to the doctor, who’d been explaining to him the ultrasound. Selina had barely heard a word. But when the room was filled with muffled pounding sounds, her head and attention immediately turned to Bruce. He was smiling contained, but she could see his eyes were filled with unexpressed sentiments.

“What…”, she mumbled.

“That’s your baby’s heartbeat, Mrs. Wayne,” the doctor said.

Her eyes darted back to Bruce in shock. The sounds were clear and rapid like a bird flapping its wings.

“It… it’s so fast,” was all she managed to say.

“Yes, that’s the usual heart rate at this stage, it’s completely normal. It means your baby is healthy and strong.”

Her own heart skipped a beat when she heard him say “ _your baby_ ”. Her baby. She had a baby. And it was a person, an actual person, living inside her. Either a mini-Bruce or, god forbid, a mini-her. Or even just someone else, completely different from both on them. She started getting panicky, but not in the usual anxiety-attack way — just panicked at the reality she’d been trying so hard to ignore and deny. They had a baby.

“I’m going to give you two some privacy,” the doctor said, noticing how the couple had been just staring at each other silently and excusing himself from the room. He’d turned the volume down a bit, but the heartbeat was still playing on the background.

“Bruce…”, she said under her breath after a while. His expression carried so much emotion it was hard to look at him without letting her walls crumble down into a million pieces. “I… you must really hate me right now, don’t you?”

He instantly became very confused and disturbed, “What on earth are you talking about?”

“Come on, you don’t need to pretend… I’ve been awful to you these last months. But you brush it aside _every time_. Then you come back even sweeter and more loving than before. And I can tell how much you try to… _restrain_ your feelings around me. Like you’re not allowed to feel them. I’m torturing you and you’re just standing there smiling and bringing me tea.”

“Selina,” he took her face in his hand, “listen to me. You’ve given me the life I’ve always wanted. And I see how you’ve been struggling and how it hasn’t been easy on you. You’re starving. You’re miserable and physically uncomfortable most of the time. You’re giving me everything and you’re the only one paying the price. The least I can do is shut up and take it.”

Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them back as soon as they appeared.

“Who _tells_ you to say these things?”

“Alfred, mostly,” he joked, but then added more solemnly, “but this… this is all me. I mean it.”

The room became silent again, and the only noise was their baby’s heart, sounding more evident and striking as ever. Selina opened her arms, as if asking Bruce to hold her, which he gladly did.

“I’m gonna have a really stupid reaction right about now, so I’d appreciate it if you kept hugging me and didn’t look at me so I don’t feel more pathetic than I already do,” she whined, already feeling the tears pooling in her eyes.

He laughed and held her back tighter, “You could never be pathetic.”

  
  


——— A month later ———

  
  


“I take it back, you _can_ be pathetic.”

“What? I just don’t want her to feel left out,” Selina replied as she sat down on the floor and gathered the pieces of the little cat crib she’d just bought. She assembled them one by one as Bruce worked on his office desk, occasionally glancing at her and shaking his head amused. 

“I got you something too,” she said after a while, “I actually bought it a while ago, when I was still all too freaked out and catatonic about the whole thing. But I saw it and I knew that if I ever became more… accepting of it, I would hate myself for not buying it.”

“What is it?”, he asked curious.

“Well, it’s not actually _for_ you… and it’s hidden far deep in your last drawer.”

Bruce raised his eyebrows, then reached down reluctant and excited to his desk. A small silver bag rested inside and he picked it up, not knowing what to expect. He untied the knot on the bow and saw something black and tiny folded inside; he grinned widely when he lifted it and saw it was a little baby onesie with the Batman emblem on it; it even had a little cape attached to its back.

“Damn it, Selina, I love you so fucking much,” he exclaimed and she laughed.

“Okay, now I really know you liked it. God, I love it when you curse,” she said, suddenly feeling a bit worked up and so returning her attention to the wooden pieces in her hands. Her hormones were driving her crazy sometimes.

“So, did you find that missing evidence from the Mellier case?”, Bruce asked, folding his present carefully and putting it back in the bag.

“Legally, I can’t tell you that. But then again, legally, I shouldn’t even be involved in it, so yes. Had to break through a glass window and broke a nail to get it,” she exhaled frustrated. 

He chuckled, “Well, I’m just glad you finished quick.”

“Speaking of quick-ies… don’t you wanna have one here,” Selina purred, tapping on the furry rug she was sitting on. 

He laughed, “Gotta say I’m loving this side effect of pregnancy. But I have a meeting in five.”

“Five… We can make that work.”

“I’m sure we can… But relax, we have all night, and good things come to those who wait.”

“Yeah, but _great_ things come to those who snatch and grab them first. Thief’s word.”

“Very funny. Sit tight, Mrs. Wayne, you won’t be able to tomorrow.”

Selina laughed, gleeful and a bit tingly. 

“Can’t wait,” she stood up and went to hug him from behind on the chair, kissing his cheek, “I’ll leave you to it, then. And before you let this meeting run late, just know your wife’s gonna be upstairs in bed waiting for you, and I can only wait for so long before I start without you. I can only hope you get there in time to catch up,” she said dramatically.

She grabbed the newly assembled crib and Iris began following her out.

“Oh, come on! That’s not fair!”, he complained, but smiling.

“Haven’t they taught you in rich kids school? Life isn’t fair, Mr. Wayne,” she said from over her shoulder and then shut the door behind her.

She left him to work and went to the kitchen, where Danielle was preparing her her afternoon smoothie. She drank it gladly, because she’d barely had any more nausea since Dr. Thibault wrote her a prescription for it, which she only used the first week anyway. Deep within the second trimester, her morning sickness was fortunately almost nonexistent. As was her bump. 

She was almost hitting the five months mark, and only those who actually knew she pregnant could spot the tiny difference if they searched for it, which was only a little round protuberance between her hips. Even with her being finally able to eat properly, her scale number hadn’t really gone up as it should have, and that was a constant topic of discussion with Bruce. And so he’d left Danielle in charge of every one of Selina’s meals throughout the day when she wasn’t traveling for work, so she’d make sure she didn’t miss any. But it wasn’t making much of a difference either way, which Selina tried to justify with her fast metabolism.

Overall, she was feeling a bit more comfortable with the pregnancy. Or less spooky, at least. She could see how Bruce was relieved with her change of attitude towards it, and she’d try to grab onto that; though there were still times when she’d freak out about it and lash out on everything standing in her way. 

“You get it, don’t you, Iris?”, Selina murmured to the kitten, who jumped on the bed and lay cuddling next to her. She scratched her little ears just the way she liked it, and the cat purred happily. “We get to run, and fight, and jump off roofs, and no one else depends on us. We’re independent, wild, free. So I guess Ted was right in a way, we _are_ selfish. But I mean… how can this little person just walk into our lives and we’re suddenly expected to drop everything for them? How is that fair?”

Iris meowed.

“Yeah, I know. That’s not what I’m really scared of… What I’m actually scared of is to screw this up. I can’t screw up anyone else… and what if I do and she resents me forever? What, then? Will this all have been for nothing?”, the cat looked at her and blinked, “I don’t know, it’s just a guess.”

The phone on the bedside table rang and she smiled as she read the name on the ID caller. 

“Hey, Alfred.”

“ _Hello, Selina. How are you feeling today?_ ”, he asked politely. 

“Good. No nausea or anything.”

“ _That’s very nice to hear._ ”

“Yeah… but you called me Selina. Why are you trying to get on my good side, Alfred?”, she joked.

“ _I… I have some disturbing news_ ,” Selina promptly sat up, suddenly tense, “ _Everything is alright now, but little Damian..._ ”

Selina froze. “What about him, Alfred?”, she demanded. 

“ _He fell off his bike and hit his head pretty hard on a rock. They had to open him up to stop a small bleeding on his brain. He just got out of surgery, and he’s recovering well._ ”

Selina’s stomach dropped. She stood up and started walking anxiously around the room, her heart beating fast in her chest. Iris followed her with her eyes. She felt angry, desperate, and at a loss of what to do. What _could_ she even do? 

“Why didn’t you… _why_ weren’t we inf… how… is he awake?” 

“ _Not yet. The doctors say it might take a few hours. But he is alright now. Out of the woods. There is no need to worry.”_

“Of course there is! I… we… we’ll be there.”

“ _Missus…_ ”

“I think I can call the airline and see… no, it’s better to rent a private jet… or maybe…”, she started thinking out loud, mumbling agitated.

“ _Selina. There’s no reason why you should be here. Leslie and I are looking after him. Besides, legally you don’t…_ ”, he stopped himself and changed the direction of the conversation, “ _Are you even allowed to fly?_ ”

She hadn’t thought about that, “I-I’m not sure. But I can call Dr. Thibault right away and explain…”

“ _Selina, you can’t just drop everything to come here like this._ ”

“The hell I can’t! He’s… he… he needs us right now.”

“ _I promise you, he’s well taken care of. Right now, you have to focus on you. Take a deep breath, all that stress is not good for…_ ”

“Take a deep breath?! He’s injured! I can’t believe…”, she yelled exasperated, but then lowered her tone, “I gotta go. Bruce is in a meeting and we’ll call you later to let you know what time we’re arriving.”

She hung up and started quickly grabbing the bags in the closet.

“How could they not call us first, Iris? I mean what… we’re supposed to…”

A little later, downstairs at Bruce’s office, he had just finished his meeting. He heard scratches on the door and opened it to find Iris trying to get in. But as soon as he did, she looked at him and bolted up the stairs. That was weird, because she never left Selina’s side, and because it felt like he was being called upon. He furrowed his brow and started heading to their bedroom.

“Selina?”, he called. There was no answer, but he wasn’t nervous, because it was a big house and she might not listen. “Selina?”, he opened the door. There were clothes scattered across the bed and traveling bags on the floor. Their passports were on top of it and she was nowhere to be seen, “Selina!”, he called more urgently.

“Bruce…”, he heard a whisper coming from the bathroom, so he stormed in. She was sitting on the floor with her head between her knees, and he could hear her sniffing.

“Are you okay?”, he rushed to her side, squatting down next to her, “Are you sick again? Tell me what’s wrong.”

“ _Everything’s_ wrong,” she raised her head and he noticed her red eyes and nose, “first Damian, and now…”

“What happened to Damian?”, he asked, suddenly worried.

“He just had brain surgery! And now… now I’m bleeding, and…”, she cried.

“ _What_? How… I… stand still, I’m calling the doctor to let him know we’re coming,” he picked up his phone on his back pocket and began dialing, “Is Damian okay?”

“Yes… I mean no, how could he be?!”, she whimpered, “He’s 7 and he just had brain surgery! And he’s got no one to… oh god.”

“Calm down, Selina, I’ll take care… Dr. Thibault’s office? Yes, this is Bruce Wayne. My wife…”, his voice faltered, “she’s bleeding and I… I don’t know… it just happened… how is it, Selina?”

“It’s just a little spot,” she mumbled under her breath. 

“She said it’s just a little spot… okay… okay, we’ll be right there.” He hung up the phone. “He said it’s probably nothing, but we should get there as soon as possible. Come on, let’s get you up.”

“How is it nothing?!”, she cried out, “Of course it’s something, it’s _always_ something with us! How could we even think that we could have… that we could get… Bruce…”

Bruce was panicking as well, but he tried to keep it under control. There was too much going on around him, and he felt like he’d entered battlefield mode, having battle reflexes. No time to dwell on it, just to act. He grabbed her bag and jacket and lifted her off the floor, carrying her downstairs. The fact that she didn’t complain about it made him realize she was just as worried as he was. 

He put her in the passenger seat and drove rapidly through the streets. She was looking out the window crying silently, and he was too nervous to speak. 

“This is all my fault,” she murmured.

“Selina, no,” he reached for her knee, “don’t say that. It’s going to be fine. The stress must have… I don’t know. It’s nothing.”

“It’s _not_ nothing! I cursed this pregnancy from the beginning and now…” she whimpered, “All I know is the universe is punishing me for all the bad things I’ve done… it knows I’m not cut out to be a mom! It gave me a baby just to flaunt the possibility in my face only to take it away from me,” she whined.

“You don’t believe that, Selina,” Bruce said, slightly containing a bit of anger. Of course that wasn’t what was going on, and he hated that she would even let herself go there. 

“But I do,” she moaned, “I mean, look around. Look at what happened to Damian… this… this shouldn’t be happening, none of this would’ve happened if…”

“What’s that to do with anything?”, he asked, suddenly feeling weirdly hesitant.

“He… he should’ve been here,” she muttered quietly. 

He had just parked the car and was about to ask her what she meant, but the nurse opened her door and started helping her get in the wheelchair. Bruce was paralyzed for a second, but then snapped out of it and rushed to her side.

They did a couple blood tests and put her in the gurney, and the doctor came in shortly after with the ultrasound machine. 

“We’re waiting for your results, but let’s take a look here. You’re at 20 weeks, up until the 22nd week, spotting _can_ happen for numerous reasons. We already know you’re a bit under the weight, but bleeding doesn’t _always_ mean something's wrong, so let’s not worry until we have to, okay?”, he pulled her shirt up and spread the cold gel on her stomach. “Just try to relax.”

Selina tried but was unable to hold back a sarcastic nervous laugh. Bruce looked at her gently and held her head closely to his chest. The doctor furrowed his brow for a second looking at the monitor and Bruce tensed.

“Okay… oh, there it is,” he said cheerfully and the room was again filled with the sound of the baby’s heartbeat. “It appears everything’s fine.”

Bruce let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and Selina dove her face in his chest, gripping his shirt. 

A nurse came in and handed over the blood test results.

“Now let’s see here…”, the doctor studied the papers carefully, “Everything looks just alright here, except… were you exercising? Or in a stressful situation?”

“Yeah, the last one,” she muttered.

“Your adrenaline levels were through the roofs. I believe this is what must’ve caused the spotting. Let’s try to avoid any stress, okay? But for now, I think I have an idea as to why you’re having difficulty with the weight gain. Do you exercise a lot?”

“No…”, she mumbled.

“Yes,” Bruce said at the same time. She glanced at him giving him an angry warning look.

“I mean, it’s not like I’m at the gym 24/7. My… _job_ is… _physically demanding._ ”

“That’s an understatement,” Bruce murmured under his breath, but she heard him and rolled her eyes. 

Dr. Thibault seemed a bit confused and surprised — probably wondering what kind of _physically demanding_ job the wife of Bruce Wayne could possibly have. He noticed they didn’t seem too eager to talk about it, so he chose to leave it behind.

“Well, I think it’s time you take a break. I’m recommending you get bed rest for a week and slow down for the rest of the pregnancy. In a few weeks, if there’s no more spotting incidents, you can exercise up to three times a week, but nothing heavy or particularly challenging. Do you think that’s manageable?”

“Uhm,” she simply groaned in agreement.

“Absolutely,” Bruce reinforced. 

“I’ll get you a medical certificate for your work,” he said, starting to walk out.

“There’s no need,” she said, and he seemed even more puzzled.

“Okay... That’s about it, then, you’re free to go. If there’s any problem, you can call me on my personal number at any time.” 

“Thank you, Dr. Thibault,” Bruce said, and the doctor left the room. “See? I told you it was nothing.”

“Ha. You don’t fool me, Wayne, you were shaking to your core.”

“Yes, I was. But I knew it was nothing.”

“Actually… can you get him back here? I forgot to ask something.”

Bruce went outside and brought the doctor back, looking a bit curious.

“Dr. Thibault, would it be okay for me to travel at this point?”

Bruce looked at her confused.

“You mean fly? If it’s anything less than two hours, sure. If not… I would really be discouraging about it. If something happened and you were up in the air, there’s no way to tell…”

“I see. That’s okay. I understand. Thank you.”

Bruce didn’t need to ask. On the way home, he could see she was more relieved, but that she wasn’t calm yet, and it wasn’t hard to figure out why. 

He stroked her thigh comfortingly, “He’ll be alright, Selina. You three will.”

She sighed.

——— A month later ———

“Iris, honey, I see you, but one of these days someone’s gonna step on your paws,” Selina said, treading carefully as to not crush the cat stroking its face and twining around her legs as she walked. 

She let herself down on the couch, where Bruce waited for her to come back to unpause the movie they’d been watching. She lay down and rested her head on his lap. Now on her body, where before there was practically nothing, stood a small but evident baby bump, specially when she lied on her back like she’d just done. Bruce smiled and absentmindedly started stroking her hair.

“I don’t know what social conformity or common sense say about this, but I hope you don’t mind me using you as a popcorn bowl holder,” Selina said to her stomach, placing the plastic bowl on top of it.

Bruce chuckled, but before he could say anything, something moved underneath it and the popcorn swung slightly to the side, and it would’ve hit the floor if it weren’t for Selina’s rapid reflexes.

“I think you mind,” Selina said in shock, “did you… did you just _see_ this?”

Bruce was also startled, staring at Selina’s bump dumbfounded.

“Oh my god,” she shrilled, “I… I can feel it moving. This… this is so… _weird._ ”

Selina looked up at Bruce, who seemed petrified. She grabbed his hand and put it on her stomach, and when it happened again, he flinched in surprise. She laughed at his deadpan face and he forced himself to relax, trying to feel it again. The second time, he opened the cutest, happiest smile, and Selina’s chest filled with warmth. 

After that, they barely paid any attention to the rest of the movie, too absorbed in their own little bubble of joy playing with their little alien.

“I mean, she’s clearly a kicker, but you can just tell she’s got a great right hook.”

Bruce widened his eyes, “ _She?_ ”

Selina felt herself blushing a little. They had decided not to find out the gender until the birth.

“It’s just a guess. When I imagine it, I see a girl.”

He grinned, “We’re having a girl?”

“If you believe my questionable unproven subconscious superpowers.”

“I do.”

“Then yes, we’re having a girl.”

Bruce wrapped his arms around her body and pulled her up to him, pressing quick kisses all over her shoulder and neck as she laughed delighted. 

It felt like a horrible thing to say, but Selina was glad they’d had the spotting scare. Because now that she realized how desperate and afraid she’d gotten when she thought she’d lost her baby, her other fears seemed incomparable and irrelevant next to that one. She was feeling way more comfortable with the pregnancy, trying to focus more on the fact that she’d have a kid instead of the fact that she’d be a mom — it was the way she’d found to not feel so overwhelmed and affected. 

It started out simple, with her feeling more at ease talking about it, to her being more comfortable touching her belly, feeling it, talking to it — which she’d avoided at all costs for the first months, when all it’d do was leave her anxious. And then came the other things, smaller ones comparatively, like being able to look at baby things, like clothes, toys or furniture; and then willingly looking _for_ them. 

Obviously, there were still many concerns and things that frightened her and intimidated her. She hadn’t had the most functional raising or family, so she had no idea what she was in for. Her sister Maggie had picked up on that and would always tell her she had nothing to worry about, and that she’d always be around to help if she needed. Her brother wasn’t so forward about these things, but he tried to help in his own way; he’d send her funny videos of babies and children, most of them making messes, warning her that that was what she should be expecting from now on; he’d be joking, of course, because then he’d send her gifts once in a while, like funny baby t-shirts and hats. 

So one of the main reasons she had for not completely losing it was the extensive safenet she’d suddenly found herself in. Alfred called everyday, no exceptions. Leslie would text her often, making sure she was okay. Pam was so supportive sometimes it would even get annoying, and Jen always had her back, no matter how many sarcastic comments she’d make. Even Blake would check in on them once in a while. 

And, of course, Bruce. Her ever-loving, impossibly patient and inexplicably understanding husband, who’d hold her hand and carry her every step of the way.

And still, she felt this unexplainable pit in her stomach telling her something was missing. Her life had turned out to be everything she never thought it’d be, full of love, safety and support. But there was still this feeling that she lacked that one piece right in the center of her puzzle.

“Selina, I know what you’re thinking,” Bruce said suddenly, interrupting her train of thought. He touched swiftly the little wrinkle that had formed between her eyebrows while she’d been concentrated.

“He’s supposed to leave the hospital today,” she murmured.

“I know,” he mumbled, “I talked to Alfred, he already did.”

She raised her eyebrows a bit startled, but then her face crumbled again and she sighed. 

“Is there something you wanna tell me, Selina?”, Bruce asked calmly.

“What do you mean?”

“I think we both know what I mean,” he said, “Do you trust me?”

She glanced at him confused, “Of course I do.”

“Then say it,” he whispered gently. 

Selina looked into his eyes, and hers suddenly became pooled with tears.

“We have to bring him home, Bruce,” she said, then exhaled, feeling like she’d just taken a huge weight off her shoulders.

Bruce didn’t seem one bit surprised. He studied her expression for a while, and then wiped away the tears that hadn’t yet streamed down. A little smile popped in his face.

“You were scared to have one, now you want two?”

She let out a nervous chuckle and sniffed, “Well, I’ve always been an all-or-nothing kind of girl.”

“It’s always sink or swim with you, isn’t it?”

“Yeah… but I guess part of me has always wanted him. I’ve just been too scared to even consider it,” she said and looked at Bruce, “and I think you have too. And while we’re at it, he’s there all alone. He’s an orphan just like we were, but maybe… maybe he doesn’t have to be.”

Selina stood up from Bruce’s lap and began treading around the room wonderingly. He followed her with his eyes and waited patiently for her to start talking, as she was so clearly trying to organize her thoughts to do so. 

“He just reminds me so much of you. His eyes, his smile, sometimes even the way he talks. We fly over just to see him, we call him all the time, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why… he’s ours,” she said, then stopped walking and crossed her arms embracing herself, “He should be here before she arrives. So he doesn’t feel left out.” Bruce kept staring at her and she suddenly became afraid she’d pushed too far too fast. She came over and squatted down in front of him, grabbing his hands, “Sorry, I feel like I just sprang this out on you without a warning. But Bruce… I mean, if you can honestly tell me you don’t want him, I’ll never bring it up again.”

Bruce sighed slowly and muttered, “No, I want him.”

Selina widened her eyes, “You want him?” 

“Yeah, I want him.”

She grinned widely and pressed her forehead against his hands for a second, then jumped on Bruce’s lap again, throwing her arms around him. Her excitement was outpouring and he laughed freely at it. His own heart was exploding with joy inside his chest. 

“I love you so much,” she said, pressing kisses all over his face, “we both do,” she smiled, driving his hand to her belly so he could feel how strongly their baby was kicking. 

He stroked it tenderly, then spoke full of emotion, “I guess we’re also having a boy.”

——— Three months later ———

  
  


“Alfred, are you sure?”

“We’ll be fine, Missus Wayne. Go and bring our little Helena home.”

“Okay,” she said, looking around the room a bit agitated, “leave the night lights on or he’ll get scared. Also, he always gets rid of his blanket in the middle of the night, so just check once in a while, otherwise he wakes up curled up in a ball in cold.”

“Selina, Alfred’s done this before,” Bruce whispered, entering the room with Damian asleep in his shoulders. 

“Right,” she murmured, “I’m sorry, I’m just a bit…”

“I know, my dear,” Alfred kissed her forehead, “just try to remain calm and worry only about you and this baby right now. I’ll take care of little Damian and everything else. 

Bruce put him down in bed and kissed his head softly. The little boy groaned but quickly became still again, breathing heavily. They’d taken him for a last hangout around town before his little sister arrived. He’d begged them to take him to the “big tower” he’d usually see from anywhere in town. Needless to say, it wasn’t Bruce and Selina’s favorite spot; but she wavered almost immediately seeing his excitement to go. Bruce was a bit more hesitant for her, but it paid off seeing his son’s eyes shining watching the tower lights flickering at night.

Their trip was cut short when Selina began feeling breathless. She insisted it was only Braxton-Hicks, because their due date was only in a week, but mainly because she didn’t want to spoil Damian’s fun, who’d been playing and running on the grass. Bruce kept saying she was being stubborn, but then he gladly missed the opportunity to say “I told you so” when her water broke seconds before they entered the car to go back home. 

It was a bit late already and Damian fell asleep on the way back, so they didn’t feel like waking him up. Alfred insisted and had already flown in to help them around with him and the baby for the first few weeks; which worked out perfectly for them, because the boy was already familiar with him. Damian had fit into their small family so naturally it felt as if he’d been there all along. 

Selina turned off the lights and the little bats flying out of his bed on the wall shone in the dark. She gazed at the little boy sleeping peacefully and smiled; but then a grunt came out of her mouth when a sharp pain hit her again and Bruce helped her into their bedroom. Their little girl was early and already anxious to come out. 

Although they’d already been treating the baby as if it was a girl, they’d had the confirmation a few weeks before, when one of nurses let it slip while they were taking an ultrasound. So they decided to make it official and pick out a name. None of the ones they'd considered were clicking, but when Damian one day casually suggested his late mother’s name, they both instantly felt it was the right choice — especially after the little boy immediately bursted into happy tears when they told him.

Selina sat down on the bed and Bruce rushed around the room to get their bags and documents. Her hands stroked her round stretched belly soothingly, trying to calm down the agitated and antsy baby inside.

“You’re getting uncomfortable, aren’t you?”, she muttered short of breath to Helena, “You and me both.”

Bruce squatted down in front of her to change her shoes.

“I feel so pathetic when you have to do that. I miss seeing my feet.”

“Newsflash: your feet are the same… Okay, they’re a little swollen, but there’s really nothing to see,” he said, then grabbed her hand and kissed it before standing up.

“Ha-ha.”

Bruce had already called the hospital to let them know they’d be coming. Contrary to what he’d thought it would be like a few months before, Selina was the one who had to reassure him and keep him from losing it. 

“How are you doing?”, he asked tensely as soon as the hospital staff accommodated them in the birthing room marked SKW.

“I’m fine. How are _you_ doing?”

“Are you sure about the epidural? I don’t wanna see you in pain…”

“Bruce, chill. I’m al-right…”, she said, but stopped talking right in the middle of a contraction and held the handrails in the bed for support.

“Okay, they’re getting less and less further apart,” he said, stroking her shoulders as she rode it out. 

“God, these hurt like a bitch,” she groaned in a strangled voice. 

“Selina… take the anesthesia,” he begged, “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“No, I’m fine.”

“You are so stubborn.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

Hours and hours passed and the sun had already risen when the _big_ one hit. It came out of nowhere and it took Selina by surprise, taking her breath away. Bruce knew she had an unimaginable, inconceivable tolerance for pain, but when he looked into her eyes he could see she was doing everything in her power to hide her agony and not complain. But she was pale and sweating cold, and she closed her watery eyes shut tight to try to focus.

“Selina, please just accept the drugs, please,” he asked desperate, brushing her hair away from her face. 

The doctor came in, “We’re past that time. Her pulse is a little weaker than ideal, but she’s going to have to give birth without the anesthesia now.”

“Bruce, bucket,” she murmured faintly, “bucket…”

“Wha…”, he picked it up before finishing, quickly understanding what she meant. 

She threw up violently, even though there was nothing in her stomach. 

“You really are in a lot of pain, aren’t you?”, Dr. Thibault asked concerned.

“I’m fine,” she mumbled, but she wouldn’t open her eyes and her voice was too weak to be taken seriously.

“Doc, please, is there really nothing you…”

“Not at this point. We’ll just have to wait, at most give her something to get her blood pressure up a bit.”

“How long now?”, Bruce asked and Selina’s eyes followed the doctor, waiting for his answer.

“Probably about an hour. I’ll be back in 15 minutes. Try to take deep breaths. And you, dad,” he pointed to Bruce with his pen, “distract her.”

The doctor closed the door and Bruce brought in a cool towel to wipe her face. He started massaging her belly in hopes that it would alleviate some of the tension, but she just grabbed his hand.

“Just talk to me,” she asked weakly.

“Okay…”, he sat down on the bed, “let’s see… what happened to the car you stole from me the second time we met?”

She chuckled a bit, “I sold it to the Maroni’s.”

“Uh, great.”

“It was good money.”

“I’m sure it was.”

“I’ll pay you back.”

“Interest payment?”, he joked.

“Sure.”

He kissed her forehead, “You’re doing amazing. There’s no need to downplay your pain, I won’t freak out, okay? I promise. I’m right here, take it out on me, I can take it.”

“Okay, good… Cause there’s another one coming,” she grunted.

“Wait, already?! I’ll call the doctor right now.”

“Bruce,” she muttered, gripping his hand before he could leave. Her eyes suddenly let show the fear she’d been trying so hard not to let show.

Bruce shot her a sympathetic look and pulled her to sit up, that way he could slip in and sit behind her and hold her from behind to help her. She lay on his chest and threw her head back, writhing and trying not to scream, breathing through the excruciating pain that followed. He pressed the button to call in the nurses and stroked her hair to calm her down. 

“It’s alright, my love. I’m so sorry it hurts this much. But I’m right here, I love you infinitely. I won’t let anything happen to you or our little girl. You’re gonna be fine, just take it out on me.”

“It’s time,” the doctor announced as he entered the room.

———

  
“Why do I have this feeling that she’s going to be a daddy’s girl?”, Selina said, looking at Bruce nursing a sleeping Helena in his arms. The scene warmed her heart.

“Cause your feelings are usually spot on.”

“That’s so unfair,” she pretended to whine. 

The bedroom door was busted opened and Damian stormed in, rushing to the hospital bed, as Alfred came in close behind.

“Mom!”

“Hi, baby!”, she said excitedly, “Wai… ouch,” she moaned when he jumped on her lap and hugged her.

“Be careful with your mom, Dam, she’s still sore,” Bruce said softly, walking towards them, “There’s someone here dying to meet you.”

“Do you wanna hold her?”, Selina said and his little eyes sparkled.

“Can I?”, he asked surprised.

“Of course. Sit down here next to me.”

Selina put her arms around him and Bruce put the tiny baby in his lap as she supported her head. 

“Hello, Helena. I’m Damian, your big brother. It’s nice to meet you,” he said formally. They all chuckled around the room and he looked confused, “Shouldn’t she say something back?”

“Not yet, buddy,” Bruce laughed. 

Selina noticed Alfred was still standing watching them by the door.

“Aren’t you coming in? She doesn’t bite yet,” she joked.

“I am. I’m just…”, his voice faltered, “taking it all in.”

His tone made all three heads turn to him, which caused him to lose whatever control over his emotions he still had. A few tears streamed down his face and Bruce smiled, going straight to hug his former guardian. 

“Daddy, why is Alfred crying?”

“He’s just happy, son,” he said, turning his head to look at them, “as am I.”

Selina caught his eye and smiled, her eyes filled with unspoken emotions. 

They were kept at the hospital for observation for another night, since Helena’s delivery had been rough on Selina and she’d been feeling a bit weak and worn down. Damian wept a little when visiting hours ended, but Bruce comforted him in his arms and walked with Alfred to the car.

“Just you and me again, huh?”, Selina whispered to the little bundle in her arms, “You’ve really taken after your father, you know? I can already tell you two are like two peas in a pod… just like with him, I was so scared of you at first. Then I realized I was just scared of how much I wanted you and how much I loved you.”

“You won’t remember this day, my sweet Helena. But please, know this; me meeting your father was the beginning of a new life for me. But your birth was my birthing of it. You and your brother are our most treasured gifts and we can only hope to do good by you. You see, we’re a little scarred and damaged ourselves. But I guess if we can make something so perfect and beautiful as you, maybe it’s cause we’re not so broken after all.”

“Now that I’ve come to think about it, maybe you do have something that’s all me in you. I’m the thief, but you’re the one who stole my heart.”

——— **2 years later** ———

“Alfred would’ve loved this.”

“Yeah…”

”Leslie called again today.”

”Yeah...”

“Are you okay?”, Selina asked, gently stroking his cheek. 

“Yeah.”

The ocean breeze hit their faces and they could almost feel the taste of salt, sand and sunset. She rested her head on Bruce’s shoulder and took it in. 

Damian was swimming in the water and Helena slept heavily on the cloth laid in the sand in front of them, exhausted from her day playing at the beach. The only sounds came from the little boy as he laughed, jumping and skipping waves. 

“Ugh, it just kills you to have to wake her up, doesn’t it?”

“I think we can let her sleep a little longer,” Bruce replied, gazing at the little girl.

“She’s going to be fussy all night. Then you’re going to have to stay up with her.”

“I don’t mind,” he muttered quietly.

Selina looked at him, studying his expression for a while, then kissed his cheek softly.

“I’m just kidding. Of course I’ll stay up with you.” 

He smiled faintly and caressed her thigh, seeming too absorbed in his own mental wanderings. 

“Do you wanna go home?”, she asked.

“No… I wanna be here. Besides, the kids would be devastated to leave now,” he said, then complemented, “If you need to go back to work…”

“Bruce, no. What I need is to be with you. You, the kids, you’re my priority. Everything else can wait,” she reassured, “Besides, I do most of my investigations from afar these days.”

“But they need you there anyway. You don’t need to stay. I’m fine, I promise.”

“No, you’re not. And that’s okay. You carry me, I carry you. It’s my turn.”

Bruce sighed and wrapped his arms around her, “I’m so lucky to have you.”

“Luck doesn’t even begin to cover it,” she joked.

He chuckled a bit and that was enough for her for the moment. Damian called them and started showing them new tricks he’d invented for playing with the waves.

“You’re right, I’m not fine,” he said later, then sighed, “but I will be. You’ve made me the happiest I could ever be. I just need to be sad for a while.”

“I understand. Take your time. I’m right here,” she said, then decided to speak her mind out loud after some time, “Six years ago on this beach you promised me the world. You promised me you. That’s my favorite memory of us, that’s when I thought I’d peaked in life. It could never get any better than that. Truth is, you gave me so much more since then, and so every second with you I’m peaking.”

He caved in and opened a teasing smile, “You’re Catwoman. Are you telling me you peaked at the most vanilla moment of your life?”

“You’re Batman. Are you telling me the happiest you could ever be was achieved with a wife and kids? Isn’t _that_ too vanilla for the dark knight?”

He laughed.

“Yeah, well… then I guess we’re both suckers,” he smirked, then pressed his lips against hers.

——— **The End** ———

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTES: Thank you everyone who saw this story through with me! Hope you guys enjoyed the closure I imagined for the couple!
> 
> I have loved writing about them, so much that I'll probably start a new story soon, only with BatCat One Shots! It will probably take a while though since I've been writing a collection of ACOTAR one-shots (check out my stories if you're a fan).  
> Follow me to be notified when it comes out :) I'll keep you guys updated, though it still might take a while. But I already have some chapters in mind. Anyway, thank you guys <3


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